Food for Thought: Thought for Food

Oh boy, I foresee a messy post.
Unlike my first post labelled Food for Thought, I didn't assign myself a topic to explore, but rather several events recently triggered some thinking about things along the same theme--and I didn't string together a realization until like, fifteen minutes ago when I was in the shower.

So I was showering. And I take pretty long showers. So I was thinking about how some people shower really quickly--and I don't know how they do it, though they seem to share the same disbelief I carry but in the opposite direction. I remember someone once being like, "How can you be there for so long? It only takes a few minutes! You just put blah blah on, scrub, rinse, blah blah, and get out!" And I wish I could go back to that moment so I could interject with, "You missed the part where you just stand there for half an hour and think about your life principles!"

AND THEN LIGHT BULBS WENT OFF IN MY HEAD and I noticed a pattern in that those that I know to shower really quickly tend to not register as some of the more thoughtful people I know. (There are exceptions; please don't be offended!) And they're the type of people that don't slow down, don't dig deeply into matters, and whose minds are very preoccupied with the outside world. They're not the type to lie awake and reflect on things, and they tend to drive overly focused on the road and some still rush into reckless mistakes.

So I do kind of think that there's a correlation between slowing down and contemplating/reflecting a lot, and being more of a thoughtful and insightful person.

I really enjoy that I'm able to operate on autopilot once I'm in the routine of things. Most of my meaningful thinking, in my opinion, happens when I'm driving home from work/university or when I'm unleashing my inner prune taking forevershowers. ;u; It's great because half of my mind is still alert about the environment and functioning accordingly while the other half embraces its complete freedom.

And then today, Jeffrey asked me to read some intro paragraphs for two stories, then choose which was better. This was my response:

[7:24:18 PM] Eva: i have to say that i prefer the second one because it's more about internal exploration than external
[7:24:28 PM] Eva: i'd rather someone be lost in their thoughts and feelings than in a foreign location

AND THEN MORE LIGHT BULBS because I realized that this explains so many of my philosophies. In fact, years ago I actually wrote one of my personal statements (the essays you write for university applications lolol) about how others' greatest dream is to become a doctor so they can help others, but my ambition is to improve myself and become a better person. Like, I'm not a fun person at all but I think my moral code is strong? (That sounds so terrible.) I think it's important to reflection upon yourself and your beliefs and actions, sort things out, and know why you did certain things; it helps your self-discipline in the future. And if you understand yourself, you can more easily understand others--as long as you yourself aren't the only one you care to understand. It's like the whole "how can you love others if you can't even love yourself" thing but not. It sounds really selfish, but I think striving for self improvement and understanding makes you a less selfish person, which in turn benefits those around you. For example, you know you don't like being treated in a certain way, so why would you treat others in the same manner?

Then yesterday when I was walking to class (there's one long, but straight pathway to my classroom so the only thing that's getting lost is my train of thought), I was thinking and came to a conclusion about how being self-conscious can be a good thing as long as you're self-aware and not self-absorbed. Right? Right. RIIIGHT? I THINK SO! -nods-

I know there's a strong association, but I don't think being self-conscious necessarily equates to being insecure. Except it kinda sucks because I'm the most terrible combination of self-conscious (watchful of own actions and appearance), insecure ("ohmygod I suck"), shy ("I'm too scared!"), socially challenged ("I don't know what to do or say.."), socially anxious ("people are scary and they all hate me!"), and antisocial ("I hate all you people too.").

And that's probably why I don't go out and don't do things and don't see many people, and like to just sit around by myself and think and then ramble onto a blogger post. :'D