Bernard Park - "소년의 노래 (Neverland)" Lyrics + Translation

SPOILERS FOR ARTISTOCK GAME IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS SHOW.

            ❝You're still young. It's not late at all for you to be starting your career.
So, don't pity yourself. Focus on making great songs.
You've worked hard.

❞            

I loved this scene so much. It nearly moved me to tears and punched me in the gut extra hard since Bernard Park is the same age as me; and I'm really glad he was told the exact words that he needed to hear. Thankful that he shared such a vulnerable story with all of us.

This comes after Bernard Park's delicate, emotional, beautiful performance of his new song "소년의 노래" which translates to "A Boy's Song." The official English name of the song seems to be "Neverland."

It's about his lifelong dreams of singing and making music, the innocence he had back then, how hard the journey's been, how jaded it's made him throughout the years, the hopelessness that comes with age. Or at least I think... It breaks my heart that I can't find any form of translation of the song, much less even the Korean lyrics aside from what's embedded in the performance video. 😭

The first few lines of the song are so potent that I wanted to try translating them—and found out how much fun it is deciphering and depicting something so bitterly poetic... Also surprised myself by knowing more Korean than expected! So although I'm not fluent, I'm challenging myself to attempt translating an entire song for the very first time!! As well as transcribing the hangul based on the video as typing practice.

No guarantees but I hope this'll serve as something until someone does the proper translation that this masterpiece deserves. Truly an underappreciated song.

By the way I just finished watching Artistock Game because Mnet's music survival shows have a chokehold on me, and I would certainly recommend it if you enjoy those shows! Rather than focusing on idols, the contestants are singers in various genres and industries, songwriters, musicians—and it's all about their creation of a performance. Whether it's instrumental arrangement, melody and harmony arrangement, choreography, conceptualization, lyric writing, storytelling, teamwork, forming close friendships through collaboration... Youtaite can relate lmao. I loved that this show gave a platform to a lot of talented musicmakers whom I would probably never have heard of otherwise and hopefully will kickstart many of their careers. Artistock Game is just wholesome through and through—full of talent, passionate creatives, good eggs, good music, and glorious performances!

버나드 박 - 소년의 노래
Bernard Park - A Boy's Song (Neverland)

Everything Goes On 💫

The best part about being on hiatus as my throat heals is that although I can't join any collabs due to my unstable condition where I might find myself unable to sing for weeks at a time, it means that whenever I am able to sing I have freedom to record whatever it is I feel like!

My era of yolo short covers is back~ ✨

The Sunday morning before previous, I woke up to find that Chungha dropped a Korean version of Porter Robinson's "Everything Goes On" which is the new League of Legends song that I've been hearing everywhere, released for the new Star Guardian skins and animation!! And I do love me them magical girls!! And I love Chungha's gooooorgeous, emotion-driven singing.... And just this arrangement of the song is so beautiful, simply magical and enchanting and flowing. 🥺 I sighed and clutched my heart upon first listen, absolutely immediately fell in love, and had an inkling that I'd want to try to sing it if possible loooool.

While getting ready to go out, I couldn't stop listening to the song... Actually for nearly a month my throat condition wasn't great and in particular I could barely eke out or control my head voice which sucks because most songs are too high for me so I depend on it lol. Luckily it had been starting to come back so that morning was me testing it out along to this song—at that time I was skeptical that I'd be able to even sing the "looooonGER~" because it's a sustained note and then goes higher without any reset...

That was a super fun Sunday by the way! My friend pKotetsu (whom I wrote about in this post; he was one of our amazing animators for DREAM✦SCAPE) was in town for the Dreamcatcher concert so we spent a lot of time together hitting up good, good food spots. 😁🌟 I still think about that Sunday's food x friends adventure... My favorite matcha latte spot ever, mochi muffins, authentic Italian pizza, burnt brown sugar boba, mango sticky rice bingsoo, matcha warabimochi, unexpectedly really bomb wings that we got at the dessert place... Take me back to that day LOL.

I spent my 45 minute long drive home just looping the hell out of that song and continuing to test my head voice, began familiarizing myself with lyrics while getting unready, and then started recording it that same night HAHAHA. Until 3:30 AM... before a Monday... when I have work............

But it was too much fun. :3✨ I've said this again and again but I really think it's something special to cherish when you have something you desperately want to sing and you're able to spontaneously indulge yourself with it.

My condition wasn't perfect—in fact I would hate to give anyone the raw recordings in this when my voice often sounded scratchy or grating or unstable or not properly supported... And this song was exceedingly hard to sing... I got away with it(?) by doing the mixing myself and masking it with effects—used a lot of the same ones I showed in 0X1=LOVESONG and gotta say I'm pretty happy with how my "medium effort" mixing sounds now! It's a huge upgrade from before and sounds remotely polished enough despite not going much into the details or automating or having a clean instrumental. (I made this instrumental by taking an audio recording of the song off of youtube and removing the vocals in Audition...) All things considered, I'm fairly happy with how the end results sound 💖

short cover!! #youtaiteworks

"Everything Goes On" ✨

i absolutely fell in love with chungha's korean version of the new Star Guardians song (orig. by porter robinson) - the arrangement and lyrics are simply magical so i wanted to try singing it 💫 pic.twitter.com/VaZc4dmj1w

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) July 26, 2022

[or listen on Soundcloud!]

Anime Expo 2022 📸✨

{ Currently listening to: "Stay This Way" by fromis_9 🎶 }

Things been crazy again lolololol.

Despite attending Anime Expo every year since 2012—HOLY IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS ? ! barring the two years it was virtual..... This year I hadn't planned on it until a month beforehand because the team I work with for BAR Con was either managing, representing, or collaborating with a bunch of music performers and we just needed more personnel on-site. It was thanks to volunteering at Fanime, having a great time with the team, meeting cool performers, and having so much fun taking photos that solidified my decision and I'm glad I went ;u; Hindsight certainly says I would've regretted not going.

The thing to regret though... most of my friends caught COVID. 💀 It's hard to pinpoint how and when. Miraculously considering I shared a room with someone who's been bedridden this past week, my body seems to have managed to fend it off entirely..? Shout out to my 2nd booster vaccine that I was able to get by citing mild immunodeficiency from my lung risk—you a real one. 🙏

It was definitely a different experience; Anime Expo in the past always felt like a bonding camp where I'd squish into a hotel room with too many friends and we'd just chill together, I cosplayed pretty much every year, and we'd leave at the end feeling like a little family with the stupidest inside jokes. It was the central place where we could meet our youtitty friends from all over the world and I helped out with organizing the AX Youtaite Meetup, sometimes vlogged, one year we even filmed Youtaite React. Heartwarming, bursting with friendship and things that became wild stories, mostly wholesome. Many of my favorite memories are of AX!

This year most of my typical friends hadn't planned on going... until just like me: many ended up there for staffing, boothing, or networking/work-related purposes. Pandemic isn't a good time for sardine-mode hotel room so we did our separate things. Very interesting that we've spent enough years attending the con and gaining experience/rank that we now stand on the other side of the velvet rope—my friends have become so powerful hahaha.

Replay 💗

Oops I once again fell into that mentality of "I already have Twitter for light posts so I need something more substantial to write blogs;" "If I update my blog, I ought to address those heavier topics that have been on my mind;" which ends up uh..... gatekeeping myself from my own blog? lololol Something the other day reminded me that I still greatly cherish my blog—that I'd like to continue keeping it for a long time and that it can absolutely be my comfy space to post random, unimportant, lighthearted shit and rambles and whatever :D

Years ago I used to often post about my celebrity crushes so I've come here to say!!!!

Help, I fell in love with two people this week. o<-<

First is the person that inspired this post! Voice actor & singer Irino Miyu is someone I've admired ever since Syaoran from Tsubasa Chronicle became my favorite anime character when I was in middle school—and I highly regret not closely following his career all these years.....

During Anime Expo in 2017, I got to attend his panel and had glowing things to say about him ;;;U;;; Though a confession: somehow I completely forgot I went and thought I imagined it lmao.... I just find it hard to believe that I was able to get into the panel—how long did I line up for?! I actually saw Irino Miyu himself in person!? And did I really go by myself ? ! ? Chiisa figured out the reason for this was because she was in Japan that year and not at AX which explains soooo much--- (also I hella laughed at this)

In catching up with Irino Miyu I discovered a few things that made my heart very happy . . .

First of all is that he still updates his blog..!! T__T 💕💕💕 The one that he's had since 2009!! I really admire when people stick to things for a long time, even if slowly but steadily. This alone has revitalized me and sealed this man into my good favor.

Secondly is that he's still been releasing music!! He's so damn talented—I did the math and it blows my minddddd that he was only 17 years old when he voiced Syaoran and not only was he an incredible seiyuu but also already a great singer even back then 😭💚 In 2020, he put out a full-length album titled "Life is..." that he says he poured his entire heart into and even wrote lyrics for a few songs! I love love love that he's still passionate about creating his art and music and everything he does feels so personal.

Crossfade for 「Life is...」

(the entire album can be listened to here!)

My favorite tracks in this album are probably "SKY" and "Alive" which are midtempo songs that touch your heart and tell you that you're not alone—and also "確かにそうだ" which is the energetic feel-good title track!

I think though my personal favorite of his music so far might be his "DARE TO DREAM" 2016 full-length album which is almost entirely upbeat with a lot of pop-rock and super enjoyable to listen to! This review describes its perfection perfectly. ✨

For a heartwrenching ballad, there's "誰からも愛されるあなたのように" from 2019 mini-album "Live Your Dream." It's sung beautifully and the bittersweet meaning stirs my heart. T__T Miyu's falsetto and vibrato are so pretty here....

🎵🎶

---

The other person I fell for this past week was the goddess Miyeon from girl group (G)I-DLE. 🥺💗 Her appearance in BTOB's amazing (& hilarious) performance of "Blue Moon" on Kingdom was gorgeous and I was curious about her chemistry with SF9's Hwiyoung in their web-drama REPLAY so started casually watching it.... and it was a cute and enjoyable little show! Short, sweet, and fun without dragging out the frustrating aspects ;u; Expectations were low because web-dramas do tend to be low budget and campy but it certainly exceeded them—I was pretty impressed by the cast's chemistry and acting, especially considering most of them are newbies.

Since I love K/DA and casually like (G)I-dle, I was always aware that Miyeon was pretty and had a nice voice but now after spending a series with her . . . . . see, it almost always feels rather unrealistic in dramas when all the characters act like a certain character is the center of the universe and they're just so outstandingly stunning and irresistibly charming that they're fought over and everyone in class/on the street stops to look at them and flowers appear when they smile 🌸. . . . . . . .

But with Miyeon, I believe it. What a face. What a nose.

Seriously, I've never seen anything like her nose before and apparently it can't even be achieved through plastic surgery T__T This girl was born to be a celebrity. All of her features are so pretty and I adore her dimples too.

But .. but no, she doesn't stop at just being visually astounding and having a great personality and sense of humor... She took on a new challenge of acting and is doing a wonderful job at it..... AND SHE'S THE MAIN VOCAL OF HER GROUP AAAAAA. SUCH GOALS.

Her OST "Dreaming About You" for the web-drama is so pretty TT I love how sweet & angelic her voice is here... Her timbre has such a nice texture and she emotes with her voice flawlessly. It's perfect.

And to flex on her versatility, there's her appearance on King of Masked Singer where she sings with a much darker and richer tone which is soooo cool... How is she real ??? And of course she's the perfect Ahri in K/DA!! Goals. Goals goals goals goals

---

SPEAKING OF K/DA, I've still been practicing the dance for "The Baddest" since last summer and I'm currently working on becoming more fit (I fell so out of shape and health orz) and would like to try filming some short dance covers soon !!

Actually as of this week I'm currently debating whether I want to attempt doing the dance while singing & rapping the song live too 😳 or just purely focus on getting the dance right since it's not like that's a strong point of mine. The former will take a lot more practice and time probably... But the fact that I can consider it is kind of amazing?! When I first began learning the song, my initial intention was to practice singing while dancing but because it was such a struggle I dropped the singing—and now I tried it and I think I can hold up better than before; I was pleasantly shocked...... idk!!!

Now Playing: "NEO SKY, NEO MAP!"

Not sure if I'm just biased from this invoking the ~feels~ that happen at the end of each Love Live! Nijigasaki ep but I've been really into this song; it feels magical 💓

In an alternate universe where I have a lot more free time I would probably be in the middle of organizing a collab cover of it ahaha. Though I have no idea who I'd cast myself as-- 💦

I finished watching the Nijigasaki anime which ended a few days ago!! I really loved most of it... I liked the story from playing the All Stars game and strangely enough I feel like the anime didn't exactly carry over some of the things I liked from the game? lol But instead they delved into each individual member's stories nicely I thought—and I appreciated the time they took to focus on each character which is perfect considering [MAYBE SPOILERS?] they're all solo idols rather than a group. If the girls weren't made relatable then I at least felt that they were made very likable ^^

Many of the girls had the theme of learning to be able to express themselves / be honest with themselves / let go of their self-restrictions and I found all those to be heartstring-tuggingly relatable. Ayumu (well her early arc) and Rina especially!

The last few episodes felt pretty rushed though; like the conflicts were fine ones but I wish they had more time to iron them out—the season needed to be longer.

ALSO THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD. Niji has had so many good songs 🥺

Here a playlist I threw together of my fave tracks so far!

▶️ LL! Nijigasaki faves 🎶 ▶️

Lovelyz ✨ Obliviate

A highlight of the past few weeks is that my favorite kpop group Lovelyz made their long awaited comeback, their first since Beautiful Days back in May of last year—which many fans were a bit disappointed in because they felt that the group wasted the perfect opportunity to change up their concept after the lukewarm reception of Lost N Found; so this comeback was really highly anticipated in a lot of aspects ;u;

I personally like all of the concepts and musical styles they've done from the cute bubblegum schoolgirls to the flowery healing goddesses and I could definitely consume those forever TT but it's been clear for a while that the members themselves are tired of the general public thinking that they lack the versatility and they're itching to branch out with their title tracks, so it's really satisfying seeing them slay this new era and being recognized for it. 💗 None of their actual fans are surprised that they can pull off this reversal though lol; they've clearly shown this potential on smaller stages.

Their new song is co-written by one of my biases Ryu Sujeong (!!) whom I believe came up with the idea of basing it on a spell/incantation and she chose Obliviate (used in Harry Potter by Hermoine to wipe away her existence in her family's lives/memories) and it's about wanting to forget about someone who's caused heartbreak and painful memories. Aside from being a fan of the magical theme, my favorite thing is how the lyrics in the bridge—"All the petals that bloomed in my heart are gone—" are a callback to Lovelyz' most iconic song which goes, "Ah-choo! Flowers must be blooming in my heart!" hehe.

The members have grown so well into confident, beautiful, charismatic young women. 😭 Most of them look more comfortable in their own skin than ever, unapologetically glowing throughout the promotions, like they KNOW exactly what they're serving and are owning it. 💕

Their last MV was noticeably lower budget (for the competitive landscape of kpop MVs...) so I'm pretty pleased with what they put into this MV with all of the sets and making it artsy fartsy. ;u; I describe it as "Harry Potter meets Lacy Blindfolds meets Fairytale-Gone-Dark meets Art Museum meets Widow-who-prob-murdered-her-rich-husband 🔥🔥"

I wish I knew better terms to explain it but I love the musical progression in the song—the instrumental is so interesting and layered (def I think a standout quality about Lovelyz' discography in general is that it never feels musically cheap or empty) and the way it builds is satisfying. Did not expect them to put so much power into the prechorus! And then the chorus gets super funky with a prominent bassline that feels signature to a lot of Lovelyz music. And THE KEY CHANGE WAS INSAAANE the first few times I heard it omg I think the unexpected twists and turns make the song really refreshing. LIKE WHAT is happening with the chords at 3:18 IT BLOWS MY MIND.

And even though it's a big concept change, I appreciate that there's still plenty that ties this into Lovelyz' distinct sound—the sentimentality that they do best, the melodicness, the prominent bass, embracing some retro vibes. I AM, HOWEVER, a little tiny teeny bit disappointed that they're now probably diverging from the ✨story✨ that their main title tracks have been telling all these years... Copied and pasted this from my previous post about Lovelyz:

Candy Jelly Love --- Crush
Hi~ --- Confession
Ah-Choo --- Friendzoned
Destiny --- Jealousy
WoW! --- Distance
Now, We --- FINALLY A MUTUAL LOVE!!!
Twinkle --- Exploring the relationship
That Day --- Break-up
Lost N Found --- Loneliness
Beautiful Days --- Reminiscence

So now it would be....... Forgetting the pain? Or it kind of feels like a grudge? Erasure? It's technically still in line with them getting over romantic feelings, but the last installment was about looking back on things sweetly so it doesn't feel like a natural progression. Welp 🤷‍♀️ the story was nice while it lasted for 6 years!!

~✨~✨~

In my opinion, there are two really standout b-sides on this mini-album (called "Unforgettable")!

"Memories" is A SUPER INTERESTING SONG... There's plenty of Lovelyz' sentimentality, sweet melancholy, and dreaminess—BUT ALSO.... REGGAE?????? And the choruses are upbeat with synths that are totally reminiscent of magical girl/Sailor Moon vibes! And then at the end it's retro old-tape-that's-slightly-off-tune city pop.

"Worry Doll" is an incredibly comforting song T____T about wanting to hear out the worries in your heart, share the painful things together, and quietly stroke your hair as you sleep. 💗💗

And the instrumental is too good... It's too good... Acoustic guitar at first, but then it builds into pop-rock with some strings and flutters of piano, and there's even an unexpected electric guitar solo, and then ends with just acoustic guitar again and soothing vocals.

~✨~✨~

Finally... ack. Lovelyz has been posting a few TikToks of what they're calling the #ObliviateChallenge and a lovelinus friend (one of the ones I met the last time I saw Lovelyz perform in LA!) suggested that I do it....... Was on the fence about it but ended up doing it last weekend. I was ready to try my first social distanced outdoor gathering with friends and it felt like such a special occasion that I started putting on makeup for it—then we postponed on account of the suddenly hazardous air quality caused by the heatwave and fires ^^;; so yeah I tried to dance and filmed it and the air quality still continues to be shitty sigh.

can't believe i installed TikTok for this but i tried the #ObliviateChallenge, as suggested by @/iono_hiro !!
Lovelyz won their first trophy for this song last night, i'm so proud 😭✨#LOVELYZ_OBLIVIATE #오블리비아테 #오블리비아테챌린지 #러블리즈 pic.twitter.com/GpKSAQFLe0

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) September 9, 2020

Mermaid

Jang Yeeun (장예은) "Mermaid (목소리) (ft. Rohann)"

Sonny linked this song to me the other day and I've been listening to it a lot; I really like it. 😭 The "mermaid" theme and the way the instrumental so ethereally brings that to life, the fact that Yeeun is actually a rapper in her group (CLC) but can sing this well, the lyrics, it's all somewhat comforting.

For some reason my mental health took a huge dive in the past two days, although I'm doing better today! It felt rather sudden, but I guess the "build-up" was how I've been more on edge with anxiety lately and feeling burnt out after spending the holiday weekend hardcore working on projects and likely some hormonal changes. It's good timing that jobwork slowed down a bit for me this week so I've thankfully been able to take a breather and take a look at my values again. For a while I was questioning all over again what makes me happy, what makes me feel fulfilled. There were so many things that I suddenly forgot.

I enjoy making content and I feel gratified when people feel touched or inspired by the things I pour my heart into (although I don't want to be dependent on feedback—when it happens it's a nice bonus). I don't want to measure my value by my productivity or how many things I put out or how quickly they get done. I think I need to accept that I'm the kind of person who needs a lot of time to work on anything healthily and that if I'm upset at my level of skill, I can/should take the time to improve my skills. And to not be disappointed at myself for being slow, for not being as good at something as I'd like, or for not matching up to other people.

And to not be disappointed in myself for already doing my best. It's hard on days when that voice of anxiety keeps barking at you to do more, to do better, and it's just never satisfied, it's never enough, the entire day is wasted, nothing is enjoyable or meaningful. But yeah, the break from work is just what I needed to ease into trying to relax a bit and to try to convince myself that living a day without "accomplishment" is still living. I've been listening to meditation before sleeping and also occasionally taking breaks to rest my eyes while listening to a Jane Austen audiobook. Last week I said that I was saving the ACNH Summer update and Pokemon Café Mix for when I finished my two current high priority projects—and to be frank I stopped looking forward to it for some reason—but I'm going to try to log off now and play a bit. Hopefully it's fun ;v;

Also this country is still on fire. I'm still upset about that. What the hell.

Now, you, me, and everything feels like a lie... 🎶 Is it a dream? 💞

So in October, it was announced that my favorite k-pop group Lovelyz would be coming to LA for a concert in November! Somehow, both times they've ever had activities in America have been this year in LA..... and both times, the concerts were announced a cruel mere month prior. ToT Initially I was like, "WHAT I probably shouldn't yolo down to LA again for a concert," for maybe like...10 minutes before it became, "But why not?" As a member of their relatively small western fanbase, I'd definitely regret not being there to support my girls 💪! Y-you can always make money back anyway right? o(-(

Luckily it turned out to be a pretty wallet-friendly trip. ^^ The concert, which also featured JBJ95 and Heize, for whatever reason was free to attend?! I went with my friend Tiffany—who's my only irl Lovelinus friend—and also Myst who was heading to LA for her own playtime, so we made a roadtrip down together and shared a motel. It was a fun little weekend trip with good music, good food, and good friends!

As I mentioned, I've only ever known one person irl who's a Lovelyz fan, aside from Chiisana who likes them but isn't necessarily a Lovelinus. Even given that, Tiffany and I had never actually attended a concert together before. But on this trip I was introduced to two more wonderful friends who are Lovelinuses!!!! It was sooooo much fun and so refreshing to be around them and talk about our girls and for everyone to be on the same page without explanations and just being able to share our excitement and practice fanchants together! 💓

Thanks to these friends kindly waiting in line early—and no monetary restrictions—we were luckily able to have some amazing seats! Honestly so grateful; I owe them my life. The poor folks all the way in the back probably saw nothing as there were no cameras/screens.. But we were able to see the performers' expressions, so therefore they must've been able to see ours too! 🥰

And the moment I realized this...... that Lovelyz could see me, that I was now an existence known to my beloved idols that I'd only ever in these past 5 years been able to admire from afar, that my actions and support might really be felt by them directly, that I had the power to help them feel loved by their fans and give back to how much strength they've given us, that I was truly in that moment a representative of their American fanbase.......... I almost cried while they were performing.

It was a small concert with only 3 acts, but because of that we were treated to a long set with SIX WHOLE SONGS!! 😭 What an amazing experience....

One of the things I love the most about Lovelyz is that their title discography tells a whole story. It's brilliant and it's been so incredible to watch this beautifully thoughtful music project unfold.

Candy Jelly Love --- Crush
Hi~ --- Confession
Ah-Choo --- Friendzoned
Destiny --- Jealousy
WoW! --- Distance
Now, We --- FINALLY A MUTUAL LOVE!!!
Twinkle --- Exploring the relationship
That Day --- Break-up
Lost N Found --- Loneliness
Beautiful Days --- Reminiscence

Now listening to: AKB48 - #SukiNanda

Hi! I hope anyone reading this has been doing well and taking care of themselves 💕

TAT I feel like I've been doing really, really well myself ever since the holidays and it's rather awesome! It's great that my New Year's resolutions are fresh in my mind, as I've been consciously trying to keep at them/move towards them and I feel like I'm in a good place where my irrational thoughts are in check, I'm in tune with myself, I spend time doing things I enjoy, I'm driven to work at goals without being overloaded, and I'm always reminded that people support me. QUQ

Physically, I've recovered a good amount too! This week, I went to my first kpop dance practice since my lung surgery, planning to take breaks whenever I felt that I was pushing it—but I must've been in amazing condition that day because I kept up the entire time, didn't need more breaks than the others, and had no pain or trouble breathing! Unfortunately Chungha's "Gotta Go" dance has lots of chest movements so I had to go lightly on those, but I was shocked that I danced for hours without issue!!! Once in a while though, like today, I do still get scares of sudden pain, but at this point I've been through enough of them that never have serious consequences that I can calmly wait them out like, "yeah ok I'll just go back to the hospital if I need to lol" 👌

As We Dream

Since the Produce48 finale on Friday, my life has been consumed by Produce48 and its debut girl group IZ*ONE. @@ I've decided that for IZ*ONE's two year run, I'm going to try to dedicate myself as much as I can to them, which I've failed to do for most groups born from the many idol competition shows I've loved. The results didn't entirely go the way I think they should have, but I've come to accept and embrace it all. I really do love the lineup and I think they'll be an amazing group! If the music from the show (which has been on endless repeat for me) or AKB songs are any indication of their upcoming sound, then I look forward to their music 'cause I'll probably genuinely love it to bits! These girls have worked way too hard to face failure just because people are salty about their faves or angry about systematic things unrelated to these girls' skills and charms, so I'm going to support the fuck out of them. I'm so ready for this adorable Japanese-Korean idol group of my dreams!!!

During the finale, the top 20 girls performed a song called "As We Dream" together—a lovely, sentimental final sendoff for the show's end about dreams and friendship AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS. T__T After Nekkoya, there were no other mixed language songs so it delighted me that for the finale, they finally sang another song in both Korean and Japanese.

The Japanese version of the song has made me cry twice now. ;___________;

It honestly probably has a little to do with the fact that the Korean girls sound much less uncomfortable singing in Japanese, while the Japanese girls have a bigger challenge pronouncing Korean, so I'm able to immerse myself in the emotions a bit more with this version.

But mostly, I love the meaning of the Japanese lyrics and feel them much deeper. Compared to the Korean version, these lyrics are more about "I found myself," "I'm alive" rather than "I follow you," "It's because of you." Somehow it also feels more melancholic to me too. ;; It's truly a bittersweet song.

Probably my favorite thing though is Shiroma Miru's line at 1:08 where she sings, "Let's make every second meaningful," because in the Korean version, she literally just sings "lalalalala~" to the same melody. But here, she actually does make her part meaningful! (I'm very confused by why they didn't write Korean lyrics there but oh well.)

The following translation by @sunshineyena: 

Palette

Mimi gave me watercolor pencils for my birthday so I've been giving that a try even though I totally lack artistic and aesthetic skill haha. It's been a nice thing to do as I'm trying to rest when I'm not working. 

Last Friday, I got back from a weeklong business trip to LA where I worked on videos that were shown before audiences of 2000+ people. ;u; That's huge—and so was the screen it played on... All of the footage was shot in 4K in order to be big enough. I was the on-site producer/sometimes camera op/sometimes director for a video that included high school finalists from the 78 countries that made it to the top of a science competition, which meant long days spent standing but it was fun and rewarding! Afterwards, I edited the video shown during the closing ceremony that summed up the kids' week and their awesome experience and achievements. ^^

The reward and being proud of the students aside, it was really exhausting. I still hadn't recovered from being previously tired, so I was in poor condition to work a taxing, stressful, little-sleep, nonstop week. ;; It was probably the physically and mentally crappiest I've felt in...I can't remember. Unfortunately I have a lot of work left these next two weeks, so I can't take a vacation, but I'm trying to rest when I'm off work at least.

This is my first piece (through which I found out I have no idea how watercolor works lolol) and kindergarten-doodle-lookin' practice from Saturday..

Today, I tried to draw a palette.

I've been obsessed with IU's new song "Palette" ;v; It's a song about being 25, but that's Korean age so even though I consider myself 24, I'm technically the same age as IU! There's something mystical about her music where it feels relatable even though you can't actually relate.

Yesterday, I watched IU's LieV, which is a live broadcast that airs Sunday nights in Korea designed to help one sleep in peace despite Monday blues. A celebrity (or multiple, but the effect is very different) carries out the show lying down on a bed, and they talk comfortably for an hour about whatever they want, while reading comments from fans. I love love love this concept! Certain ones I listen to regularly to fall asleep. ^^

IU's shed a lot of light on me as to what kind of person and musician she is, and I've so much newfound respect and love for her. <3 It's no wonder everybody admires her~ I could go on and on now about how pretty it is that she loves her music and is passionate about making music and writing lyrics that tell a story, and how down to earth she is especially considering her fame, and how awesomely candid she's become, and how thoughtful and talented and—oops I'm going on and on. She's amazing and there's much to be learned from/about her.

In her LieV, she discusses inspirations for her songwriting, especially for Palette. One of the things she did during her hiatus was take art lessons, although she claims to be bad at drawing haha. She said that rather than the painting, she had more interest in the paint palette—which one can think of as just a tool to make art, but she thinks that it can be considered artwork itself, with its variously pretty colors and endless possibilities.

She then relates the palette to herself and says, "Rather than painting each and every color to show you, I wanted to show you the palette that I am," which I thought was fascinating but didn't really understand. *^* I'm still trying to digest it, but right now this is my guess... I think one way she meant that was to say that while her songs are great and her repertoire has some diverse colors/genres, she wants to show that she—the songwriter behind the songs—is the true work of art. I think she wants people to understand her identity stripped of the veil the stardom, and the complexity of the work she puts into her music, how all those contrasting images are all a part of her, and how she's got endless possibilities. 

Now I'm just geeking because nobody's stopping me from typing sorry!!! But she's so cool!! The song "Palette" is interesting because it's so IU-identity-centric and personal... It's brave and thoughtful. G-Dragon's rap part is a message to IU talking about how she's at the age where she's shining, how it's tough being not quite a child or an adult, and persuades her that she's beautiful and blooming. In the live performances, she does the rap herself while replacing some of the lyrics, but still addresses herself with a message. This song is really all about giving the audience a window into what she's like, her thoughts, her interests, how she's changed in the past few years, how she's accepted that people will hate or love her, how she feels like she's growing into her own skin. Ugh!!! How cool is she!!

♪Now listening to: Yoona - Blossom

Yoona of SNSD released a 3-track mini composed of remakes of Mandarin songs that she's been singing at her Chinese fanmeetings, and I really fucking love it. ;^;

An unpopular opinion, but I've really liked the tone of Yoona's singing voice for a while and always thought she was plenty capable behind the pretty-face reputation. I still find her CF song for Innisfree to be an adorable bop, and her somewhat recent duet with 10cm is pretty.

And for these sentimental Chinese ballads, her soft, smooth, sweet voice is completely perfect. ;;;; It's incredibly comforting and calming to listen to, and makes me feel like everything will be okay. Really hits the spot aaaaah.

When I first saw that Yoona sang Moon Represents My Heart (track 3), I freaked out because....this was literally the song of my toddlerhood. It's probably mostly because I was already in an unstable mood, but listening to it for the first time just moments ago, I got kind of overwhelmed and teared up.. ;_; It sounds uplifting but also melancholic, and nostalgic as fuck. When I was 3 or 4 years old, this was the first song that my mom taught me how to sing in Mandarin, which isn't the language of my household. I learned it pretty easily and adults complimented my pronunciation ;u;)9 It's probably because of having learned this song back then that as I grew up, I was never intimidated by learning songs in foreign languages and developed an interest in it. Fast forward to now, I'm always singing in Japanese and Korean, I know some Mandarin songs, and I've even sung in French. ^^

But I'm nowhere near the level of Yoona—her Mandarin pronunciation is shockingly naturally good, what the heck!! So much better than mine tbh. This goddess ♥



0:00 Red Bean
4:10 A Little Happiness
7:17 The Moon Represents My Heart

Lovelyz - Destiny (A New Trilogy)

YESSSSS my princesses Lovelyz have made their comeback!! This gross fangirl is very happy with it *u* They've grown so much since Candy Jelly Love but I love that they still have a distinct sound. It's rich, intricate, soothing, a bit retro, melodic, feminine, and innocent/cute without being obnoxious. And what really makes their music unique is that there's always some melancholic undertone or twist that adds depth behind the seemingly sweet songs. Not to mention digipedi who's been behind all of their MVs expertly reflects all of this in their visuals for an amazing Lovelyz brand of aesthetic.

But this time with Destiny (My Earth) they've really embraced melancholic—and it's pretty reminiscent of their "big brother group" Infinite's sound but more of a feminine take of it. And that's awesome aaaaa

Also loving the extended metaphor ;u; The lyrics are basically: Why do you circle around her (the sun) when I revolve around you like the moon? You're my earth and the gravity that pulls me. I wish I could stand between you and her, and give you a ring of light. (INSERT GRAPHICS OF SOLAR ECLIPSE)

01. Moonrise - 00:00
02. Destiny (My Earth) - 00:41
03. Splash - 04:15
04. Bookmark - 07:46
05. 1cm - 11:18
06. Take Care of My Heart - 15:01
07. Doll - 18:57

I haven't yet listened to the rest of the album (A New Trilogy) enough to really know it, but I like it so far! Some parts feel bland but I'll see how my feelings change when lyric translations are out.
Some fans have said that there's kind of a Clamp vibe? Lovelyz' sound has always leaned more J-pop than K-pop, but AS THE HUGE CLAMP FAN I AM, this delights the fuck out of me!!! I think I do hear it at times!

For me, the album standouts include Bookmark (07:46) for those who like sentimental ballads and drama OSTs, and Babysoul does a soft rap in it! It's like the second coming of Circle, which is a great song ^^ and coincidentally has a lot of meaning overlaps with Destiny.

1cm (11:18) isn't one of my favorites so far but I like the quirky retro video game-sounding synths. Kind of like the Ah-Choo intro. And this one kind of makes me think of Cardcaptor Sakura by Clamp which is a win to me..!

Take Care of My Heart (15:01) is growing on me a lot. The verses are undeniably Lovelyz style, and then the chorus is catchy and uplifting!

AND WE CAN'T NOT TALK ABOUT Doll (18:57)—the song behind Lovelyz' ethereal, film aesthetic, somewhat eerie Prologue Film with lyrics like "I can't fall sleep yet you dream peacefully without me. I'm your doll in the corner of the room, quietly waiting for you." But I feel like without the mysterious-looking video, the eerie effect has mostly dissipated and now it just feels like a heartbroken fairytale lullaby song, and FUCK YEAH I HELLA DIG THAT. It sounds so soothing!

Hmmmm I don't think I'm going to try to cover any of these songs like I did with For You unfortunately ahah. No time to work on a solo, and none of them are screaming at me to sing them. xD But I will enjoy listening~ Can't wait for the second and third legs of Lovelyz' new trilogy. ^^

For You

This could be the first of possibly many posts about this song because it pretty much owns my soul right now.



Lovelyz released their new For You (그대에게) MV this morning and I'd been watching it over and over without subtitles. It's so perfect from the music, to their vocals and belting(!), to the styling, to the MV direction, to the meaningful story, to the cinematography. How could anything get lovelier than this? And I just love that the story is that they're giving warmth and hope to a friend beset by wintery grey loneliness, through jars of beautiful remembrances. And these girls are so sweet, so talented, so hardworking, so strong despite obstacles, that they deserve the recognition that I'm sure they'll earn through such a wonderful release. ;u;

So I finally watched the MV with English subtitles. After the first two lines, I had to pause the MV because I suddenly got emotional. I ended up crying and I haven't even watched the rest of it yet ;_; ...

The first two lines go:
"Did you have a long/tiring day? I see a bit of sadness."

Yeah. These days I've only been having those. ..When did you notice, Lovelyz..? ;________; How could you make me cry just with two sentences? Then again I shouldn't be surprised because I've been crying a lot in the past couple weeks. Mostly from stress, I think. Sometimes I don't know why.

[Review] Mise en scène / Hello! Bubble Foam Hair Dye (Raspberry Red)

I'm a noob both in terms of hair products and reviews, but HI! Here was my experience with the Hello! Bubble "foam color" hair dye in 7R Raspberry Red~

I totally wasn't inspired to buy this product because of any k-pop song. Nope.

Six weeks ago, I dyed my hair for the first time! (And nearly immediate second time for better effect.) Was hoping for a dark red/auburn, but 22-year-old virgin hair was like, "Nope I give you reddish brown that looks black unless you're in direct light."

So Hello! Bubble joins the scene as I was hoping to go more red now that my hair is lighter than before. Results slightly differed from what I expected, but overall my experience with the product was good!

Initially I thought that it didn't turn out the way they advertised.. but looking at the below picture closer, they didn't actually advertise a huge difference, so I shouldn't have expected much LOL.
It just confuses me that my hair keeps getting lighter into golden reddish brown, rather than a deep reddish brown?

The product was straight-forward and easy to use. Mix two packets, shake the bottle, pump the foam, apply all over hair, wait. Really not as messy as I expected! (I make big messes.) The foam was easy to handle—no dripping!—but holy fuck I was shocked by how purple it is.

I was pleased that it wasn't nearly as smelly as the last dye I used. ^^ Also washes off your skin and everywhere with no problem.

One small con though, which is that I do feel that my hair has gotten slightly more coarse, having originally been very soft due to its thin fineness. The difference is subtle though and I wouldn't say it dried out or damaged my hair. :>

Overall I liked this product, which was pretty effective for something I don't really have complaints about. But if you want saturation, I wouldn't substitute this for bleaching. Affordable, very little downsides, would use again!!
Bless Girl's Day.

Light makes such a big difference tho wtf I don't even understaaaand (Avengers Go-Gurt makes me very happy)

[/ ]

I'm surprised I haven't yet mentioned this amazing song.
A Korean singer I deeply admire with the stage name Kris Leone came back with a new album last month that I snatched off iTunes as soon as it was available—before I had even heard it. Bah, I'm in love with all of her music. She debuted two years ago when she was 16'ish with songs that she wrote (in Korean and English) based off of experiences she's endured. She's so young, talented, and wise, and I hope she'll go a long way Q__Q

Her debut songs Into the Skies and Goodbye got me through some tough times and still really stir my emotions. Her new song's no different ;;

Here's the English version to her song "The End." The Korean version with the MV is here.

Where has it gone?

What have we done?

What kind of monsters have taken

All we worked for, all we've built?

...

But I guess it's just the end.

Transluscent

Oh, this icy, ethereal feeling.
Like I can breathe a bit again!!

The film festival is over, and my 20 hours of volunteering are done.
My frustrating, worrisome group presentation is over with.
And I'm finally officially no longer sick!


When I was really stressed out in January and realized that I would have school, work, and an internship this semester, I almost decided to not take the volunteering course. Volunteering at the film festival last year was frankly pretty life-changing for me, so I signed up again. After all, I've otherwise fulfilled all of my graduation requirements and I just needed the credits from any class. Plus, it's not an academically heavy class with a lot of homework. It made sense until it didn't make sense... But fuck, I'm glad I didn't drop the class because I knew it would be an unforgettable experience for me.

Ahahah I'm revisiting all of my blog posts from last year and the positive impact is crystal clear--how much the experience opened my eyes, nurtured my confidence, and even "made me outgoing for the first time."
 - Evolution of a sloth
 - TL;DR: I feel amazing
 - Welcoming Spring

I'm happy to see how much I've grown just in the past year, and I can accredit the major trigger of the development to this film festival.
Maybe it's because I went in already knowing what to expect, but man, I was mostly fearless this year. All of that anxiety from last year? Pfff, old news. It's intimidating to be around strangers? Not a problem! Walking around downtown is scary and tiring? Whuddaya know, it's not so bad after all. Afraid of being incompetent? It's easy and people are forgiving; you got this! I can't get along with film people? Naw, bruh, you just gotta chill and try!

It's such a great and unique experience immersing myself in the film world, which is fascinating and--behind the scenes--intense.

And! volunteering forces me to confront social interaction. ^^ Which I hate...d. And now am sorta ambivalent about. Maybe it's okay. I don't know. I can't handle too much. But now I know that I can handle a decent amount!! Still far from extroversion though.

Like last year, I enjoyed doing ticket ushering when put on that task! I talked to hundreds of people! And it seemed like the managers trusted me a lot and approved of how I interacted with customers ^o^ Man, I'm really glad I do this to myself since I got to skip the working retail/customer service phase, and dove straight into a desk/cubicle job. It's like filling in the gaps in the swiss cheese of growing up. 8D

To be honest, when I realized that the end of the festival and my scheduled hours were approaching, I felt a tinge of sadness and longing?
But life moves on and now I'm feeling relieved by some stuff, feeling really fucking done with some stuff and some people ......... and so I'm fine. I'm happy that it's less stress on me and I get my evenings and weekends back. I'll try to volunteer again next year if my circumstances permit.

Otherwise... some chapters in my life are coming to an end. I think I'm probably sad somewhere, but have decided that I'm not going to care so that I don't feel sad. Numb, apathetic, a little spiteful. Tired. Don't take friends for granted.

~

Yanagi Nagi - Transluscent

I just fell in love with this song that Mimi showed me ;A;

SHINE ON ME

LET IT SHINE ON ME, YEAH!
(insert Red Velvet's Happiness)

After dabbling in film and photography stuff, you really realize what a big difference lighting makes. Brightness, color temperature, softness/harshness, positioning—they're all surprisingly important. With my interest in videography growing (or at least intent to try my hand and improve at it), I figured I need lights and hopefully some kind of flexibility with them.

For now, my first purpose requires soft, diffused, even, flat, skin tone-flattering, bright, [and cheap...........] light. Think soft, prettily lit K-pop idol MV. That's what I want to attempt.

So today, Fome and I did some shopping at the dollar store, Home Depot, and Staples
...then built softbox lights! ;u;
It works out because his band Phoenix Ash is looking to upload more videos in the future, which is why he's interested in building lights too. They're actually gonna upload a new cover soon (OF AN AWESOME SONG) so look out for that~

Materials are:
white foam board, aluminum foil, vellum paper, lamps, light bulbs, and a shit ton of duct tape.
(we ended up being SO happy with the white duct tape because it would've looked much uglier otherwise heheheh)

First version, we wanted to see what it'd look like just as a white foam box without foil and felt like there was wasted bounced light escaping from the sides? So we added foil after the box was assembled and that was comparatively messier than doing the second box.

I decided I wanted to be extra meticulous huehuehue and so the second version is slightly prettier.

HEH. can you tell which was the guinea pig and which is not? HEHHH. (he's jealous because I'm technically the owner of the second one)

Yehhhhh !!

(Bonus: Without the vellum paper as a diffuser, having the box open actually works to make the light more spotted because it's all concentrated in one direction without spilling on the sides. It's harsh and not what I want, but for certain purposes, it works!)

We tried duct tape as the lamp mount on one of the softboxes, but mmmmh we're still trying to figure out an alternative that would be sturdier and hopefully with less potential to melt off. For mine, it'll be extra tricky because I require the softbox to be collapsible so that I can more easily store it disassembled when at home.

(Upper) No softbox light! Light source is the fluorescent lights on the ceiling, which give off a bit of a green tone.

(Lower) One softbox light from above! We made the mistake of leaving the fluorescents still on, but oh well..

Definitely a huge difference, which is emphasized by the original green'ish tone of the room. But the effect of the light is noticeably less harsh, a bit more flattering on the skin, cleaner, clearer?

We put a lot of thought into choosing the color temperature of our bulbs (which btw are amazing in brightness output, especially for the wattage and price of 4 for $10) and yet I wonder if we settled too low. In particular, I was looking for color temperature ranging between 3500 and 4100 Kelvin because that's the spectrum of slightly warm to neutral white to slightly cool. Yellow disgusting ass household bulbs of 2700 Kelvin are out of the question. 5000 Kelvin looks too blue and inhuman.

But we couldn't find anything at Home Depot between 3000 and 5000 K, and so we got the 3000 K bulbs which didn't look too bad in the display.

It's a huge improvement compared to the yellowness of household bulbs, but still a tad too warm for my taste. I don't want to replace the bulbs because I am a frugal cheap ass who already thinks this shit was too expensive for a homemade project (those foam boards are fucking rip-offs I tell you ok) so I'm thinking about trying some kind of blue filter or fabric on top of the paper to counteract the yellow? Or just rectify it in post production color correction lololololol.

Well, we both had a lot of fun! We learned lots! And here's a song of the day which we found to be hella rockin'.

FTISLAND - Hold My Hand

Happiness

NEVER. Never would I have ever expected to like exercising. What the hell?!

There was doing ab workouts for the sake of cosplay, and then everything got kicked up a notch in the past few weeks. Some friends and I have started to do sort of a "challenge" where we set ourselves a weekly goal of hours to exercise and then document our daily exercise times. At the end of the week, if you fail to reach your goal, you gotta pay up whatever amount you set for yourself. (For me, I put $1 per every half hour I'm under the goal.) And this money goes towards our hotel funds for next year's AX!

It's super effective because I have actually been exercising everyday :D! And trying new things~ I'm doing harder workouts, did a mile on a track for the first time in 5 years, have a weekly(?) 2-mile walk around a lake with friends, took a walk around and explored my neighborhood for the first time after I ate dinner yesterday. This is all a huuuuuuge feat to me considering that 1) I used to think the kitchen was too far, 2) I haven't really properly exercised since PE five years ago, 3) I used to be afraid of going outside, and 4) I still kind of dislike being seen in public.

But the right source of motivation is a strong factor. NYA is going to the beach in a week and a half. And I do like my body currently looking more fit than it used to. ^^



In other news, my jam right now is Red Velvet's "Happiness," just freshly debuted from SM. The song didn't capture me on first.. or second.. or third listen, but fuuuu I had to go buy the single off iTunes as soon as it came out LOL. The song's about how we can be happy if we stopped caring about the things that have corrupted adults: money and power; so they've already won brownie points with me for the message. I didn't really pay attention to SMROOKIES so I'm only getting to know these 4 lovely ladies now, but WOW ARE THEY TALENTED AND GORGEOUS AND ADORABLE and and and. help I really like Red Velvet.

This performance really helped to win me over ;A; They're singing live (!! f'reals, proof in the MR removed vids) and sound GOOD. WHILE DANCING WELL. AND LOOKING ENERGETIC AND GENUINELY HAPPY. AND BEING EXTRAORDINARILY PRETTY. And judging from interviews and whatever glimpses into their characters, they seem passionate about the stage and being performers. How many idols these days are like that?



From the promo material, they all look like the same person, but after seeing them perform and actively putting in effort to differentiate them, they're pretty distinct to me? ;v;

Irene (pink hair) is the leader, born in 1991 which surprises me since most debuts in k-pop now are of fetuses. She looks a bit like Na Eun and is really pretty with a feminine, classy charm. *A* I still haven't heard her properly sing. She sings and raps in Happiness and while none of it is impressive, none of it is weak? I like her.

Seulgi (orange hair) seems overflowing with talent as she's a main vocal and arguably the strongest dancer. She has so much power in her voice and her moves, and ferocity in her stare. *A* I like her too.

Wendy (blue hair) is the one with the belty SHIIINE ON MEEE high notes. She definitely can sing well and her predebut covers are rather interesting. She's from Canada! *A* I also like her.

Joy (green hair) is the youngest and looks a lot like child actress Kim Yoojung who I'm also a big fan of. //// She's just a bundle of sunshine and performs with such enthusiasm and a smile that makes me ... want to be her LOL. I look forward to getting to hear her properly sing or rap, but I do enjoy how cute her voice is. SHE'S ADORABLE. For some reason, she's the member I'm currently most drawn to. ;^;)/

Ben

One of my biggest inspirations in the Korean music industry for years has been Ben from a little unknown ballad trio called BeBe Mignon. (WOAH I JUST GOOGLED THEM and found out that they disbanded in 2011 and THAT EXPLAINS.. SO.. MUCH..... I am the worst fan ever.)

Wow okay, um. Anyway..... I did have a feeling the group was dead LOL, but Ben went on to release a solo album and has been featured in some 4MEN music—plus she's so talented that no one in their right mind should let her talent go to waste. But since her solo album in 2012, I haven't heard a peep about her or the group (oops), so you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was to have this video show up in my youtube subscriptions!!


Ben - To J

She's so incredible and I'm so happy for her that she's giving performances like this when she's not active (as far as I know) and isn't that well known.

One thing that's so admirable about her is that she's this tiny girl but with amazingly powerful pipes. More importantly to me, she has a youthful, high-pitched, thin voice but goes against all the stereotypes slammed onto those types of voices, like that they're weak—and if you look at groups, the strongest vocals usually hone a fuller, or more mature tone. But she definitely holds her own and goes beyond that, against everything one might assume. SHE'S FUCKING AWESOME. At the start of the song, she displays such delicacy, soft and sweet. Then you hear more emotion from her and she knows just when to back off to not make her singing so one-dimensional. THEN AT 3:43 SHE BELTS HER LUNGS OUT and you wonder how such strength comes out of this 5 foot tall lady.

Being someone who's always felt plagued with a high-pitched, childish, thin voice, I really aspire to be more like Ben and respect how her voice is so versatile and not fragile in the least bit.

Ahah, I remember in 2010, I freaked out when Ben replied to my tweet.. Later, I covered one of BeBe Mignon's songs, "Oppa Babo," and tweeted it to them but by then, they were too busy and popular to be able to respond to every tweet anymore.

I haven't seen much of Ben since then (plus there was no MV for her solo album) and jeez, this girl just got even prettier in the past 4 years omg. She's grown so much and those cheeks wow.