Let's focus instead on something in particular interesting that happened, which I still can't get over. = =
Yesterday was my first day back in university for the year, and it was raining. Stomaching a sharp nervousness and hatred towards school, I sluggishly made my way to my first class--to which I was 50 minutes early out of paranoia--with my blue umbrella.
Suddenly, a tall male coming from the opposite direction seemed to acknowledge me, and stopped me with a smile. A face I didn't recognize at all.
"So... are you, like, the sexy nerd type?" he asked in the most nonchalant way possible for such a fucking creepy line. And here I'm thinking, Holy shit what a disturbing stranger. But you know what, people don't usually stop people that they don't know without some kind of ulterior motive. He must be speaking in such a "friendly" manner to me because he needs my help. AH, HE MUST BE DOING SOME KIND OF A SURVEY... Okay, I usually ignore people like this but I have plenty of time to spare, so let's give him a hand. I bet he's having a hard time finding people to interview since it's raining like this.
And despite my hate for conversations, I went along with everything. We concluded that rather than.. such a description, I'm really just "nerdy." I told him my major, and vaguely what I might possibly want a career in.
An ever so familiar awkwardness, nervousness, cold behavior, stuttering, choppy and weak sentences, just timidly peeking out from under a blue umbrella.
Eventually, I started feeling really uncomfortable and was wondering where the fuck this train was going, and I don't recall exactly but I might have asked him if he needed anything/if I could help him.
And you know how he replies?
"Oh, no, I just thought you were cute."
.___.;;;;;;;;;;
This next part is a blur (no seriously, how do you even react to something like that? 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I DID...) but he asked if I'd like to have coffee with him next week--y'know, sit down and chat and get to know each other and stuff.
Immediately, I explained that I'm busy, so no thanks. And he insists. So I explain that I work, so I'm really busy every single day (truth). And he insists again. There must be some way we can pave out some time from my schedule. So I explain that I live off campus so it's really not possible. Yet he insists once more. There must be some time we can hang out. Finally, I say that I can't and still would rather not, and he finally gives in.
So we exchanged names, shook hands, went off on our own ways, AND MOTHERFUCKING LORD FOR THE BLOODY LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE INVENTION OF GODDAMN PIZZA PLEASE DON'T LET US EVER CROSS PATHS EVER AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER AGAIN.
'Kay so that's my story.
I'm literally just so...
Idk but I find this really fascinating. (Hullo, overthinking female mind at work here.)
Y'know, other than that first line, I don't mean to paint this dude out as a complete creeper. He was rather pleasant and polite, with a reassuring smile. Not to mention, patient because goodness knows I can't converse for my life. Other than the first line, I'm not exactly disgusted by this fellow, and I don't think he crossed any bounds. So don't get me wrong there.
But still. like.
what.
.............
?!??!!??!?!?!?! I WAS HIT ON.......??????
And I've been thinking about this a lot (tremendous amount of overthinking), and I'm pretty skeptical about the sincerity regarding this event.
I'm actually genuinely wondering if it might have been a prank. I've never been hit on before without it having been a prank. I'm the girl that you force your friends to hit on if they lose a bet, as punishment because it's "funny." Ughhh now I really regret having been a deer in headlights at the time, and not checking the premises for his friends who might be watching and giggling. It might have been a dare for him to approach a stranger.
I mean, people don't actually do that, right? Just go up to someone you find "attractive" and strike a conversation, then hope for sparks? IT'S TOO UNREALISTIC. Nobody does that.
And while I have no firsthand experience at love, dating, flirting, etc, I've been observing and advising the people around me.. BUT I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPENING BEFORE. In my head, you get to know each other, and then whatever's there somehow crosses the boundary into the dangerous territory beyond regular friendship. So I can't understand something like this: picking a stranger off the street, and then going on a date, getting to know each other, and then seeing if something develops.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. Q_____________Q It's like how in shoujo manga, I never got why people sometimes would date someone they don't have feelings for or maybe don't even KNOW AT ALL, and then hope to "get to know each other" and "develop feelings" afterwards.
Or maybe that's how the real world works? You go on dates--which are like trials--and if you likey, you keepsies? 'Cause I guess that's what blind dates are like...
No, it still doesn't make sense to me.
I don't want to be misunderstood as fishing for compliments, but y'know, I know my merits and flaws. But to put it simply, I wouldn't be expected to be "attractive" here.
I think it's kind of a cultural thing. In American standards, I'm not considered attractive. And yes, I'm stereotyping America, and stereotyping myself as the typical glasses nerdy, plain Asian girl. I mean, maybe I might be attractive in other places... It feels like Asian countries generally treasure traits such as "cuteness," "shyness," "innocence," "properness," etc more. On the contrary, the general Western standards look towards more mature, sexier, outgoing, pretty pretty made-up girls. While I'm missing that moe factor and am a towering monstrous tall female, I think I fit the Asian standards a bit better whereas I'm not even on the radar for Americans. Not to mention, only in dramas and manga/anime do I ever see people actually falling for the nerd character.
In theory, what happened to me yesterday is in no way realistic. ._.
I guess I feel a little bad because idealistically, I should at least give him a chance or benefit of the doubt regarding the sincerity of it all--but in any case, my bottom line is that I have no interest in him whatsoever, so sorry.
Admittedly, I'm very thankful to my blue umbrella ;w; for giving me a mask.. for protecting me when I couldn't make eye contact, for hiding me through the entire conversation. I don't know what I would've done had I stood there awkward, bare and exposed.
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