Imbalance

Thursday, May 30, 2013

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Maybe it's because many people have been spoiled with the influx of original art in collaboration projects, but Mimi brought up a really good point: wouldn't it be nice if everyone cropped their own picture?
But maybe that's asking too much. It'd be nice if people could at least take a glance or bat an eye or give some kind of feedback when they're involved in a project whose work is distributed among a couple people, who are the only ones showing any kind of concern.

But I won't be too upset, because I have nothing to do anyway. Shall fill my life with empty productivity.

This terrible combination

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of laziness, antisocialness and simultaneous loneliness, having nothing to do, feeling like you should do something, wanting to do nothing, yet feeling antsy about not doing anything and guilty for not being productive.

Dance de Bacon!!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

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It would really mean so much to me if you could give this a watch please! ;v;


《歌ってみた》 【jr. feat Kura】 「Danceでバコーン!」
Art - Kuraiinu@YT
Mix - Eva & Jay
Scripting - Ryan [ RyanEatPho@YT ]
PV - Jay
Original: C-ute - Dance de Bakoon!!

Cast:
JaySingYou
Kuraiinu
RyanEatPho

Finally.. after what, a year and a half or more? this trio collab is done! Yeee~ Jay, Ryan, and Kura did a Hello!Project song! (They're 3 of my favorite singing boys.)

This is Jay's FIRST EVER ANIMATION, and he doesn't have as many subscribers on this youtube as before, so I'd really love if as many people as possible could give this a chance. I think he did an incredible job, and especially for having no experience with making videos and just having recently learned to use After Effects all on his own in a short amount of time. It's a little unbelievable, to be honest.. but Jay is just really naturally talented and hardworking and yeah ;A; please lend him your support if possible.

I'm actually...really embarrassed about the mix though, so it'd be great if you could try not to pay attention to that and enjoy the video and vocals instead. OTL
But...idk. I don't want to pin the blame on anyone in particular (I don't actually know what happened; something could've went wrong with the transferring of files) but there are things that I would've liked to change had I had a part in the very final mix. ;w; I just feel like with what is expected of me, the delivery falls a bit short even if it's not my fault. Or anyone's fault. And it sucks that I feel so embarrassed and am blaming myself for something I had no control over. BUT IT'S STILL AN AWESOME COLLAB REGARDLESS AND I LOVE IT.

(Admittedly though I'm a little sad though some people commented about it via twitter yet left no video comments, because Jay doesn't have twitter..... ;w; I just. this rant here.)

My Best Friend

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

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[2:41:51 AM] Chiisana: http://images.wikia.com/glee/images/d/d6/Virtual_Hug.gif
you probably saw this already but yeh for youuuuu /*^*)/
[2:42:00 AM] Chiisana: good night sweet dreams!
[2:42:03 AM] Eva: LOL.....
[2:42:07 AM] Eva: d'aww.......
[2:42:14 AM] Eva: how did you know i needed that
[2:42:28 AM] Chiisana: cause i'm your best friend and I know all ;u;


Maybe it's because I'm also listening to Baek Ahyeon and Shin Jihoon's "I Dreamed a Dream" performance which I just rediscovered from poking through my old blog posts at almost 3 AM because I don't feel like doing anything or sleeping, but I was almost moved to tears ;;

I swear I didn't have as many of these random melancholic mood swings shit back when I could sing my blues out and hide myself in song. Throat pain, go away; you aren't welcomed here.

Revisiting

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X  X
They make me so happy and proud yet bring such inexplicable melancholy.
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I've been simultaneously surer yet unsurer of myself lately. Stronger and yet more vulnerable.

Step 1

Monday, May 27, 2013

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I have no idea how cosplaying works, I've never actually seriously legitimately cosplayed before, I've never owned a wig before, I've never put on a wig before, I don't know how wigs work.
Heck, I can't even smirk.

I had a little too much fun in my own excitement.

And I don't own a wig cap or anything yet, but at least I don't look so much like an unkempt rocker anymore when I throw on a hood since it pushes it down LOL..

#itried
#actuallyididn'treally

Late night rambling #4

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I think whenever I hang out with irl people (excluding friends I initially met online), I come away with some new realization or something because they're so different from the people I'm usually surrounded by, and they're not completely dependent on the internet for their social lives and support network like I am.

I'm just gonna ramble because I don't know what my point is or how to organize any of my thoughts and it's 3 AM.

Surprisingly I ended up having a somewhat'ish deep conversation with someone I never spoke to much before, and we talked a lot about dating/relationships because he started flirt texting with this girl and he was super hilariously clueless and we had to coach him through all of it HAHAHAHA it was quite fun. x]

What I learned was that dating (going on dates) is different from being in a relationship.
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that you can go on dates without being in a relationship with someone is a foreign concept to me.

But what I ultimately realized though is that despite having ended my second year of university, I'm still stuck in high school mentality. Which really isn't surprising, now that I think about it.

Well, my friend was telling me about how dating is different in high school compared to after you graduate because in high school, you know everybody. And if not, you probably know somebody that knows whoever you don't know. It's a somewhat tightknit network. You see people around school, you have classes with them, you have mutual friends, you hear things about them, you see what cliques they're in. Without getting to know a person, you kind of can assume many things about a person and with this image, you can decide if you could see yourself dating them. There's a lot of stereotyping but that's usually how it goes.
But it's different once you leave high school. You don't meet many people in college. People come and go, and it becomes harder to have mutual friends. Networking is loose and unreliable, and friendships are harder to keep unless you make an effort to keep contact because unlike high school, you're not forced to see each other everyday.

So what my friend said is that now that we're out of high school, we don't know much about people to begin with so there's less of the mentality of "Let's go into a relationship even though we just started talking." So people go on dates to get to know each other, and I guess if they feel compatible, they enter a relationship? And if not, just stay friends or cut it off.

Laying it down, I realized that I never really "graduated" from high school.
After leaving high school, I spent some time wallowing alone (+ being super clingy to Gemini) then eventually found comfort in entering the vocaloid-covering youtube/twitter community, which honestly is a bit like another high school environment. We can't really kid ourselves; some immature shit goes down in there and many of us have grown to be super internet-dependent and socially awkward, as well as delusional towards reality and its problems and demands. But there is the comfort of getting to know many people and having a tightknit network again, and having friends that'll have your back and that you can talk to almost anytime online.

And I've gotten so used to how online friendships and romantic relationships work because they're what I've been surrounded by for the past year and a half. This community is like high school; you don't really need to get to know a person I suppose because you have a general idea of what they're like, and if you start talking and get along and feel attracted to each other, I guess some people just start up an online relationship.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS OR ROMANCE OR SOCIALIZING OR LIFE, OKAY

It just turned 5:03 AM.

Shit the otherchild says

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

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[5/22/2013 5:50:29 PM] Chiisana: and I read the description and it says
[5/22/2013 5:50:47 PM] Chiisana: "Microtoning action hosiery gently hugs legs, creating a vibrant toned feeling"
[5/22/2013 5:51:37 PM] Chiisana: and I was like you mean "Extreme squeezing action tights viciously constricts legs, creating a suffocated, "omgIcan'tbreatheImightdie" feeling"? Q__Q

HAHAHAHAHAHA HALP

I didn't even know I had a "surveys" label

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

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H-HI PHILLIP.. I visited your blog. and then I saw you did a survey. and then I stole it to do myself too because surveys are a horrendously awesome way to waste time. thank you. HAHAHA~

Courtesy of: Positively Positive (http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/06/25/want-to-know-yourself-better-answer-these-questions/)

1. If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more?
It depends on what it is. I tend to be less drawn to them because I feel like there's probably a reason it's forbidden. (I've no interest in alcohol, drugs, or taking risks. ;n;)

2. Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? An area where you feel especially in control?

Areas where I feel out of control: the future, love, physical appearance.
Areas where I feel in control: school, work ethics, drive to build moral character and self-discipline.

3. If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time?

.... if I were home alone, I actually really really need to record lines. (holy crap I'm such a stick in the mud HAHAHA)

4. Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment?

I CAN FEEL MYSELF BECOMING MORE AND MORE NEUROTIC AND PARANOID WITH TIME AND THE MORE I ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, because I think I do like organization and being on top of things in general. ;A;

5. How much time do you spend looking for things you can’t find?

I've been looking for my mind for 20 years and counting.

6. Are you motivated by competition?

It depends. In direct competition against others, (example: games) I can't stand the pressure and probably would back out rather than be motivated.
In competition against myself or indirect competition against others, I say bring it on. >:D
(I actually really like taking exams omg. and then comparing my scores with others' because I'm actually confident at that--)

7. Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself?

I... don't really notice a difference other than feeling more insecure and apologetic when doing things for others.

8. Do you work constantly? or think you should be working?

They say I'm a workaholic :( but I also complain like crazy while stuffing myself with work and am also a lazy slothlike creature at times so I don't know. /o/

9. Do you embrace rules or flout them?

I play by the rules unless they're extremely unreasonable ;A;
or unless you're asking me to give up chocolate. which the acid reflux diet tried to do. and then I couldn't.

10. Do you work well under pressure?

NOT AT ALL.

11. What would your perfect day look like?

Sleeping in. ......... um. ...................... Getting [good quality] sushi! um. .................

12. How much TV do you watch in a week (including computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)?

I'M GOING THROUGH THIS PHASE OF OBSESSION OVER K-DRAMAS AND K-ACTORS/ACTRESSES and I watch a lot. But when I don't feel like watching them, I read the episode recap.

13. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Morning..? Oh you mean that time of day when I feel like the walking dead?

14. What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money?

Saving time. I can always make more money as long as I work for it.

15. Do you like to be in the spotlight?

-hides-
My bedroom is my cave and this blog is like the fenced area outside my cave that I prance around in sometimes. <3

16. Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? (e.g., until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight)

It's not that I don't feel complete or acceptable until I lose my tummy. It's just that I really want to lose my tummy because I want to. That doesn't really answer the question, does it?

17. What would you do if you had more energy?

M-MAYBE I would actually have more physical movement in my life than walking from my car to class..!! (well I started exercising around the house in the past few weeks but still too tired most of the time haha)

18. If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it?

RECORDING STUDIOOOOOOOOOOOO *AAAAAA* WITH SOUNDPROOFING INSULATION AND A LOCK ON THE DOOR (my life lacks privacy and door locks)

19. What people and activities energize you? Make you feel depleted?

If I could sing without my throat feeling like hell, that would be the ultimate refresher for me! And #TeamNorCal always makes me happy to have left the house even though I'm usually initially reluctant to involve myself in any kind of social situation. ^^
But most social interaction and non-minimal physical movement tire me out. -shot-

20. Is it hard for you to get rid of things you no longer need or want?

I'm a pack rat.
On the contrary, I have potent but extremely short term memory (plus selective graphic memory) which is great for taking exams, but as soon as the information is irrelevant to me, it gets COMPLETELY expelled from my brain capacity.

21. Do you get frustrated easily?

Yes.

22. On a typical night, what time do you go to bed? How many hours of sleep do you get?

Since a few months ago, I've been trying to develop healthier habits so I.. try to aim for 8 hours when I don't have exams or pressing mixes. Before then, I went through a long-running period of getting less than 4 hours nightly, and I have NO IDEA how I lived through that. |D;;;

23. If at the end of the year, you had accomplished one thing, what is the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?

I want my throat to get better so I can sing. ;u;

The Left Lane

Friday, May 17, 2013

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On my way home from work, a man in a wheelchair often sits with a cardboard sign at the intersection of the freeway exit. Because I have a turn up ahead, I'm accustomed to driving in a lane not next to him. Otherwise, I purposely choose to avoid driving the furthermost left lane anyway because I'm antisocial and I would feel awkward being right in his view yet not giving him anything. But sometimes, I look over from my lane and see nobody in the left lane budging at all, and then I regret my decision.
I was thinking today while driving home today about why I had to be the one to pay the monthly installments on my car. And I still think I have the right to be angry because I believe that my priority right now should be my education and--I don't know--maybe trying to have a youth. =_= But it occurred to me that maybe we've entered a situation where we simply can no longer afford it unless I offer up the majority of my paychecks. And so I also thought about how I should become even more careful about spending, etc.
Then I approached the intersection and saw that no cars were in the furthermost left lane. I kind of surprised myself, when I suddenly made the move to switch lanes and stop right in front of the man in the wheelchair. I guess I was tired of regretting it and wallowing up in guilt.
I only had one dollar in my convenient reach, so I couldn't give him much; but when he replied, "Thanks--this'll help a lot!" I realized that what's more important than the amount is the fact that acts of kindness can possibly make somebody's day or instill hope into a lost soul. He seems to sit there in the scorching sun for long hours without much reward or even regard ;; Maybe even a small act like that can make a difference to a person.
I grew up being taught that you should avoid strangers, that the world is full of bad people, and that charity doesn't exist. And I really resent that. It took me long to finally assert myself, but I'm glad that I did although it left a very bittersweet aftertaste with the realization of how selfish I've always lived in these past twenty years.

Is it okay

Thursday, May 16, 2013

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that I feel more confident and proud of myself lately? ^^ Doing pretty well academically and I think I kept my straight A's this semester again. It also makes me happy that I still always put my best effort into everything and earn my rewards. And improving socially too ;^; I actually have been trying to talk more with classmates and now I feel like I have actual kind of friends at school that seem to be accepting of and comfortable with me! I went through a really antisocial phase these past few months but not anymore. ;u; I've been pretty open about and have been trying to talk to people I'm not familiar with.. and not as self conscious as usual about being watched by other people or drawing attention to myself. Been laughing more too and sometimes even making others laugh. And I'm pretty determined to start exercising a bit! I actually got off my lazy slothlike ass and am writing this post on my iPad while on the cycling machine, which is a start. I do want to flatten my belly and now I believe I can really do it. And I think I've been feeling prettier too--not exactly looking any prettier, but that doesn't matter one bit as long as you feel pretty. Confidence. :D All that matters is confidence. Yeee

Production: Vocaloid vs H!P vs K-pop

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

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Sooo, I was thinking about a conversation I had with the otherchild last month.

[4/1/2013 8:38:50 PM] Chiisana: there's a certain sound to vocaloid mixing to me x-x idk
[4/1/2013 8:41:36 PM] Eva: yeah
[4/1/2013 8:41:39 PM] Eva: i know exactly what you mean lol
[4/1/2013 8:41:48 PM] Eva: vocaloid mixing = compression and high frequencies
[4/1/2013 8:41:56 PM] Eva: H!P mixing = make everything sound distant, cake reverb
[4/1/2013 8:42:06 PM] Eva: k-pop mixing = do nothing but put stuff on top of instrumental; sometimes autotune
[4/1/2013 8:42:21 PM] Chiisana: so accurate LOL

I guess I felt like expanding on this and just wanted to note down some observations since I've been watching and have taken part in all three of these spheres. ;u; (I want to add more later if I take note of anything else!)

It's interesting how there are such differences when we're all really the same: people on the internet that sing songs in Asian languages, upload covers on youtube, and participate in collaborations. I know a lot of people are involved in more than one of these circles, but there's still a certain style that generally seems to pertain to each--and I guess this goes to show how much we influence each other just by being surrounded by each other or perhaps being role models. :'D

Disregarding the topics of attitude/friendship/community, I'm focusing more on [post-]production work because I think there is a difference depending on which community you're based in or from.

(THESE ARE JUST MY OBSERVATIONS OF THE GENERAL TRENDS ;A;)


Mixing and Vocals
Vocaloid: Emphasis on high frequencies, thin sound, focus on EQ and mastering, reliance on tuning and much pitchiness when not tuned, more polished final sound, sensitive to distorted (bad quality or pitched) instrumentals, vocals often off-time or with volumes unbalanced, overuse of compression
Hello!Project: Distant-sounding vocals embedded in the instrumental, pretty good balancing of levels, some EQ work but not the best, a little pitchy, usually good blends, overuse of reverb
K-pop: Raw sound, little to no EQ work, more effects and creative choices, no tuning yet vocals aren't usually noticeably pitchy to begin with, pretty good timing, not strict about bad or fanmade instrumentals (because not many official ones are available), versatility and uniqueness in general, what the hell is compression?, lol it's k if you have bad mic if you have badass voice


Videos
Vocaloid: STANDARDS ON THE RISE (sigh)... After Effects and pretty animation, focus on aesthetics, conformed standard of "what looks nice" (sometimes rejection of styles that're different), cropped anime-style art or original art
Hello!Project: Shrunken music video on a frame usually made from a picture of a group
K-pop: LOL PEOPLE MAKE VIDEOS FOR THEIR COVERS??


There's definitely a difference in what specific area people put more effort in depending on which circle you're from or more exposed to, and here I'll refer to the 3 stages of production.
I'm gonna leave H!P out of this discussion because it's the one that I'm the least familiar with and it feels more like middle ground, other than the distinct characteristic of distant-sounding vocals.

Vocaloid sees more emphasis on pre-production and post-production. I kind of have a problem with the fact that many people get really lazy with doing their lines, especially because 1) they're probably friends with those they're working with and thus take advantage of that, and/or 2) there's this attitude of "The Mixer Will Fix It." You can definitely see how much they put into post-production what with the fancy schmancy mixing, animation, and art. Pre-production is interestingly important too, and I've noticed that people take organizing very seriously (a lot of credit there.. sometimes even when unearned). But then it does require more effort what with the general trend of laziness among vocalists who seem to need more and more pushes to get their lines done, AND scripting becomes a big deal because vocaloid songs aren't already divided into parts. And this is why they say this circle is full of masochists.

K-pop, on the other hand, is really emphasized on the actual production. You can tell there's a lot of effort put into one's lines, whether singing or rapping. It's kind of drilled into your mentality to try to express emotion or fierceness because unlike vocaloid, you're covering a song that was made for and originally performed by humans who require vocal presence and a way to shine. And because tuning isn't usually utilized, you MUST watch your pitch because ain't nobody saving yo ass if you're off. Pre-production is also not a problem other than casting people fitting for parts, because there's less of a community and more of a business attitude.
What I like though is that because nobody cares about what the video looks like, you have people appreciating the actual vocals more. Unfortunately, the final product usually isn't very polished or shiny.

I guess I think about this a lot because I myself am based in the K-pop sphere but have somehow been integrating into the vocaloid one, and I had/am having trouble adjusting in terms of mixing and the standards for videos.

Because I never really needed to care about videos, I don't have an eye for aesthetics; and although I didn't have any problem during DUBattle as I eagerly learned more and more about Sony Vegas, I just don't want to make videos anymore because of the demanding rising standards and narrowing expectations.
And because I never needed to EQ or tune, I'm really sensitive and detailed when it comes to timing and volumes when mixing. I guess I'm okay at tuning, although I have trouble with vocaloid songs especially with their unpredictable, unfamiliar melodies. But I can't--for the life of me--figure out how to make a clean and polished-sounding final mix.. and I really only started seriously doing EQ-work recently. which I suck at. But I'll just keep working at it and make it a goal to try to take the strengths of the characteristics of each of these styles, work hard all around, and make beautiful things. :'D

10,000

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Yes, I would like to personally thank all of the spambots and the many fake websites that tell you that you got hits from them so as to generate returning traffic from curiosity--and the probably, like, 10 people that are real people that actually viewed my blog--for your existence; you are much too kind!!!


(No seriously I'm pretty sure 80% of my views are not real and I hate that because my viewcount no longer serves as an accurate representation of the feedback to this blog--and it makes me unnecessarily paranoid about being in the eyes of others--AND THIS kind of ties back to my rant about youtube video comments because anybody can subscribe or follow back, etc etc but it doesn't mean anything if it wasn't from true interest and if it wasn't earned :c)

Mochido

Monday, May 13, 2013

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Last Saturday, the 11th was the birthday of my best friend of 7(?) years, Chiisana!
Coincidentally, it was a day when Myst and Yanovi were both free, so #TeamSiliconValley had a full 4-lady hangout ^^

the friggin birthday girl

We headed over to Mitsuwa, the Japanese marketplace, to have lunch.

real thing vs. Myst's "Poppin Cookin" nigiri-shaped set

Because we're us, as usual.. there is sashimi involved.
And we got legit ramen!
We actually don't eat that much though so this was enough to fill all four of us. xD


Dessert was what I was most excited for, though!!

I've seen pictures of Mochicream on tumblr and was really looking forward to trying the Mochido or mochi donut, because I like both mochi and donuts. :D

UGHHHH LOOK HOW CUTE EVERYTHING LOOKS
Display of "cafe au lait" mochido
cakes that I can't actually name!

Naturally, I bought one of the cafe au lait mochidos because it's coffee with a chocolate shell <3
Er. Maybe it's because it was frozen (I had to wait 20 minutes before eating it) but it definitely doesn't look as good as the display LOL.

Well in general, I learned that it wasn't nearly as good as it looks and sounds. The thought of a mochi donut was so appealing and cute but the real thing wasn't that great.. orz It was like a weird red bean texture (and kind of taste) with cream (which I don't like) inside. The chocolate shell and white chocolate chunks were just too hard and unnecessary, slightly clashing with the rest of the taste and making it difficult to eat. Kind of disappointing, but hey, it was a fun day and I was with good company.♥

#EvasanaConvos pt. 4

Sunday, May 12, 2013

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*isanghae = weird/strange in Korean

(also she got a twitter now so feel free to follow her at @chiisanauta
I feel like I'm her PR person because she basically never advertises herself so I do it for her LOL)

The Merchant's Right

Friday, May 10, 2013

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My twitter timeline--aka my portal into the vocaloid-covering community--right now is full of people talking about how artists/illustrators are too often underappreciated, disrespected, bullied, and stripped of opinion. (Of course this would really only happen in this community because K-pop and H!P don't even care about animating or art.) One significant and repeated argument is: "They could easily charge $__ for their art, but you expect it for free!"

I don't disagree with the fact that artists need more appreciation and that they are people too with their own busy lives and opinions. They put a lot of work into their art and it takes a lot of talent and time. But I feel like I'm seeing double standards.

It makes me wonder why artists are perceived and treated differently as opposed to mixers and animators/video-makers.

Artists, mixers, and animators all put in effort to create a work of art in different mediums. They all benefit from advertisement as long as the final product is displayed and viewed/heard. But it seems as though artists have the right as merchants, whereas mixers and animators are public service workers. If an artist can charge money for art, why isn't it acceptable at all for mixers or animators to charge for their efforts?
Is it because artists have traditionally been taking commissions for their work due to the standard systems of sites like deviantart? Because most artists used in vocaloid choruses were brought in, and not originally part of the vocaloid-covering community? Because "friendship" is the expected (and rarely given) reward and incentive to willingly offer yourself up for the job as a mixer or animator?

Where is the line drawn?

Why I have a hard time being in an adult environment

3 comments
"So what's your major?"
"What do you do?"
"How many years until you graduate?"
"Are you going to get a master's or Ph.D after you graduate or start working?"
"Does your mother work? Your father?"
"You should quickly graduate and start making money, huh?"
"What exactly do you want to do in the future?"
(real questions asked to me a few hours ago)

And my personal favorite ever:
"So, Eva, where do you see yourself in 10 years?"

I KNOW THERE'S NOTHING TO MAKE CASUAL CONVERSATION WITH ME ABOUT. I'd rather you just pretend I don't exist than subject me to this kind of discomfort. 8D;;

Thursday, May 9, 2013

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Really proud of myself lately for my achievements, both academically and socially. ;u;


(even if a social achievement for me is just being able to have a normal conversation with a classmate I've never spoken to before BECAUSE THAT IS A HUGE DEAL TO ME I mean nobody talks to me in that class and I'm too scared to talk to anyone so I spent most of class standing there there by myself staring at the wall with a blank expression while everyone else was happily having conversations around me AND THEN I came out after taking the practical exam and getting 100% on it and people who don't even know my name approached me asking about it and then I ACTUALLY SPOKE AND GOT ALONG WITH PEOPLE AND HELPED THEM AND EXPRESSED MYSELF NON-STUPIDLY AND I SMILED AND SOUNDE DLIKE A NORMAL SOCIAL CREATURE AND I WAS SMOOTH AND NATURAL AND EVERYONE IN THE HALLWAY WAS LISTENING TO ME AND A GUY WHOSE NAME I DON'T KNOW HIGH-FIVED ME LIKE HOLY SHIT just let me be happy about all this okay because I did well)

Shellbreak

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

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I don't even have accurate words to articulate how much I love my TV Production class. ;A;
Because of this class, I had fun for the first time in university. Because of this class, I felt like an appreciated human being and capable social creature for the first time in university. Because of this class, I sometimes looked forward to attending school.. and didn't want the semester to end. But now we're here at the end already. ;; Today was the last class meeting and the last class productions, and all that's left is the final exam.

I am the type of person that doesn't like action or doing things in the eyes of others. I'm good at studying, taking written tests, making plans without having to act them out, and being the mastermind. I'm a coward. I'm terrified of performances and doing things hands-on, because I make so many mistakes and don't want to let others' expectations down. At the beginning of the semester, I really feared this class after finding out that the bulk of it would involve us working in the studio as a team to produce shows of our creation--taking on roles with responsibilities, independence, and pressure because a screw-up could easily ruin a show. I did well on all of the quizzes and felt fine in the lectures. Then we started putting theory to use with the actual equipment in the studio and on the very first day, I made a huge mistake in front of the whole class. The embarrassment haunted me for weeks and I thought there was no way I would be okay.
But now, I feel like I can actually do it. I started off somewhat easy with the role of operating cameras.. although it is actually kind of pressuring because a bad shot can distract from a good narrative. You're making the building block; the technical director assembles the tower, whereas the talents on-screen provide the raw material. From there, I gained confidence because I did really well on cameras and started feeling like I could actually do things without failing others. ;w; And then as I became more comfortable and familiar with my classmates (and thus felt less pressure and judgment from them) I started looking forward to all of the roles I would have to fulfill. It was really fun being floor director and being able to try asserting leadership skills. Making CGs, working the audio board, being lighting director, working the switcher as technical director--it was all unexpectedly exhilarating and I did fine. Learning new things and standing up on my own feet (though not without some pushes of help from others since we were all as confused as the next person) was not as fearsome as the rumbles in my heart made them out to be before jumping in.

The most distressing role to me though, which also happened to be some of my last ones, was talent. You can see just from 2 weeks ago how nervous I was. I can't act. I don't like not having control over what of me is exposed to others (which is why I can record vlogs, but quake in my Converse when others have cameras on me). I'm not confident in my appearance. I cannot perform. I'm afraid of speaking.
And then I did okay. I think I did better than okay. And that's good.
Today I was a talent in a production again. And I was nervous and self-conscious as usual about my appearance. But this time, the main cause for nervousness wasn't stagefright, but because I was uncomfortable portraying the specific character I was written as (lovestruck, affectionate girlfriend of impulsively shallow and short-lived relationship). And then I stopped being nervous and just did it and felt kind of good being up there. It was fun and for the first time, I was completely relaxed doing something I usually abhor. And then I even dared to wish that I was written in as a talent for another production, and regretted bothering my friend to leave me out because I was scared my throat would fail me after too much use. WHICH ISN'T CHARACTERISTIC OF ME AT ALL... So I think I do have much to thank this class for, because not only did it make me some friends, it made me a little more assertive, confident, comfortable with socializing and working in teams, and happy to be in my own skin.

I was always the kid that sat in the corner whose name nobody knew. AND SUDDENLY I'M UP THERE IN FRONT OF CAMERAS ACTING.. and people have been giving me so much attention and believing in me and finding me funny and it's really strange to accept but I think it's doing me good. ;A; They keep saying that they didn't expect certain things from me, in the positive way.
And today!!! somebody actually told me that I can act and that I should consider looking more into acting!!!!!!! which I'm still WTFing over because this goes against .. EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. OMFG... I guess I should be happy about it because maybe it means that I improved a bit from when I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY sucked at acting even from an objective standpoint.

But seriously, I can't imagine having this class with other people, because we as a team felt so complete. There were so many awesome personalities, so many talented people, so many enjoyable moments..

I'm looking at the facebook group we made for all of the 15 students in the class, and people are talking about having a big study session for the final.. and how it'd be fun to get together one last time for a big lunch after the final. AND MY HEART IS LEAKING FROM THESE BUBBLING EMOTIONS....... ; ~ ;

Also, we were talking about how we need to stay in this fb group even after the semester ends (well yeah especially because we do want to take classes together again in the future ^^!) in hopes that one of us might one day become famous. LOOOL and they started making guesses as to who. And apparently it's speculated that I might someday get famous for "doing something no one expected." HAHAHAHAHA<3
(But then again, I don't think any of them expect that I upload covers on youtube. They're surprised enough just by what they see from me in class and on screen because I'm suddenly not that quiet nameless kid anymore, BUT IF ONLY THEY KNEW THERE WAS EVEN MORE BEHIND THAT...)

Snowgallin'

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(this is why I type and try not to speak)

Comments

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[This post I wrote so long ago that I don't remember when, and then never published. which is something I tend to do a lot. I have 22 draft posts, man!! But I thought now would be an appropriate time since a lot of videos associated with me have been uploaded lately: Gemini's Too Late, Aitai, Ryan and Kousei's lovely presents.]



Honestly, it's hard to feel motivated to do anything without some sort of feedback.

I wanted to expand a bit on a topic I tweeted about some time ago. Years ago, I used to be notorious for my love of video comments. I guess as I stopped being able to upload much, my greed and open expression of it started fading.

It's fantastic if you view, like, talk about a video.. but it doesn't mean much (well, if you're spreading the word then yeah it's still nice) unless the creator knows about how you feel towards his or her work.

Specifically, I like comments because all of the feedback is organized in one place and made out there for others to see as well--which can a positive or negative thing. Somebody else may see your comment and choose to agree or disagree entirely. Or perhaps they didn't notice how good or bad a particular aspect was until somebody else pointed it out and shifted their attention.

I mean, we on this side of youtube don't have much to gain from uploading covers and whatnot. Appreciation goes a long way. In this little homely corner of the internet, it's how you measure the worth of something; anybody can press a Subscribe button but it takes a good amount of passion and will to actually write up a comment.
So why not? It's like a smile--free, works a few muscles, and can easily make somebody's day.

Snowballin'

Monday, May 6, 2013

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Old mic vs. New mic
Q________________Q

WHAT EVEN............

Today a Blue Snowball microphone showed up at my house. I WAS /SO/ CONFUSED...

I'm not sure if anyone else was in on it, but Yanovi and Chiisana UGH I HATE THEM. They are way too nice, and it makes me feel bad for how much I've been wallowing and how antisocial I've been lately. :c

But oh my gosh, it's so amazing. ;A; I know it's not the most professional mic in the world, BUT I LOVE IT. And it's definitely an upgrade from my infamous condom ghost tissue-as-pop-filter mic.

I haven't really kept tabs but I think I've had this microphone for 4 years or so LOL. It's just a $30 Logitech mic from Fry's but it's served me really well..! I honestly think it sounded pretty decent and can somewhat hold its own enough against expensive mics, with a good recording environment and some EQ. I'm a little sad to have to put it to rest LOL.

I have renewed determination to finish my solo cover now but >_< I'm not really supposed to sing because of my throat.. sob so torn. I really wish I could sing ;w;

Seventeen

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It can be a sad thing to make friends at 17.

Fresh out of your carefree younger days, all is fun and well. Then 18 and 19 come, when you forego changes in personality, attitude, outlook, goals, and values. You start to shape and make sense of who you really are and what you care about. You look towards the future and decide what is the best way for you to approach it, and you start to put the past and sometimes even the present behind.
And when you come out of these transformations, you find out who can truly be your friends. And friendships don't always make it through the transition, especially without a foundation.

I wish we were 17 again.

Feels

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[12:18:30 AM] Eva: man
[12:18:40 AM] Eva: my procrastination instincts are telling me to try scripting this
[12:18:54 AM] Chiisana: aww haha ;A;
[12:19:08 AM] Chiisana: My procrastination instincts are telling me to do it with you
[12:19:09 AM] Eva: i think i've collected enough things to work with for tomorrow orz i still have next week too to work on the soundscape so i can figure more out after
[12:19:09 AM] Chiisana: LOL
[12:19:14 AM] Eva: but i haven't started the paper.........
[12:19:20 AM] Eva: but
[12:19:21 AM] Eva: feels.
[12:19:47 AM] Chiisana: ;___;...
[12:20:08 AM] Chiisana: If I start the scripting will you not feel as bad about procrastinating? haha
[12:20:18 AM] Eva: SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE...........
[12:20:31 AM] Eva: WHY ARE YOU WORSE THAN ME
[12:20:44 AM] Chiisana: but.. feels :(

can this family learn to love again?

Groovy Zombie

Friday, May 3, 2013

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I don't make many friends,
but when I do make them, they are the damn sweetest friends one could ever have.

Just wanted to share the lovely presents I was fortunate enough to receive ;A;)/




【Ryan】Thoughtful Zombie [HBD Eva!]
My little brother who's actually not my little brother because we are the same age (though I'm just as overprotective over him as a noona would be--) finally finished Thoughtful Zombie *A* AAAAHHHH.
Ryan sang a demo of this song for me like.. a year and a half ago or something. I feel like it might've been during DUBattle when I was really stressed out and mixing and animating for Gemini's entries. Since then, I've been waiting for him to complete the song because he sounds so calming.
I'm really proud of Ryan because he used to not be as great at expressing emotion, but this song was the first time I really saw him be able to soften his voice and touch upon this kind of sweetened yet solemn, relaxing tone.



「Groovy!」を歌ってみた【こうせい】【For Eva】
(user/kousei2207)

dis baka.... DIS BAKA.....
Friggin Kousei and his friggin shota-ass voice and friggin nostalgic Cardcaptor Sakura. sobbu I love this song and I love this dumb boy. ONE, TWO, THREE, HERE WE GO, OW~!



(EDIT: ......omg. We're only into the 3rd day of May, and I've already published 10 posts. I have problems.)

Friendshit

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Thrown away
When needed not;
Loved
At convenience

late night rambling #..some number

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Hi I am a wemo child who is trying to keep her emotions off of twitter at 3 AM and I'm not in the mood to sleep. So I've resorted to here. I am very sorry for my moodswings and bipolar personality; it really feels like I switch from happyyay to depresso with every post and. I just feel really lost right now. and am being a crybaby. ;; how many years in a row has it been now where I shed unhappy tears on my birthday.. I actually feel bad because so many people wished me a happy birthday, and yeah there were lots of happy moments today and I was in such fantastically high spirits this morning but I can't really control it. I failed all of those people, although it doesn't mean I'm not grateful. anyway. yeah. let's pretend this post doesn't exist.

GUYS.

2 comments
WHY THE ANONYMOUS COMMENTS



(JK JK LOL I was actually looking to put a GIF with more of a joking, silly, or faux sad tone... and then I found this GIF that I didn't even know I had. And I had to use it because it's Kim Sohyun, who's one of my girlcrushes. And it actually works out because THIS IS ME vs THE THREE ANONYMOUS COMMENTERS on my other post. D8)

The Indestructible Chiisacookie

Thursday, May 2, 2013

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I don't make many friends,
but when I do make them, they are the damn best friends one could ever have.

Bestie Chiisana just dropped by for a surprise visit and handed me a mysterious bag..... leaving me these words:
"Um.... it might not be edible.........."

So if I happen to fall over dead tonight, we all know who to point fingers at, right? 8DDDDDD

She made me a batch of miyeok-guk or seaweed soup, which is traditionally eaten on birthdays in Korea ;^;!! It's actually really delicious and it works out great because I love both soup and seaweed.


...She also made me a giant cookie.


It looks pretty, right?


[9:25:27 PM] Eva: I CAN SEE WHY NOW YOU DON'T KNOW IF IT'S EDIBLE.
[9:25:59 PM] Chiisana: ..because it's rock hard and you can probably throw it like a frisbee? QvQ
[9:26:10 PM] Eva: precisely.

[9:32:32 PM] Eva: i'm still eating it though LOL
[9:32:34 PM] Eva: i found a crack and
[9:32:37 PM] Eva: punctured it
[9:32:37 PM] Chiisana: HAHAHA
[9:32:39 PM] Eva: through there
[9:32:40 PM] Eva: HAHAHAHA
[9:32:40 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[9:32:41 PM] Chiisana: omg....................
[9:32:51 PM] Chiisana: PLEASE DON'T FORCE YOURSELF CRIES
[9:33:52 PM] Chiisana: omg I still can't stop laughing at that video though LOLLLL QAQ
[9:34:04 PM] Chiisana: it's so sad but funny T.T



The drawing on the back of the note is so cute ;;

Aitai Aitai Aitai Na

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YESSSSS FINALLY! The Aitai groupdub/collab/girlchorus organized by Chii is done!

And the timing really is perfect. ;//A//; The arrival of this after so much anticipation is a really wonderful birthday present.

(Such a great honor too... Chii, Karu, Zoey, Katie, Mong, Holly, Iro, Kura, Loki, and Aqua are all people I respect. So I'm just. a dumb little fangirl here being all squeamish. and stuff. Don't mind me.)

(Not to mention, I got to sing the parts of Suzuki Airi, who's basically C-ute's main vocal.. and Jay of Gemini's favorite.)


「会いたい会いたい会いたいな」を歌ってみた【5女コラボ】

MP3: https://www.box.com/s/7yflfo45ilw7tzx...

Song: Aitai Aitai Aitai Na
Original: C-ute, Tsunku

Audio:
Iro - Oriolis@YT (tuning)
Kura - Kuraiinu@YT (tuning)
Loki - Lokiism13@YT (mix & master)
Eva - waterpixieva@YT (special thanks for checking & critiquing!)

Art:
Holly - morningmonday@dA

Video & Upload:
Aqua - Aquaspirit77@YT

Vocal:
Eva - waterpixieva@YT
Karu - karufuruu@YT
Katie - seahorsegurl@YT
Mong - mongtsatsa@YT
Zoey - XoZoeymonxx@YT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVA. Isn't it the perfect time to upload this ohohoho c:

Thanks for participating and bringing it back to H!P dubbing days!
Have a wonderful exam season and don't die, everyone :'D

WE DO NOT OWN ANYTHING IN THIS VIDEO EXCEPT THE VOCALS, ART, MIX, AND VIDEO. Instrumental, lyrics, and melody belong to Tsunku, Hello!Project.

20th

8 comments
My birthday tradition continues for the 6th year! Every year, I wear my Birthday Girl shirt under a white dress shirt, then take a mirror selca.


I like how I wrote "(I look super sleepy and awkward HAHAHA but then I’ve looked awkward every year so far SO IT’S OKAY. I’LL JUST TRY HARDER NEXT YEAR.)on last year's post.

HA.. HA HA HA. did not happen. First of all, too lazy to try. =w=;; And secondly, I only got to take a couple pics andthenparentcamehomeandtoldmenottoclosemyroomdoor ugh what is privacy jfc

So weird to think that I started this when I was a freshman in high school turning 15.. :c And now I'm supposedly an adult. Kind of.

Tbh, looking back at the past 2 years, I feel like I've grown backwards instead of forward--physically, mentally, and attitude-wise.
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how 2 adult

Q///A///Q

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

3 comments
Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I just got home from my TV Production class, which is my favorite university class ever (aka the only class in college I've ever liked and the very first time I've had fun in college).

Today was the practical--where we got tested on if we could do things hands-on, like use the switcher, audio board, cameras, etc--and when your group wasn't up, you got to just chill in another classroom.
And it was really fun because everyone in our class has gotten tight-knit and it's so ;///; sobbbb they're all awesome people and I never thought I could get along with classmates like that, and especially in college where I usually know nobody.

At one point, my friend got up and left the room mysteriously. When he came back, he was all sweating and we were like, oAo..?!
It turns out he went to his apartment and ran back.

AND THEN HE DROPS A PILE OF CHOCOLATES IN FRONT OF ME... and announces to the class that it's my birthday tomorrow.

So the class sang happy birthday to me AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH >////A////<
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh my God

1 comments
It's May.

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