Quick thoughts... (+ bass !?)

 ...because these days I feel like that's all I have the energy for. TT

Lately I feel more than ever like I can only handle things in bite sizes. So many things I want to do or need to finish that feel overwhelming... Things that have been on the backburner that are difficult to bring myself to work on—when will those ever be done? It's going to take so much time. And as they're "bigger" projects I feel more pressure to make them up to...some kind of standard.

I wonder why this is significantly more of a struggle for me now than before.

Perhaps an unhealthy need for instant gratification I've developed? Reduced attention span and ability to focus for long periods required to make a satisfying amount of progress? My creativity running dry fast and in bursts and not wanting to waste that inspiration? Too many interests, thoughts, and ideas I want to move on quickly to?

Always feeling like I have to deliver to a high standard? Not that I really deliver but I definitely feel the burden and paranoia of those expectations... Even for small things, I'm still expending a lot of time overthinking, reviewing, redoing, feeling pressure, feeling guilt... I can't just do things once or halfheartedly and call them done—but it's more handleable in bite size!

Definitely could also be having less time to spend to work on hobbies as well as having multiple interests... There are sometimes periods where I have little free time, but that's not true right now. But even with my time, I think that now more than ever there's more things to spend it on? Dividing my time between a lot of different desires or needs, and especially now with prioritizing exercise for my health.

Actually, it's ironic because I certainly feel frustrated at how many singing projects I'm in that are still stuck in the pipeline unreleased (though to be clear: this post isn't just about singing projects) and part of it probably is wanting to experience that dopamine of finishing things or putting them out for the world to see—releasing small projects has been super fun! The irony is that I myself in my state of overwhelm am taking forever to finish my part on certain big singing projects... One that I'm mixing, one that I'm animating... Giving those up and commissioning someone else I've contemplated yet I don't want to let go ;; Although I may have bitten off more than I can chew, they're both things I greedily want to get better at and should practice! (Both of those projects are still missing other components so I'm not the only bottleneck but it absolutely weighs heavily on me nevertheless...........)

-

Oops so much for quick thoughts LOL this turned into a much longer post than expected! Irony.

Recently with me considering if I need to find a hobby that doesn't contribute to my eye strain (which I always have thanks to my job) one idea was learning to play bass guitar which I'd wanted to do back in high school? Absolutely inspired by K-On! and the most iconic anime bassist Akiyama Mio. 👑 Then this idea was enforced from watching Bocchi the Rock! last season and encouragement from Fome and other friends who either also play instruments or just started learning themselves.

So as part of the noodling process I went to look at basses at a store, learned about the different models, held one for the first time, tried out what it would feel like to hold down and pluck the strings.........

of course picked out the one most similar to Mio's hehe

I'm not sure! I think a dealbreaker for me is finding an instrument that I'll want to spend time with—that suits my specific visual preferences and physically feels comfy. But also don't want to spend too much money and I like the idea of owning secondhand (more eco friendly as well!) which would even further limit my choices lol.

And of course, I just don't think I'll be very good at it, being musically and rhythmically more challenged than you'd expect for someone who enjoys singing. Struggling is not fun. 🫠 Who's to say whether I'll end up finding instrument practice to be a cause of stress or a relaxing pastime as intended?

But the part that's relevant to this post is that...I don't know if I can justify starting a whole new hobby when I feel like I still have so much to finish or should do to get closer to my goals. ;; I'm going to keep thinking, well, if I have time to practice the bass then I probably have time to do any of the 8451854 things demanding my attention!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

So stupid but even for posting this inconsequential rambling I was like, "Screw it I'm just going to publish without proofreading!!" but still couldn't resist temptation and went back and rewrote a few things because I used too many em-dashes and it was bothering me. lol perfectionist insanity

Truth or Dare

I've a few longer posts in progress, no time lately to sit with them, so a quick update for now!

New fandub new fandub ✨

My friend Mii suggested we do a Genshin voice acting collab together and we thought this fanmade MMD skit of Mona and Layla was hilarious (it's sooo good) so we got permission from the animator Monolithia to dub over it. 🙏

I believe this is the most viral tweet I've ever been involved in...? It was so shocking to wake up to—as of posting, it has 400 retweets and 1700 likes. 😳 Though judging from the replies from randos, I think most viewers are simply fixated on how amazing the animation is (rightfully so) rather than admiring our voice acting but welp.

#GenshinImpact fandub with Eva!

Mona » @waterpixieva
Layla » here o/

» We were given permission from the animator to post « pic.twitter.com/Rcb1shjpx6

— MiiTang @ comms open (@miitangwu) January 12, 2023

(also on TikTok)

A fun little project! Mii is such a wonderful match for Layla—I'd always described her voice as soothing, smooth, and pretty... Soft... I could listen to her speak forever.

I'd never tried doing a Mona voice before so this was an interesting challenge; my first fandub with such a nasal tone. Not totally satisfied with the "Go to sleep!!" because I had to choose between shouting to emote the line correctly, or maintaining the somewhat soft and textured timbre I wanted to emulate from Mona's Japanese voice (I'm not experienced enough yet to shout while controlling that) plus keeping in mind the character's levelheaded personality... In the end I chose the take that sounded more "Mona" to me, sacrificing projection and emotion, but it's okay—it's a reference point for when I improve one day, right?!

Ditto 💕

The other day I wrapped on something towards which I'd been spending a lot of my spare time, declared "I'M FREEEEEE!" and immediately recorded a yolo short cover hahahaha.

First time singing something for fun since Everything Goes On all the way back in July!

Practically half a lifetime ago; it'd been so long already. 😭

I've been obsessed with NewJeans' entire discography, and their latest tune on loop has been the comfy, sentimental, soothing, winter band arrangement of their latest song Ditto performed on It's Live.

This is something I've said frequently but I'll repeat it each time til my mouth runs dry: some of the moments I cherish most are those of feeling inspired, sparkling desire to sing something spontaneously, and then being privileged enough to have the time and health to do it. ;u; Even better if I actually finish something to share. Between inspiration, time, health, or a combination—from July until now I would cycle through lacking these things... Finally was able to experience that fulfillment again!

felt like singing a bit of "Ditto" by NewJeans (arrangement they performed on It's Live) 💗 pic.twitter.com/2b0bTHADnK

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) December 25, 2022

(also unlisted on youtube in case twitter breaks)

I do adore that next part of the song and hoped to include it but unfortunately my voice isn't up for it yet... Although I haven't been up to much proper singing in the past few months I've been doing vocal function exercises to try to rebuild/relearn the functionality of my vocal cords and breathing and the entire sound system. It definitely, physically feels like things have changed. Supporting my voice doesn't work the way it used to. My voice very easily breaks, becomes fatigued quickly, and the existence of my head voice keeps fluctuating... I'm considering seeking a voice therapist/coach to hopefully guide my recovery, but for now luckily most of the song was in a lower range I happened to be in condition for.

😭😭😭😭😭 People have been insanely sweet.............

Genuinely did not expect this short cover to receive this much love and resonate with so many people especially within my particular demographic reach (leaning more towards anime than k-pop) and considering it's a lazy bedroom facecam rather than compelling, pretty, illustrated aesthetics. Not to mention the lousy instrumental. I'm thankful that so many gave my singing a chance!

All of the interactions have been shocking...heartwarming...and tenderly raised my self confidence. Makes me happier with this cover than I'd been initially; it has set me all aglow. I'm so honored. 💗 Personally I do have a few reasons to be proud but none of them I think are necessarily reasons that others would appreciate this piece haha.

While recording I actually came close to giving up because I felt I didn't suit the song; only kept going on account that I already learned it and should record something even if not for sharing. Unlike the horrid lie insinuated by the video appearing like a oneshot, in truth it took a whole 92 recordings to piece together this tiny cover..... Took plenty of takes before figuring out the timbre and energy I ended up being satisfied with but I'm glad I got there—aimed for soft, hopeful, light without being too thin, slightly breathy, and relaxed! Personally I dislike the phrasing in much of my singing so I paid careful attention to that here, especially holding out notes to not sound rushed, and mostly am happy with those results. Also could possibly be my best pronunciation of Korean, as well as depiction of each line's meaning, yet?

Feels like I was able to thwart many of my bad habits in this little project. Progress. ✊

One final note: I'm pretty pleased with how the Medium Effort mixing of the vocals turned out. As long as you close your ears to the noise of this necromantic instrumental lolol. Pitch correction plays a huge part of a polished sound and I accidentally came up with this three-layer method that seemed to work: 1) applied natural-sounding autotune, 2) then did rough manual tuning fixes, 3) applied autotune again but extremely subtle. Each step just kind of cleans it up a little more without being too strong or sounding unnatural. Fairly polished without too much effort; I'll try it again on a future mix!

Bernard Park - "소년의 노래 (Neverland)" Lyrics + Translation

SPOILERS FOR ARTISTOCK GAME IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS SHOW.

            ❝You're still young. It's not late at all for you to be starting your career.
So, don't pity yourself. Focus on making great songs.
You've worked hard.

❞            

I loved this scene so much. It nearly moved me to tears and punched me in the gut extra hard since Bernard Park is the same age as me; and I'm really glad he was told the exact words that he needed to hear. Thankful that he shared such a vulnerable story with all of us.

This comes after Bernard Park's delicate, emotional, beautiful performance of his new song "소년의 노래" which translates to "A Boy's Song." The official English name of the song seems to be "Neverland."

It's about his lifelong dreams of singing and making music, the innocence he had back then, how hard the journey's been, how jaded it's made him throughout the years, the hopelessness that comes with age. Or at least I think... It breaks my heart that I can't find any form of translation of the song, much less even the Korean lyrics aside from what's embedded in the performance video. 😭

The first few lines of the song are so potent that I wanted to try translating them—and found out how much fun it is deciphering and depicting something so bitterly poetic... Also surprised myself by knowing more Korean than expected! So although I'm not fluent, I'm challenging myself to attempt translating an entire song for the very first time!! As well as transcribing the hangul based on the video as typing practice.

No guarantees but I hope this'll serve as something until someone does the proper translation that this masterpiece deserves. Truly an underappreciated song.

By the way I just finished watching Artistock Game because Mnet's music survival shows have a chokehold on me, and I would certainly recommend it if you enjoy those shows! Rather than focusing on idols, the contestants are singers in various genres and industries, songwriters, musicians—and it's all about their creation of a performance. Whether it's instrumental arrangement, melody and harmony arrangement, choreography, conceptualization, lyric writing, storytelling, teamwork, forming close friendships through collaboration... Youtaite can relate lmao. I loved that this show gave a platform to a lot of talented musicmakers whom I would probably never have heard of otherwise and hopefully will kickstart many of their careers. Artistock Game is just wholesome through and through—full of talent, passionate creatives, good eggs, good music, and glorious performances!

버나드 박 - 소년의 노래
Bernard Park - A Boy's Song (Neverland)

An Update!

I know that there are kind people that check up on me here and ones that read my previous post but respected my wish to not discuss it. ;u; If by chance I concerned anyone by not updating for a while, I wanted to say please forgive me and thank you. ❤️

Doing much better now physically and mentally and emotionally! I'm feeling healthier in every way.

At one point there was a little bit of a scare on account of my heart health—not too surprising since my heart has a history of acting up during periods of stress and not enough exercise... though my dramatic little ass did tell people I loved them before I went to bed that night, just in case lmfaaooooo. And as I said I'd do in my last post, I went to the doctor and found out I have somewhat high cholesterol.

So I've been eating much healthier. Sleeping and waking up earlier. My ankle is finally 100% healed!!!! Now I'm working out every day, learning a dance, jogging, being more active in general even in small ways. My energy levels are improved. Mood improved. Not feeling as weighed down by obligations as before. I feel empowered to take my time and to freely chase tiny happinesses and to make responsible decisions for my own wellbeing's sake and also hopefully give back more to the people that've taken care of me. ;v; Fighting fighting.

Please take care of yourself now. The holidays can be a rough time for many people, but I hope we can cherish our own existences and the time we have with which to spend finding meaningful things, big or small. Also I'm sending y'all love regardless of whether I'm at risk of cardiac arrest or not.

PS;; Guess who's been eating a lot of sushi lately because it's like the only remaining tasty thing that doesn't cause reflux or bad cholesterol kek

Vent

Light and Shadow

Constantly giving the update of "I've been busy" but I seriously mean it for this year's entire autumn season lolol. Lots of traveling—business trips to Austin and Washington DC.... Chicago was a personal trip but due to deadlines I made the mistake of not fully taking the week off (never again) which resulted in working late nights after spending the day with fome's parents..... Next week is Anime Expo Chibi down near LA where I'll be reprising what I did at AX earlier this year—supporting musical guest performers and photography! And somehow I'm going to be challenging taking photos at a wedding for the first time later this month...

This week alone has been insane too lol. What the heck.

• Monday - worked til 6 AM to finish draft of video to send to client (thankfully still slept 5 hours instead of pulling an all-nighter like last time)
• Tuesday - finalized video, it plays at the awards ceremony, lots of great feedback!! 🌟 sometime during this evening, a nasty bug bites my ankle :/
• Wednesday - flying home from DC ✈️ during the flight my ankle swells up to a balloon.... blisters develop.... it hurts so much I limp off the plane.
• Thursday - it's my recovery day from the big biz trip but parents wake me up early to go to urgent care, am prescribed medications
• Friday - meds make my ankle tolerable enough that I still went to our San Francisco stop of BAR Con's Light and Shadow Tour where I helped sell artist merch and took photos! 📸 with some fucked up luck, our tire went flat so after waiting for roadside assistance and slowly crawling along the highway on a dinky spare, didn't get home til nearly 5 AM.
• Saturday - i stopped existing literally just sleep and ded on the couch
• Sunday - ...that's today!

---

Before leaving for DC, I also worked on this little promo video for the tour~
Isiliel's reaction to it was so precious I died and went to heaven. 😭😭😭😭

#moonbowgathering#californiadreamin
Thank you everyone who made it to Northwest Idolfest to kick off the Light and Shadow Tour 2022! Next stop is BAR Con Carnival Phantasm 2, on Sunday, October 30! pic.twitter.com/RnKGmnBvrk

— BAR CON (@boozeanimerock) October 25, 2022

Anyway, for this post I just wanted to compile some of the photos I took at the SF show. It was fun, all the performers were fantastic, and I'm happy that I'll be supporting them next week at AX Chibi as well!

Rambling thoughts

...Rambling thoughts about eating, our relationship with eating as affected by the pandemic, bloating, weight/body type, body image, health, etc. I know that it may be overly personal, potentially insensitive, and not something that people would want to read about—please do not feel obligated to! It's very much #firstworldproblems.

Even most of my close friends have never heard me open up about this topic and I've debated for months whether to write this post..... but for a long time it's been a frequent occupant of my thoughts, so consider this an honest diary of my various experiences in life that I may look back upon in the future. ;v;

(By the way I'm writing this on the plane to Chicago!!

...and now continuing it heading home from Austin LOL busy times; I've worked on this post over a total of 4 flights now!!! ....Make it 5 flights. 🥲 Hopefully finalizing as I land in DC~ This has been in progress for over a month and written almost entirely from 30,000 feet in the air hahaha.) 

"quarantine" diary page 7

 << page 6

I've been really dragging my feet when it comes to blogging the past few months (generally been busy in good ways: doing fun things and exercising and relaxing more!), but this is something that I want to document since I wrote so much about my early pandemic experience. ;u;

Firstly, I got the new bivalent vaccine booster this week and highly encourage anyone to get it if they can!! As far as I know it's readily available for everybody in the US! This vaccine is vital because it protects against omicron which the previous iterations couldn't. 💪

[My biggest brain move ever specifically booking my appointment slightly out of the way but next to a matcha soft serve place... the taiyaki was perfectly toasty and warm and fluffy but also crispy and just mmmm everything a waffle should be, help I can't stop thinking about this all week.]

This makes it my 5th dose of the vaccine:

May 2021 - 1st and 2nd dose

Nov 2021 - 1st booster

April 2022 - 2nd booster *

September 2022 - Bivalent booster

That 2nd booster in April I believe saved my ass.... None of my friends had it because they never made it eligible to the public while they were working on a new, more effective booster (aka the one that just dropped)—which I disagree with since having some extra protection even if unideal while waiting is still worth something, right? :/ I was only able to get it by citing moderate risk due to my lung issues.

Aaaand then all of my friends caught COVID this summer.

Notably at Anime Expo, most of my friends were hit by it—including the person that I shared a hotel room with, had meals with, rode in a car with, interacted with maskless up until the day before they began feeling sick... Basically my exposure to the virus was certain and there's no reason I should've been the only one to escape scotch-free except that I had a more recent booster shot than everyone else. 😭🙏

It's really incredible how much I've done between April and now and still managed to never get sick...? Multiple business trips including one where thousands of students flew in from all around the globe (specifically this was my biggest reason to get that extra boost). Multiple anime conventions, KCON, concerts... Of course every step of the way I tried to be safe and only unmasked around friends—but I can say that about others who did the same and still caught it. :c

Anyway, your local COVID-conquering girl is gonna sign off now to chill and try to sleep early! I'm now exercising a lot more, frequently walking, sometimes jogging, feeling them muscle gains, have made small steps towards correcting my sleep schedule, I will turn my life around and become a healthy Eva!!

Stay well, friends ♡

Turnt Up 🌸✨

Quick post to say: a collab that I sang for all the way back in 2016 has conquered all odds and released today!! A miracle baby 🥺✨✨

Everything is so, so, so pretty—I love it all.....

Absolutely enamored......

Everyone has such a lovely and pretty voice, the art is beautiful and looks straight out of a game, designs are so stylish, the animation aesthetics are flawless and smooth, and mix is stunningly clean with godlike blend. 👏 Really honored to be in such a high-quality collab like this!

(Meanwhile, I shouldn't be too harsh on myself from six entire years ago but wants to close my ears during my solos hhh..... it sounds like I'm singing a different genre from everyone else, cries. Wish I'd sung it more prettily like everyone else... At least I do think I've improved at singing since then! Also isn't this art of me super cool!!! The artists went with putting my hair up and using my glasses as a necklace accessory—they made me such a hottie!!)

【11人合唱】 Turning Up ! - SQUARE MUSIQ cover

vocal || ♥ lizzzy → (here) @lizzzynya ♥ 사기 → (https://www.youtube.com/user/sagisapon) @sagisapon ♥ chiisana → (https://www.youtube.com/c/chiisanauta) @chiisanauta ♥ hinoe → (https://www.youtube.com/user/AqueousSky) @yuibunni ♥ hanami [はなみ] → (https://www.youtube.com/c/hanamiseason) @hanamiseason ♥ ✦nike → (https://www.youtube.com/user/nikessi) @nikessi ♥ NONON → (https://www.youtube.com/user/xpomusume) ♥ eva → (https://www.youtube.com/user/waterpix...) @waterpixieva ♥ ATEL → (https://www.youtube.com/user/atelierfive) @atelierfiveYT ♥ Takara → (https://www.youtube.com/user/Official...) @Taka_Ramen ♥ 네루 → (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs_H...) @konemeru mix || - hanami (time/tune) ♥ Eris (mix) → (https://www.youtube.com/serenityselixir) @squishyycatpaws illust || ♥ kao (sketch/line) → (https://twitter.com/tsukkaomi) -lizzzy (base) ♥ Siswrn (color) → (https://twitter.com/Siswrn_B) pv || ♥ Jaey → (https://www.youtube.com/c/Jaeyy) @BaeyYK script + initial organization || Takara revival organization || lizzzy

Everything Goes On 💫

The best part about being on hiatus as my throat heals is that although I can't join any collabs due to my unstable condition where I might find myself unable to sing for weeks at a time, it means that whenever I am able to sing I have freedom to record whatever it is I feel like!

My era of yolo short covers is back~ ✨

The Sunday morning before previous, I woke up to find that Chungha dropped a Korean version of Porter Robinson's "Everything Goes On" which is the new League of Legends song that I've been hearing everywhere, released for the new Star Guardian skins and animation!! And I do love me them magical girls!! And I love Chungha's gooooorgeous, emotion-driven singing.... And just this arrangement of the song is so beautiful, simply magical and enchanting and flowing. 🥺 I sighed and clutched my heart upon first listen, absolutely immediately fell in love, and had an inkling that I'd want to try to sing it if possible loooool.

While getting ready to go out, I couldn't stop listening to the song... Actually for nearly a month my throat condition wasn't great and in particular I could barely eke out or control my head voice which sucks because most songs are too high for me so I depend on it lol. Luckily it had been starting to come back so that morning was me testing it out along to this song—at that time I was skeptical that I'd be able to even sing the "looooonGER~" because it's a sustained note and then goes higher without any reset...

That was a super fun Sunday by the way! My friend pKotetsu (whom I wrote about in this post; he was one of our amazing animators for DREAM✦SCAPE) was in town for the Dreamcatcher concert so we spent a lot of time together hitting up good, good food spots. 😁🌟 I still think about that Sunday's food x friends adventure... My favorite matcha latte spot ever, mochi muffins, authentic Italian pizza, burnt brown sugar boba, mango sticky rice bingsoo, matcha warabimochi, unexpectedly really bomb wings that we got at the dessert place... Take me back to that day LOL.

I spent my 45 minute long drive home just looping the hell out of that song and continuing to test my head voice, began familiarizing myself with lyrics while getting unready, and then started recording it that same night HAHAHA. Until 3:30 AM... before a Monday... when I have work............

But it was too much fun. :3✨ I've said this again and again but I really think it's something special to cherish when you have something you desperately want to sing and you're able to spontaneously indulge yourself with it.

My condition wasn't perfect—in fact I would hate to give anyone the raw recordings in this when my voice often sounded scratchy or grating or unstable or not properly supported... And this song was exceedingly hard to sing... I got away with it(?) by doing the mixing myself and masking it with effects—used a lot of the same ones I showed in 0X1=LOVESONG and gotta say I'm pretty happy with how my "medium effort" mixing sounds now! It's a huge upgrade from before and sounds remotely polished enough despite not going much into the details or automating or having a clean instrumental. (I made this instrumental by taking an audio recording of the song off of youtube and removing the vocals in Audition...) All things considered, I'm fairly happy with how the end results sound 💖

short cover!! #youtaiteworks

"Everything Goes On" ✨

i absolutely fell in love with chungha's korean version of the new Star Guardians song (orig. by porter robinson) - the arrangement and lyrics are simply magical so i wanted to try singing it 💫 pic.twitter.com/VaZc4dmj1w

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) July 26, 2022

[or listen on Soundcloud!]

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) + Mix Breakdown

[Updated 7/26 with mix breakdown!]

 “0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)” / cover by Eva ft. chiisana

Vocals (TXT’s parts) / mix / video : Eva (youtube)  

Vocals (Seori’s part) : 小さな (youtube)

Chorus Artificial Harms Tuning : Scylla (comms open!)

Vocal Remove Instrumental : https://youtu.be/vLGDbH5FY08

---

I truly do not know how this became an entire cover with a video uploaded to YouTube like this lmao.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been on-and-off vocal hiatus for the past year due to throat damage from laryngopharyngeal reflux! But esp the past few months with my condition fluctuating, I pretty much haven’t done any singing.

…Until one day I was in an angsty TXT mood (whom btw I've realized might have my current favorite discography among kpop boy groups?) and started singing this for fun… In fact, about 1/3 of the mains were recorded with speakers bc I thought of it as karaoke looool.

It’d been 1.5 months since I’d last sang so was basically testing my vocal condition—I expected my voice not to be able to handle low notes, pleasantly surprised, then I thought maybe rapping would be too much, was super happy since my last rap attempt my throat said nOPE, and DEFINITELY I thought I’d be skipping the chorus and loud parts, but big shock!!! Somehow….a cover came to existence!!

This was so fun—from the whole unexpected recording experience, mixing with lots of effects, getting to do a new yolo duet with the best friend (thank you chiisa for your angel voice and Sakura-chan!!!), pulling this video out of my ass…..

Thank you for watching and reading if you did ♡

I will sing lots more when I’m recovered!

---

PS: I got greedy and rushed to upload this the night before leaving for AX LOL. Kinda contributed to my dying but I'm glad I got this out there ;v; I'd like to do a little breakdown of the mix effects, maybe coming soon !?

---

Yaaaay I did it! Rather than a proper mix breakdown, I just showed everything that was on my effects chain—they're kind of the typical effects that I would use for vocals, especially kpop vocals that need to be thick and punchy, and ESPECIALLY since I only recorded one layer with no doubling!

mix breakdown ?! kind of !?

such a huge relief that ppl liked my mixing for the "0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You)" cover tysm 🥺

it was fun haphazardly piling on all the effects - so here is a breakdown of what's on my Vocal Bus as requested!#youtaiteworks pic.twitter.com/taWhCEyesq

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) July 13, 2022

Also a little demo of how the pitch phasing works since it's not super common but I think it makes a world of difference!!

Anime Expo 2022 📸✨

{ Currently listening to: "Stay This Way" by fromis_9 🎶 }

Things been crazy again lolololol.

Despite attending Anime Expo every year since 2012—HOLY IT'S BEEN TEN YEARS ? ! barring the two years it was virtual..... This year I hadn't planned on it until a month beforehand because the team I work with for BAR Con was either managing, representing, or collaborating with a bunch of music performers and we just needed more personnel on-site. It was thanks to volunteering at Fanime, having a great time with the team, meeting cool performers, and having so much fun taking photos that solidified my decision and I'm glad I went ;u; Hindsight certainly says I would've regretted not going.

The thing to regret though... most of my friends caught COVID. 💀 It's hard to pinpoint how and when. Miraculously considering I shared a room with someone who's been bedridden this past week, my body seems to have managed to fend it off entirely..? Shout out to my 2nd booster vaccine that I was able to get by citing mild immunodeficiency from my lung risk—you a real one. 🙏

It was definitely a different experience; Anime Expo in the past always felt like a bonding camp where I'd squish into a hotel room with too many friends and we'd just chill together, I cosplayed pretty much every year, and we'd leave at the end feeling like a little family with the stupidest inside jokes. It was the central place where we could meet our youtitty friends from all over the world and I helped out with organizing the AX Youtaite Meetup, sometimes vlogged, one year we even filmed Youtaite React. Heartwarming, bursting with friendship and things that became wild stories, mostly wholesome. Many of my favorite memories are of AX!

This year most of my typical friends hadn't planned on going... until just like me: many ended up there for staffing, boothing, or networking/work-related purposes. Pandemic isn't a good time for sardine-mode hotel room so we did our separate things. Very interesting that we've spent enough years attending the con and gaining experience/rank that we now stand on the other side of the velvet rope—my friends have become so powerful hahaha.

XXIX

Continuing into my 15th year !!! doing my personal "birthday" tradition of taking a mirror selfie with this shirt—and also as per tradition, it's late, seeing how my birthday was last month.

Gosh I really do not want to think about the fact that I'm 29 now LOL... It's too close to thirty, I can't do this. Not to propagate the ugly myth that one's life ends after your twenties but there are certain societal expectations that kick in; and I just personally don't check off the boxes in many departments such as life skills, aesthetics, independence, interests... There's so many things I can't do for myself and also don't necessarily care about nor have the energy for. I'm currently not interested in moving forward to any other "stage" in life. In general, my taste particularly leans more childish and less sophisticated, and I'm a late bloomer who only recently started to express things more so I wish to keep exploring that without probable judgment. Still don't feel like I'm even completely out of my shell or have shedded my social awkwardness yet. And I keep making more friends in their early-to-mid twenties and just do not want my age to ever be perceived again... 😣 I genuinely hate that I always feel so embarrassed of who I am (and pity my parents) for a stupid reason like not fitting societal norms even though I'm overall a hardworking, fairly responsible person and doing little harm. I could simply not care.

Funnily enough, I just revisited my post Twenty-eight from last year and not only did I use the exact same vocabulary, but also made a 180 degree swerve in mentality lmao. I'm weak now. It was easier to say all that at 28 than...y'know, that age that I am now. But those words do give me a bit more courage!

How quickly do things turn from "I don't need to check off requirements in order to feel worthy of my stage in life" to "I hate that I loathe myself because others will perceive me as unworthy."

I'm also not ready to watch my family grow old, or for things I've always known as sturdy to erode. I'm not ready to become the strong one, or to be fully confident in myself and everything I represent. I don't desire anything in my situation to change. Aging is terrifying and there's so little of adulthood that I want anything to do with...

Somehow this post went in an extremely grim direction, I'm so sorry LOL.

Like I said last year, right? In the end most of this stuff doesn't signify much. I'm really glad that I wrote that. ;u; Let's just do our best and be whoever we want to be in the precious time that we have.

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New in my style this year!!!

• I've committed to training my bangs to fall downwards so it's front bangs all the time now ✨
  
  
• Bought rings and started wearing 'em! My new favorite low-effort-high-visual-upgrade hack.
  
  
• Now almost exclusively wearing high-waisted pants and skirts 👌 (+ getting more into crop tops!)
  
  
• I won a Fitbit in the staff raffle from volunteering for Fanime :D!! I'd never owned one or a smartwatch before, so this was legitimately lifechanging and motivates me to try to exercise nearly every day. It is now a permanent attachment to this human body.

GI, pt. 1

Hello.... I'm just here to rant for a quick second. 😭

It's that time again where I be cryin' in my car after a doctor's appointment hahaha....... I need to go pick up meds and get home to continue my workday, but I wanna process my feelings first. Not bad news, just frustration!

So leading up to this I've been seeing an ENT about my throat issues since it really escalated last year, was diagnosed with laryngopharyngeal reflux (basically acid reflux affecting your vocal cords) and have been on medication and diet and lifestyle changes for 6 months. Typically with this treatment it should be resolved in about 3 months but even after 6 although it's improved tremendously, I don't think I'm quite "normal" yet?

The ENT referred me to a GI to get my stomach checked for any underlying/more serious causes to my reflux beyond the typical factors like food and certain lifestyle habits—but the nearest appointment I could get had a 3 month wait (at least ENT had the highest recommendation for this doctor) and today was finally, finally, fINALLY !! that day that I was hoping would give me progress and answers.