Hold up, I need a moment.
hoooooooo lyyyyyyyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ttttttttttttttttt
Frightening. Almost surreal. I take a brief glance into the face that is the dark, uncertain future--and more often than not, the moment is usurped by tears with no reigning purpose.
It's tough when you've got no plan, no self-confidence in ability, and no passionate drive for pursuit. Just. Don't know what to do. It's taken quite a toll on the past few months.
But I think I feel a little better now because I forced myself to try pursuing something that'd take place post-graduation and would make for a sufficient short-term plan if I get it. I've submitted an application to a huge internship opportunity that would have me working in LA/Hollywood for 8 weeks in the summer. (So much stress and effort since I found out about it only a week before the deadline and had to ask professors for a last minute letter of recommendation, order my official transcript, write a statement and cover letter, AND even spent my lunch break driving down to my university which is 20 minutes away from my workplace to pick stuff up... PHEW. Not to mention how I was hardly available during times mailing services are open. Somehow got everything submitted in time yesterday!)
Chances are, I have no chance in actually being chosen. But I needed to at least try out of ~regret prevention~. The peace of mind and knowing that I'm able to pull all this together in that short time is worth all the effort. ^^
I guess I also feel a little more reassured because of how my professors revered me in their letters and from writing the required statement. To do that, I needed to present myself as if I had purpose. I had to define a goal, even if it weren't true. And in doing that, I feel like I have the potential to have a goal. Maybe I wrote such a persuasive statement, that I'm nearly persuaded that it's truly how I think and feel? LOL.. Who knows?
I'm glad I took this first step in trying to pursue a post-graduation venture before graduation actually hit, because I think I'm a little less afraid now and less doubtful in my ability to move forward. Why is the real world so scary @______@;;;; I don't like ittt...
In other news, someone sprung up on me with a request to help with sound on their film shoot and I didn't want to turn it down, so I ended up spending more than 20 hours of my weekend on the shoot.... We were severely shorthanded, so I was One Girl Sound Team (both sound mixer and boom operator) as well as part-time member of lighting & grip.
but yeahhh uAu since I didn't have a weekend, and I spent all of it being overly physically active, I'm exhaausstedddd.... alllll of my muscles hurttt...... wants to sleep for 40 hours......
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