For those who don't know, starting all the way back in 2009 I've tried to write 100 goals for myself almost every year! It's one of my personal traditions and I'll often reflect on how I did before coming up with another set for the next year.
This was quite a year lmao I'm scared to see how badly I did. (That said, there was every excuse for doing badly, I'm forgiven, I don't care!!!)
The reason I'm bent on reviewing 2021 though is because I don't plan to do 2022 resolutions for now. ;v; It would just be, like, 70% health-related resolutions which is boring as heck.
There's too much uncertainty about whether/when my throat will recover and the other health things preventing me from working on projects or my skills much—I've been set back so much that I don't want to think too hard about distant goals. This year I really just need to take care of myself by staying disciplined and extremely careful about my lifestyle, appreciate the small things in life, and keep my pessimism in check believe that everything will get better soon!
- - -
— Highlights of my 2021:
- After an extremely long editing and color grading process, I finished the Ph03n1x 4sh music video that I had the huge opportunity of directing back in 2020—and it premiered at Virtual Anime Expo!!! The biggest accomplishment of my life. 😭
- Vaccination! I'm very fortunate that most of my loved ones and I have steered clear of COVID. Just one friend that I see sometimes caught it right before New Years ;;
- Neither a high nor low but...... I... went to my high school 10 year reunion, omg.........
- Spent a good amount of time with friends to make up for 2020's lost time ❤️
- Before cases surged again (cries), I got to travel a bit again! Went to LA and Seattle and made lovely memories!
— Lows of my 2021:
- In the spring, workload was insanely overwhelming and I lost control of work-life balance and dealt with the worst burnout I've ever experienced.. Like, bursting into tears trying to write an email asking for time off because I felt so deeply uncomfortable and guilty about it sort of bad. What has this bloody pandemic done to our psyche?? Anyway I can't relate anymore; my work-life balance is great now! 💁🏻♀️
- Health sux I can't sing I see many doctor I sometimes feel not great blah blah blah blah
- - -
— Reviewing my New Year's Resolutions for 2021:
Link to the original post from last year: [LINK]
Alright here comes the scary part...🥶
- Starting with the bare minimum... let's not contract COVID.....
Success! - Survive!!!!
(((ok now everything after this is optional--)))
Oh thank god. - Just kidding, not so optional: remember to love myself. ♥
I FEEL LIKE.... I DO........ 96% of the time. - At the end of 2021, I hope to be able to say that I spent my days happier on average than in 2020!
Success! 😊 - Be proud of myself regardless of linearity of progress.
p ro g r e s ss s ???? nani jk I learned and grew a lot in the first half of the year!
second half brought setbacks but I've been forgiving to myself! - Be proud of my work regardless of how it reaches my expectations.
screams idk - Try to learn to separate "progress" from my "worthiness of existence" lolol
Done! I think. - Breathe more. like. mentally. Like try to just exist sometimes without feeling rushed to get something done.
After crawling my way out of burnout and overworking, I took long breaks this year for the first time in many years! ♡ - Learn to reconcile with the fact that I don't need to have a purpose to live a fulfilling life.
Yeah, lots of progress! - Become more of the kind of person I want to be.
Fluctuates but definitely progress! - Allow myself to do non-productive recreational things without guilt!! Relax! Have fun! Recharge!
YOOOOOOOO :> I do that! - Relax and recharge A LOT. 😤
Recharging idk b/c my energy levels were abysmal this year, but relaxing was done more than any other year in a long time hahaha - Keenly recognize when certain negative thoughts are not my own.
I believe I can basically recognize it, but the problem is that sometimes there's negative thoughts that ARE mine lmao. The depressive ones come much less often these days ;u; - Focus on the half-fullness of the glass rather than the half-emptiness—like yeah oops it's 4 AM but writing this post is so good for my soul!
Hmm something I can still work on! - I will not let my work-life balance be so shit anymore.
Oh, it was the grossest shit for a while and then got better! - ;;; No burnout in 2021 please! Nope!!
haha - Be more firm in my boundaries of what I can/can't do without expending my health.
Hey that's a good one, I'll keep it in mind! - Actually take some days off work this year,,,
Haha........it took a while to get there but I did :> - Continually seek out ways to help make the world a better, safer, more mindful place!
I try in my small ways but I still want to do more. - ^ Hopefully be more proactive in these efforts too rather than always reactive!
Determined to do better at this! - Keep going towards learning to be unapologetically 'myself.'
I made huge leaps on this in 2020 💓
More leaps were made! - Share more about my interests with people who aren't internet friends aaah scary;;
MmmmmmMMMMMMM.... there were a few lowkey instances but I'm still not open about it. - Care less about the opinions of others :>
That hard... - Train myself to take things less personally in general.
Also hard... - Find that balance of caring for our parakeets without becoming unreasonably consumed with stress at any sign of unideal condition or unhappiness ;; Mm a lot of it is working through the trauma of suddenly losing our previous parakeets so it'll take some time probably...
Balance is much better now! ;A; I'm happy that they're still alive ;; - GOD I HOpE by the end of this year these birds will gladly hop on my finger and let me pet them 😭 they don't trust humans at all so far.
Still trying 😭😭 - Felt some friendships drift last year. As much as I healthily can, I'd like to make more efforts to reach out to friends and become something of an energizer for my friend circles.
Did my best! - Do better at showing my support to people in the youtaite commu and what they create!
I think I can be somewhat proud of the efforts I've made here ♡ - Leave many comments on others' covers!
Big success!! - I'm going to keep on unabashedly creating the things I want to create. :>
Sorry I actually took a hiatus instead,,,,, but!! I started having fun trying voice acting!! - Okay... I don't know if within 2021 I'll be able to upload my K/DA POP/STARS cover that I keep saying I fully intend to do....... But at least let's like... maybe work on it..... u kno
Looks away - But also forgive myself for taking so long to get any projects done. Doing my best!
Awwww.... I'm not as hard on myself about that anymore! Life is life. - Get into the rhythm of regularly practicing dancing at home!
Still something I'd like to do! I did practice in the summer /o/ - Ideally work some exercise into my daily routine and motivate myself enough to stick to it.
At times, some of the Gemini members got together to do workouts which was fun!! In general I still don't exercise enough lol. I had no energy this year, prob partially due to anemia... - Hopefully share at least 1-2 dance covers, even if short snippets!
Filmed some practices, hated my dancing, decided I needed to get more fit first and then,,,, - Kind of...... would like....... to try learning how to do digital art.
I BOUGHT A SECONDHAND TABLET THIS YEAR!! ✨ Drew one thing for a friend's birthday, then work took over my life and my eyes deteriorated so haven't gotten back into it but I will. - ^ If the above happens, I'm hoping I can hold myself to the reminder that all newbies start out struggling and lost; and to not feel too garbage about how shitty my art will inevitably be at first. T__T
Yee I'm noob! - This one's just a freebie but I'm going to keep on singing and rapping this year!!
.............why did I say it's a freebie, that's just so cruel 😭😭😭 - Will I finally be able to overcome the hurdle of recording at times when my parents can hear me? 😭
nop - Haha....... what is singing technique, maybe I'll try to learn some?? Can I sing with better support maybe????
Hmmmmmm in the earlier half of the year I may have made the tiniest bit of progress? - Develop a rap style that I feel more comfortable with and wouldn't harm my throat ;v;
😭 - Is it too late for me to expand my vocal range lol
Maybe someday!? - Puts my foot down GEMINI WILL HAVE AT LEAST ONE UPLOAD IN 2021. SOMETHING. I HOPE. IT'S OUR 10TH YEAR ANNIVERSARYYY
gently,,,,pats that foot - If I'm mixing said Gemini projects, literally all I ask is to not lose my sanity over them thanks!
;u; - DECLARING THIS: I will not be pulling any all-nighters in 2021 thanks!!
Success! - If possible I want to upgrade my animation/motion graphics skills a little bit! Even if not on a technical level then I want to improve at making things look visually nice.
I did work on an ongoing animation a bit early in the year & don't wholeheartedly hate it ;u; - Improve at design/composition/aesthetics in general.
Maybe???? - But also try not to see it as a failure if I don't improve as much as I wish I can. Overall let's just not be disappointed please if I don't make progress on these skill-based goals; they're just "nice to have" 😭
So true, bestie - Would like to be more comfortable with pronouncing Japanese!
??????? Maybe like... 3%? - Pretty proud that I've made a significant shift into speaking almost entirely Cantonese with my parents and I hope I can improve even more at it.
Doing my best! - All I ask is to not get worse at Korean...
I don't know - If I sing anything in Mandarin this year then I will resolve to do better pronouncing it than I did in Show Yourself.....
wo bu zhi dao - There are some videos that I want to make that would require voiceover—hopefully I'll be able to squeeze those in this year!—and I'd like to become more comfortable with my speaking voice and improve my enunciation if possible.
!!!! My casual speaking is still shitty but I learned that I enjoy voice acting short clips!! - I'm starting to enjoy filming spontaneous short "vlogs" again so why not do it if I enjoy it!
Good news I filmed one in February; bad news I still haven't finished editing it yet
[Edit: HOLD UP A SECOND thissss one technically counts!!] - One thing I'M REALLY DELIGHTED about is that in 2020 I started listening to audiobooks and reading! I'm obsessed with Jane Austen's books LOL and I want to keep this up and read more of them!!
My soul is pierced by Jane Austen every moment I breathe. - A mental habit I want to overcome is my inability to imagine happiness beyond the horizon. My dread will be like, "I don't know what can possibly make me happy after I finish this book/show/game/happy moment/chapter in my life, so I'm terrified of it ending." It's a real thing that eats at me and makes me drag things on lolol. I've been slowly trying to teach myself that no....... I can always find more things in life to enjoy... And I can just reread the book and rewatch the show if I'm not ready to let go of it....
I'd say like... 20% improvement here. - Hoping I can spend the year feeling in tune with myself.
That's deep. These days I don't feel necessarily unmindful with myself but I'm also just a floating plastic bag with two molecules of brain capacity understanding that I do my best to keep it together and that's usually enough. - Blog as much as my heart desires 💓
(((holds the record for least blogs written over any year))) - I've honestly given up on writing; but if I do write anything then I hope I post it regardless of satisfactory of state rather than it sitting in my drafts until the end of time.
I literally have 2 brain cells. - Make it a habit to take breaks—especially for my eyes—regularly.
😭 Work was the craziest it'd ever been so I developed extremely bad habits. Eyes had never been this bad before... - Relax and listen to audiobooks regularly!
I stopped taking audiobook breaks during the day... but my daily night routine is always accompanied by Jane Austen :) - Get into the habit of stretching—I basically haven't done it at all for like 3 months lmao.
Much more than last year but not enough! - Hopefully this year I can enact more improvements in my room that I've been wanting to do for a long time!
o - Mooching off the last point—and I swear I've had this on my resolutions for years and still haven't done it—but if I could figure out a better display solution for my kpop albums djksfjkj the mountain /grows/
Mountain tall - Will endeavor to eat fruit at least once a day!
On-and-off... This became much more difficult after reflux got worse since most fruits are acidic ;n; - Remember to take vitamins daily.
I'm very diligent with this now!! - Something I've worked on before but lost all progress in: be cognizant of my facial muscles and remember to relax them.
😰😰😰 - Be constantly mindful of acid reflux symptoms and any impending regressions.
Oh it regressed alright....... - Nice. ((I'm going to embrace the state of my maturity even as I approach 28 this year, it's okay, there is no rush~))
nyahoooooooo - Continue watching anime regularly!
I do that!! - No more working through meals—watch shows whenever I eat!
Definitely worked through many meals but now I mostly don't! - Normalize spending weekend time tidying up my room.
I think I did more of this than any previous year for a while haha - Convert 2 AM from an "early bedtime" to a "late bedtime" .......
I'd say 1:30 - 3AM is better than 4AM. 🤡 - And consequently, wake up earlier!!!
🤡 - And consequently from that, eat my meals at normal times again!!
🤡🤡 It got real bad but eventually improved. - Learn more about cooking.
Mmmmm, the taste of failure~ - Learn more about baking.
I did learn how to bake mochi cake from my mom! And tried to make a matcha flavored one for chiisana's bday! ^^ - In the earlier half of last year I made a handful of cursed edible creations and completely lost steam—would like to have fun doing that sort of thing again.
Indeed that would be fun.. - !! I just caught myself thinking, "This person did all these things today; what have I done today..." and remembered there was no point in comparing myself to them—YATTAAAA MOre oF THAT!
My god, I used to be such a workaholic LOL. - Be more proactive with proper recycling!
I wish recycling were real!! but I still pretend it is and nag people when done improperly!! - Not sure when (might wait for some projects to release first) but I hope sometime this year I'll be making a reel that summarizes the stuff I do!
Still daydreaming about this. I just hope that in the future I can continue doing all those things. - Don't give way to expending more emotional energy than I have—but whenever I do have the capacity I want to do as much as I can for others.
Was in emotional energy debt at times but for the causes I don't regret it. - S-Spend less time on Twitter LOL.
Uninstalling Twitter on my phone helps :3
(I use Tweetdeck on browser on my phone instead!) - Lessen my dopamine(?) dependency(??)
Lemme tell you, it's reaaaaaaal bad, it's so bad - I should probably watch my propensity to buy treats out of convenience (i.e. making a boba stop if I go out for an errand) when they're not necessarily good for me or craved...
Maybe improved, but also my cravings increased so... - But when I DO crave things, should heartily indulge myself without hesitation 💪!!
😭😭 I lived a delicious [and boba-"research"-filled] year... Now I have to be on a strict diet, but looks back fondly upon how well I treated myself.. - Idk how to motivate myself to do abs exercises without an upcoming convention to cosplay at. Will I work on my abs this year idk
:(((( I found out abs exercises sometimes trigger inflammation in my ribs—think it has to do with how my ribs hurt a lot after my lung surgery and perhaps haven't been the same since. - Continued efforts at redistributing my income to those who are in need so long as I can simply live comfortably.
Efforts continued~ - Make steps towards conquering my fears.
Some steps were made! - AAAAH 10 MORE I'M SO CLOSE. Be more open with my humor :>
If you're asking whether I embarrass myself all the time now, the answer is probably. - Find ways to cheer myself up!
Hmmm.... - Be more thankful every day.
Hmmmmmm...... I know I'm very fortunate in some ways and have been determined not to take them for granted and pay it forward how I can! Will continue with a more lengthy answer below #100. - Improve my crappy posture.
Not the way my torso shot upwards at an angle of 40° upon reading this. - Take more walks!
Success! - I will go out of my way to tell many people many nice things about them. o^o)9
I try to do this as much as possible!! - Fight for everything I believe in.
💪 - Be more confident in myself!
Yes and no? ...Hm....... - Support the idols and musicians that I love!
My favorite k-pop group Lovelyz disbanded in 2021. ;;; I did support them—but now that it's all over I wish I had done more while I had the chance. - Stand proudly as myself, as a youtaite, as a hobbyist youtuber, as a budding professional in video production, as a human, as everything that I am. :>
I'm actually kind of touched that I wrote this last year lol. That's me! ✨ - w o r l d d o m i n a t i o n
FFFFFFFF YES I MADE IT TO THE END.
🎈
92. Be more thankful every day. (continued)
Gonna go somewhat darker so please only highlight this white text if you're okay with that ;v;
-START- My litmus test for my growth into a Whole Person is to ask myself whether I can feel thankful/happy to be alive—since that's always been my ultimate goal. Definitely am getting closer and closer, but I still find I can't give a solid "yes" convincingly so I hope...to develop more of a pure thankfulness in my heart for everything I'm blessed with and cherish my gift of existence. ;u; -END-
Gonna go somewhat darker so please only highlight this white text if you're okay with that ;v;
-START- My litmus test for my growth into a Whole Person is to ask myself whether I can feel thankful/happy to be alive—since that's always been my ultimate goal. Definitely am getting closer and closer, but I still find I can't give a solid "yes" convincingly so I hope...to develop more of a pure thankfulness in my heart for everything I'm blessed with and cherish my gift of existence. ;u; -END-
- - -
Unexpectedly did better than I thought! ^^ Probably due to the fact that I loosened up a lot throughout the year—partially in good ways and partially because being constantly reminded of our fleeting mortality does that to you. I had expected to be faced with regression after regression, but it seems I've made meaningful progress in some of my emotional and mental toxicities! And for the failures I'm not even mad lol. Despite my grievances and health worries, in retrospect: the me that came out of 2021 is probably the most well-rounded person I've ever been in my life.
I learned last year that there's a world of difference in my mental health when I'm stressed and not stressed; I felt like a whole different person. Whenever I wasn't, I was able to invest in a newfound balanced life that included relaxation and had chances to make quite a few happy memories!
Real talk... Reviewing these goals and revisiting the sorts of mentalities I had leaving 2020 was highly eye-opening—I'm so glad I did it, though wows did I talk about myself a lot hahaha. I do want to be more confident in myself and recognizing my wins/growth is a great step ❤️
And finally, I always choose 1-2 selfies to represent the past year, so here I present to you......the very upsetting [redacted adjectives] haircut I got a month before my high school reunion that prompted me to do everything from panickedly buying hats to experimenting with clip-on hair. Followed by a much happier hair moment when I went red!
If you made it this far I'm genuinely amazed lmao. Thank you so much and hope y'all have a safe, and kind, and fulfilling 2022 ahead!
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