Late night rambling #11

Sometimes you kind of wonder at what point you started giving too much of a shit about image, how people perceive you, how you present yourself, acceptance, and the weight of vanity and insecurity as driving forces in your approach as a social being.
Like.
I accidentally went down 2 years.. 4 years.. into my facebook posts. Specifically the posts I wrote. First of all, I'm shocked that I used to write any posts at all considering how utterly reserved and fearful I am now towards facebook? I was much more open, was willing to be stupid, wasn't as afraid to put myself and my words out there on a platform frequented by those who physically surrounded me but didn't know me. Then I remember that back then, I was in high school or had just graduated, and I was still a kid and didn't need to care that much. I guess? I wonder if I'm regressing, being less bold and confident, clinging back to my shell? Or is this a part of growing up and me wanting not only to be more adult-like in nature, but to be acknowledged as more mature and levelheaded. I'M ACTUally really... like what happened to me?! I used to post things on facebook?! I can't do that anymore!! Why not? Why can't I just not give a shit? Why can't I let it go and just embrace me and not care if others don't understand or accept 'me?' It's strange that I find it unfortunate that people don't know much about me yet I'm too ashamed of who I am to show myself beyond a few pictures once in a while. I don't know why I'm so embarrassed of myself and my interests. How do others do it and not care if people might think they're weird? Image should not actually be this important.

I'm incoherently brain fried yaaaay I'm also getting pretty sleep-deprived as of late and holy shit busy busy :'D
Also I went on my company cruise last weekend! I want to post some pictures but that requires actually being at home and sitting in front of my computer for more than half an hour not doing homework or with my brains fried out or rebelling against productivity because of overload/overtime at work or too exhausted to do much.