I haven't...felt so frustrated, so embarrassed, so disappointed, so stressed out about my singing in a long time. After the last round of LSO, I lost my voice (presumably from lack of sleep and stress) and then developed a cold. And my throat hasn't fully recovered since. This always, always happens... since my throat has been damaged for all of these years, it always takes weeks for my throat to go back to its normal level of soreness after I've been rid of a cold. God I feel so stuck. I can't sing what I need to sing, nor am I in the condition to be able to practice until I get it. Nor do I have time because due to my cold, I'm already late and I feel terrible for that. I don't even have the luxury of trying to sound good right now; I literally just have to settle for takes in which my voice doesn't crack and I'm mostly on pitch.. That's a shitty way to have to record. And everything sounds even worse than usual. I can't rest my throat because I have to get these recordings done now; but let's be real, this cold recovery issue only makes a big difference in that my throat dies faster than usual and it hurts more... My inability was already like that and the results would likely have been similar even if I were at 'full' condition, save for my extra pitiful disgusting vocal tone. Others don't seem to really struggle with these things but I can't do them and I hate that..... I don't know if there's a way to fix my damaged throat and I don't have faith anymore.. I've tried lots of things over the years, I've taken a singing hiatus, I've tried to reduce my acid reflux, I've been maintaining certain habits, I've had a throat doctor not be able to give a diagnosis and give up on me. In the long term, I don't know until what age I'll physically be able to keep singing; and that sometimes makes me really depressed but right now I'm not really thinking about that. In the short term, I've been told that I should take a hiatus again, but I don't really want to right now. I have things to get done, I have things I want to do once other things are done, and I have things to prove..maybe, if I can prove them. I'm so fucking embarrassed. I've been participating in battles for the first time since 2011 and in more collabs, and I like that I can feel like I'm actively a singer and part of a community. So I don't want to stop—even if I'm not good as my peers and don't sound at all like someone who's had almost 10 years of uploading experience, god I don't even deserve to say that. But I'm also being really emotional right now so I don't even know if these thoughts make sense, or if I'm even going to feel the same way tomorrow. ^^;;; I just got stressed out, that's all. I just wish I could sing, that's all. Tbh, I'm just being a big whiny crybaby that needed to vent, sorry.....