;T

In May of 2009, I made a deal to post one selca per day on my previous blog--which sounds awkward by premise but I believe that forcing myself to put myself out in ways such as that back then was beneficial to me in melting any desire to wear a mask on the internet. I can't say that it's a significant booster in confidence but it did help in my attempt to implement a "don't care about what others think" mentality in myself, whose traces are still there but faltering. Well I guess it did work since I'm relatively comfortable with things like pictures and vlogs.

Anyhoozles, one picture in particular caught my eye.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF HEHEHEHEHE

You chose your pride over the safety of your own daughter.

And you know, she wouldn't have asked you if it weren't really serious.
I hate to toot my own horn (pun very intended), but while my driving is scary, I do trust myself as a sensible and sensitive driver. Ever since I've been licensed a year and a half ago, I've been extremely self-sufficient when it comes to transporting myself. I only ask for this once in a blue moon. I generally don't want to inconvenience you. I don't want to inconvenience my boss for asking to leave early either. And it's not like I want to leave my precious car at work anyway.
If you honestly just weren't able to come, I would understand.

And you'll never know that your own daughter was stroking her own head while driving herself home--and telling herself that she's actually the luckiest girl in the world because her boss let her leave--to comfort and stop herself from crying, because the vision-obstructing tears were making driving even more dangerous.

So I drove in the slow lane on the freeway, deliberately took the "safe" route, and was that obnoxious car that waited even for a faraway car to pass before turning the corner, and I got my ass safely home. My electric blanket warming up my bed, and I just wanted to let out my blaring anger before it makes my fever worse. That's it for me for the day; good night.

And yes, I pat my own head when I'm really sad because it's not like anyone else is going to for me, and tall people usually don't receive those kinds of things.

I Miss You cont.

This isn't the most appropriate place to be writing this but since I wrote my I Miss You drama post here before, I figure I might as well continue. It's k even if no one cares 'cause I'm writing this simply because I feel like it.

I don't remember if I recommended the drama... but uh, don't watch it. HAHAHA. It's not worth it. If you must, do what I did and watch up until the transition from childhood to adulthood (the first 6 episodes) because the protagonists' past together is actually really cute and heartwrenching. ;///;

But although I swore off watching the drama after that, I still kept tabs on it via episode recaps because I was interested in how the plot would play out and how the grown up characters would develop. I wanted to see how a guilty Jungwoo and scarred Sooyeon could fall in love again.

At first, the new turn of events was disconcerting to me--disregarding my paled interest in the adult cast in comparison to the kids--because of the changes of character. It scared and disturbed me.. that the innocent little Lee Sooyeon could be reborn spiteful, cunning, with eyes rimmed with desire for revenge. It's painfully realistic, and I rejected this notion.

Except then after like lol one episode or so, Sooyeon became neither innocent nor vengeful; her character plunged into some whiny, mopey, indecisive damsel-in-distress that cries 35438 times per episode, and the plotline kept falling and falling and falling out of salvation. Poof.
Now it's the narrative that's making me go, "STAY AWAY HIDE YO CHILDREN THIS DRAMA AIN'T WORTH IT."

And I'm bringing this series back up again because I just checked one of my newfound favorite websites, A Koala's Playground, and was greeted with a new post about I Miss You--much to my cynicism-based delight.

http://koalasplayground.com/2013/01/08/catching-up-with-missing-you-as-of-episode-17/

Oh my gosh, I laugh so hard at this because of how ridiculous the narrative has become, and because I fucking love Koala's take on everything. I love hearing all this through the mouth (eh, fingers) of another sarcastic person, whose lighthearted contempt but brilliant sarcasm sparkles even more so than my own. She sometimes comes up with the most ingeniously sadistic, evil things that I so wish I could have.

I will read anything Koala writes whether or not the subject perks my interests, and my thriving appetite for creative, vivid writing will swallow it up in a slow gulp of mental satisfaction. Hnnng a writing style like this is so hard to come by.
If I could marry a writing style, I'd be half out the door searching for a 17-carat rock right now.

Recently, I've been really enjoying Koala's drama episode recaps because I get to follow narrative and character developments without having to actually spend time watching the drama, or dealing with overly sad or scary parts LOL. That might just be me being lazy, but there are certain series whose premises only fascinate me to a lacking extent. But in any case, they're written very well and thoroughly, with a nice spankin' sarcasm-driven opinion to boot.


My interest in dramas has grown significantly as of late--partially the fault of Koala and all of the fabulous year-end summary reviews on Dramabeans--along with a focus on and taste for narrative structure. I'm currently watching Cheongdamdong Alice (it's pretty good but a few episodes, including the first 2, are dry so I just read recaps) and planning to start Flower Boy Next Door (it seems like a whimsical distraction).

"...mentioned wanting to be an mysterious figure in the community, someone with walls all around them and no one knows much about them."
-Lee

ha ha ha.

I kind of was thinking about this before and I came to the conclusion that I'm kind of an internet whore because I don't hide much about myself (or so I think..) and throw myself in every direction with a gazillion accounts on like EVERYTHING (oh yeah I forgot to mention I recently made a soundcloud) and I shove everything I do/see/think in others' faces. It's funny because not only do I openly show my inner colors, I publicly analyze and broadcast every spot of this spectrum of personality.

I apologize.

Legend of Mermaid (ver EVA'S NOT EVEN SORRY)

Don't watch if you're allergic to bad singing

My favorite part is the ending

Also I'm sick, which worked out great

I didn't even reverb you're welcome

Nakimushi Kareshi from Y to Y (wut)

This is kind of a mass Chiisana post ugh. (lol jk please don't sack me yet)

I swear sometimes I feel like her manager because I'm just here promo'ing her everywhere as she remains her twitterless... everythingless.. modest-ass self.

BUT YEAH.
MERRY REAAAAAAAALLY LATE CHRISTMAS :D

Have Gemini's "Christmas" upload, a lovely duet! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧


【小さな × Jay】 泣キ虫カレシ

泣キ虫カレシ (Nakimushi Kareshi)
"Crybaby Boyfriend"

Music/Lyrics：チョリスP、フェルナンドP
Arrangement：フェルナンドP
Illustration：ヤマコ
Movie：√Effect
Mix: Chiisana, Eva
Vocals:
http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
http://www.youtube.com/JaySingYou
MP3: https://www.box.com/s/wi8thdve4969q1vhee4l 

Chiisana: "Happy holidays, everyone! Ahh, I'm so happy that I am finally able to sing a full duet with Jay! Forever duet partners! ;u;)/ (Even though I am completely unworthy ;////; Doesn't he sound so wonderful? The ending always makes me want to cry..) Thanks so much to Ebah as well for coming up with the idea of Jay and I to duet this song, and for mixing! She is the besto! ;v; And thank you so much for listening to our duet, we really hope you enjoy it!" 

Jay: "Despite me being Chiisana's usual duet partner in our Gemini collabs, we've actually never did a duet before. It's really such an honour to sing a full song with her, because she has an amazing voice and she just sounds so beautiful here. My first time hearing this song, I thought that it was impossible to sing because it goes really high and my upper range isn't that great, but I tried my best and I hope it's okay ; ~ ; Thanks for taking the time to listen to our duet ^^" 

Thanks for watching the first part of our holiday uploads and the first duet on this channel! Don't worry--the rest of our Gemini members aren't missing out on the fun, so stay tuned!!

Sorry but I kind of love this duet to bits; I feel like it's perfectly casted--with a mature but pure, feminine, fluttery female voice, and an innocently strong yet vulnerable-sounding shota male voice. CAN I HUG THIS VIDEO--

Plus, Chiisana and Jay actually performed this duet live in the karaoke room during #GeminiMeetUp, so ;v; alllllll the fuwa fuwa feels~

But the Chiisana-related uploads don't stop there, nope. She also uploaded a beautiful solo as a part of Chii's (chiizuzu@yt; chiizukeiki@twitter) Project Reminiscence, in which vocaloid songs from 2008-2009 are revisited in the form of covers.

The project is still open until the end of January, so do consider participating!

【プロレミ2013】 From Y to Y 【小さな ver】

"From Y to Y"
Lyrics/Composer/Arrangement: OneRoom (ジミーサムP)
Illust.: Niiro (yt. niiro19, art tumblr: http://nirori.tumblr.com/)
Vocals: Chiisana (小さな)
Mix: Eva, Chiisana

Thanks so much to Chii(yt. chiizuzu) for inviting me into this project, I feel so honored to have been a part of it! ^^ And also so many thanks to Niiro who created this beautiful art for my cover! I feel so grateful that she was willing to take the time to draw this for me and I love it so much! Chii and Niiro are amazing ;A;!

This is a song I have always meant to cover, but never did, so I am happy that I've finally been able to sing it!

I.. spent a lot of time trying to perfect the mastering for this cover, but in the end I failed miserably.. ;w; So I'm really sorry for my.. terrible everything. QAQ -hides under rock forever- But even so, I thank you for listening and hope that you will be able to enjoy it at least a little bit!

Umm also we went to a sushi buffet + to watch Les Miserables last week with Myst, and I filmed a short vlog except I forgot that my camera stops recording audio after a minute LOL. So I only have screencaps.

Basically, that kiddo gave us Christmas presents.

My personal favorite part is the card.

It still grosses me out.
-shivers-

Myst and I got matching turtles.

How old does she think I am?

rock-kun says hi

Uh, now I'm just kinda afraid that I'm being misinterpreted because I'm saying that while sometimes I naturally would wish to be in a relationship, I also really don't want to be in one--seeing as how I just insulted and look down upon the majority of them. But yeah of course, whatever happens happens and anything can change anytime and we never know, and I'm not really ever actively looking for/hoping for/pursuing anyone.
Not a big deal, but like I said, I'm afraid I'm being misinterpreted xD~ also mind you that I was spewing rambling thoughts at 4 AM. |DDDD;; la la la la

Tweets too long for twitter pt. 1

Can I please express my distaste for rebound relationships, like yeah good for you for finding companionship and support but I'm sorry you couldn't see that person's charm until after you were broken, lonely, and vulnerable--

But if those are genuine feelings that can run the rocks through time and turbulence, and this was merely a way for you to realize it, then good for you and good luck.

(this is directed at nobody in particular. mind you it's also 3:38 AM :'D)



Edit;;
Aaaaaaand then this turned into late-night rambling instead LOL.

I don't really know how I feel about relationships, nor have I ever confronted it, and I've been thinking about this lately. (I'm disregarding the fact that even my own mom thinks guys generally don't like me, and that I might be a terrible girlfriend anyway.) Sometimes I wish I could be in one but sometimes I am entirely against being in a relationship at this time. But I'm thinking, like.. if--and this is a really strong if--I were asked out in this sphere of time, would I say yes? Because my brain's telling me I wouldn't. But what if I really liked this person? But I've also become incapable of romantic affection so I don't ever feel like.. I like anybody in that way, or would like someone enough to feel like it's okay to enter a relationship. But I feel like most people enter relationships anyway whether or not their feelings are wishy-washy, which just feeds how much I think most relationships are superficial and flimsy. And most turn out to be short-lived. Is it worth it? When it's so short and shallow? Is it worth that initial spark of happiness that too often blurs and bleeds into stubborn tolerance or bland nothingness? Not to mention, potential consequences in friendships or bonds with surrounding people perhaps being disturbed. But I guess some people look for happiness in the present, whether it sustains itself in the long-run or not, and I'm one of those people (along with my best friend, with whom I've a mutual understanding on too many topics) who approach this thing called 'love' very cautiously and with an attitude of paranoid rejection. And we think about things like, how much do we even know each other? How would we treat each other? Would we have a future together--is there even any future in the grasp of our capability? Can we imagine ourselves married? I used to sometimes question whether or not I had a heart, and now I know I do, but it's just encased in ice so I guess I'm waiting for somebody with a grade-A flamethrower.
This cloud of word vomit had no point or conclusion and I just had an ice cream sandwich despite it just now turning 4:00 AM.

Tea

I've been really into green tea lately ever since 1) I read in a health textbook that black and green teas are good for you--whereas herbal teas supposedly aren't distinctively healthy--and 2) I noticed that I get headaches a lot because I'm often dehydrated.

The company I work for is based in Taiwan, so we often have Taiwanese snacks and products around from our visitors from HQ. We recently ran out of the Kirkland brand green tea so I dug around our cabinets sullenly, and came across an interesting, sleek, cylindrical, black container that I would've NEVER thought was tea tbh LOL. And just my luck, it was green tea ♥

I found it fascinating because the pyramid-shaped teabag was originally so empty-looking that I thought I was being ripped off. ._. So I set it to brew and left for a few minutes, except when I came back IT WAS LIKE ALL THE SHRIVELED LEAVES WOKE UP WITH THEIR LEAFY ARMS OUTSTRETCHED AND YAWNING FROM THEIR LONGTIME SLUMBER AND THEN HAD BABIES OF IRON BECAUSE THAT SHIT WAS NOW GIGANTIC AND HEAVY IT WAS LIKE FUCKING SORCERY and it tasted so good I had to brew a few more cups with the same teabag even though you're not supposed to do that. #rebel

So I stalked Zenique's website and wow, I am not surprised that it's all organic because the tea's really light, but it's heavenly and refreshing.
I now have a favorite tea.<3

AND I JUST FOUND OUT THEY ONLY SELL IT IN TAIWAN AND THIS RANDOM POST IS REALLY ONLY BECAUSE I'M BOOHOO'ING OVER IT AND WANT SOMEONE TO GO TO TAIWAN AND GET ME SOME

I Miss You

(....the Korean drama. Don't worry; I'm fine LOL.)

BECAUSE SOMETIMES I GET REALLY OVERWHELMING FEELS FROM DRAMAS.
(though the feels are a LOT dimmer now because I've been meaning to write this blog since 12 days ago but never found time to get past the first line)

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT BTW.

I would write this on my entertainment blog like what I did with Reply 1997, but rather than an overview/"you should watch this!" promo entry, this is more personal--plus full of my fangirlness.

Okay so where to even start? The drama is really good. It's one of those dynamic stand-out dramas that have something special and YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS but it has to be classified as a "good" drama.

It is, however, a dark melodrama that is clouded by bullying, violence, murder, and even rape. I read somewhere on someone's review that it's a series befitting for a sadomasochist? At first, I didn't understand this--although the very notion intrigues me and further drew me towards giving it a try--but now I think I agree fullheartedly. Everything's really twisted, and even as a viewer, I feel kind of twisted as well.

So the plot.. The story tells of a boy (Han Jungwoo) and girl (Lee Sooyeon) who find each other at 15 and it's the most beautiful and pure tale: they give each other exactly the strength that their lonesome selves needed the most, and eventually a feeling deeper than friendship blooms. All they can see is each other--all they know is each other. And what I really appreciate is that their friendship is equally beautiful as their unspoken love.
Unfortunately (and there's always an unfortunately), they're separated by the most painful of events, and meet again by chance 14 years later, never having forgotten each other.

Sounds pretty generic at first. First love, separation, meet and fall in love again "you are my first love I can never forget you!!!!" lovey dovey blah blah. And at first, I doubted the whole separated-by-the-most-painful-of-events thing.. I mean, how bad could it be?
.____________________. Oh boy was I wrong. Oh boy. This is one DARK-ass drama. If you didn't think the misfortune could get worse, no I'm pretty sure the writers thought of something new to grab at your heartstrings and squeeze them til the cry for mercy. Definitely brought out a lot of tears from me. And when it's not tears, it's just....absolute shock or anger or just. FEELS. FEELS ERRRRWHERE. It's a really intense drama lol.

And it's very well contrasted by the light fluffiness that is the pure friendship and love of our young protagonists.
And I know they're technically not kids anymore, but teens.. but I will refer to them as the kids and the child actors, partially because of the "innocent children" portrayal and nature of the young Jungwoo and Sooyeon.

I really loved watching their childhood together. Honestly, it was only reason I started being interested in the drama at all. xD I saw some cute GIFs of young Jungwoo and Sooyeon together and was like WAT DRAMA IS THIS?? so I googled it and was super surprised to find a .. mature, intense-looking drama starring JYJ's Yoochun, Yoon Eunhye, and Yoo Seungho. O_o

Not gonna lie, but from the start, I wasn't very interested in the adult cast. xD I feel like a total pedo saying this but I .. prefer.... children? in general? And and and I really like the child cast for this drama. THEY'RE SO CUTE. Also, I'm not one of those girls that're currently ga-ga over Yoochun although I like him. Before even starting the drama, I thought to myself, "I'm probably gonna watch this lightheartedly and then stop when it starts showing them as adults."

Uh. Prediction was correct. I've been following the episode recaps (because I'm curious about the story now) but I can't..bring myself to keep watching the drama. The transition to Jungwoo and Sooyeon's adulthood was very rocky for me.

And it makes me really sad to see just how much Jungwoo and Sooyeon have changed. ;A; It's understandable, but it's also a bit hard to swallow? to see the ever-gentle (although cowardly) Jungwoo become an obsessed, fiery-tempered man.
But Sooyeon is the one that hit me really hard.

Because young Sooyeon is like the epitome of frail and pitiful, but persistent innocence. She was like the prettiest, pure white flower in the fields of corrupted arrogance--always trampled on and torn to pieces, battling the wind and rain AND SHE STILL COMES OUT OF IT being the prettiest, most down-to-earth (no pun intended), and untainted white flower. There's something about Sooyeon that's so innocent, even if she talks about being a murderer's daughter and even if she has countless scars.

But to see how twisted and vengeful, cunning, and broken Sooyeon becomes in her adulthood.
It's why I couldn't bring myself to keep watching the drama. Because it's so true to life, because it's so damn realistic. AND IT'S SO SAD how easily innocence can be ruined--how the most pure and happy children can grow up to be bitter and hateful.

It kind of hit me especially hard because I feel like I can relate. ;w; Although I haven't been through things nearly as traumatic as Sooyeon, I know things like bullying for a child can really scar them for life. It hurts a lot and changes you. I'm always saying I'm just a twisted, hateful person (who's awkwardly antisocial, to boot) and it surprises some people because they would've perceived me as a happy, pure, and kind [?] person on the surface. I've surprised quite a few people, actually, with the other sides to me. Ttly irrelevant to this post though.



NOW CAN I PLEASE JUST MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE THE CHILD CAST

I feel
like such a pedo
holy shit.

Okay first let's address Yeo Jingu, who plays young Han Jungwoo. YEO JINGU. WHY ARE YOU 15 YEARS OLD. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. WHY ARE YOU SO CHARISMATIC AND CHARMING BUT ADORABLE BUT 15 YEARS OLD. I'M TTLY PEDO CRUSH'ING OVER YOU AND DASS NOT GOOD. I hate that I've become one of those noona fangirls. He's actually very mature for his age though, in personality and thinking and in his deep voice.
It's interesting to look at pictures of him from even earlier in his acting career because that little kid grew up to be such a handsome devil.

And Kim Sohyun.

QURL. :<
She's perfect. I have a giant pedo girlcrush on her too, ngl LOL. HOW IS SHE ONLY 13 YEARS OLD......? She's talented and sweet, and her face is fucking flawless: angelic and doll-like aaaahh she's gorgeous.



Can we just give all of this year's awards to these two brilliantly impressive actors?
They convey emotions, ideas, and naturalness better than many adult actors I've seen. (Is it also bad that I can't help but ship them now because they have such good chemistry--)

I almost wish they had a drama all to themselves, not only because I prefer the protagonists when young, but also because they're just so good. I could watch them forever.

Kim Sohyun especially deserves all of the applause in the world for her performance in the later scenes of their childhood (mainly in the warehouse and on the road after ;x; oops I said nothing). To be 13 years old... and to act out that kind of a traumatic experience.... to execute it so well, to pull off such a range of emotions, to be able to make the audience cry. Actress Kim Sohyun, you have all my respect.
(Guhhhhh and she's so adorable and nice irl too. She's too perfect. Make it stop; I'm jealous.)

#EvasanaConvos pt. 3

[5:14:16 PM] Chiisana: oh yeah LOL I was eating rice and I was like
[5:14:21 PM] Chiisana: don't people say that eating rice will make you fat
[5:14:38 PM] Chiisana: but wait asians eat rice like 3x a day
[5:14:59 PM] Chiisana: -googles how asians eat so much rice but don't get fat-
[5:15:15 PM] Eva: .........
[5:15:24 PM] Eva: what a life you lead.
[5:16:02 PM] Chiisana:
ONE MAN'S EXPLANATION: As you can see from the old Chinese ladies that power walk everywhere, asians live a much more active lifestyle, and thus is why they don't gain the weight.

Me: ................-looks at myself- ......INACCURACY. -closes article-
[5:16:30 PM] Eva: LOOOOOOL

BLOGCEPTION 2012 ver.

This is from my private xanga, and it's something I never shared with my public blogs even though it's been running for 6 years.
But being someone that's really self-absorbed and is obsessed with self-analysis and self-improvement, I find this REAAAALLY interesting LOL. It's also why I've always liked blogging--other than preserving memories, I like documenting things that happen in my life and being able to read them again later. I like reliving the past and seeing just how I've changed as a person.

I mean, this starts with the me from middle school. And now I'm in my second year of college. :D It's funny because I change drastically.......but at the same time, I REALLY DON'T CHANGE AT ALL. I mean, I'm still doing this HAHAHA. But I feel like it represents me so well.. Like I'm transparent..

Except my responses keep getting longer and longer, and it really reflects how long-winded and persnickety I've become.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Monday, December 03, 2007

Know you're my yogurt, Lucifer?

So I've been reading old xanga entries of mine.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

[7:55:56 PM] Evalasting: lawl =w=
[7:56:05 PM] Evalasting: so the other day i was watching PBS Kids as always and this girl hugged her dog
[7:56:08 PM] Evalasting: and i was like
[7:56:10 PM] Evalasting: ;______;
[7:56:11 PM] Evalasting: i want a dog..
[7:56:13 PM] Evalasting: or a boyfriend.
[7:56:23 PM] Chiisana: awww ;w;
[7:56:46 PM] Chiisana: same difference 8D
[7:57:08 PM] Evalasting: exactly LOL
[7:57:15 PM] Chiisana: except dogs are more loyal and wouldn't ever want to leave you ;w; LOL

ASDLKFJSDFLF LMFAAAOOOOOOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WE'RE SO BAD

Recently, it was Paul's (Shrurikan@twitter; Tidus2300@yt) birthday so Candy (CandyCHUU@yt; _candify@twitter) and I did a trio with the wonderful and amazingly talented Charles!!

bear minimum effort for fatass' birthday
(user/candyCHUU)

Inside jokes:
1. We call Paul a "fatass bear" and sometimes "Charles"
2. After the three of us watched the video for Lucifer's misheard lyrics, we started calling each other "yogurtbby"

I spent way too much time mixing something that's supposed to be the "bear" minimum effort LOOL. Mixing a voice generator was interesting~ Can I also mention how cute Candy's art is?

I like our lack of hesitation towards profanity.

[12/4/2012 2:53:58 PM] Ryan: hehe
[12/4/2012 2:54:05 PM] Ryan: I love when Eva says "shit" and "bitch"
alsdkfj puahahaha<3

There can be miracles when you believe.

Wonder Girls (Sunye & Ye Eun) - When You Believe ("The Prince of Egypt" OST)

I've been listening to this on repeat for the past 4 hours. ;w;
Hits me right in the heart.
My only source of strength right now.

Tender memories of a perfect summer.

Lately, every time I think a group of people are like a family, the cookie crumbles at the hand of reality. It's comforting to know that in the end, I still have them, and that the bubble-like memories are no lie.