and then I really became a crazy

Please do not expect any sign of coherence in this post beyond this sentence.

AALKHLAJSLKF AAHHHHH AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I DID IT!!!! QAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQ

I ACTED IN FRONT OF CAMERAS AND PEOPLE AND
OMFG

I ACTUALLY DID IT

AND THEN I DID OKAY AT IT?? Or not even okay, I think I actually did better than okay?!?!! BUT SHIT I WORRIED SO MUCH OVER IT AND NOW IT'S OVER I'M SO HAPPY

Okay so like basically my role in my classmates' production was the "news correspondent" on the last news broadcast before ~*THE END OF THE WORLD*~. They find me in an abandoned house and I basically start going crazy. SHE WROTE ME AS A CRAZY.........

I PLAYED A /CRAZY/ TODAY.....................

I'M USUALLY THE SILENT KID THAT SITS IN THE CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM THAT NOBODY EVEN KNOWS THE NAME OF. AND I PLAYED A CRAZY OH MY GOD I was so worried because.. I can't act!!! I can't do things IN FRONT of people!! I can't do things in front of cameras unless I control what gets recorded or what people can see QAQ.. And I like behaving kind of.. reservedly? I'm not very talkative, I don't do crazy things, I can't humor other people, I can't do physical gags, I can't tell jokes or stories, I'm extremely uptight, AND I CAN'T BE A CRAZY. JESUS CHRIST.

But yeah since yesterday, I've been doing nothing but working on memorizing my part even though it's pretty small. These productions are pretty casual and amateur so people usually just read off of the script when they're the talents. But WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF A CRAZY READING OFF OF A SCRIPT?
So I memorized it. And I'm the only person in this class to ever have memorized her lines for a part in a production. //A//
aslkdfjlksdalks I mindblanked a little during the run-throughs (perfectly fine though because it still felt natural; it's just that I skipped 2 sentences) but I got everything on the real take. I'M QUITE PROUD OF THAT

Ugh so lucky because the camera had to take a very specific shot and angle to accommodate the background on the greenscreen. I was quite worried that there would be close-ups or that the cameras might zoom in on my face ;^; because I don't wear make-up.. so I don't like people seeing me too closely.... but nope!! The shot was from pretty far away. The bad thing about it though is that it was an unflattering angle for me orz but oh well. Can't win them all.

I was really scared too because of my throat Q__________Q I mean I'm scared enough just for things like regular conversations or talking in call (srsly my throat thing is taking a huge toll on my sociability and I'M ALREADY REALLY SOCIALLY CHALLENGED) but I mean!! what if I lose my voice during the production?! what if my voice cracks and breaks while I'm talking on camera?! what if I embarrass myself during the mic check when EVERYONE IS JUST LISTENING TO MY VOICE. Q____Q
So yeah I've been taking many precautions to preserve my voice just for today, and I was just lakjsdlkf because my throat was kinda hurting today regardless. BUT THEN THE REAL WORRY CAME when I went to drink water right before the production AND THEN I CHOKED. really hard. and coughed for quite a while after. And then I lost my voice :ccccccccccc BUT THANKFULLY IT EVENTUALLY CAME BACK AND MY VOICE SOUNDED COMPLEEEEEETELY FINE FOR ALL OF THE TAKES. OMG. THANK YOU LORD OF..... WHOEVER CONTROLS MY THROAT. IDK. JUST THANK YOU

And then. and then and then and then Q///A///Q I.. I was feeling so alsdkfjlsdkfj about it afterwards because I'm so embarrassed and it's so scary for me to reveal that kind of side to myself.. in front of people.. and cameras...... and I know I can't act................ but people were so niceeeeeeee. ;///3///; aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I got complimented so much I'm so happy

My classmates kept giving me thumbs up and saying I actually could act QAQ and they said that I got "really into it" since others usually are kind of lifeless and just awkwardly read off of a paper.
and and and then later when I went into the control room, people that I usually don't talk to approached me to tell me that I was really funny, and that I was amusing.
And then one girl told me that "she liked watching me" which I know is supposed to be a compliment but... SOB CREEPY.
ANDD the producer of the show (who came up with the concept and script) was like, "She was so worried but she was so good! I was scared that she'd be shy and would speak too softly."
And even my teacher specifically praised me SOBBBBBBBBBBBBBB happy tears

Oh but then I felt really terrible later because uh. well there's a door between the studio and the control room, and it's the only entrance/exit to the studio. and the door closed. and automatically locked itself. while nobody was inside the studio. ;___; It was really bad and we had to go get a bunch of people to try to open it, and most of them failed... And the thing is that.. I think that I might've been the last one out of the studio. I don't remember. I might have been the 2nd to last, but the thing is that I didn't even notice that the door closed behind me. I'm not sure. But it might've been my fault >____< and I felt so dumb but yeah.. idk ;__; nothing I could do about it, and it's not like I closed the door purposely I guess.

Wow today was a long day (my TV production class actually ran for its entire duration of 3 hours and 45 minutes without any breaks) and finally it's over asjlfsldkfslk