SO YOU WANNA BE A MASTER

You can kind of tell when I have those periods where I'm rarely home or too busy, and then suddenly I have that day I'm at home and all the overdue posts appear HAHAHAHA.



Fome did an awesome cover of the Pokemon 2nd season opening, Pokemon World, for Karu for our NYA (Norcal Youtube Alliance) Secret Santa exchange. I really liked this song ;u; Sooo much nostalgia.
Somehow he dragged me and Chiisana into having a small feature in it LMAOLMAOLMAO. Oh jeez. We were so embarrassed. But it was fun.
(I'M ALSO VERY HONORED LIKE HOLY SHIT fome and chiisana tbh are among the most talented vocalists I know and I'm lucky to have them as close friends and to be able to work with them I am secretly fangirl hshshshs///)

Not exactly a reality check, what I received about two weeks ago. There was no fantasy to begin with, but I guess it's comparable to stepping through the gates into a larger world and suddenly feeling minuscule? I didn't know I was so ignorant and incompetent. I always knew I was small but I guess I never cared to look upwards until now. In the midst of being happy over improvement, I gained confidence that I'm not sure if I deserve. Of course there's always going to be people better out there, of course you can't expect to become professional overnight, of course it doesn't come easily when you're just starting out, of course the journey will and should never end. But there are a lot of really, truly talented people among my peers that I know I would never be able to catch up to because I lack the element that will make them soar: passion. There's passion, inherent talent, resources, the time to practice. It's not impossible, but I realize it would be difficult to substitute these with hard working effort on a late start. I'm not giving up; I'll still give my all. But it's discouraging to know there'll be a limit--a cap--on my ability. I thought I wasn't bad. I still don't think I'm bad, but I'm also not great. Seeing others' ability, I'm not even sure what I can do? My achievements are still achievements but damn do they look insignificant now. And how do you grow as a juvenile when people want to work with the ripened, with the best? It's all about the results and everyone wants the best ones. The industry out there is no different. Is there a place for somebody who is just "not bad" in a world that requires only the best? Can you survive as a jack of all trades but master of none when being the best requires specialty?
CAN I EVEN GET A JOB. WILL ANYONE EVEN TAKE ME FOR AN INTERNSHIP. WHAT CAN I EVEN TELL ANYONE THAT I CAN DO. WHAT HAVE I DONE THAT I CAN EVEN BE PROUD OF. I DON'T WANT TO BE A PATHETIC, DEPENDENT FAILURE. GAAAAH THIS AFFECTS EVERYTHING. runs around in circles

The Modern Fairy Tale

And so the princess's heart was replaced by numbers; shrouded in memories of overdue bills and calculations; with the blackest energies of impatience and lethargy in lieu of a soul.
The only antidote in all the land was a magical, but rare ritual that could only be performed by the princess if she were able to return to her chamber--and it was called 20 bother-free hours of sleep.

ლ(१д१ლ)

Kei (left) & Soojung (right) of Lovelyz covering IU's "Friday"

Aaaaaah I'm so glad I found this little gem of a video.

The girlcrush is undeniably strong with this one! ლ(१д१ლ)
I knew I was right to choose Soojung/Sujeong as my bias LOLOL.. Okay, it was initially because she reminds me of Morning Musume's Kudou Haruka and I find them both to be the most adorable, gorgeous things /// but then she comes out of the left field as a really fucking good singer?! with a singing style I will eat up. (Not to mention a grounded, earnest personality..)

Kei almost flawlessly plays the role of main vocal, of course; bless her entire being. Baby Soul and Jin, whose vocals were advertised prior, are predictably leads. But Soojung is the surprise! Especially when she's one of the youngest members. She sometimes gets pitchy on certain notes when performing Lovelyz songs (tbh all of them get somewhat pitchy so I look forward to seeing them not as nervous rookies on stage) but seems a lot more in her own skin here. :> I'm so glad they let her debut and give her opportunities to shine. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.

SHINE ON ME

LET IT SHINE ON ME, YEAH!
(insert Red Velvet's Happiness)

After dabbling in film and photography stuff, you really realize what a big difference lighting makes. Brightness, color temperature, softness/harshness, positioning—they're all surprisingly important. With my interest in videography growing (or at least intent to try my hand and improve at it), I figured I need lights and hopefully some kind of flexibility with them.

For now, my first purpose requires soft, diffused, even, flat, skin tone-flattering, bright, [and cheap...........] light. Think soft, prettily lit K-pop idol MV. That's what I want to attempt.

So today, Fome and I did some shopping at the dollar store, Home Depot, and Staples
...then built softbox lights! ;u;
It works out because his band Phoenix Ash is looking to upload more videos in the future, which is why he's interested in building lights too. They're actually gonna upload a new cover soon (OF AN AWESOME SONG) so look out for that~

Materials are:
white foam board, aluminum foil, vellum paper, lamps, light bulbs, and a shit ton of duct tape.
(we ended up being SO happy with the white duct tape because it would've looked much uglier otherwise heheheh)

First version, we wanted to see what it'd look like just as a white foam box without foil and felt like there was wasted bounced light escaping from the sides? So we added foil after the box was assembled and that was comparatively messier than doing the second box.

I decided I wanted to be extra meticulous huehuehue and so the second version is slightly prettier.

HEH. can you tell which was the guinea pig and which is not? HEHHH. (he's jealous because I'm technically the owner of the second one)

Yehhhhh !!

(Bonus: Without the vellum paper as a diffuser, having the box open actually works to make the light more spotted because it's all concentrated in one direction without spilling on the sides. It's harsh and not what I want, but for certain purposes, it works!)

We tried duct tape as the lamp mount on one of the softboxes, but mmmmh we're still trying to figure out an alternative that would be sturdier and hopefully with less potential to melt off. For mine, it'll be extra tricky because I require the softbox to be collapsible so that I can more easily store it disassembled when at home.

(Upper) No softbox light! Light source is the fluorescent lights on the ceiling, which give off a bit of a green tone.

(Lower) One softbox light from above! We made the mistake of leaving the fluorescents still on, but oh well..

Definitely a huge difference, which is emphasized by the original green'ish tone of the room. But the effect of the light is noticeably less harsh, a bit more flattering on the skin, cleaner, clearer?

We put a lot of thought into choosing the color temperature of our bulbs (which btw are amazing in brightness output, especially for the wattage and price of 4 for $10) and yet I wonder if we settled too low. In particular, I was looking for color temperature ranging between 3500 and 4100 Kelvin because that's the spectrum of slightly warm to neutral white to slightly cool. Yellow disgusting ass household bulbs of 2700 Kelvin are out of the question. 5000 Kelvin looks too blue and inhuman.

But we couldn't find anything at Home Depot between 3000 and 5000 K, and so we got the 3000 K bulbs which didn't look too bad in the display.

It's a huge improvement compared to the yellowness of household bulbs, but still a tad too warm for my taste. I don't want to replace the bulbs because I am a frugal cheap ass who already thinks this shit was too expensive for a homemade project (those foam boards are fucking rip-offs I tell you ok) so I'm thinking about trying some kind of blue filter or fabric on top of the paper to counteract the yellow? Or just rectify it in post production color correction lololololol.

Well, we both had a lot of fun! We learned lots! And here's a song of the day which we found to be hella rockin'.

FTISLAND - Hold My Hand

go-go get.

Wassup?


I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THE SEMESTER!!!!!!!!!!!
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

It was an enlightening, valuable, and fruitful semester indeed.

Actually, I'm a little sad to see it go. Mostly because I had just started making many friends of whom I've no guarantee I'll see again, just starting to become involved, just starting to feel like a proper student with some passion towards the schoolwork beyond my obsession with achieving top grades.
But ultimately, this semester left me in a great place, with many bounds leapt and much room to grow: many opportunities looking forward, experience under the belt, and mistakes on which to reflect. I'm a happy student. I'm not entirely competent and not entirely confident. I really wish that I were better. I wish that I were the type that's just inherently talented--effortlessly achieving instead of having to work hard and long to maybe get to the same place. I'm scared that I let anyone down, and sorry that I lack so much. But I'm happy with how far I came in this semester, as well as how much resolve I now boast to improve as much as I can.

Dude. Compared to before, I'm frighteningly social now.... I actually made a lot of friends and acquaintances! Connections! Being a bit more fun and open! People know who I am! I'm being proactive! Volunteering! Speaking loudly! Not so afraid to stand in front of a mass of people! More willing to be an object of attention! Performing! In front of people! Sometimes being praised for it!
Who am I even?

Also I can't wait to catch up on some well overdue sleep, man. In the past month, there've only been a handful of nights when I was able to sleep earlier than 4 AM. orzzzzzzzzz All 3 of my final projects (which I edited) were due on Monday.......... And it's not like I procrastinated at all because every night, I've been up til past 4.. sometimes up til 7 doing productive things. But this last weekend was tough LOL. In the span of 55 hours, I slept for 3 hours.

Speaking of last weekend, I went on the film shoot that I spoke of in my last post. To be honest, I can't help but feel disappointed, because this was a golden opportunity that ended up in another basket. When I got there, they had filled in the 2 spots on the audio team (I'm sure they probably did a good job, but they also didn't have previous experience with the equipment) and I guess they needed more extras........ It was a different, interesting experience. Luckily I enjoy playing dress-up LOL so I was fascinated with the process of having a costume team pick out my outfit and then having a make-up artist do my face.

What I did not like was uselessly sitting on my ass in the make-up room, just waiting to be called onto the set. I wanted to help.. gain experience.. be hands-on.. learn something.. then have another line for my resume.. sigh....
I could have used the time to--OH I DON'T KNOW--sleep or work on projects.

But here's the outfit I wore on camera! WOOHOOOO grossly vandalized school bathroom mirrors. The theme's supposed to be 60's and I'm not so sure if it's accurate LOL. They decided to make me the go-go girl/mod girl. The camera doesn't capture it, but I'm wearing fishnet stockings. BASICALLY ACTUAL FISHNET; that was some stiff stuff. And I was 6 feet tall in these boots, lord help me.... how embarrassing... But I did it! In front of the entire crew! And on camera!

Now I'm feeling super hyped because I intend to have a productive winter break! I'll be increasing my work hours, but I'll try to find the time nevertheless. There's a lot I want to do! And I'm going to try chasing after some opportunities! I'm gonna have some fun while at it. I'll do my best. I want to become a more impressive version of myself. I can do it. :)

asdflkjw

heh.... I'm not good at handling stress...
No final exams for me this semester but hella final projects due in... 2 days. This past week has been my finals crunch stress time. Going to bed at 4 AM is considered "early" and "lucky" :'D And work and some other things and dumb people. stress.

But um orz I bumped into a professor a few days ago who's in charge of one of the department's big productions--which will actually be on 35mm film! Somehow he persuaded me into coming in to the set tomorrow morning because he wants me to be the sound recordist.. QAQ I couldn't say no because despite how fucked I am, it's a pretty good opportunity?? Especially considering I'm being purposely seeked out for this role by a professor. I've only ever been on one big film shoot doing audio. And I thought I wouldn't be able to do any more shoots due to lack of opportunity and time..

I will add some color to this post with a selfie from some weeks ago, before I started looking like a zombie and having countless people tell me I look very tired or asking me what's wrong with my skin/face LOL. This is a happy selfie because I'd just caught up on sleep beforehand~ I look forward to looking this bright in a handful of days I hope~~

(I forgot to publish the post.. Now it's 5 AM. :'D I need to be on that film set in 4 hours. Fuck. :'D)