Transluscent

Oh, this icy, ethereal feeling.
Like I can breathe a bit again!!

The film festival is over, and my 20 hours of volunteering are done.
My frustrating, worrisome group presentation is over with.
And I'm finally officially no longer sick!


When I was really stressed out in January and realized that I would have school, work, and an internship this semester, I almost decided to not take the volunteering course. Volunteering at the film festival last year was frankly pretty life-changing for me, so I signed up again. After all, I've otherwise fulfilled all of my graduation requirements and I just needed the credits from any class. Plus, it's not an academically heavy class with a lot of homework. It made sense until it didn't make sense... But fuck, I'm glad I didn't drop the class because I knew it would be an unforgettable experience for me.

Ahahah I'm revisiting all of my blog posts from last year and the positive impact is crystal clear--how much the experience opened my eyes, nurtured my confidence, and even "made me outgoing for the first time."
 - Evolution of a sloth
 - TL;DR: I feel amazing
 - Welcoming Spring

I'm happy to see how much I've grown just in the past year, and I can accredit the major trigger of the development to this film festival.
Maybe it's because I went in already knowing what to expect, but man, I was mostly fearless this year. All of that anxiety from last year? Pfff, old news. It's intimidating to be around strangers? Not a problem! Walking around downtown is scary and tiring? Whuddaya know, it's not so bad after all. Afraid of being incompetent? It's easy and people are forgiving; you got this! I can't get along with film people? Naw, bruh, you just gotta chill and try!

It's such a great and unique experience immersing myself in the film world, which is fascinating and--behind the scenes--intense.

And! volunteering forces me to confront social interaction. ^^ Which I hate...d. And now am sorta ambivalent about. Maybe it's okay. I don't know. I can't handle too much. But now I know that I can handle a decent amount!! Still far from extroversion though.

Like last year, I enjoyed doing ticket ushering when put on that task! I talked to hundreds of people! And it seemed like the managers trusted me a lot and approved of how I interacted with customers ^o^ Man, I'm really glad I do this to myself since I got to skip the working retail/customer service phase, and dove straight into a desk/cubicle job. It's like filling in the gaps in the swiss cheese of growing up. 8D

To be honest, when I realized that the end of the festival and my scheduled hours were approaching, I felt a tinge of sadness and longing?
But life moves on and now I'm feeling relieved by some stuff, feeling really fucking done with some stuff and some people ......... and so I'm fine. I'm happy that it's less stress on me and I get my evenings and weekends back. I'll try to volunteer again next year if my circumstances permit.

Otherwise... some chapters in my life are coming to an end. I think I'm probably sad somewhere, but have decided that I'm not going to care so that I don't feel sad. Numb, apathetic, a little spiteful. Tired. Don't take friends for granted.

~

Yanagi Nagi - Transluscent

I just fell in love with this song that Mimi showed me ;A;