quarantine diary page 0

I am... scared to come off as whiny or as though I'm not better off than billions of people right now, but I thought I should at least document my experience in this global pandemic here to look back on. ;; I can't deny that I am in a position of privilege because I don't need to worry about the roof over my head, or my source of income, or insurance, or taking public transportation, or the likelihood of death in my immediate circles... Nothing here is on lockdown yet—just things being cancelled and they're starting to call for social distancing. My company isn't doing mandatory work from home yet.

Still I worry..... I'm a bit of a pessimist so I think that it's possible I might already be a carrier. But ofc we don't have readily available tests here yet and I don't have any symptoms—and neither do my coworkers or parents—so there's just no way to know!!!! But the possibility is there because I live and work in the county that has more cases than other counties in NorCal (although I haven't really gone out much in past weeks) and my coworker recently traveled...

On a personal level, I'm not seriously worried—theoretically I should recover if I fall ill, but I do live with my parents whom I don't want to get sick. T___T And I'm an only child so I always worry that if anything happened to them, I wouldn't know what to do... Of course I'm constantly washing my hands and trying not to leave my germs around the house too much. I really wouldn't know what to do and I don't know if I would be capable of nursing them...

And apparently COVID-19 attacks your lungs first which is...a little worrisome? My lungs have blisters but I haven't had bronchitis and I just have no idea if my lung situation makes me more susceptible to the virus or not... But on any random day of the year sometimes there's minor pain around my lungs that gives me a scare but never develops into anything—so now when I feel anything from my lungs (or even just the...inability to take deep breaths that I already had lolol) I'm like, OH GOD IS THAT THE VIRUS?? Will I even be able to tell if I have shortness of breath or if it's just my lungs being what they are?!!? Ehhh jk I'm sure I'd be able to tell if I had symptoms; I'm being dumb.

There's absolutely no proof that I'm a carrier but still I worry that I'm a danger to my parents and my friends and idk, there's a weird balance between being cautious but also not giving in to unhealthy and ungrounded panic when things haven't escalated that far yet.

To me right now it feels like the compromise is just to stay home whenever possible, but still spend a little bit of time with my friends in controlled situations, I'm going to wear a mask (despite all of the shaming there is around non-sick ppl wearing a mask... I already own the masks so I might as well try to limit me spreading anything I might possibly unknowingly have ;;;;), not share food, sanitize and wash hands a lot, and keep myself alive and well until Animal Crossing New Horizons launches. o/....

To anyone reading this, I hope you and your loved ones stay well and safe and healthy and keep your spirits strong. ❤️