Gifted

QuQ.... I had a very positive performance review at work yesterday, and I'm really proud!!! It makes me so happy that my coworkers/bosses seem to love and appreciate me (and don't hesitate to let me know) and think that I add a lot of value to the company. ;u; One thing in particular that struck me though.... was when they said, "A lot of people can edit videos, but only a few are great at storytelling, and that's a gift that you have. You're a very gifted storyteller, while understanding exactly what kind of messaging and tone the client is looking for."

............ I've.... never in my life ever been called "gifted" before, I think.
That's a word that I genuinely believe I've never heard being used to describe me in my entire life, and it's something I always feared that I lacked. I've always had a ton of insecurity, being surrounded by my university classmates who were all much more passionate and knowledgeable about filmmaking than I was. Insecurity being surrounded by all of these talented youtaite who easily exceed me in technical skill and aesthetic, just making videos online as a hobby. In terms of technical skill especially, I know nearly nothing. All through college, I thought there was nothing special about me because there was nothing I particularly excelled at or was passionate about—I spent so many nights crying in worry that I wouldn't get an internship, wouldn't be hired, was far away from being able to imagine a career for myself, would always be a "pathetic, dependent failure."

Earlier this year, I was able to realize that it wasn't true that I have nothing special to bring to the table—that you're special just by being yourself (see Food for Thought: To Be Special Without Specialty). ;u; But now.... to be call gifted? The opposite side of the special spectrum?! ..I.. I'm gifted!?

Me..!?

Um, yes. I'd like to thank myself because I couldn't have achieved this crazy wonderful gift of a praise without myself and how I was myself for all these years by myself. Thanks.