So let's start with my I Wish collab, because I feel that it was likely a trigger in all of this... In my last post, I said my confidence in mixing took a nosedive, so I was pretty scared about getting back into this mix. ;A; But as I did, I realized that I really didn't hate the mix...? All I remembered was my dissatisfaction and struggle with it, so I had low expectations, but honestly I hadn't done a bad job at all...? So I spent about 5 days working on it more, took advice, redid the mastering, improved it, and just kind of threw in the towel when I was riding up against my self-determined deadline for the evening before Valentine's LOL. I'd say considering my current ability, I'm about 95% satisfied with the mix, which is pretty amazing!!!!!! There was so much frustration that I was hitting my limits, so I thank the heavens that I might still yet have potential in me. Also, I was pretty scared about the animation, because I'm really not experienced in animating and the standards for both aesthetics and technicality have risen ridiculously high (due to animators' hard work, respect) in this community. In the end, I've accepted that it's really not bad for being my first animation in AE and for being primarily a mixer/vocalist. Some seemed to like it a lot, yay ;o; <3
I'm really happy about this collab... All 12 of the other girls in it are suuuuch sweethearts, super supportive and gracious, and wow their voices. *___* They're all fantastic and I'm grateful they agreed! I'm glad to see them receiving love and extra recognition through this. ♥ One of my favorite things is that I was privileged to be in a place where I could invite and bring together friends from different communities—so I was able to have friends (and a new friend I stalked down because I liked her voice LOL) from the youtaite community, long-time friends with whom I've been singing since 2010 (Zoey and Chiisana since 2007 actually!), and some friends that I met in 2016 through the k-pop coverist competition PRODUCE90. That's a super beautiful thing to me ;____; And the adorable art makes me clutch my heart!
And of course, I'm proud that I was able to complete this collab at all. It's actually been hitting me with a lot of guilt throughout the past year, whenever I had to deprioritize it in favor of other projects, whenever it was me that was holding up the entire thing... I had wondered if I was wrong to be so ambitious to be organizing, mixing, animating, rapping in, and recording additional harmonies for a 13-person collab. The more time went by without me completing it, the more I felt I was failing—and I also didn't have the confidence that I could make it up to expectations. But ultimately... in this economy when most non-chorus battle collaborations never see the light, I'm glad I could shine some on this one. ^^
HONESTLYYYY it was good luck more than anything that I happened to be able to finish it up right around Valentine's Day, which I believe helped it get such good reception for being a collab of a kpop song most have never heard of before LOL!! I'm so grateful for how well it was received, like ;_____; it exceeded my expectations tenfold. ;___; There was so much love! Not to mention that I don't have any expectations for my youtube channel anymore, because I'm pretty much a washed up unspectacular person whose subs are mostly from ancient times and I cover mostly kpop despite being most active in a non-kpop community, and I've basically come to accept that it'll be this way until there's a turnaround. The amount of views/likes/retweets may not match up to others' works, but for me, it was shocking. Thank you.
It truly reminded me of how supportive and full of love the people around me are. ;o; It felt like it was the birthday of me and everyone else in the cast!
As for everything else in my life... After a few weeks of work being very stressful and deadline-ridden, it's been slow and chill for the past 2 weeks, which I've uh been taking advantage of LOL... I know it's going to get busy again soon, so I'm enjoying this. Typically I'd feel guilty over not being productive enough.. and I always feel like a failure for how late I can't drag myself out of bed until and how late I get to work...... but lately, I still think, "Wow I did amazing anyway!" Q^Q I'm quite pleased with myself for taking care of myself and how good I feel about myself despite whatever. I'm in such a good mental and emotional condition that I was able to shake off something that would usually put me in an unhappy and toxic mood. I haven't let physical discomforts get me down either. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm grateful for it right now. I also feel that I've found a good balance of doing good towards others, without giving away too much of myself, which is pretty important to me after how burnt out I was for a while. I'm glad I have time to spend on hobbies and indulgent fangirling—they bring me a lot of joy. I think I'm more comfortable with myself now. The other day, I noted how green the hills were and thought that a cloud looked cool, which I wouldn't have said a year ago!! I'm proud that I've been going to kpop dance class weekly and that my acid reflux has diminished a lot since I started going on a diet for it. AND!!!!! I might be doing a new solo after all, since I felt like recording it and actually enjoyed it ^^.... It's been a while since I truly enjoyed recording. I'm happy that I can work on passion projects, that I can feel "inspiration."
Also I think it's worth noting that right now I'm happy about the friends I have and—gross moment—about how wonderfully blissful and strong my relationship is. I owe a lot to Fome.
YEAH OKAY WELL HERE'S "I WISH" PLEASE APPRECIATE THE 12 BEAUTIES I GOT TO SING WITH!!! <3333
【COLLAB】 Cosmic Girls - I Wish (너에게 닿기를)
⇢ VOCALS:
SeolA ★ Mimi ･ https://www.youtube.com/mimimoiselle
Xuan Yi ★ ひのえ (Hinoe) ･ https://www.youtube.com/AqueousSky
Bona ★ Nessa ･ https://www.youtube.com/nessaxvaa
EXY ★ Eva ･ https://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva
Soobin ★ Aerin ･ https://www.youtube.com/RamenBlossom
Luda ★ mitsu ･ https://www.youtube.com/xRaemii
Dawon ★ Zoey ･ https://www.youtube.com/XoZoeymonxx
Eunseo ★ Ashley ･ https://www.youtube.com/KyungJae94
Cheng Xiao ★ Brey ･ https://www.youtube.com/breyomi
Mei Qi ★ serena☆ ･ https://www.youtube.com/SutekiAozora
Yeoreum ★ Mima ･ https://www.youtube.com/MLOUDMima
Dayoung ★ Yoonshin ･ https://www.youtube.com/lovelight4339
Yeonjung ★ 小さな (chiisana) ･ https://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
⇢ ILLUSTRATIONS:
さる (saru) ･ https://twitter.com/saru_rkgk
⇢ MIX & VIDEO:
Eva ･ https://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva
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