Hello hello! Let me start by declaring that it will now be a goal for me to write a post here at least once a week!!!! Do I think I'll be able to keep up with it? No, I'm entirely pessimistic! BUT LET'S TRY, EH?
The short explanation for this new goal of mine is this: my life skills are nonfunctional and I really need to fucking fix them.
I've gone through a bit of humiliation recently because of my failing ability to coherently communicate with other human beings. And in a work setting, that's kind of a big deal. Whenever people talk to me, I blank out and can't come up with an answer, which makes me really fucking painful to interact with. Even as I'm racking my brain through the awkward silence I've caused, I can barely come up with words or comprehensive sentences. I've taken many pauses—even checked google to see if I was using a phrase correctly AND looked to thesaurus.com to replace a word I was overusing—just writing this simple paragraph. It's so sad.
My solution has been to start talking to myself while I'm driving haha. I'll start rambling about my day in full sentences, with the hope that I'll get used to just throwing words out of my mouth without thinking too hard about it. It's really good practice since I don't interact with people out loud very much on a daily basis, which is likely the reason my communication skills have deteriorated this dramatically.... Sadly I always forget to do this and it hurts my throat, so it's not my favorite solution. >< Another thing I'd benefit a lot from is reading! Since losing interest in the current k-dramasphere and no longer reading recaps, I basically....never....read...... Recently I bought Audrey Coulthurst's Of Fire and Stars but with the 92153468468464 things I need to do and lack of attention span, it's hard to make time for it. ;;
So today (after having a mini breakdown from being overwhelmed by how much of myself I desperately need to improve lol) I remembered how I used to blog every. single. day. Which I really can't imagine doing anymore??? I'd come home from middle/high school everyday and write a long post full of trivial things about all of my classes. The potential consequences of revealing too much about work make it difficult to do this again, but I think it'll be a helpful exercise for me to write often again. Force myself to come up with words and phrases that I don't commonly use. Challenge myself to think and create, not just sitting idly and consuming all the time.
AND since I'd been hoping to blog more often again for years now, I won't get Productivity Guilt from making time to blog, right? Plus it's always nice to have chronicles to look back on, to give perspective and also because I'm forgetful as fuck. It's a win-win-win-win-win. ^^ ONWARDS TO BECOMING A SLIGHTLY MORE FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING.....
Also an update re: my mental health, I'm doing better lately I believe! I get super frustrated and overwhelmed, but I'm not irrationally miserable or stagnant. I'm proud of my recent achievements and I want to put in effort to improve. I don't want to stay what I am. Recently I've been thinking healthy thoughts like, "I would love to do this one day!" "This inspires me and I care about it!" "What can I do to become better/happier?"
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New month new you! Your plan to blog once a week and improve talking to others is promising. It must be a big change to move from low interaction to talking all day but step by step and you'll be at a thousand miles (or KARA) [or Vanessa Carlton].
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to your solo cover soon!
Aww thanks Anon!!! I LOVE A THOUSAND MILES BY VANESSA CARLTON.... I kept thinking, "I didn't know KARA had a song called A Thousand Miles too!" before eventually realizing that you were probably referring to their song Step hahaha.
DeleteAlso, it means more to me than you'd think that you're looking forward to my solo cover. <3 Truly, thank you.
I relate so hard to blogging every day back in high school, sometimes even twice in one day if I was feeling particularly chatty. A few years later, I can't go back and read my old posts without cringing super hard because, damn I was petty. (And not being in school drastically reduces the number of things I can talk about to a silent void.)
ReplyDeleteI hope your new plan works out, Eva! Reading and writing fairly consistently helps me keep my coherence in any situation so I hope they work for you too! I've been going to the library more often and getting books not just for me, but for my parents. I don't know if that's something you would consider, but it's a good motivator (although I admit, I am guilty of procrastinating on a book and then returning it without ever finishing it). Good luck! :D
I knoooow, it was so easy to blog all the time when we were in school! Good job to you and your parents for reading regularly!! Unfortunately I don't know if that's a commitment I can make right now... I bought a book recently so that I'd have to read it but I always feel like I have too many other priorities. Maybe after the current wave of busy things is done, I can finally crack it open! Thanks Sonny as always QuQ
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