A Softshell Crab

From over a week ago. xD When we were talking about how I cried 4 times during #GeminiMeetUp. (Ryan saw 3 times, Mimi once, Chiisana once, and Jay none hahaha~)

[8/21/2012 6:46:26 PM] Ryannie: Eva has a soft heart
[8/21/2012 6:46:30 PM] Ryannie: but a hard shell

[8/21/2012 6:47:39 PM] Gino♪(´∀)ﾉ: so Eva's a softshell crab?
[8/21/2012 6:47:42 PM] Gino♪(´∀)ﾉ: and if we deep fry her
[8/21/2012 6:47:47 PM] Gino♪(´∀)ﾉ: THEN SHE'S DELICIOUS
[8/21/2012 6:47:48 PM] Gino♪(´∀)ﾉ: 8D

I........ yeah this is very true HAHAHA. My colorscope from before said the same thing.

I don't know. I think I act somewhat strongheaded and make myself appear rather rough around the edges--which sometimes leads to everyone calling me tsundere--and I admit that I'm guilty of putting a barrier around myself. Sometimes I push people away or don't allow them to see the true me. And I'm not always great at expressing appreciation and love. Oftentimes I dullen my heart so as to be unaffected, locking out things that I'm scared will hurt me.
But on the inside, I'm just really sentimental and really weak LOL. Not to say that sentimentality equates to weakness; I just happen to have both which makes me kind of pathetic. 8D Anyway, I think a lot of people know by now that I'm kind of really sentimental because it's gotten to the point where whenever I show it, it's really annoying and I feel really bad. I-I KIND OF HAVE A LOT OF FEELS.. ;^; THEN I SPEW THEM ALL OVER THE PLACE. I'M SORRY.

I don't really know the point of this ramble or where this is going, because I don't know how to change myself. But I suppose that while I'd like to maintain my sentimentality (AT LEAST I HAVE A HEART unlike many people around me), I'd like to become a stronger and less insecure person whose barrier also isn't too hard to break through.



(ALSO I'm not sure who the biggest crybaby is in Gemini, now that I think about it. I used to always assume it to be Chiisana who cried during Ice Age 4 when we watched it the first day we met Mimi--and lawl I laughed at her so much in a loving way--BUT. NOW I'M UNSURE. I was the one who cried during the karaoke session because I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself and my inability to sing live, and due to the guilt of showing so obviously that I'm vocally the weakest member of the group. ;;
I feel bad because I was also really tired, and I got really moody and tore myself away from everyone >< then had to be taken care of by Chiisana who--despite being called "other child"--is sometimes pretty motherly towards me when I'm being my pathetic self. :< I cried all over her shoulder LOOOL)