Empowerment

Wow xD I hope I can come home every Thursday--or more unrealistically, everyday--feeling this way. Nothing big happened and yet I feel so empowered and happy!!!

I just had my TV/Film Production class, where we've been rotating to cover different positions in a live TV studio environment (not actually broadcast). Today was my turn to be director and be graded on my performance! I WAS SO SCARED FOR THIS but I'm so glad I worried for nothing!!
Basically the job of director is to be commander in control. You wear a headset and speak into a microphone to communicate with the floor director out in the studio, as well as the cameras to establish your shots. Then you give commands in the control room, pulling the strings for EVERYTHING.
"Roll and record tape! Ready to take bars and tone and start clock! Ready to take slate and lose tone! Ready to fade up to camera 2 with music and title in key! Open up their mics and cue the talent! Ready to take camera 1, and take camera 1! 10 seconds to commercial; tell the talent to wrap it up! Ready to take commercial with sound!"

It's extremely overwhelming because you literally have to remember EVERYTHING and AT THE EXACT TIME. 30 seconds of bars and tone. 15 seconds of slate. 15 seconds of black. 1 minute of talking and make sure you take close-ups and key in the talents' names. 30 seconds of commercial. 1 minute and 30 seconds of talking; switch between the 3 cameras to capture whatever's important. Start wrapping it up 20 seconds before the show ends. Bring up the music and ending title 10 seconds before the show ends. Fade to black exactly at 4 minutes.

Today's the hardest day of rotations for me because first I'm technical director (working the switcher board to follow the director's commands), then assistant director (keeping track of time, counting aloud, and making announcements to the entire control room), and then director. As usual, I've been pretty anxious, but when it came time for me to show what I've got, I actually wasn't nervous at all!! ^^ In fact, I was chill and got along really well with a lot of classmates and was brave and was enthusiastic and was responsible and I initiated and was loud and confident and GAAAAAAH. QvQ I got a lot of praise from my classmates and even the professor... They said I ran the best show so far--that it was nearly perfect. QAAAAQ)9!!

And while I find my major to be easy peasy and kind of useless, there's also one very hard aspect of being a radio-TV-film major. The professors and all of the students are lenient, chill, and hip. That's cool. Except I'm not cool. I'm just studious and socializing is hard for me. I don't expect any of my professors to ever like or even notice me. This major's all about the connections you have and being courageous and being able to PERFORM hands-on and achieving. COMPETENCE. SOCIALIZING. And this professor seems to like me???!?! And keeps praising me and I actually talk to him and other classmates and am socializing well omfg. Ring in the choir.

Another thing--though a very small gesture--that made me proud today: I purposely parked on the 6th floor and took the stairs up and down. I've been avoiding elevators in the past few weeks, and this is coming from the person that thinks the kitchen is too far a walk. These 6 floors took 80 steps--I counted. ^^ Makes me feel good! And you know what else makes me feel good? Wearing this cute-ass circle scarf, like damn where have you been all my life?

Also I have a lychee-mango-strawberry milk tea and chicken wings. Decided against trying to force myself to record today because my throat hurts after speaking so loud and so much during class, and twas a good choice. =u=)b I would've definitely regretted deciding otherwise.

Finally, I got my tax return so I'm no longer nearly-rock-bottom dirt-poor like how I was after paying tuition! *A* Being financially unstable is something that worries me a lot. OTL Plus.. I hate feeling like a fraction of my fruit has been stolen from me despite all of the labor put in. I look at my paychecks or bank account sometimes and think, "Did I really only do this much..?" so it feels great to receive my earned rewards. I don't have to be that stingy anymore and can start squirreling away some funds for AX and cosplay QuQ!!! HEHEE. AND there's an upcoming make-up haul which I'm uncontrollably excited for! I've been wanting some change and to improve myself in every way possible, and I see progress and opportunities!!