I am Mojo Jojo therefore I am not an identity that is not Mojo Jojo

[12:39:44 AM] Chiisana: I have to go brush my teeth and wash off all the make up and stuff sob
[12:39:48 AM] Chiisana: but..
[12:39:49 AM] Chiisana: ..
[12:39:50 AM] Chiisana: TT TT
[12:39:56 AM] Chiisana: but..
[12:40:06 AM] Eva: but if you do it now.. ;A; you can go bed
[12:40:09 AM] Eva: right after
[12:40:10 AM] Eva: RIGHT after
[12:40:11 AM] Eva: bed
[12:40:13 AM] Eva: warm bed
[12:40:26 AM] Chiisana: true TT TT my bed's not that warm but trueee
[12:41:22 AM] Eva: warmer than you'll be when you're not in bed, which is your current reality which you should probably fix because you could probably be warmer than this and by that i mean you could have the warmth that your bed would give you, which you are lacking right now.
[12:41:25 AM] Chiisana: .....yes
[12:41:25 AM] Chiisana: LOOOL
[12:41:28 AM] Eva: #MojoJojomode

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO ENJOYABLE and by that I mean that I am able to enjoy this joy to the greatest depth that an able enjoyer would have the ability to possess the joy of enjoyment.

Untitled

I tried really hard for about a week to not be too ranty, irrelevant, overly personal or emotional, BUT I GUESS THIS IS WHERE I ADMIT DEFEAT. Boredom is pulling at my fingers to type away at every trivial thought to cross my mind. Boredom is truly the best puppeteer--manipulative, persuasive, and a deceptive bitch you dislike but can't hate.

My throat took a turn for the worse this week, after giving me a brief ray of optimism. I haven't been singing at all (not even in my car!!), I regularly try to keep speaking to a minimum, I've been sleeping at normal times, I recently bought a humidifier for my room, I resisted the overbearing temptations of coffee and tea, and I gave up cold foods/beverages. IN CONCLUSION: I'VE BEEN GOOD. :c REALLY GOOD.
But some days ago, I started having coughing attacks which adds onto my initial trouble with falling asleep. I want to point fingers at my gross classmates that cough without covering their mouths or emit B.O. and germs, but that's just me being a paranoid germaphobe.

I'm not even sick but I discovered this morning that it hurts to swallow. >_>
Kind of wish that I were really sick though so that I could go home early. F-five more hours.. just five more hours.. Then my break starts.

Spring break really couldn't have come any later... I've been living on a thread promising to lead to Spring break, starved and even though I knew it had to come eventually, it was always, "oh, one more month," "oh, two more weeks." FINALLY THE BAIT IS IN FRONT OF MY NOSE and I'm trying to bite but I can't quite reach and it smells half-rotten anyway. BUT I NEED IT.. WHY WON'T YOU COME TO ME?

Unfortunately, Spring break doesn't sound like a break at all. =__= I was actually doing homework last night because I'm scared I won't have time during break to get everything done. Really. I didn't think I'd be desperate enough to do homework the night before a week-long break (ignoring today b/c no class) and RIGHT after conquering midterm after midterm.
I have a presentation the day we return to class.. my entire script for the 3-5 minute show I'm producing is due next Wednesday during Spring break.. I still have to go to work.. AND worst of all, it's my jury duty week. -gagging noises-

ALL I WANT IN LIFE IS TO BE ABLE TO TOAST IN BED SNUGGLED IN MY ELECTRIC BLANKET AND DROWNING IN K-DRAMA FEELSSSSS

Baby Steps

..So following yesterday's shopping spree camwhore session, this is today's attempt to dress a little girlier. herp.

Not really as lacy, frilly, and flowery as the stuff in the store we visited yesterday, but still a little out of my comfort zone. ;A; Baby steps~
(I got this blouse back in October but this is my first time wearing it outside because I'm a wimp. I guess it's okay because I literally know nobody in my class so it's not like anyone can look at me and be like, "hey that doesn't match your personality you twit!!!")

Jeggings are so niceeee. orz Now I don't wanna go back to regular jeans.

I wouldn't dare wear the bow in public though. =u=;; That's just for fun ㅋㅋㅋ

Two years ago I integrated the color pink back into my daily wardrobe. Last year, I started wearing dresses again. This year, I'm working on wearing skirts casually and I guess just being able to pull off girlier clothes in general. D:
OTL because while everyone else started caring about clothes in middle school.. I only started in junior year of high school, so I'm still playing catch-up. how2style how2aesthetics idek




Since I decided to name this post that anyway, here: have SNSD TaeTiSeo's song that I really like.<3

Shopping!

"it’s really about time I learned how to do my own makeup decently since I’ll…be 20 next year (sob T n T). I discovered the wonders of trying to line my left eye with my right hand today and it was interesting <.<"

(from the raburii Mimi's new tumblr post! she's so cute gdi)

....CRY. I'm turning 20 too soon and I can't do jack shit.
I look at my selcas and I'm just like, ...you didn't even try.



So about today!!

[3:28:17 PM] Eva: oh man i am so unbelievably bored today lol
[3:28:24 PM] Eva: i literally have/had nothing to do for the entire weekend
[3:30:23 PM] Chiisana: man.. ;w; my mom promised she'd take me [shopping] because I need to buy my clothes for [my play]
[3:30:32 PM] Chiisana: but she just got home from Volleyball and is now too lazy .-.
[3:30:49 PM] Eva: oAo
[3:30:51 PM] Eva: wanna go? LOL
[3:30:53 PM] Eva: i have nothing to do

HEH.
HEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It's funny because just last night I was thinking about how I got my tax refunds deposited, and how I rarely spend the money that I work for. So just today, I donated a pretty large sum to the elementary school I went to. (YEH, GIVING BACK TO THE COMMUNITY -coolstance-)
I did not anticipate splurging on clothes today LOLOLOL.. Oh well! I'll stay away from shopping for a bit now. ;v;

It was our first time going to this mall together, and my first time going in probably a year or longer despite it being my proclaimed favorite mall. It seemed there were some changes that worked out in our favor~

There was a clothing store called 1st Impression, and I SWEAR I WANTED TO BUY EVERYTHING IN IT. Everything was too too cute. ;A; Asian fashion is pretty hard to find around here, surprisingly, so it was like we unlocked a treasure trove. Plus, extreeeeemely affordable prices.
Unfortunately, the really only setback was the fact that the material and sewing work seemed to lack in quality. In a way, I would compare this store to those Asian wholesale sites except better and not quite as cheap.

We spent a good long time in that store >u< Srsly it was too painfully cute... Our first impression of 1st Impression (hurhurrr) was, "MYST WOULD LOVE THIS STORE." HAHA.

But yeah.. unfortunately donning girly, lacy, frilly, flowery things would be kind of too big a leap for me.. :/ I know I wouldn't actually wear most of the things in that store but I bought some of the more boring clothes lol.


I think a fraction of the joy in new clothes is getting to play "hey let's pretend I'm a model!" when I get home. =w=;; I can't lie and say that I never thought it might be fun to try modelling, considering my height... But my mirror and non-pro camera are satisfactory enough of an audience.

WARNING WARNING

I HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH FUN CAMWHORING

Obviously a productive day

(hahahaha...ha......)

I finally came across the square icon generator that's been all the rage lately

I can't tell what's more painful:
the yellow lighting of my room or the poor photoshop job.

Hey it's less ugly now

I started realizing lately how much I hated the layout of my blog which I totally ignored before because I'm blind towards aesthetics. I just jumped in there and started writing and spamming crap without caring what it looked like.

So I thought, hey I should try to change the template. So I tried and I am failing so hard and I can't do HTML anymore and none of these websites are giving good instructions and blogger won't let me customize shit either so I'm just like ??????! I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER for dealing with aesthetics. This is why I stopped drawing (or maybe it's because of this that I lost my creative sense) and don't want to animate videos anymore. I can't make things pretty, be it physical appearance or art or even a damned webpage >:c
HOW DOES THIS WORK?


Edit:
It's been like 3 hours and I FINALLY successfully put in a new template, fixed the general formatting, and put back most of the important things that were missing. Like the fucking navigation bar at the top of the site. Like, seriously, I probably spent a good hour JUST going from website to website for HTML/CSS help to put that dumb bar back up there.
And then I had to put the stupid "Quick Edit" pencil back so I can edit posts on the fly.. and then even the buttons at the bottom of posts for sharing, which for me is just so you can freaking tell when each post ends. Way too much effort for these dumb tasks. :c
And now I'm off on another journey to bring back the option to reply to comments....

Something's very wrong if it's this troublesome just to change your template. =.=

I didn't ask for this, Google

OH MY GOD.
(see this for the context of that picture)

I AM LIKE LAUGHING BUT REALLY SCARED BUT AMUSED BUT SHOCKED BUT CONFUSED AND WEIRDED OUT. I DIDN'T KNOW THEY PLACED MATCHING RESULTS WITHIN YOUR PERSONAL IMAGE BANK IN YOUR GOOGLE SEARCHES.


But yeah, I was pulling up a FBND picture because I wrote up another long post thing about the dramas I'm currently watching.
I'm drowning in drama feels right now glubglubglubbbbubbubbbbb

in which I am overwhelmingly self-absorbed

I think I just come here to ramble and let my mind loose when I don't feel like doing things I should be doing (i.e. studying for tomorrow's midterm WOOPS but I'm actually doing it dw) and don't want to tweet.

Kind of random but just something I was thinking about. Probably triggered by Sonny's recent blog move haha.

It is pretty silly that I took my move from my wordpress to here so seriously, with my sappy goodbyes and too obvious attachment to inanimate .. cyber.. sites of binary code or some shit. Looking back, I magnified the transition into some huge ordeal as if it were life-changing for me. All so unnecessary LOL. EVERYBODY PROBABLY SIDE-EYED ME. I WOULD TOO TBH.

But after some thinking, I can somewhat understand why I felt the way I did--because I was letting go of past expectations for me and the image with which a lot of people that knew me online perceived me. Kind of like I burned the old Eva and unleashed the inner-lying beast instead hahaha. I did grow/change and my online presence couldn't keep up with me.

It makes me really glad that I can still be in touch with some of those with whom I grew up online--although many I fell out of touch with. I won't specify names, but I used to belong to a circle of online friends that were really important to me at one point of my life.

Maybe it was because we focused on dubbing Hello! Project and a lot of us dreamed of becoming idols one day ourselves, and those that took notice of us on the internet started expecting us to act idol-like. There was this pressing feeling to be a sweet, cute, easygoing, feminine, kindhearted, but cheery type of girl all day, all the time?

And a lot of my friends really were idol-like! ;v; Seriously, they're some of the nicest people I've known and they are so gorgeous and talented and naturally adorable. I see some of them now and they've grown up beautifully; I still find them to be admirably kindhearted, amiable, and sweet. One now is even chasing her dreams of becoming a schoolteacher, which I think she will be perfect for~<3

But I was the only one that didn't turn out that way at all.
And I feel embarrassed about it. Because I know some of them can still see me now and they all came out to be so pure and bubbly, and I ..... ._. heh.
I really don't want them to see me now. =_= Not to say that I'm a total bitch but uh. okay yeah I'm kind of 80% bitch at least. with a sarcastic li'l cherry on top. dollop of sadism on the side and little sprinkles of dumbemofeels, whininess, pessimism, and hatred towards the world.

The main point, I guess, is that I actually feel really bad because I'm not a sweet person. Is that weird? (Yes, yes it is, idiot.) Like I know there were those kinds of expectations and I flipped them off and ran my own direction instead.

Although I know it's right that I ultimately resolved to stay true to myself (the only option really unless you're as fake as the fucking Loch Ness Monster), I feel really guilty. It is kind of a scary feeling though to know that there are eyes on you. ^^;; I just wonder if people from my past can accept this kind of Eva.

I'm reminded of this though omg  THESE ARE ACTUALLY SO CUTE HAHAHA but that is not me.



I don't have fun things or pictures to share (andneedtogostudynow) D: so have a snarky GIF LOL

xoxoxo why does anyone even visit this blog like ide srsly u cray

The little things

that never leave your mind

Get out

I don't need little regrets that are nothing but trivialities clouding my head, making my blood boil in anger at myself for making mistakes or doing certain things, or anger at others for belittling me and thinking it's okay to treat me with condescending disdain when I am a person too--though not perfect--and not just one of your little hated "people," a word that you can sputter under a frustrated breath with so much arrogant contempt.

I don't want to be distracted by them

I don't want to dislike people or myself

And these dumb little regrets bite at me and gnaw at my self esteem

But they shouldn't even matter; it'll pass with time

Nobody will even remember. I myself won't remember. It's not a big deal. People forget.

Why do little things stand in the way of life's important things

Health and happiness lost in the process

What's the point of grades
I don't need them
I don't need to always stress out over them
Things don't always have to be spot perfect
Can't I just relax and let go of the anxiety and paranoia
Though it's rewarding, like the A+ on the exam I got back today. I'm proud.
And that shows too that even if I don't give 110%, I can still do it
But I wasn't born as a human being to slave over stupid scores that nobody really cares about

Comparing yourself to others
Fear about how others think of you
Caring about what's proper and perfect and expectations and how to act
Being sick of things and people
Feeling discouraged

Little things under a perpetual magnifying glass

Small matters fermenting in a brew of unrelenting thought process

They're bubbles that will eventually burst and cease to be
Why is so much time spent worrying about little things that don't matter

(IN THE MOOD FOR BLURBINGS BUT NO TIME TO ORGANIZE THOUGHTS)

Looking through old photos

it seems like I smile less and less with time.

Keywords

THAT LAST ONE CRACKED ME UP.

Thanks for the laugh, unknown person of the internet.

Pump up the volume

Nothing really important, as usual!

I had a project for my Sound class which required me to use my university's studio equipment and conduct a recorded interview, so after work today, I kidnapped a rock child.

[10:55:50 PM] Chiisana: we might as well script it.
[10:55:54 PM] Chiisana: and time it tonight
[10:55:54 PM] Chiisana: LOOOOL
[10:56:06 PM] Eva: oh god
[10:56:24 PM] Eva: "CHII DON'T FORGET TO TAKE A BREATH FOR 1.7 SECONDS RIGHT HERE. RIGHT. HERE."
[10:56:42 PM] Chiisana: YES MA'AM
[10:57:07 PM] Eva: omfg how dare you breathe for 1.8 whole seconds stop hoarding all the oxygen you air pig
[10:57:17 PM] Chiisana: NOW YOU DONE GONE AND RUINED THE WHOLE THING
[10:57:39 PM] Eva: UGH DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO WORK WITH
[10:58:06 PM] Chiisana: IKR
[10:58:10 PM] Chiisana: JUST SO UNCOOPERATIVE

[11:13:34 PM] Chiisana:
       [Monday, March 04, 2013 11:10 PM] Eva: <<< favorite pole?
  I mean, among all the poles I've come across, I'm not sure I could find a favorite..
[11:13:40 PM] Eva: ................STAHP
[11:13:55 PM] Chiisana: Maybe the North.
[11:14:00 PM] Eva: MI! WEO!!!!!!!!!
[11:15:19 PM] Chiisana:
       [Monday, March 04, 2013 11:10 PM] Eva: <<< favorite broadplay show?
  broadplays are great because they cover a broad variety of plays all in one show
[11:18:19 PM] Eva: http://puu.sh/2cpbG

Omg i hate her. (fyi if you don't get it: she's making fun of my typos ;n;)

Picture that she snuck of my hand. MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A RADIO DJ--

We got celebratory sushi afterwards! I thought my chopsticks were bad,
but.. LOOK AT HERS.....

The Korean girlgroup D-Unit made their comeback yesterday, and I have to say: their new album is HOT. And probably much thanks to the fact that it was produced by the brilliant Zico of Block B. I enjoyed a lot of D-Unit's stuff before--especially "I'm Missin' You"--and all of the members are talented as well as hardworking. They're a bit different because they hone a hip-hop style (and actually pull it off without seeming like tryhards), boasting toughness while still being feminine.

I JUST... THIS HITS ALL THE RIGHT POINTS WITH ME.
I've been craving hip-hop lately, and this satisfactorily fed my yearning appetite.

Recently, (other than Eric Nam's music which I'm surprisingly hooked on) I've been enjoying LeeSSang ft Yoojin's "Tears." Its contrasting elements just tie it together so well. TWO X's "Ring Marks" is also up there for me despite how much I dislike the main singer's voice. And I want to rap so badly :'c (Really shouldn't have done this that day though because I'm not supposed to be using my voice and I'm all grossly nasally and blah.)

ANYWHO. RIGHT NOW I'M SUPER ADDICTED TO D-UNIT'S "Stay Alive" (ft Vasco).

(Tumblr link in case the video goes down)

The first time around, I was like: "The hell is this? They're all rapping? With those high female voices?"
Second time: "THIS IS SO WANGSTER BUT I THINK I LIKE IT."
Third time: "Their rapping is actually not bad oh god I don't think I can stop -bobs head to the beat-"

I have sympathy because I'm also a high-voiced rapper. :c But I think they actually pull it off well LOL. My only real problem with the song is the repetition of the word "swag," which is slightly tryhard.

Another song on D-Unit's new album I'm liking is "Alone." It shows more of their singing sides, which is impressive because they're all INCREDIBLE dancers, and their performances are very dance-focused.
(Only have a tumblr link to "Alone" since it doesn't seem to be on youtube)


BADASSERY IN MY MUSIC, YES PLEASE.

Appreciation Circle

[6:00:13 PM] Eva: https://www.box.com/s/id3o3c0co5b4cw0r7q9e
[6:01:56 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝또르르❞: LOL
[6:02:00 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝또르르❞: let us all hold hands
[6:02:04 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝또르르❞: = w=)/
[6:02:26 PM] Chiisana: =u=)/\(=u=)/\(=u=
[6:04:21 PM] Eva: AMEN.

Ode to the Rude

A pedestal homemade, rickety but proud.
When trampling on others with no regard is allowed.
That high and mighty air you brew in your trade.
Such superficial joy you must take in your charade.

[Unboxing] SuJu-M's "Break Down" & C.N.Blue's "Re:BLUE"

why am i even allowed to be this embarrassing