Today's been a really interesting day, though it may seem mundane to others! I've always been afraid to leave my little bubble but I've been wanting to try new things lately and it feels really satisfying. ^^ For a long time, my entire world only saw 1) my room, 2) classes, 3) my workplace, and 4) my car. I've never joined clubs, I never volunteered, and I always drive when I can or else I.. don't go.
One of my classes is headed by the director of an organization that runs an internationally acclaimed film festival and part of the class is volunteering for this film festival.
I've been weighed down by so much anxiety caused by this class in the past month ("oh my god I have to work with professional people and not only that, they're FILM people which means they're social and hip and informal but very competent and worldly"), but especially in the past 2 weeks because of failed email correspondence with the organizer of the team I'm in. ("am I supposed to have a schedule?" "oh my god I think I have to volunteer this sunday I'm so scared" "OH FUCK THE EMAIL SAID SATURDAY OMFG I'M SO SORRY" "I'M SOOOO SORRY I FUCKED UP what if they really really needed the help" "why isn't she responding to my emails?" "why isn't she or my professor responding to any of my emails?" "oh my god what if they hate me? what if I'm kicked out and then I'll fail the class and they'll forever ban me from the industry!") SO I FINALLY MANNED UP A LITTLE and texted the organizer and it all turned out fine so I got the chance to volunteer today and she's scheduled my next few shifts. Q_Q)9 yay I'm not hated I think!!!!
Okay, phew. That aside. Let's not go back there again. I have no reason to be afraid now.
Volunteering was a lot of fun today! I was the only volunteer but everyone welcomed me warmly and I was able to speak with people just fine YAY I socialized QAQ!! Spent some hours putting up dozens and dozens of posters in the movie theater.. Started really craving popcorn by the end of it.. Followed the organizer around like a little duckling and helped her clean up the box office up front (meanwhile being stared at by everyone walking by because there are no curtains or blinds on the windows) and we got relatively chummy!
It was interesting to gain a new perspective of downtown. The university I attend is also situated downtown, except this area has such a bad reputation (not ungrounded; there have been frequent incidents) that I rarely ever go anywhere downtown other than to campus and straight to class. And above all, if I have to go anywhere downtown, I will hop in my car if that's an option.
Today, I had my dad drop me off (at 9 AM lol), and I'm glad I did. I ended up having to walk back and forth from the organization office to the theater a few blocks down, which at first freaked me out because this specific part of downtown is rather scary looking and is what I've been exposed to. It's interesting because I found that one area might be bustlin' and hip, but the very next street over is hold-tight-to-your-handbags homeless-on-every-corner hookah-bars-on-the-right ghetto town. I never knew how busy and .. cool some parts of downtown were, so that was nice to see even if it made me feel like a loner ahahah. I've always kinda avoided these parts either because 1) scary people, or 2) too many people and social anxiety. (There were a lot of people and I wasn't socially anxious yay!!) Or just 'cause I never had local friends to go with and no opportunities.
After volunteering ended, I decided to walk over to my campus so my dad could pick me up at the library, which was about a 20 minute walk. I never once in my life thought that I would even half enjoy walking around downtown by myself. Walking? In downtown?! And by myself?! But I found it to be a pleasant and refreshing experience. ^^
I was gonna walk around campus too until I spotted the children's books section of the library which was a lot more captivating. So I sat myself down and read a book about castles. Did you know that attackers' tactics included starving their enemies to death by seizing their castle and blocking all incoming food? Now I know how I probably died in my medieval past life. GIVE ME SNACKS OR GIVE ME DEATH
And now I'mma take Kazou out for driving practice and tag along as he walks his dog in the park, except iono about the latter anymore because I didn't expect to do so much walking already and as a very lazy person that used to only know how to sit in front of the computer in my room I CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH PHYSICAL MOVEMENT sobs no okay I can do it. Exercise is good. I'm not tired at all. This is good progress. I'm too tired to get up. Help. I should publish this post and go. But. ...zzzz so. lazy. I've been "proofreading" this post for the past half hour delaying getting up LOL. gotta.. go....
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