Food for Thought: To Be Special Without Specialty

Osuu~ ;u; The other day I was reading some old blog posts from 2-3 years ago, and it impelled in me some desire to blog but I'm not sure yet what I'm writing hmm THIS COULD BE A MESS. I think I've been realizing some things lately after spending more time in the scary "adult world" that I kind of wish I knew back then?

In October, we had a "creative meeting" at my video production job and one of my coworkers shared an excerpt from a book in which someone's giving a keynote about her success in her real estate work. The person talked about how she once wasn't doing very well even though she always followed the rules, treated business formally, and basically followed the script she was taught for what to say to clients. She was going to give up and decided to yolo her last job—was a lot more informal, more herself, got along well with her client, and didn't follow any script, and then she made an unexpected sale on the house. Her lesson was that anybody can follow a script or do a passable job. But to be a good salesperson, what you need to "sell" is yourself. What you bring to the table to any job is you—your character—what's unique about you and your experiences. No matter the job or product, people will want to work with you for you.

In October, I'm not sure if I believed it then.
I think now I do?

I've a stressful complex over the fact that I don't think I have any special skills. ;n; I don't regret choosing to be a Radio-TV-Film major but I don't feel like I learned all that much from school that TONS of hobbyists learn on their own or can learn online? I guess I studied video and audio production and I do it for a job, but I don't think I'm nearly as good as the kids that just do it for fun online. It's easy to see especially in this online singing community where I'm surrounded by people who make beautiful awesome videos or whose mixes sound like professionals' and I'm just like, omg I have nothing to show?? My aesthetic sense is crap??? My audio work is ok but not great?? Dude I've had way too many breakdowns over this LOLLL.
"Is there a place for somebody who is just "not bad" in a world that requires only the best? Can you survive as a jack of all trades but master of none when being the best requires specialty?
CAN I EVEN GET A JOB. WILL ANYONE EVEN TAKE ME FOR AN INTERNSHIP."

Mmmh not too much has changed and I still don't think I have special skills, but I think I'm learning that that doesn't mean I'm not special?

Last year I got the first and only internship that I interviewed for, which—YAY I worried for nothing—and I remember another intern was gossiping to me about our classmate who had also interviewed but wasn't accepted. Apparently our supervisor told her that she didn't choose that classmate not necessarily because of his skills, but because he didn't have the personal qualities she was looking for. The internship was for a community media center/cable TV studio and interns would be working with community members and/or sometimes filming outside events. She was looking for interns that seemed like warm, welcoming, smart people that could interact well with the community, since they'd be the frontrunners of the community center.

Back then I didn't think much of it more than "HAH SUX 4 HIM" but now this is totally relevant to my recent revelations!!!

My coworker at my video production job told me the other day about a client who came to us asking for a video but had a small budget and tight deadline, so we had to say no. Later on, the same client came back to us all, "Ayyy I was able to get more money and more time PLS LETS MAKE VIDEO~~" (in more professional terms) so apparently some people will even come up with a bigger budget just to be able to work with our company OAO! Which I think makes sense because really my coworkers are incredibly wonderful, fun, yet professional people! They got so much good feedback from the last business trip we went on and well deserved ;U; We're being invited back next year to do more stuff, and the team that one coworker was leading was like, "We'll come back as long as we're working with ___ again! He's pleasant but he gets things done," which is awwwasdfllksfd ;u; It's pretty inspirational working alongside them. 

This will sound rly weird and conceited but I'm just gonna be totally honest LOL but my bosses really like me?! and I never understood why and couldn't fully believe in it either because tbh I do quite a variety of things for them—production assistant on shoots and trips, audio recording on shoots, video editing, audio editing, admin work like managing our contractor database, office work like filing papers, and even accounting in Quickbooks—but I'm not particularly good at any of these things except maybe the basic bitch admin/officey things. I feel like sometimes I mess up. I have regrets and lots of moments I still feel embarrassed about. I don't think I'm truly qualified to do audio on shoots because I'm always so clueless and I feel terrible towards everyone else on set. Compared to professionals, I'm slow at editing and my eye for aesthetics is just... fuck life o<-< I'm lacking a ton ugh and it too often stresses me out. Honestly sometimes I feel useless and I'm scared I'm letting people down. But a kind person always tells me, "So what if some people are more skilled than you? They can't do exactly what you do as well as you can. There's more to the job than just what they can do, and you're a professional in a professional environment." I don't always listen LOL! I suck. Now I'm trying to see from that perspective. I'm not that talented and yet I still got a job (well, 2 jobs) and they like me enough to want me to increase my hours? ;U;

So I'm realizing that, yeah. More things matter than just pure skills.

Things like being willing to step up to any challenge. Being able to adapt. Communicating well with others. Being open to learning new things. Trying and not giving up unless that's the smarter option. Attention to detail and being organized. Following directions when needed. Being able to make a good impression when you'll be representing the company. Being observant and having a good sense of others' needs. Being supportive and a team player. Recognizing good things and appreciating others. Being able to prioritize. Being positive! But also firm and responsible. Your unique skills and experiences, like for me having accounting/office experience somehow has helped lol. Even being good-humored and good-natured because most people don't want to work in an environment where you don't have any fun! :> Healthy mindsets are always welcomed.

Part of me wishes I could tell these things to the me that didn't think I was worth anything, who thought there'd be no way I'd be accepted by any employers or colleagues, thought I'd be a failure for sure. But honestly even if I heard it back then I know I wouldn't believe it XDD What is the point of this post? I don't know.

IF ANYONE'S READING THIS! Be confident in yourself 8D Stay cool, work hard, and you got this. Nobody can bring exactly what you can bring!