Hi it's 3 AM and I got home at almost 1 AM and showered and I am mentally feeling super awake whilst being very physically tired. It's so easy to pass off my dumb musings as Late Night Ramblings and not have to feel responsible for trying to sound coherent, intelligent, or meaningful HAHAHAHAHA
BUT YEAAAHH today was the best day I've had in a while and I am super gladddd I had such a fun day because it meant a lot to me and just ;^; was what I really needed I guess to bring my spirits back after being in slumps and being unmotivated and extremely antisocial in the past few days. (I'm out of school for summer now so I just.. go to work.. or wake up late and mope around in my room.)
What happened at one point today though was..
[1:01:13 AM] Eva: i'm simultaneously glad and sad that people perceive me as a dude lol
[1:01:41 AM] Chiisana: haha
[1:01:50 AM] Eva: at one point, (Guy #1) basically hit me with a shirt and (Guy #2) jokingly went at it and was like YOU DON'T DO THAT TO GIRLS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU
[1:01:58 AM] Eva: and (Guy #1)'s like SHE'S NOT A GIRL SHE'S LIKE A DUDE
[1:02:08 AM] Eva: and i'm like I....... OKAY I CAN'T DENY THAT QAQ;;;
Right now I'm kind of thinking about how there are pros and cons to being perceived as a dude.
On the plus side, it's nice to be less held to those pressures of being a girl... of having to look pretty and be cute and somewhat girly and nice and interesting and a little flirty but stylish and confident. Though I'm no tomboy. I'm not one to take care of or be confident in physical appearance, so this helps my self-consciousness a lot. It saves me from being judged as much.. and I'm not really compared to other girls, which is something I'm terrified of. My irl friends also like to rate girls based on appearance, and I really would like to avoid being rated. I also can act vulgarly as I always do and jokingly bully people which I enjoy doing because otherwise, I have the most boring character ever. And guys can (hopefully?) feel comfortable around me and not be pressured in their guy ways(?). They can also make their dumb guy jokes and be vulgar to each other, and I play along sometimes when I'm not being awkward me. And it's cool to sometimes be the girl that guys turn to for girl advice; I feel helpful.
And tbh most of my irl friends are guys, so...... yeah idk. I noticed that I get along with certain girls really well online because we meet through similar interests (#TeamNorcal and even my best friend Chiisana are all online-turned-irl-friends) but when it comes to irl, I have trouble getting along with girls. What few female friends I do have that I didn't meet online tend to not be very girly or high maintenance. I guess it's natural that I've become like one of the guys now???
On the down side, I'm perpetually friendzoned and perpetually friendzoning everyone I meet. And people think I'm scary and vulgar (negative connotation this time).
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There's a lot of pros and cons of being perceived as a guy/bro-friend/bro/etc XD
ReplyDeleteBut the like the pros, it's always nice to be with people that won't comment on looks and can just get along well ^^, sadly the con like you said is friendzone ;; But of course the beautiful Eva will get a guy when the time is right~ >A<
I agree~ Ebah will get the guy, yesyes!
DeleteYOUUUU GUUYYYYYYYYYSSSSS ////
DeleteHoho, just saying the truth~ XD
DeleteThat's actually kinda funny because some of the reverse happens to me while still leaving me as a supposed tomboy. Guys still do the "YOU DONT SAY THAT THERE'S A GIRL HERE" thing when I'm around. Sometimes, people expect me to actually dress up and be pretty and stuff (although I just flat out tell them I'm too lazy to). However, my voice and actions tend to be manlier than most of the guys here (not too much of a problem. We're in CALIFORINIA /o/) and creepy guys don't try me because I supposedly punch like a guy. I still get judged if I start making guy-jokes, though, and most of my irl friends are girls. S'just my family that wish my voice wouldn't sound so much like a guy and that I'd act more feminine and stuff. (Although having a deep voice got its own separate pros and cons LOL)
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