A Conversation with Classmates

Friday, February 28, 2014

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Eduardo: You know, you're really tall.
Me: ... lol thank you
Eduardo: How tall are you? Like, 5'10?
Me: NOOO QAQ!!! 5'8....... OTL

Eduardo: Would you ever date a guy shorter than you?
Me: LOL PROBABLY NOT
Eduardo and Eric: OOOOOOHHH
Eric: GOOD LUCK GETTING A GUY
Eduardo: That's gonna be hard
Me: -laughs scornfully-
Eduardo: Why don't you date Eric? He's really tall.
Me: ...... He calls his car his wife, his girlfriend, and his sweetheart.
Eric: I'm also dating my cat. But he's male, so we're gay.
Every single person in the room: ..................................

Things to buy and try:

Thursday, February 27, 2014

2 comments
  • circle lenses
  • hair straightener (for curling)
  • brown gel eyeliner
  • BB cream (maybe)
  • concealer
  • coral lipstick
  • orange lip tints and/or glosses
  • aegyo sal "under eye maker" (doubles as eyeshadow)
  • some alternative for darker eyeshadow (?) bc it's too powdery for my dry skin
  • false eyelashes

Awwwww yea, taking some steps forward. LET'S DO IT.

Special mention: this looks super cute and I have no use for it. Not even for cosplay.

??

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WOAH I'M SO CONFUSED
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THAT I HAD ANY BABY FAT
TO LOSE LOL

(this is an 8 month difference. is it because I'm in my twenties now?!)

Empowerment

2 comments
Wow xD I hope I can come home every Thursday--or more unrealistically, everyday--feeling this way. Nothing big happened and yet I feel so empowered and happy!!!

I just had my TV/Film Production class, where we've been rotating to cover different positions in a live TV studio environment (not actually broadcast). Today was my turn to be director and be graded on my performance! I WAS SO SCARED FOR THIS but I'm so glad I worried for nothing!!
Basically the job of director is to be commander in control. You wear a headset and speak into a microphone to communicate with the floor director out in the studio, as well as the cameras to establish your shots. Then you give commands in the control room, pulling the strings for EVERYTHING.
"Roll and record tape! Ready to take bars and tone and start clock! Ready to take slate and lose tone! Ready to fade up to camera 2 with music and title in key! Open up their mics and cue the talent! Ready to take camera 1, and take camera 1! 10 seconds to commercial; tell the talent to wrap it up! Ready to take commercial with sound!"

It's extremely overwhelming because you literally have to remember EVERYTHING and AT THE EXACT TIME. 30 seconds of bars and tone. 15 seconds of slate. 15 seconds of black. 1 minute of talking and make sure you take close-ups and key in the talents' names. 30 seconds of commercial. 1 minute and 30 seconds of talking; switch between the 3 cameras to capture whatever's important. Start wrapping it up 20 seconds before the show ends. Bring up the music and ending title 10 seconds before the show ends. Fade to black exactly at 4 minutes.

Today's the hardest day of rotations for me because first I'm technical director (working the switcher board to follow the director's commands), then assistant director (keeping track of time, counting aloud, and making announcements to the entire control room), and then director. As usual, I've been pretty anxious, but when it came time for me to show what I've got, I actually wasn't nervous at all!! ^^ In fact, I was chill and got along really well with a lot of classmates and was brave and was enthusiastic and was responsible and I initiated and was loud and confident and GAAAAAAH. QvQ I got a lot of praise from my classmates and even the professor... They said I ran the best show so far--that it was nearly perfect. QAAAAQ)9!!

And while I find my major to be easy peasy and kind of useless, there's also one very hard aspect of being a radio-TV-film major. The professors and all of the students are lenient, chill, and hip. That's cool. Except I'm not cool. I'm just studious and socializing is hard for me. I don't expect any of my professors to ever like or even notice me. This major's all about the connections you have and being courageous and being able to PERFORM hands-on and achieving. COMPETENCE. SOCIALIZING. And this professor seems to like me???!?! And keeps praising me and I actually talk to him and other classmates and am socializing well omfg. Ring in the choir.

Another thing--though a very small gesture--that made me proud today: I purposely parked on the 6th floor and took the stairs up and down. I've been avoiding elevators in the past few weeks, and this is coming from the person that thinks the kitchen is too far a walk. These 6 floors took 80 steps--I counted. ^^ Makes me feel good! And you know what else makes me feel good? Wearing this cute-ass circle scarf, like damn where have you been all my life?

Also I have a lychee-mango-strawberry milk tea and chicken wings. Decided against trying to force myself to record today because my throat hurts after speaking so loud and so much during class, and twas a good choice. =u=)b I would've definitely regretted deciding otherwise.

Finally, I got my tax return so I'm no longer nearly-rock-bottom dirt-poor like how I was after paying tuition! *A* Being financially unstable is something that worries me a lot. OTL Plus.. I hate feeling like a fraction of my fruit has been stolen from me despite all of the labor put in. I look at my paychecks or bank account sometimes and think, "Did I really only do this much..?" so it feels great to receive my earned rewards. I don't have to be that stingy anymore and can start squirreling away some funds for AX and cosplay QuQ!!! HEHEE. AND there's an upcoming make-up haul which I'm uncontrollably excited for! I've been wanting some change and to improve myself in every way possible, and I see progress and opportunities!!

Kasper

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I have a special greed for rapping.
Not that singing isn't important to me--I love it and am always working to improve. But I feel like I wouldn't be satisfied just with that, and that's why I started mixing and animating (gave up on this, nope, no more) too. But I really like rapping aside from the fact that it's fun and you get to focus on your pronunciation, attitude, and rhythm. (Totally unrelated to singing sob sorry I can't sing fast just because I rap.)
I like that it's something that sets me apart and makes me unique. And it's on grounds many female coverists don't dare to tread. Plus it's harder for girls to rap well/sound good rapping so it's a challenge. I go back and forth between phases of "I reaaaa~lly want to become a better singer!" (largely driven by karaoke) and "I really wanna develop as a rapper of my own style!" and right now I'm rutstuck in the latter.


So yesterday, I found my new role model... uAu Her name's Serine Lee, stagename KASPER.
I checked out her rapping and was impressed because while she doesn't have that low voice most of the better-known underground female rappers have (which isn't my preference ngl), she's got a good sense of attitude and flow. I admire that she pulls it off really well. She also writes her raps, which I'm envious of because even if I start learning Korean now, I wouldn't be eloquent or witty enough to do that--and me rapping in English sounds corny.



And then I found out she's a youtuber and +1 RESPECT.

And then I found out she's REALLY PRETTY. AND ADORABLE.



And then I found out she even does MAKE-UP TUTORIALS.



And then I found out she also sings, has been a trainee, and will officially debut soon. She's so inspiring *A*





I'm done being me WHERE CAN I SIGN TO BECOME KASPER

Human Canvas Attempt

4 comments
asdlfsdfjlkdsfksd
so I'm gonna be trying out lenses (cosplay purposes) which means no glasses to hide my eyes, so I'm trying to practice eye make-up. Q^Q)9 I'm not very good at it.... BUT I no longer cry when putting on eyeliner, and that's a great achievement for me already.
Two years ago, I would even cry when putting in eye drops LOLL.

This is one of my favorite stories♥

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

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[11:37:04 AM] 「 Mimi  」: So get this~ my friends and I always go to this restaurant named thai son for lunch and we used to have a younger waiter serve us (we're basically the funny, young regulars)
[11:37:08 AM] 「 Mimi  」: and said waiter is a gemini fan
[11:37:14 AM] 「 Mimi  」: was watching the myst surprise video
[11:37:17 AM] 「 Mimi  」: noticed me in the picture
[11:37:20 AM] 「 Mimi  」: and just added me on skype
[11:37:36 AM] 「 Mimi  」:
[Saturday, January 18, 2014 11:27 AM] ➳ Tᴇᴛʀɪs ᴛʜᴇ Nɪɢɢᴀ ғᴏx: 
<<< Yeah that will take some time. Eheheh ^.^" 
Can't believe I know someone from the Gemini Family in person. 
Just gonna. You know. Fan boy in the corner over here.

Pika Beonjjeok

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[Box]
GP Basic - 삐까뻔쩍 (Pika-Burnjuck)

HAHAHAHA...............................
When the song first came out, I dl'ed it right away and learned the first part of the rap because THIS KIND OF RAPPING IS REALLY FUN..... I thought it was awesome and admirable that this group of young girls tackled a song, choreography, and concept that one would expect from a male group. So for me, it's the best of both worlds! Even if the lyrics are embarrassing and laughable. I'm embarrassing; sooooooo gomen.

I don't know why but sometime today during work, I had the idea that it would be fun to mix this. So I got home from work and basically dove right into recording and mixing this, and did nothing else until I finished a bit before midnight???

I'm so stupid. I have a quiz tomorrow. I'm so, so, so stupid. But it's fine. AHAHA. Worried for nothing~ Showered and finished studying and now I can even blog before going to bed!

Anyhow, this is really the first time in my recollection that I've committed myself to a mix nonstop for hours and hours without realizing it... because I was having fun.
MIXING?! FUN?!??!! I hope that ambulance is on its way.

Naw but I really haven't gotten to experiment with effects or hard k-pop/hip-hop in quite a long time. Actually now that I'm thinking about it, this might be the first time LOL. The only thing that comes to mind is "Please Don't Go" and Mimi did all the effects for that. Feel free to prove me wrong because my memory's expired and rotting away. (Edit: Oh! Does Gemini's "Too Late" count? ;v;)

After so long of having to spend time trying to make things SOUND THE SAME--and then getting extremely frustrated because I suck with EQ and mic qualities ugh--it was quite refreshing to try to make things sound different.
Like trying out distortion for the first time! Playing with a bunch of settings! I learned a lot of things today ^^ happy happy. Even if I'm embarrassing, I'm so happy with this short cover.

one of the happiest things in the world

Monday, February 24, 2014

4 comments
6 geminis who are not geminis—together.

To Name a Character

2 comments
[1:22:41 AM] Eva: should i just go for korean AHAHA
[1:22:50 AM] Chiisana: yesh

sumgyeo do twinkle eojjeona!

Sunday, February 23, 2014

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Yesterday, Yanovi, Karu, Kazou, and I headed over to a park for our first group "exercising" session ahaha. Karu's the only one among us that properly works out, but the rest of us have been meaning to get outside (or just up off our seats) and move. Actually, none of us engage in cardio other than.. Kazou walking his dog daily, if that counts. We're geeks that spend all our free (and not free) time singing and mixing things on the internet. But we're gonna work our way up and eventually start hiking too *^*!

There was tons of fooling around and stops to admire the scenery and take pictures, but my burning thighs and bum are telling me that yesterday's trip was actually pretty effective. Must've been all the lunges we did. (It was kind of a hilarious sight because we'd stand side by side in a line and cross a bridge while doing lunges at the same time. We never got that far though partially hindered by laughter and embarrassment.)


"Senpai, I've been wanting to say this for a while..."

Screenwriting 2

Saturday, February 22, 2014

5 comments
So I think I'm gonna go with this idea for my script for screenwriting:
The hero (female, unnamed) wishes to sing on stage, however because she knows she's "not pretty," turns her dream into a joke of cynical sorts. As part of a bet when she's insulted, she attends an audition (undecided: agency or talent tv show), but crossdressed--her goal only to get past the first round in this guise. There, her best friend (undecided name and gender) who's talented but has terrible morals, fails to recognize our hero and disses her in some way. Prideful, easily butthurt, and feeling betrayed, our hero makes it her goal to keep up the pretense and show up best friend in the next round. They become rivals and our hero becomes just as two-faced as best friend. Crossdressing hijinks, a fake friendship, and realization of one's dreams!! Details still to be figured out. /o/


Sure, it doesn't sound all that exciting or deep but this is where I ended up given: 1) what I'm interested in, i.e. singing, and 2) the fact that I'm not good with external conflict or action/excitement.

Except I wish someone could take the reins now because BOY OH BOY I don't know what the hell to do with the rest of this and I want to just WATCH my idea unfold without having to actually get on my knees and put effort into rolling out the narrative myself. Except a short summary of my script is due on Tuesday. Fuck. I'm way too lazy and indecisive for this shit.

The most significant undecided detail I think is the gender of the best friend rival because it changes the entire storyline. Only, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PICK. QUICK--SOMEONE FLIP A COIN. Having a girl makes for bitchy backstabby girls and perhaps a friend that uses hero to her benefit somehow. Having a guy means potential love interest(*) and a more dense character, except I can't seem to think of an explanation for the twofacedness.
*I've already ruled out hero falling in love with rival, because I do NOT want her to reconcile just for the reason that she's fallen in love. Rival carrying feelings for hero still has potential though. I'm not gonna delve into romance at all if rival is a female because I have no personal experience with homosexuality so far and don't know if I'll be able to portray it convincingly in my very first script.

And I can't decide if I want hero and rival to change and reconcile in the end or not. On the one hand, happy endings happy friendships yay. On the other hand, you can't expect everyone to change their entire character that quickly, and if rival is actually a bad friend, then what reason does hero have to keep her/him as a friend? That would take quite a bit of redemption.

Also. I have nothing other than this. Meaning I have NO ideas for any subplots. Or points of suspense/surprise/twists. Or characters other than hero, rival, and hero's dad. I've been so concentrated on "I HAVE TO THINK OF A HERO WHO HAS A GOAL AND AN OPPONENT AND CONFLICT AND THINGS THAT THE AUDIENCE CAN SEE HAPPENING" that I forgot that I have to construct the entire world in which this hero lives. And that's a month's worth of work if you ask me.

PS: HELP. SOMEONE PLEASE SUGGEST A NAME

Like Cho Yong Pil

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

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【Gemini-REC】 조용필처럼 (Like Cho Yong Pil) 「HBD Andy! 」

Song: 조용필처럼 (Like Cho Young Pil) by Phantom
MP3: 
https://app.box.com/s/q2t35s5vs47eqzd...


Our Special Sundwag: http://www.youtube.com/SeoulTempo

Vocals:
Ryan (
http://www.youtube.com/RyanEatPho)
Eva (
http://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva)
Chiisana (
http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3)


Mix: Eva

Video: Chiisana

Image Editing: Chiisana, Ryan, Eva


Images by: Riuhi, カズユ, Niritsu

Backgrounds by: 優, N人, 酸素, みぃむ


Dear Andy. We're going to protect you.
From behind.

Happy birthday!♥


Hehe, a trio (but not THE Trio) with Chiisana and Ryan! For our good buddy Andy/Kimchi/SeoulTempo. Not exactly a Gemini project, but it's still nice to see the channel active again.<3 And it's even more meaningful because apparently Andy was a fan of Gemini before meeting us, and then was shocked to find out his new friends were the same people from the videos HAHAHA.

[11:37:45 PM] Chiisana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZZOfVN3lRQ
[11:38:57 PM] Chiisana: YOU'RE STILL WATCHING RIGHT QAQ THIS EPISODE IS REALLY GOOD
[11:39:06 PM] Eva: the guests are really good!
[11:39:09 PM] Eva: i heard they sing or something
[11:39:10 PM] Chiisana: mhmmmm
[11:39:12 PM] Chiisana: ///////
[11:39:26 PM] Andy! 희근: the episode is so good that I had to mute
[11:39:34 PM] Eva: NOOO UNMUTE
[11:39:35 PM] Eva: WE WANNA HEAR
[11:39:37 PM] Chiisana: UNMUTEEE
[11:39:42 PM] Andy! 희근: or else you guys would hear me sobbing stupidly because the episode is so splendid
[11:39:45 PM] Eva: WE WANT TO HEAR THAT
[11:39:46 PM] Eva: EXACTLY THAT
[11:39:50 PM] Ryan ♥: ^

[12:47:56 AM] Andy! 희근: I WAS WONDERING WHY
[12:47:58 AM] Andy! 희근: YOU GUYS KNEW THIS SONG
[12:47:59 AM] Andy! 희근: SO WELL
[12:48:01 AM] Andy! 희근: WHEN WE WERE IN THE CAR
[12:48:04 AM] Eva: HAHA
[12:48:06 AM] Eva: I WAS WONDERING
[12:48:08 AM] Eva: if you found it suspicious
[12:48:13 AM] Eva: that i knew the raps in your car

Foster City

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(From Saturday but I just didn't have time to post til now~ All the photos are unedited!)

Casually blogs on my ipad in the back seat of my car ahahaha. Very reluctantly decided to tag along with my parents on their sightseeing walk. :T I.. I kind of wanted to go out today but I've no plans or anyone to hang out with. And I need to get home early to finish a mix and possibly help someone with an animation. Then my dad baited me out by saying they're going to a beachside spot I've never been to before and that I should exercise and take pictures. OTL.. which I've been meaning to do, evidenced in that self-date post a while back. Maybe it'll be fun, idk. I'm such a grouch hahah. Should be more open-minded and willing to try to enjoy myself.

Nothing to make you reevaluate your music choices like your conservative parents driving your car with your music playing LOL. I HOLD MY BREATH AT EVERY SONG CHANGE. So far not bad.

Edit: OH NO, SNSD'S "I Got A Boy" is on and I'm grimacing LOOL that one's an acquired taste.
Edit: I'VE BEEN LIED TO. This is a lake; not a beach!! Or maybe it's my Chinese comprehension skills decaying.

Ladies and gentlemen,
California on a February day.

adobe audition

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always...
always always at the last stretch there are technical difficulties

a blog entry by me while my project session is mixing down


edit:
prerendering sounds like a really good idea but it's actually the mixing devil in the guise of a lifesaving button

an edit by me while my project session is still mixing down

YESS

Saturday, February 15, 2014

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[6:53:08 PM] Chiisana: I feel like once you copy and paste the choruses in it could be the final LOLLL
[6:53:15 PM] Eva: omg
[6:53:16 PM] Eva: ;A;
[6:53:21 PM] Eva: those are the most beautiful words
[6:53:25 PM] Eva: i've ever been told
[6:53:28 PM] Chiisana: HAHAHAH
[6:53:31 PM] Eva: in my life as a mixer

Stupid Cupid

Friday, February 14, 2014

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(Box)

This got really stuck in my head after hearing Mandy Moore's version, so I sang this quickly yesterday before leaving the house to go to Myst's house heeeee.

[2/13/2014 5:11:21 PM] Eva: do you still have your stupid cupid instrumental by chance? OAO
[2/13/2014 5:12:04 PM] 「 Mimi  」: n-nope T n T haha
[2/13/2014 5:12:07 PM] 「 Mimi  」: sorry O AO
[2/13/2014 5:12:20 PM] 「 Mimi  」: valentine's day cover?
[2/13/2014 5:12:20 PM] 「 Mimi  」: haha
[2/13/2014 5:12:27 PM] Eva: nope LOL i just randomly
[2/13/2014 5:12:29 PM] Eva: felt like singing it LOOL

AND SO now it's on the internet in the spirit of Valentine's Day, which is actually purely a coincidence HAHAHA.
Check out Mimi's version too~ b-but not right before or after mine preferably because she sounds really naturally adorable with that sugary tone :'D (Also please ignore that one note in mine that peaks a lot.. Sorry... OTL)

And rose tea milk tea, also in the spirit of Valentine's~ Everyone else went out to lunch and I finished early so cubicle selca LOL (I even wore my pink blazer today but I guess my iPad prefers to call it beige.)

LET IT GOOO

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[11:31:36 AM] Chiisana: and I'm just like ajksdhjsad qurl you can't stand for that
[11:31:46 AM] Chiisana: be the independent woman you can be +_+
[11:32:12 AM] Eva: BE THE INDEPENDENT GIRL YOU ALWAYS SHOULD BE!!!
[11:32:48 AM] Eva: BE STRONG, IT'S NOT WRONG
[11:33:13 AM] Eva: THEY'RE ALL JUST HOES
SO LET THEM KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
[11:33:17 AM] Chiisana: HAHA
[11:33:18 AM] Eva: LET IT GO LET IT GO
[11:33:23 AM] Eva: NO MORE RELATIONSHIPS ANYMORE
[11:33:33 AM] Eva: LET IT GO LET IT GO
[11:33:37 AM] Eva: STUB THEIR TOES AND SLAM THE DOOR
[11:35:02 AM] Eva: JUST DON'T CAAAAAARE WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO SAAAAY
[11:35:09 AM] Eva: YOU HAVE FRIENDS TO CARRY YOU ON
[11:35:20 AM] Eva: Whatever loneliness shouldn't bother you anyway
[11:35:45 AM] Chiisana: you don't even have to be lonely because your friends are there!!!
[11:37:07 AM] Eva: that wasn't even melodic
[11:39:09 AM] Chiisana: yeah it was a quick adlib rap
[11:39:12 AM] Chiisana: that I added in the end

Valentine's Day Sweets

Thursday, February 13, 2014

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Went to Myst's house today with Karu to make sweets!

Karu and I didn't actually know how to make truffles so we started calling them "internal organs," like: "Mine is a kidney stone," "Mine is shaped as a liver."

REALLY YUMMY cookies that Myst made with her batter that was too watery for macarons.

:O

Adorable Myst!macarons :>

Guess who's gonna eat all this Valentine's chocolate?////////



I'm going to fucking eat it because hell yeah

Song of the Day

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

0 comments

SNSD's Taeyeon - "Set Me Free"
(S.M. the Ballad vol. 2)

;u;<3

10 reasons to be happy with my life:

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

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Positivities only; there are plenty of negativities, but none of them are allowed in this post. D8< Self esteem boost, go!

1. I have the greatest, most wonderful best friend who's essentially me but physically not.

2. I have amazing and talented friends to hang out with in the form of #NYA, with whom I have lots of fun.

3. After 2 and a half years, I still haven't been fired from my job. ANDDDDD I was among 5 recipients of my company's "supurb" service award!

4. I was valedictorian in high school and still earn straight A's in university with my work ethic.

5. I've improved so much at mixing.

6. I'm always trying to improve at singing and right now is when I feel the most sure of myself in terms of ability.

7. I've come to like my appearance, whether I try to present myself or not.

8. I know my good assets and when to be proud of myself. I value myself and have been more confident.

9. I've been starting to expand into cosplay, and the productivity I had in working on things as well as how fast I learned to sew despite having no experience makes me feel good about myself. Also, it's fun~

10. This is more applicable to the past, but it absolutely makes my world when anybody tells me I've inspired or motivated them in some way, or that they look up to me. Nothing means more than knowing I've been a positive influence on somebody.

Since Then

2 comments

Today's song of the day! Park Sae Byul's "That Day, That Place, and Since Then," which is a relaxing acoustically-driven piece featuring a voice that simultaneously carries a light, pure naivety and melancholic, longing heaviness.



So I never realized how much I missed xanga until I got the chance to revisit my xanga habits.
Xanga's a blogging site from way back when, which I actually registered for back in 4th grade. My original one got terminated due to rule infringement because I wasn't 13 yet LMAO.. It actually happened the month before I turned 13, so I was pretty upset. Then I continued with a second xanga and wrote on it almost everyday for 7 years and 2 months in the protected view of some trusted friends.
I ragequit my xanga July of last year because a personal private post that I wrote somehow surfaced as a public post???! Not even protected, but PUBLIC. ?!?! To this day, I don't know if someone was heartless enough to purposefully do that to me, or if it was a technical mistake. I do know that I double-checked the privacy settings before posting it. And I have a stinging feeling that it may be the former because this had never happened to me before in all the years I loitered on xanga. (I know maybe 2 people knew my password, but I didn't think they went on xanga anymore.)

Anyway, then xanga kind of shut down, became wordpress's stepson, and started charging. So I'm done with xanga. And they're being very inefficient at rebuilding the site or properly informing the public. I just today downloaded my blog archive (LOL 25 files when they said it'd be "3 or more"), which I didn't even know was available since all of the latest updates stated that they were still working on it.

It's pretty interesting and kind of amusing to read all of the things I wrote--even the depressing stuff. I never used to have wordstipation before because as much as I wanted to say, I said. As much as I needed to rant or ramble about, I did without an ounce of shame or reservation even if it meant writing private posts only to be seen by myself (which I more than often did). However mundane, however idiotic, however self-absorbed, however immature, however pointless, however depressing, however hopeless, however hopeful--it was all acceptable and I felt safe. It was the website I would actually call my "homepage" because it felt like a cyber home. I'm glad that I dedicated myself to expressing and documenting my life and thoughts there because the blog saw me, the 13 year-old, turn 20 years old and was with me through all of my awkward teenage years, angst, superficial immaturity, depression, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts, pride, achievements, and growth.

It feels a bit surreal to me that it was only a year ago when I cried everyday (from partially internal, and partially external reasons) ;A;.. Just the past 2 months have felt like half a year, and the past 4 months like 2 years; things have been changing so fast. And I like it. I don't ever wanna go back.

tl;dr: things suck

Monday, February 10, 2014

0 comments
I think that I'm a cynic because I'm also an idealist in certain respects--I have expectations for things and come out of the fray that is life experiences bitter and jaded.

I believe in things being special or exclusive. I wanted to believe in the enchantment and wonder of the world, like a child, perhaps. I believe that romance and friendships should be special and honored. I believe that family is not those with whom one shares blood, but a network of individuals that truly care about one another and have an inexplicable bond with no conditions. I believe that treating others with respect is important and that we can all perform to the best of our ability without burdening one another, and support each other. But I no longer trust people, and it's hard not to be hurt knowing that you were merely a phase to a person who was very special to you. So I hate a lot of things; but not because I hate them, but because I believe in them.

#badinfluencechiisana

0 comments
[1:03:15 AM] Eva: hiii i got home
[1:06:09 AM] Eva: hm
[1:06:19 AM] Eva: wondering if i should go on computer
[1:06:28 AM] Chiisana: do you have class or work tomorrow? QAQ
[1:06:42 AM] Eva: or to go .. somehow try to sleep but i feel pretty awake
[1:06:47 AM] Eva: i have work at 1
[1:07:07 AM] Chiisana: ohh okay
[1:07:15 AM] Eva: i could listen to diff arranges of haro hawayu and start a script if i go on comp
[1:07:27 AM] Chiisana: you have around 4 free hours until you can have 8 hours of sleep!!
[1:13:19 AM] Eva: LOOL YOU'RE TERRIBLE


And that's how I ended up here at 3 AM.

Screenwriting

Friday, February 7, 2014

3 comments
I'm currently taking a screenwriting class and just did some reading from the course reader written by my professor. A few parts really stuck out to me, which I wanted to share. (For some reason, reading about writing reminds me of Lee a lot LOL. Also luckily, this is rather breezy reading ;v; But regardless of method, he did open my eyes to a few things.)

  • "There's a difference between "becoming a screenwriter" and "writing screenplays." The former is an identity, which one expects to assume like a suit of armor that protects the wearer from all future strife and unhappiness. It doesn't exist. If it did, there wouldn't be so many miserable professionals.
    Happiness is found in doing things you love to do. ... Make it your goal "to write," not "to be a writer.""

  • "Imagine enjoying writing so much that the writing is its own reward. That can be yours if you see the time you spend writing as a gift you give to yourself and you don't think about the outcome."

  • "MYTH: High standards make writing great.
    "High standards" is usually code for "perfectionism," and perfectionism will keep you from writing at all. Why even begin a script that "has" to be "perfect" when we all know perfection is unattainable? ... Who could write with an inner voice screaming in one's inner ear, "Is it good enough? Is it good enough!!??" ... Forget good or bad, and choose instead to give yourself the gift of spending time creatively without worrying about the outcome."

  • "Any normal person can write a screenplay. ... If people had to be born knowing how to write then babies would write brilliantly. Trust me, I've read scripts by babies; they're a train wreck. Then the babies ask for feedback but you can't say anything because they're babies and they cry."

Okay, well, I included the last one just because I laughed.
But the other points I think apply really well even to things outside of screenwriting. To sum it up: shit's all about the journey and the enjoyability of the activity, yo.


Well back to screenwriting.
After this reading, I feel a bit more confident about having to write an original script as the bulk of the class. But with every page, I got more and more worried.

I'm in no way a screenwriter. Screenwriting is all about the external, the character conflicts, the action, and the specific, achievable, concrete goals that an audience can watch the hero attain (or attempt to attain).
If I had any interest in writing fiction, I'd be a novelist. I want to explore and analyze inner conflict and the cause of and changing in mindset or personality. I want to see a character lost within him or herself. I enjoy stream of consciousness. I'm self-absorbed. I overthink. I hate outward conflict and drama. I don't enjoy the superficial. I have no goals. I don't particularly dream of anything other than my recently-realized desire to someday feel successful, somehow in some way. I don't know how I'm going to get there.

Actually I wrote this just two days ago:
"But rather than expressing with narrative, my way of literary expression as an outlet is to just lay my thoughts and feelings bare."
And now it's like, well. shit. =A=

I'm starting to brainstorm on what I might be able to write about. Of course, as a start, it makes sense to use one's own experience as a foundation or inspiration. But because I as a person cannot set goals, it reflects onto any possible protagonists that come to mind right now. I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. Here goes.
  • a bullied girl
  • a bullied girl who changes her personality from meek to aggressive to overcome the inferiority imposed upon her? and somehow I guess this messes shit up and it turns out that the true "monster" is her own fear? but in the end this is about her internal struggle and finding herself sigh
  • I could write forever about the theme that I keep bringing up in relation to myself about being icy and having a heart encased in ice. I'd love to write a cynical, jaded protagonist. but this ISN'T ACTION OR EXTERNAL CONFLICT
  • hm. Cynical, jaded protagonist. How do I do that without being passive? What would this person WANT?
  • Cynical, jaded protagonist meets... easygoing and extroverted love interest?! I would get so pissed off writing this. Fuck that fucking shit.
  • Something related to children
  • A small, typically insignificant event which becomes compelling because the audience understands why the protagonist cares so much about it. How 2 do dat.
  • I thought of... having the other characters turn out to be the voices in the head of the protagonist? So basically externalizing internal thought. But mgghhhh there are some sirens going off telling me this isn't a good idea to go with.
  • a bullied girl who wants to share erasers with the cute boy in class WOW FUCK THAT
  • I like ice cream
  • Joining a contest? BECOMING A K-POP IDOL?
  • A mother who wants to do it all--raise a family and have a successful career. I have no experience to rear this one with.
  • A person who only sees the flaws in a seemingly perfect life. TOO INTERNAL
  • okay okay um.. think people fighting.... why do people fight.... idk fighting is dumb and drama is dumb and burdening other people is dumb. :c
  • Let's not write romance
  • The anti-cupid. A person that goes around not wanting others to be in a relationship lolol
  • An audition? ... Best friends who go for the same audition?
  • A person who has no dreams sets off to.... to............ do.... a thing.. that I can't.. think of......

Shell..blast!!

Thursday, February 6, 2014

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Aah, today was a good day!

The best kind of school day. ^^ One where the subject is interesting.. you're making friends/getting along with classmates.. and feel competent at what you're doing!

A year ago (oh my god, it's already been a year?!) I took a class called Introduction to TV/Film Production, which I wrote about a few times because it was such an impactful class for me. Repeating some words from my Shellbreak post, the class was my first time having fun or making friends in university. ;v; It's regretful that our facebook group (called GCB--don't ask why) died and that we ended up drifting apart, but I did take a class with a friend from GCB last semester. And this semester, I coincidentally have a class with someone in GCB and we were able to have a conversation. ^^ So yaaaay, it's not like the connection's.. totally lost?!

Moving along, the class I have this semester is Intermediate TV/Film Production! So it builds off of the intro class and we still get to work as a team in my school's TV studio, which is cool. It still makes me nervous because as I said in Shellbreak, I'm studious and good at understanding things in theory but can't.. perform. There's a special anxiety reserved for this class because it's not like I can just sit in my corner in the back and quietly take notes and mind my own business LOL. (Of course, "minding my own business" is often my excuse for being socially inept. OTL)

In any case, today was fun!! We did some live productions to refamiliarize ourselves with the equipment and live filming environment. Luckily, I didn't have to be talent =v=~

It's interesting because it's like being put in the same position again, but now as a different person. It's the same studio and it's the same format for productions. But I honestly think I've grown/changed a lot from June of last year until now. :>

For starters, I don't think I'm as shy as I was before. I'm a lot better at being in the eyes of others. I'm not scared to face people and even tried to assert a little leadership when I was floor director. Still a little anxious, but much more chill and willing to take on challenges. And not as awkward, hesitant, or boring when speaking to others! I feel more adult-like *A*!

Last year, it took half the semester before I started talking to people in the class. But now, it's only the 3rd session, and I feel like I've made friends and that if people start talking to me, I'll be able to get along with them enough. ;^; Well, to some extent...!

And anads fnanand I think I did a good job today at all the tasks I had to do Q___Q)9!!! I did my beessst! And have no regrets! I really went for it!! And did everything that I could! And was responsible! And asked for assistance when I needed it! And smiled and even sometimes made others laugh! OH MY GOD I SOCIALIZED. AND DID THINGS HANDS ON. And even spoke on the loudspeaker confidently even though 18 people could hear me. I did it!!!!!alksdfjklsd////

This guy that helped me a bit when I was working the audio board (he was so nice, and I picked everything up quickly, and we worked really well together even though we talked for the first time today) turned to me at one point and was like, "You're having fun, aren't you?" and I just beamed back, "YEAH, THIS IS FUN! ^^" and I'm soooo proouuuuuud. I liked today.

Basically the voice I want

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

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Let It Go (Disney's "Frozen" OST) - Taiwanese version by Shennio Lin

*A* So pure, raw, and youthfulbut still strong, smooth, and with a great range.

Like I said, wordstipation.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

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But not in the way that authors might consider an extension of writer's block.
I was inspired by a quote by J.D. Salinger: "I’m up to my ears in unwritten words," and that's kind of how I feel. But rather than expressing with narrative, my way of literary expression as an outlet is to just lay my thoughts and feelings bare. I always have thoughts I want to write about, or feelings or realizations to expand on--and a lot of them end up bottled and unwritten. And so, I feel congested. with words.



And lately I've also been experiencing this extra neuroticism which stupidly dictates that the content of every post must pertain to the one subject of that post. WHYYYYY. WHY DO I TAKE THIS ALL SO SERIOUSLY I don't need organization or to pretend to be significant or to even make sense. I've been looking back at my wordpress posts and I often just blurted on about my day or whatever I was thinking and mashed it into one post and it was all good. Like who even cares??!

Anyway, there've been a lot of things on my mind lately that just end up troubling me more than enlightening. So writing about them via blogging is kind of nice because I end up having to translate my thoughts to coherency and to untangle and work out what I'm feeling. And often, once it's all let out and written down, I'm able to let it go--plus it's reassuring to know that I can always look back and reread it. Actually I'm probably more emotionstipated than wordstipated. Whatever. Technicalities. :'D

And then.... the post ends there. wordstipation. shit.

Wordstipation

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Unwritten literary expression.

PurinWIII

Monday, February 3, 2014

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Finally, best friend and I finished our first duet since 2010!!

 
【小さな × Eva】第三次プリン戦争 を歌ってみた


erm.. we decided to do this two days ago..! Pudding is well worth fighting for.

「第三次プリン戦争」
"The Third Pudding War"
Vocals: 
Chiisana (小さな) as Miku / the white bear
Eva (/user/waterpixieva) as Gumi / the panda bear

Mix: Eva
mp3: https://app.box.com/s/9h32ilckx8j0w0c...
script: http://bit.ly/1dl0dAY

(But let's not fight anymore Ebah I love you too much let's share okay ;A;) 

Music: Gom
Lyrics: Gom, shito
Arrange: HoneyWorks
Guitar: 海賊王
Bass: 使徒
Illust: ヤマコ
MMD-Part: 悪徳金融1号
Movie: ziro


So this happened the night of the 31st:

[1/31/2014 11:19:41 PM] Eva: GET ON YOUR MIC RIGHT NOW WE'RE DOING A DUET
[1/31/2014 11:19:42 PM] Chiisana: .............
[1/31/2014 11:19:52 PM] Chiisana: WE SHOULD DO ITTT

[1/31/2014 11:42:51 PM] Chiisana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoZ_rTuncr4 let's just do this.
[1/31/2014 11:42:58 PM] Chiisana: =^=)b.....................
[1/31/2014 11:43:05 PM] Chiisana: all the purin
[1/31/2014 11:43:06 PM] Chiisana: ALL THE PURIN
[1/31/2014 11:43:08 PM] Eva: i don't even know what it is yet but okay
[1/31/2014 11:43:23 PM] Eva: LOL WHAT IS THIS
[1/31/2014 11:43:26 PM] Eva: I DON'T UNDERSTAND
[1/31/2014 11:43:29 PM] Eva: WE CAN D OIT
[1/31/2014 11:43:42 PM] Eva: CHIPMUNK TIME
[1/31/2014 11:43:56 PM] Eva: do you want to be miku or gumi
[1/31/2014 11:44:15 PM] Eva: .. we totally could

And then
lines happened the next day.
And then I mixed the entire day of the 2nd.
And then we uploaded that night.

[2:26:28 AM] Chiisana: I can't believe we've spent years planning duets
[2:26:31 AM] Chiisana: and we get this one done in like 2 days
[2:26:32 AM] Chiisana: LOL
[2:26:34 AM] Eva: GOD I KNOW RIGHT


Wow recording this was a different kind of difficult LOL but it was so fun to get to try using this kind of voice. (No voice changers were used in the making of this duet!! huhu~)

Can I also mention how much I like mixing Chiisana? :D Her recordings always (okay not always but most of the time--but most importantly, this time) sound so clean! It's been sooo long since I've gotten to mix good mic qualities hehehe. I feel like I'm not at that level of mixing yet but this had a lot of potential to sound really polished. ;^;)b Still I'm happy with our result! Such a randomly conceived but satisfying duet<3

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