quarantine diary page 2

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Once again... it just never feels right on my conscience to talk about my pandemic experience when I'm an incredibly privileged person who's hardly sacrificing anything substantial and not an essential worker by any means... It's been over a month since "Page 1" and this post has been in my drafts as just that first sentence for a while now as I keep dragging my feet around it...

If I have to be selfishly honest, there are occasional gloomy moments and sometimes I struggle to stay motivated or to get out of bed. Sometimes I wish I could help the situation right now in a more direct way, but I am doing what I can, giving what I can in my small ways.. My workplace is still considered a small busíness but we've also started putting out our hand to help other small busínesses and nonprofíts so I look forward to working on more projects that will make a meaningful difference for people who're dealing with the secondary—and hopefully eventually even the primary—effects of the pandemic. ;; The fact that that's on the horizon for us helps ease my heart a little.

[Edit: Been writing this post over the week so I just wanted to give the update that we've started hands-on production for a big vírtual science fair/awards event which is really great!! It's comforting to me and my coworkers that we can use this way to support the people who have been working hard to improve our world and who will be at the forefront of development. ;^;)9 These "science kids" events that I usually attend in person, though exhausting, are some of my favorite parts of my job. This new format is gonna be its own beast; gonna be a big challenge involving a lot of After Effects for me whew!! 💦]

My full time work is still fairly busy but luckily lenient enough that I'm getting a lot of opportunities to do things I want to do or that I couldn't fit into my schedule before! Like playing a video game I love—Animal Crossing—and dancing regularly!! There's certainly a tradeoff since I don't have a standing desk at home so I'll be sedentary for long hours while working but I try to compensate afterwards by dancing, doing light exercise, taking walks around the neighborhood. (It's...still kind of an improvement from never exercising heh.)

I'm embarrassed to admit that I've been working on just the chorus of the K/DA dance for a long time now, but gotta consider that I'm a complete amateur—I feel like my basic foundations even begin in the negatives because my body movements are so awkward and weak.. But recently, practicing dance has been fun since I'm past the point of memorizing moves and am working on fixing details which is satisfying! There are so many subtle things that I overlooked that really add to how the dance comes together. And for a few reasons, I've been building a bit more muscle (as in I went from level 0 muscles to level 1 muscles 😅) which helps a ton in solidifying the dance! The first reason being dancing and exercising; secondly due to cooking; and the third reason.....I'm ashamed to admit is thanks to Animal Crossing and holding my Switch—which initially I considered to be heavy—for long periods of time lmaoooo... o<-<

Cooking!!!! That's evaded me for much too long.... I've always had too many excuses to not learn how to cook—schoolwork, working while in school, working full time, laziness, not much interest, access to restaurants—but now finally I'm home when my parents prepare dinner and I have the time to help them!! My biggest goal for this year was to FINALLY learn how to cook so thank god I'm on track for that. And if you've seen my previous two posts, I've uh... also taken it a lot further and have tried my hand at making very cursed desserts for the first time... ☠

So that's what I've been up to while at home! While I'm here, I also want to document a bit about the world around me and my thoughts and fears.



God, where do I start.... The state of this country (the USA) is mind-numbing, disheartening, and infuriating. In the past few weeks we've had idiots demand for sheltering to end and everything to reopen. The chief idiots in charge keep feeding terrifyingly harmful misinformation and have no consideration for the average person or anyone who's actually in need... I'm pretty grateful that I live somewhere (Northern Calífornia) where I don't have to worry about educating our local authorities or persuading them to take things seriously, since they started taking action before anyone else in the country. A lot of other states have some worrisome leadership who don't seem to know anything.. And I want to feel optimistic that people in this area have been cooperating somewhat sensibly, thank god!

At the start of all of this, I was pretty worried about the likelihood that I was a carrier since I made contact with coworkers who'd traveled and I had a sore throat that whole week. For a bit I kept my distance from my parents and tried to not leave traces around the house, but phew!! After a few weeks of none of us showing any further symptoms, I feel so much more at ease! ;u;

Still, I want to be extra careful since I live with my parents and we don't know if maybe my lung situation poses a vulnerability. @_@ I've heard about someone testing positive despite WFHing all this time and only going out for groceries—that's freaking horrifying. And this week, my coworker's friend's husband contracted it... and passed away within 3 days. ;;; I only know of them by second degree but still too close for comfort. That's terrible ugh.

As much as I can tell, it appears that I'm being more careful/paranoid than anyone else I know. For groceries, I'm only doing pick-up and never stepping inside the store. I haven't gone anywhere so far other than that (and a park + walks around the neighborhood) and I'm only eating food prepared in the house. Not at all to shame them or discourage them, but my friends are still getting restaurant takeout and even picking up boba which is surprisingly still available, and I don't....think I can do that yet.

(If you're one of those people, you might not want to read on if you don't want the extra paranoia! Live your life, it's okay!!!)

Right now I don't trust people and our systems. I don't trust that employers are properly protecting their employees; maybe they don't have the means to. And especially in a world where many part-time workers are treated as expendable—I really cannot trust that they are in safe conditions and paid enough for what they're forced to do. :c And it's just been reinforced as I see McD's employees protestíng on the news for PPE, hearing some horror from a friend who works at Sbux.... And finally, I sadly can't trust that these workers have enough insurance to take leave if they feel sick or believe they might be a carrier with no way of confirming. >< I don't even want to make any delivery orders; I feel like the delivery índustry is so important right now that they're likely to be abused and overwhelmed, and also I don't want to clog up the pipes with my nonessential desires. It's just sad all around that I don't think anyone has the means to either be protected or protective.

But tomorrow I will be going to a local ice cream shop to pick up an order of pints!! Want to support them and they've always been sweet so I want to trust that they are being as careful as possible and taking all precautions against anything that might jeopardize an intimately small busíness so close to their heart. And then gonna do a drop-off at Chiisana's house! My first time going anywhere and being somewhat in proximity to a friend in a long time haha. Will be as careful as possible!! 💪