This semester has been good to the point that it's eerie, and me having good luck? I don't believe it; no way!! "Eva luck" is a thing among my friends for a reason! (At restaurants, my order usually always comes last or.. is forgotten altogether...) I mean yes, 2014 has been one of my favorite years in life so far, but is it really possible for so much good shit to occur in a single semester without any repercussions or my luck running completely dry for the future? I can't help but genuinely worry that it can only go downhill from here. Greetings, I'm a pessimist.
But onto the good stuff! As of today, I've finished all my finals so I'm off from school until autumn yaaay!!
Before yesterday's radio/sound production final, my professor gave out 3 awards among the two classes. There were two "Outstanding Promo" awards, and then an "Outstanding Pro Tools Producer" award for—and I'm quoting my professor—creating outstanding work throughout the entire semester, from the first project to the last.
The second piece of news is a lot bigger and a lot more worrisome.
See the picture of the duck on the right with the word "Kelly" on it? Mm, yep. That would be my short film. Which I submitted to my school film club's student short film festival. And. somehow. was accepted and will be played on Thursday at a cinema.
I'm completely torn because while this is an honor beyond my wildest ambition (I'm not very ambitious) .... I only entered because my professor said I should, and I didn't want to regret not doing it. But I didn't expect to get in because even from a firmly objective perspective, I know my production quality lacks a lot and doesn't compare to many of the films made by my peers. (In the context of my circumstances though, I'm proud of what I was able to create.) I'm happy to have made it, but I know for a fact that it doesn't make much sense.
Part of my fear is that the audience will see just how lacking my film is and wonder what it's even doing up on that screen? I know there are plenty of entries that were better than mine but won't be shown. I think it's a shame, others will think it's a shame. I already know that mine is one of the weakest, if not the weakest, to be played that night—and that, to me, is embarrassing seeing as how prone I am to comparing myself to others sigh.
And then there's the fact that I am a nobody. I'm way too antisocial for my major, where mostly everybody knows one another.. and everyone's courageous and social and knows how to make connections. I'm also late because I just ended my 3rd year of uni but never really made friends or participated in anything or had any experience with filming until this semester. Because I hate standing out in real life, sometimes I'm grateful for my lack of presence or otherwise might go out of my way to stay invisible. But this is my first time making any kind of a splash and it's gonna be onto what I fear to be deaf ears. Aside from a few friends, nobody knows me. All of the other chosen films were made by people who are popular and experienced and .. nothing like me. :/ There's nobody to blame but myself, but it's just disheartening .. just a little sad that everybody else is so known and celebrated but I'm nothing and there's no anticipation on my front, which is deserved, I know. I wish I had done better. But this does motivate me to want to do better next time. I know I can. It'll happen.
On a positive note, this was my first time ever writing or producing or directing or editing a short film. And it's gonna be played for a paying audience in a movie theater. I had 0 filming experience before a month and a half ago. That's pretty cool. And I came out of nowhere but still made it, so I might potentially have the underdog thang going for me. I don't look forward to everyone eyebrow-raising at my n00biness, but it's kind of cool?
I think you're a really good role model and I really look up to you a lot. I like your excellent work ethic and It seems to me that you put full effort into everything and that good grades should come first in priority. I think you deserved the good things that has happened to you. To me, I think that it's awesome how your film got played at the festival even if you had little filming experience. That shows that when you do get more filming experience you'll be even more excellent at filming! I wish nothing but the best for your future!
ReplyDeleteAw, anon, you're so sweet. These words seriously mean a lot to me and make me feel like I'm doing something right, so this is incredibly kind of you. ;u;
DeleteYou're going straight into here HAHAHA<3 http://puu.sh/8YBfK.jpg
I hope you're right. Or rather, I'll make it so that you're right. Heh. Best wishes to you too!!