Longing Forever

Maybe they shouldn't have let this child out of her crib, for the taste of a world uncaged and curious now carries an emptiness of soul as a wondrously fastmoving world catches its breath. Solitude and familiarity once satisfactory becomes restlessness, longing, and ennui. Who knew that there were distances to delight in exploring and company to crave?

20, but crying.
20, and wanting to crawl.

~


Today's a slow day. Today, of all days, I want to do something and to go out somewhere and spend some time with people, but today's like one of those days I used to enjoy all the time--with nothing to do but sleep in until 1 PM and then likely laze around until day's end watching dramas on the computer or mixing, and no one to bother me or drag me out of my bedroom. Me being the me who doesn't like attention, action, socializing, or change. For once, I don't want it.

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I'm starting to flirt with the bad habit of buying things to alleviate loneliness and boredom, now that I have the means to. I mentioned before that I have a make-up haul coming, but trying new things and reforming my appearance is something I want to do right now--and monthlong [free] shipping is seriously testing my patience.
Like a child, I filled in the void with new toys, because I couldn't wait.

In any case, I'm glad I went out and it was nice. I've been meaning to go on self-dates after all! It's just not a preference on days when I'm bored of solitude. xD Plus I got to walk around the make-up store at my own pace which would've held anyone else back because I stared at everything for forever out of cluelessness eheheh~ Then I got milk tea at a cute place that had free wifi and didn't make me feel weird for sitting there alone because hardly anyone else was there. They get extra points for having snacks and letting you scoop your own add-ons from a selection.
That's basically everything I need, right!!! *^*)9



One of my favorite bloggers Koala has been translating a Chinese novel on her website, which I've been following almost religiously. I find her to be amazing because it's one thing to write recaps of drama episodes, and another to translate a novel just to share it with non-Chinese-literate fans even if she has a job and her own life. She's been posting new chapters pretty consistently and now I've found myself anticipating every one and even rereading some.

The novel is called Lost You Forever by Tong Hua, but I've heard it also can be translated to Missing You Forever or Longing Forever.

Let me just say that I went into chapter 1 not very interested in this novel and with a bit of a bias against it because I've never been very enticed by Chinese media or storytelling (despite being Chinese), and I still have trouble remembering/differentiating Chinese names and words. I read it simply because Koala spoke so highly of it and promised extraordinary things to come, and I wanted to give something that disinterests me a chance for once.

I didn't even really like chapter 1. Why would I want to read about some ancient Chinese world and a louty man and a little town with roosters and dirt and a tattered man resembling a corpse lying outside the clinic?

But Koala was right: it's quite an adventure and gets so much better after all the set-up is done. It's a world of fantasy, gods, demons, multiple identities, transcending the skies to the bottom of the ocean, royalty and battles to the simplistically happiest of lives, and of intriguing suitors for potential romance. It's breathtaking, mystifying, and addicting. I guess you can't take my word with much credibility since I'm only 8 chapters in, but damn am I excited to take this journey with the protagonist!! (Can I also just say that one of the three men really has my heart right now and he is the sweetest and most earnest thing ever, and I want him to be happy please SOBCRY.)

The protagonist is someone we meet as a lazy male doctor named Xiao Liu, but what's important and fascinating to know is that this is actually our heroine, who has the power to shape-shift. Sometimes I have mixed feelings about her because I feel like Xiao Liu is so.. distinct in his character and different from the real her, like the author wrote two separate people; but overall I love her.

I can't exactly say she's relatable since she's a runaway crown princess of godly blood who's been to hell and back, but one thing about Xiao Liu that really strikes me is her fear of trust.
Because she knows that good things always come to an end and that even people come and go, she detaches herself from her world despite how much care she's bestowed upon those around her unbeknownst to herself. She doesn't want to get used to good things because she knows how hurt she'll be when they're no longer there. She's lived for hundreds of years; things come and go.


Sometimes I think I'm stupid because I've been enjoying a lot of things and embracing changes of good fortune (which in itself isn't a bad thing), but then I get so engrossed in it all that I forget that I'm just really lucky right now.. that it won't last forever and that I shouldn't mentally establish this as my new standard and way of life because it's usually not actually like this. I got disappointed by my ordinary life, lonely when there was no one to play with and even lonelier when there wasn't even anyone to talk to, and bored because there wasn't anything new and exciting. Even just one day and I got this restless, which is stupid. This is why you don't build yourself up too much--so that there's no fall to take. Except Xiao Liu's a princess shapeshifting doctor, and I'm just an immature, impatient teenager who's no longer in teenaged years.