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I'd say the only kind of significant thing that really happened between my last post and now is that I fell down the Produce48 hole, but it's a fluffy nice hole and I'm not going to get out. Somehow after watching episode 2—which the girls spent learning to sing and dance Nekkoya (Pick Me), their theme song—I felt this burst of inspiration to try to learn the dance... And this is coming off of feeling disheartened about my dancing, losing all of my confidence in it, becoming scared again about doing it around people, thinking that I'd probably never get to a presentable level no matter how I try because I have no idea how to fix the fact that my movements are fucking awkward and uncontrolled and blahhhh. Anyway, I still got off my ass and tried to dance that night, and I'm glad that even though I looked like absolute shit—really like a giant long piece of shit dangling from a wire during a typhoon, the worst—I did enjoy doing it.
It's been a few days of slowly kind of trying to practice the chorus arm movements, and...I almost kind of want to say that I'd like to keep trying to work at this dance? I was thinking to aim for being able to comfortably dance it by the end of Produce48's run. But idk. It could end up being a goal I drop just like other goals I've dropped. (coughs at practicing the Bad Boy dance)
I did realize today though that there were two big things that I cowardly ragequit simply because I was bad at them: animating and dancing. I used to make all the videos for Gemini until I couldn't keep up at all with animations and aesthetic, and decided it was better for me to not do it anymore. I've also uploaded a couple of bad dance covers back in the dark ages, which I took down. I definitely told myself, "I'm never going to do a dance cover again." But.....ya girl is back to badly animating and reaallyyy terribly attempting to move her body in a way that vaguely resembles dance, so IF IT ALL CANCELS OUT I'M NOT A COWARDLY QUITTER AFTER ALL I THINK???
Ever since it was announced, I had my doubts about Produce48—especially coming off of watching Produce 101 China, which was also girls except it's an incredibly frustrating show... But there's something magical about Produce48 for me. I forgot how much I liked AKB48. My interest in Japanese idols waned a ton; but at one point, idols like Hello!Project and AKB were my life... When I was in middle school, I thought I would try to audition for a H!P global audition if they ever held one. Even as I was starting to become interested in k-pop, my dumb fantasy then was to get into SM Ent and be part of a Japan-centric group. (Interestingly, they never did come out with one since they've dedicated themselves to tackling China, so I guess I don't have to regret not trying that path lolol.)
We were all grimacing in expectation of the AKB girls being one-sidedly humiliated on this show where they were up against Korean trainees who're part of this extremely cutthroat, systematic bootcamp where you're either the best or not good enough. It's easy to compare the foundations of their skills and see the imbalance. But what I'm loving is that people are discovering what makes the AKB girls so well-loved despite that, and that there's something the Korean trainees can learn from them too to make their performances more compelling. A lot of the AKB girls just sparkle when they perform—they're so full of charm and energy that you can't help but enjoy seeing them enjoy themselves and do their best. I'm finding that I'd personally rather watch a lot of them than the girls whose moves are more accurate. Perhaps that's some of the appeal of the "girl next door" concept, but this kind of thing gave me hope in middle school when I had no skills but didn't close the door on myself anyway.
Maybe it's giving me that same hope again? Obviously not to pursue an idol career or any kind of performance career, heeeelllll no, but I spent the past few days trying to sort of dance and I'm also memorizing both the Korean and Japanese lyrics (I never actively try to memorize lyrics lol) and now I think, "Maybe I will try to do a dance cover again."
Under the cut, I'mma briefly talk about my faves on the show LOL.
I'M A MIYAWAKI SAKURA STAN. SORRY. I GUESS I'M A BASIC BITCH but I really feel her genuine resolve to prove her worth through grit and performance, and she's effortlessly pretty.... There's something about her that makes me believe that she's hiding a lot of burden. She's working harder than ever and I want to cheer her on with all my heart. It seems people don't like her because of mnet's bias towards her but why punish her for that when it's not her fault???
YABUKI NAKO IS SUCH AN IDEAL IDOL, I GOT A LITTLE ANGRY WATCHING THIS..... She's so perfect..... I want to be her........... She also works really hard T___T Rising out of the ashes from grade F, she's going far!!!
Na Go Eun!!! She caught my eye every time I watched the Nekkoya MV and I presumed she'd probably be a cute visual type who may not necessarily be skilled..... But I've never been gladder to be so fucking wrong. She can dance and SHE IS. PROBaBLY ONE OF THE BEST VOCALISTS ON THE SHOW?????? OH MY GOD??? HOW ARE YOU EVEN POSSIBLE WHJAT she is so versatile !! a goddess in the making !!!
I may update later when I have more girls that I'm passionate about LOL. A lot of them are wonderful but I don't feel compelled to yell about them yet.
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