Mermaid + quarantine diary page 4

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:D :D :D This week I uploaded a surprise yolo solo cover!

The past month has honestly been a pretty rough time, both physically and mentally. My chest pain/rib discomfort went on for three weeks and completely disrupted my life and debilitated my body... It worried me whether that plus my prolonged sore throat could possibly be COVID related—I even took a test and at one point was really frustrated at the ridiculously delayed (3+ weeks) results. It's truly a shame considering all the praise I had for how easy the drive-in was and how the entire process was contactless and quick. Was surprised that they trusted me to do my own stabbing of nostrils! But no, this country is fucked if this is how our testing is going and it's fortunate that I had nothing lifethreatening. 😔
(Side note: I now believe the sore throat was likely a return of acid reflux due to switching to sleeping on one pillow months ago after years of using two; the turning point happened when I reverted back to two! Who coulda thunk!! A pillow!)

Within that time, at work we were supporting a huge virtual event that led to me putting in 10+ hour days for over a week with only 1 day off, and at certain times I was under a lot of stress. On the final day, I worked 14 hours. ☠️ This compounded with the stress of falling behind on projects and owing lines that I couldn't record due to other project priorities and then my health issues.. And whenever I could record I felt like I did nothing but struggle and fail to deliver—I just.. felt so down on myself about literally everything I did. All of my work made me cringe and I felt embarrassed to be me. orz

My mental health hit a pretty bad point when it was like... y'know I was in pain, still didn't have any answers, this country sucks, was exhausted from working, constantly felt anxious, couldn't sleep enough, my free time was all spent on deepening my insecurities and pervasive negative thoughts, some other personal issues, and it felt like I wasn't allowed to enjoy anything.

When I was finally free from the crazy work schedule and I had my lines in for my most urgent project, I felt.....so....liberated!!! To finally not be stressed or in pain, I felt like a whole new different person. That day I watched the finale of Good Girl—a show featuring a bunch of powerful Korean female singers and rappers which I quite enjoyed—and felt inspired all over again by Jang Yeeun's performance of "Mermaid" and how she's always played this role as a fierce rapper, and finally got to break out of that "bubble" to show that she could be a singer too and confidently challenged different genres. Her growth was so touching! I loved the song already but this time...I felt........maybe I could try to sing it?? My sore throat had at last recovered, the timely pressures were no longer so pressing, I realized the song wasn't too high, and this sparkling burst of inspiration was much too precious to pass up. 💖

Immediately pulled my mic out and to my pleasant surprise it only took 1.5 hours to finish recording (albeit TV size) compared to my typical struggling for days or weeks...?! In hindsight there are reasonable explanations for this—the lack of belting or uncomfortably held out notes, not recording harmonies, the verse requiring more emotion than singing skill, the chorus requiring neither lol... But in any case, it was SO REFRESHING ! ! And then I did half of the mix that night! And was actually happy with my work?!?!

I also want to note too that I typically only record while my parents are asleep but because I was in such motivated spirits and wasn't struggling with the song, I pushed through and recorded while they were around AND through a neighbor's visit which I thought was really brave ;v;;

There are still more projects that I'm behind on, but I'm so. glad. that I treated myself by taking out a few days to dedicate to this. This was the self care I needed; it was the best thing I could've done for my soul. ✨ All things considered, it was incredibly satisfying to have a spontaneous desire to sing something... and then actually sing it. Stress free, without needing to try too hard, no restrictions, and for once I felt like I suited the song! Honestly have been feeling down about my mixing as well so it was validating that I actually felt proud of something I did so quickly and I had fun playing with all the reverb and delay. The video was such a blessing to do!! First time filming myself with a projector (an artifact from my mom's past job) and now I'm tempted to go this route with all future videos because HELLO THERE instant, moderately low effort, but extremely good aesthetics!!! Very exciting. 

Also got to show off some cute The Little Mermaid paraphernalia which were gifts from chiisana 💗 Small side story, but I actually remember it was either the morning before I watched the Good Girl finale or the day prior, when I used that hairbrush and for some reason left it on my bed instead of putting it away... Later I noticed it and was like, "Huh it'd be cute if I could make a video with that kind of aesthetic sometime! Not that I have any ideas or will probably be making anything soon." IT WAS A PREMONITION... or maybe it was the cause? Idk.

Filmed on my bed!

Test model~ it wasn't very visible during the day so glad I waited til sundown

And finally, I quite enjoy doing basic things in After Effects so I had fun making the text effects—but especially being able to include rainbowesque bubbles felt like a mini dream come true. ^^ Thanks to Irozuku Sekai no Ashita Kara, I'm forever whipped for the colorful, glowing, bubbly bokeh look and you can count on seeing that again in hopefully improved forms! 🌈

This gratifying little project really reminded me what it is that I love to do best and why I continue to create things with all my heart.

【Cover】 Jang Yeeun - 목소리 (Mermaid) 【Eva】

Shoutout to Sonny for being the one to introduce me to this amazing song and the inspiring multitalent that is CLC's Jang Yeeun 💕