I Just Made the Most Cursed Fake Churros Ever

So.... I basically have no experience making "fun food." In fact, I can't even say that I can cook—I can assist my parents via their direction and do the basics of the basics that require little thought or practice, enough to keep full and healthy. But crafting food for fun has never been of interest to anyone in this house... o<-< Things like desserts, baking, deep frying are pretty much uncharted territory for me. I've helped friends with measuring ingredients for cookies a few times in my lifetime probably!!

Last week, the Disney Parks churro tots recipe made waves in my work group chat and I thought, "That's so cool!!! Maybe someday when I get really bored in quarantine I'll think about giving that a try!"

A few days later, Denny also linked it to me (extremely impressed that he remembers that I like churros and Disney omfg) and I thought, "Dammit now I want these!! But no one would make them for me and I don't have the ingredients T___T..." Continued to have that on my mind for a few days as I kept missing the novelty of eating desserts and going out for treats with friends... Scoured the kitchen and discovered that we surprisingly have flour, butter, and an adequate amount of eggs hmmm....

I am not bored at all—there are actually too many things that I want or need to do—but at some point my mental priority switch was flipped and HERE I AM WANTING TO GIVE DESSERT-MAKING A TRY!!! Starting with the churros, fuck it!! How bad could it be!! How badly could this possibly go!!

So here's how things fell apart i m m e d i a t e l y:

> Recipe calls for piping bag with a star tip.
> Can't be bothered.
> What if I just roll the dough into balls instead? Lol it's probably fine

> Recipe calls for both cinnamon and cinnamon sugar.
> No cinnamon available for grocery pick-up.
> Settles for cinnamon sugar only. Can't make too much of a difference right?
> Crap, I waited a day and the cinnamon sugar sold out.
> WAIT WHAT IF I WENT A TOTALLY CREATIVE ROUTE......

✨ Thus the idea for Cinnamon Toast Crunch churro balls was born. ✨


Here we go, making a pastry by myself for the first time ever!!!!

> Hm, I can't eat the entire serving so I'll just do half the recipe!
> Recipe calls for 3 eggs....
> Uhhh maybe I'll do 2 eggs and then for everything else, I'll put in a little more(?) than half lol
> Btw I had no way of measuring a teaspoon so I just guessed.

So far so good! I was very proud that I made dough independently for the first time ^o^

Not bad!! I have no idea if I let the dough rest long enough since the recipe didn't specify... Also we don't have an electric mixer so 💪


Now onto babby's first time deep frying ! ! ! ! !
I should not have fucking been allowed to do this without supervision omfg.

FIRST OF ALL, I didn't realize that the recipe called for oil to be heated to a certain degree, not for it to be boiling.......... So this single-cell-brained-fuck-up idiot stood around forever waiting for it to boil....... Btw I didn't realize until a while in that I hadn't turned on the ventilation or opened the windows. Soooooooo... two hours later now, it's still Smoke City in here LOL. (It also didn't occur to me I'd have to turn on a loud fan which woke my dad up. ;;;;; Felt really bad about it but luckily 11 PM wasn't too much damage and honestly it was reassuring to have a Real Adult awake in case I set the house on fire..)

Hot oil was scary but I trudged my way through it and only burned my hand a little bit! The two batches turned out quite different due to the fact that I started panicking about the amount of smoke and the potential of the fire alarm going off so I reduced the heat midway lolol. Probably rolled the balls too big; there was no way for me to guess whether the centers were cooked or not... Oh well, did my best... Dried and tossed 'em in crushed Cinnamon Toast Crunch and here we have it!

Batch 1 ✨

Conclusion:

UM.... WHAT THE FUCK...... I MADE THE BLANDEST EVER "CHURRO" INSPIRED PASTRY LMAO.

My biggest mistake? Not realizing that at no point of making this "dessert" did I add any sugar or sweeteners or any sort of flavor at all L O L

Recipe called for cinnamon in the dough. Skipped that. The only sugar in the recipe is the cinnamon sugar at the end. Also skipped that. I expected the flavor to be subtle. But could you taste the Cinnamon Toast Crunch at all? NO, NOT AT ALL. So what could you taste? NOTHING! EMPTINESS... DESOLATION. Here I am now at 1 AM eating a consolation bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch to remind myself what this is supposed to taste like, what hopes and dreams were supposed to taste like. (And look, this is yummy cereal—I can see why I envisioned maybe... just maybe.... No.. who am I kidding....)

Oh and by the time of that realization, it was too late for sugar to stick on the surface of the churro balls so the only resort was to spoon the rejected sugar into my mouth after each bite lmao.

As for the texture, I had worried that batch 1 was over-fried or possibly burnt and yet there was not even the slightest crispiness to be found?! Just imagine it's like.......eating a donut hole but it's not fluffy at all AND it doesn't taste like anything! It's bloody brilliant!

Batch 2 ✨

Could not bring myself to eat the other batch (I NEVER WANT TO SEE OIL AGAIN) so tomorrow!!! I shall try eating it with ice cream!! How could that possibly go wrong, right? uwu