2012 Resolutions Review

I used to do this thing where I'd list 100 New Year's resolutions, and then reflect on the previous year's resolutions. Seeing as how January's ending soon, I'm extremely late, but I'm bored and felt like bringing this back. :'D
A lot of them are silly, but granted it's hard to reach 100, so I just wrote whatever LOL. I'm smh at a lot of these ahahaha.

[2012 New Years Resolutions]

Depending on how much my goals have changed this year and how bored I am later/motivated to actually write it, I may or may not put together 100 New Year's resolutions for 2013. We'll see, but for now, here we go~!

Blogaholic

I was revisiting my old blog (wordpress) for reasons and LOL. LOLOL..

March 6th, 2012, I wrote this:

………….. ;_____________;

S-somebody that I’m a big fan of/really, really admire asked me to duet with him. I might just die on the spot. I’m really.. not worthy but this makes me incredibly happy.

I’m so excited and so worried and so ecstatic and so terrified of being tomato-pelted by fangirls for my mediocre singing and so … ahhhh this is the biggest honor ever. But I’m really quite happy to get this type of chance. c’:

Ahahaha this is about the I See the Light duet omg I was so delighted. I think I'm really proud of myself because while I'm not the most spectacular singer, I did better on that duet than I expected to. ;A; And not only was I not tomato-pelted, my singing was actually acknowledged too and it seems a lot of people enjoyed the duet ;//A//;

Also wtf when the hell did I ever use the "c':" face..?!?! I've no memory of this!!

Irrelevant but OH MAN THIS POST WOW. I STILL FEEL THE SAME WAY!
OHHHH. OOOOOH!!!!!! THIS POST THIS POST REFLECTS MY ENTIRE LIFE SO WELL

Might I also mention,

ASLKFJDSLJFLJFWIEOLSKAJFLKX THIS PICTURE. /THIS PICTURE/.

Man, I used to actually post a lot of pictures of myself on my blog HAHAHA. Like, it's actually no biggie and I'm entitled to do it because hello, this is my personal space to spam and flail like a loser. I don't know why I suddenly started feeling like I'm shameful, and like I need restrictions, and I don't know why I've withdrawn so much back into my shell recently, but I need to go back to not giving any fucks. /o/~

Hi to anyone that actually comes to my blog: this is just a place where I dump irrelevant thoughts, where I write things when I feel like it, where I document things I can look back at later. :'D Expectations, nani?

But hoooooo, this is why I'm a blogaholic. Looking back at old posts is so inexplicably entertaining and intriguing.

Muted Tears

LeeSSang (ft The Seeya's Yoojin) - Tears

Been addicted to this song. ;u;<3



I just got back from the doctor's and am leaving for class in an hour.
Although my throat's been bothering me for.. maybe 4(?) years, I never entirely seriously confronted this issue, and wrote it off as normal/something that would go away/a punishment I accept for having forced myself so hard to record lines even when it hurt.

I'm kind of hoping that it's acid reflux, but just in case, I'm going to get examined soon for nose/throat cancer.
;;

My doctor said she didn't feel any tumors or lymph nodes so I'm hoping that it's not cancer, but the fact that it's a possibility, that it's reached this point now--it's overwhelming. For years, I've had a reoccurring daydream/fear of announcing that I have throat cancer and crying, and I'm so frightened that the scene will leap from my paranoid imagination into reality.

But yeah... it's been hard singing these past few years. I've become increasingly inactive when it comes to participating in singing projects, but especially in uploading solos. While I have the mindset to be productive, I use the excuse that I don't have time to record; and that's only half truthful. I technically could record after my parents sleep >_> (even if I'm afraid of being heard) but soreness prevents me from getting anything done. It's regretful. I want to get some more covers finished.

And it's also a large contributor to my problems with socializing. It's half because I'm socially stupid, awkward, stutter, have a slight lisp, have a slow thought process, can't hold conversations, and hate others hearing me speak. And half because speaking is painful, because my voice cracks and breaks in the middle of sentences, because my voice goes hoarse, because it's embarrassing.
Whether it's with my parents, at school, in skype calls, I started sticking to just few-word responses. ;w;

Honestly, I wouldn't mind going mute because speaking aloud is my worst nightmare... but I just wish I didn't love singing so much. It saddens me because I have no passions other than singing, but that might be taken away from me.

Anyway, hwaiting for today ! ;^;)9 All will work out.

Something about being in public

makes me feel uneasy. Walking by people who are capable of socializing with other people, who can engagingly express their minds. People dressed nicely in clothes if not expensive, then innovative, clean, bold. Surrounded by girls with perfect hair and perfectly made-up faces. Short girls that are cute, tall ones that are confident. People with their friends, with their significant others. In a world so vast and so wide and colorful, this individual feels hers caving in--staring at the ground and wishing to be invisible to others.
And compared to many of these people, I'm probably more hardworking. I can bet that I receive higher grades than most of these crowds. But what does this matter in a world where one is judged from the surface?

#insecurities

Blue Umbrella

These past few days have been characterized with a string of unfortunate happenings, but to all of that:

Let's focus instead on something in particular interesting that happened, which I still can't get over. = =

Yesterday was my first day back in university for the year, and it was raining. Stomaching a sharp nervousness and hatred towards school, I sluggishly made my way to my first class--to which I was 50 minutes early out of paranoia--with my blue umbrella.

Suddenly, a tall male coming from the opposite direction seemed to acknowledge me, and stopped me with a smile. A face I didn't recognize at all.

"So... are you, like, the sexy nerd type?" he asked in the most nonchalant way possible for such a fucking creepy line. And here I'm thinking, Holy shit what a disturbing stranger. But you know what, people don't usually stop people that they don't know without some kind of ulterior motive. He must be speaking in such a "friendly" manner to me because he needs my help. AH, HE MUST BE DOING SOME KIND OF A SURVEY... Okay, I usually ignore people like this but I have plenty of time to spare, so let's give him a hand. I bet he's having a hard time finding people to interview since it's raining like this.

And despite my hate for conversations, I went along with everything. We concluded that rather than.. such a description, I'm really just "nerdy." I told him my major, and vaguely what I might possibly want a career in.
An ever so familiar awkwardness, nervousness, cold behavior, stuttering, choppy and weak sentences, just timidly peeking out from under a blue umbrella.

Eventually, I started feeling really uncomfortable and was wondering where the fuck this train was going, and I don't recall exactly but I might have asked him if he needed anything/if I could help him.
And you know how he replies?
"Oh, no, I just thought you were cute."

.___.;;;;;;;;;;

This next part is a blur (no seriously, how do you even react to something like that? 'CAUSE I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I DID...) but he asked if I'd like to have coffee with him next week--y'know, sit down and chat and get to know each other and stuff.
Immediately, I explained that I'm busy, so no thanks. And he insists. So I explain that I work, so I'm really busy every single day (truth). And he insists again. There must be some way we can pave out some time from my schedule. So I explain that I live off campus so it's really not possible. Yet he insists once more. There must be some time we can hang out. Finally, I say that I can't and still would rather not, and he finally gives in.

So we exchanged names, shook hands, went off on our own ways, AND MOTHERFUCKING LORD FOR THE BLOODY LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE INVENTION OF GODDAMN PIZZA PLEASE DON'T LET US EVER CROSS PATHS EVER AGAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NEVER AGAIN.


'Kay so that's my story.
I'm literally just so...

Idk but I find this really fascinating. (Hullo, overthinking female mind at work here.)

Y'know, other than that first line, I don't mean to paint this dude out as a complete creeper. He was rather pleasant and polite, with a reassuring smile. Not to mention, patient because goodness knows I can't converse for my life. Other than the first line, I'm not exactly disgusted by this fellow, and I don't think he crossed any bounds. So don't get me wrong there.

But still. like.
what.
.............
?!??!!??!?!?!?! I WAS HIT ON.......??????

And I've been thinking about this a lot (tremendous amount of overthinking), and I'm pretty skeptical about the sincerity regarding this event.
I'm actually genuinely wondering if it might have been a prank. I've never been hit on before without it having been a prank. I'm the girl that you force your friends to hit on if they lose a bet, as punishment because it's "funny." Ughhh now I really regret having been a deer in headlights at the time, and not checking the premises for his friends who might be watching and giggling. It might have been a dare for him to approach a stranger.

I mean, people don't actually do that, right? Just go up to someone you find "attractive" and strike a conversation, then hope for sparks? IT'S TOO UNREALISTIC. Nobody does that.

And while I have no firsthand experience at love, dating, flirting, etc, I've been observing and advising the people around me.. BUT I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS HAPPENING BEFORE. In my head, you get to know each other, and then whatever's there somehow crosses the boundary into the dangerous territory beyond regular friendship. So I can't understand something like this: picking a stranger off the street, and then going on a date, getting to know each other, and then seeing if something develops.
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. Q_____________Q It's like how in shoujo manga, I never got why people sometimes would date someone they don't have feelings for or maybe don't even KNOW AT ALL, and then hope to "get to know each other" and "develop feelings" afterwards.

Or maybe that's how the real world works? You go on dates--which are like trials--and if you likey, you keepsies? 'Cause I guess that's what blind dates are like...

No, it still doesn't make sense to me.
I don't want to be misunderstood as fishing for compliments, but y'know, I know my merits and flaws. But to put it simply, I wouldn't be expected to be "attractive" here.

I think it's kind of a cultural thing. In American standards, I'm not considered attractive. And yes, I'm stereotyping America, and stereotyping myself as the typical glasses nerdy, plain Asian girl. I mean, maybe I might be attractive in other places... It feels like Asian countries generally treasure traits such as "cuteness," "shyness," "innocence," "properness," etc more. On the contrary, the general Western standards look towards more mature, sexier, outgoing, pretty pretty made-up girls. While I'm missing that moe factor and am a towering monstrous tall female, I think I fit the Asian standards a bit better whereas I'm not even on the radar for Americans. Not to mention, only in dramas and manga/anime do I ever see people actually falling for the nerd character.

In theory, what happened to me yesterday is in no way realistic. ._.
I guess I feel a little bad because idealistically, I should at least give him a chance or benefit of the doubt regarding the sincerity of it all--but in any case, my bottom line is that I have no interest in him whatsoever, so sorry.

Admittedly, I'm very thankful to my blue umbrella ;w; for giving me a mask.. for protecting me when I couldn't make eye contact, for hiding me through the entire conversation. I don't know what I would've done had I stood there awkward, bare and exposed.

Identity Crisis

[3:27:17 PM] Eva: o_o i didn't know ***** was in it..
[3:27:21 PM] Eva: ......wait now i'm really confused
[3:27:34 PM] Eva: now i don't know if they talk about, like, not being in this CB
[3:27:47 PM] Eva: because it's true or to throw people off...
[3:27:51 PM] Eva: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE!!!!!!
[3:27:55 PM] Eva: FOR ALL ANYONE KNOWS
[3:27:59 PM] Eva: /I/ MIGHT EVEN BE IN THE CB
[3:28:08 PM] Eva: AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT
[3:28:11 PM] Chiisana: IKRRR
[3:28:18 PM] Eva: CHII I'M HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS
[3:28:21 PM] Chiisana: but that might just be *****'s guesses XD
[3:28:36 PM] Chiisana: EVA STAY STRONG
[3:28:56 PM] Eva: IT'S SO HARD Q_______________Q

SO THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENED
and then the next day, we found out somebody actually used the alias Eva in the chorus battle HAHAHAHA. I'M SO CONFUSED. QwQ But more than anything, I'm extremely amused because I've never met another Eva irl before and always thought of my name as pretty unique. ..but why would you pick it as your fake alias LOL it's just a normal name! It's interesting though because several people saw it and wondered if it was me, accidentally under my real name hehe.

And then there are two Eves, which is also amusing for me because that's the name I had to use in my French 3 class. xDD

Our alpacas, which were presents from Myst. ;v; Chiisa pointed out that mine is a bit shorter and looks like a boy, so I think we're gonna name him "Shota" HAHAHA. He has such a derpy face.

[TL;DR] A Rant on Broadcasting Negativity

[So I wasn't aware that TL;DR meant "this is too long; you probably didn't read it.. SO here is the short sum-up for ya!" All this time, I've been using it to mean.... stuff I write that is too long that you probably don't want to read. :c Which encompasses everything that I write. But I'll use it as a tag incorrectly anyway.]

Warning: This is purely my personal opinion, which you can feel free to disagree with. Take this as an essay; there is an invisible "I believe" in front of every sentence, and all stated "facts" are ones that I acknowledge albeit you may not. I'm not targeting any person(s) in particular and don't mean to let on a condescending tone. If you do not want to read this rant, please don't waste your time. Thank you.


I don't want to compare my peers--all of whom are respectable people in at least some aspect or another--to elementary schoolers. But that's what it's been looking like. Beyond the usual being parallel to immature high school drama, this is BLATANT DISRESPECT that I've been witnessing which we should've learned in elementary school is.. well, wrong.

Long story short, there's a chorus battle happening right now which is nearing its deadline for round 1, and I've found a lot of tweets on my timeline recently to be rude to the point that I'm ashamed.

There is a grave difference between having a negative opinion of someone (or group of people) and broadcasting this negative opinion on a public forum, where said person(s) can read it. And ignorance of this fact is a problem that I see ALL THE FUCKING TIME on twitter, but in my opinion and experience so far of being on that website, these past two days have been the worst in the blaring offensiveness of this problem.

Yeah, okay. Don't be fake. You don't have to pat a coating of sugar on everything. No, not everything is rainbows and puppies. It's fine to keep it real. I don't judge you for being honest, in seeing the truth, be it negative or not.

But would it hurt to be truthful while retaining some dignity in being respectful?
THERE'S THIS THING CALLED PUTTING YOURSELF IN OTHERS' SHOES... It makes you a hell of a lot more polite person. And I don't think you would appreciate somebody else bashing you senseless either, so why is it suddenly okay for you to do this to others?

It's not an arrogant or mean thing to give constructive criticism. In fact, that's usually encouraged. However, constructive criticism is not ranting publicly on twitter about how bad something is. And it may be indirect, but it is still downright cyberbullying for a group of people to gang up on someone and encourage each other in doing so. (Saying negative things in hopes for retweets counts as wanting others to share your negative opinion.)

Unfortunately, I think the fact that this current chorus battle lies on the premise of anonymity--that every participant's identity should be publicly hidden--seems to enforce the mentality that it's okay to say whatever you want about these masked singers/mixers/animators/artists/organizers.
However, a lack of identity does not equate to a lack of an actual person. This is a human being, just like you--one with FEELINGS. And furthermore, no matter how "bad" something may be, I'm sure somebody out there put in EFFORT for it, which has been so terribly overlooked and unappreciated.

I don't know if this is an automatic response in order to elevate yourself in your own eyes, to accumulate fear and admiration in your surrounding peers, to protect your own self-confidence and belief that you or your group is better... but there seems to be a need to immediately point out what's "wrong" with something. No matter how good it is, you will search for a flaw to obsess over.
Because apparently, nothing can ever be good; because apparently, the positive aspects of things don't matter; because apparently, people other than you don't actually have feelings and will forevermore be n00bs at life.
It's disappointing.

And go ahead and call me out for being a "moral fag" or a "goody-two-shoes" or someone "hating on haters for the sake of opposing them" or "trying too hard to be some figure of justice" or a "killjoy." I'm being annoying, and I acknowledge it.

I suck at titling things

Every time I start getting better, I once again feel as though my body's falling apart LOL. It started on New Year's Day and I was pretty down with a cold for that subsequent week, but now this is ridiculous.. :c It's not even really being sick anymore--just reoccurring migraines and feverish symptoms, like WHY. WHY WON'T YOU GO AWAY OR JUST TAKE ME AT ONCE AND BE OVER WITH.

Anyway, I just hope that anybody who reads this will take care and try not to catch anything. I know there was a bug going around during the time I was really ill, and I'm not sure if it still is, but it feels like everybody around me has been feeling unwell recently. So bundle up (you're not fat!), keep hydrated (green tea because why the fuck not!!), wash your hands frequently (no licking fingers after a snack!!!), beware of touching telephones and handles (cooties!!!!), and at least sleep before 1, yeh?
we coo'? coo'.
like a pigeon.

I feel like a paranoid mother right now.
Plot twist: I /am/ your mother.

AX2012 + Disneyland Vlog

This is 7 months late and I'm still too lazy to subtitle it

(For some reason my favorite part is when Chiisana's driving and I'm screaming HAHAHA.. which I tend to do a lot in this video. But who doesn't scream when you're at Disneyland?)

And this is unrelated but LOL

[1/16/2013 1:08:14 AM] Eva: im kill u jeffrey

[1/16/2013 1:08:31 AM] Chiisana: I think this is the part where you run Jeffrey

[1/16/2013 1:08:59 AM] hot babe: y

[1/16/2013 1:11:47 AM] Chiisana: one does not question Eva's murderous tendencies

I know the most precious, scary people

Yeaaaah I know I've been throwing a lot of skype convos onto here lately, but asdflkj this kind of cracked me up in a really.. weird way.
(Also, not gonna lie but I feel like lately, dirtiness has been the turn-to for humor, so I do appreciate that I'm surrounded by people that can still be humorous and fun together without being dirty--if that makes sense.)

[5:32:17 PM] Chiisana: I just read CEC as KEK and I was like o-o
[5:32:43 PM] Chiisana: and Keks is a northern UK slang word for pants
[5:32:49 PM] Eva: ...
[5:32:56 PM] Jay: oh
[5:33:04 PM] Jay: i just call pants, pants cuz
[5:33:34 PM] Jay: im about to watch a scary movie @_@

[5:33:45 PM] Chiisana: You call pants pants because you're about to watch a scary movie?
[5:34:02 PM] Chiisana: What about when you're not about to watch a scary movie?
[5:34:09 PM] Jay: those were not connected!

[5:34:46 PM] Chiisana: pants cuz... cuz... CUZ WHAT.. CUZ WHAAAAAAATTTTT -shakes fists at the air on her knees- QAAAAQ)9
[5:34:54 PM] Jay: when im not watching scary movies i call them pantalons
[5:35:02 PM] Ryan: oh my
[5:35:04 PM] Ryan: I like that name
[5:35:16 PM] Ryan: that's like if Pantheon and Talon had a child
[5:35:19 PM] Ryan: Pantalon
[5:35:26 PM] Jay: his ult would be op
[5:35:33 PM] Ryan: ya it would be invisible
[5:35:34 PM] Ryan: he lands on u
[5:35:40 PM] Ryan: and then blades chop u up
[5:35:45 PM] Chiisana: ...
[5:35:49 PM] Jay: then he uses the remains in his soup
[5:35:53 PM] Ryan: LOL~
[5:35:53 PM] Chiisana: where has this conversation gone
[5:35:54 PM] Jay: because he likes to cook
[5:36:02 PM] Jay: i had soup today
[5:36:05 PM] Jay: not eating anymore
[5:36:07 PM] Jay: because of what i just said

I feel like each and everyday, that child sounds more and more like me, and that's scary.

【Gemini 4훗】 Way Back Into Love

NOTICE: Due to copyright issues, we’ve omitted the beginning instrumental of the song. If you’d like to hear the full version, here is the mp3! https://www.box.com/s/8fjkxy3sumq071b1auqq

A bit late, but we’re welcoming the new year with a quartet we’ve always wanted to do. If you haven’t seen it already, Chiisana and Jay did a bittersweet duet of the vocaloid song, Nakimushi Kareshi: http://youtu.be/BZOXPycRL9o 
Here’s to wishing everybody a 2013 full of love! Thanks for watching~

Original song by Hugh Grant (“Music and Lyrics” OST)
Video & Script: Super Junior & SNSD’s version
Mix: Eva (main), Ryan (tuning)
Video Template: Mimi
Video Editing: Eva

Taeyeon - Mimi 「http://www.youtube.com/x3LoveyDovey」
Jessica - Eva 「http://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva」
Kyuhyun – Jeffrey 「http://www.youtube.com/unaffection」
Donghae - Ryan 「http://www.youtube.com/RyanEatPho」

[3:02:33 AM] Chiisana: am I the only one who keeps saying "wibble" everytime we say WBIL
[3:02:39 AM] Eva: yes
[3:02:47 AM] Chiisana: it's wibbleee
[3:02:48 AM] Eva: literally yes
[3:03:04 AM] Chiisana: :(


[12:00:30 AM] Chiisana: 【Gemini 4人】 =^=)b
[12:00:39 AM] Eva: but this be kpop LOL
[12:00:43 AM] Ryan: LOL!
[12:00:46 AM] Eva: WAIT
[12:00:48 AM] Chiisana: what's the word for people in korean
[12:00:50 AM] Eva: THIS ALSO ENGLISH
[12:00:56 AM] Eva: THIS IS ANYTHING BUT JAPANESE QURL
[12:01:06 AM] Chiisana: OH
[12:01:07 AM] Chiisana: JUST USE
[12:01:10 AM] Chiisana: WHAT IS IT
[12:01:10 AM] Eva: AHAHAAHAHA
[12:01:11 AM] Chiisana: ONE SECOND
[12:01:12 AM] Eva: 4 SARAM
[12:01:20 AM] Eva: omgah so ghetto
[12:01:42 AM] Eva: 【Gemini 4사람】
[12:01:43 AM] Chiisana: 【Gemini 4훗】
[12:02:14 AM] Chiisana: Gemini 4 men with hats

Mermaid Melody Abridged - Ep 1

 ..kind of (STILL NOT SORRY.)



Boredom x Lame sense of humor OTP

Yes, I am making fun of Luchia's throaty, grating voice.
And I couldn't be bothered to put sfx and bgm.


So I have this problem where I can't resist making parodies.....uh, yeah.

(Don't worry, I highly doubt there'll be an episode 2 unless somebody crazy really wants it hahahaha.)

the one that brings out the delusional fangirl in us :'c

(I think we might actually be trying to watch one Running Man episode a day because we could ttly develop abs from this laughter)

[12:20:05 AM] Eva: I WANT THIS PRESENT TOO
[12:20:06 AM] Chiisana: ME TOO.
[12:20:06 AM] Eva: GOD DAMMIT
[12:20:08 AM] Chiisana: WHY CAN'T WE GET A PRESENT LIKE THAT
[12:20:18 AM] Chiisana: TOO MANY CUTE BOYS
[12:20:26 AM] Eva: YONGHWA IN A BOX FOR ME TOO PLEASE
[12:20:32 AM] Chiisana: AHHHH
[12:20:36 AM] Eva: DAMMIT
[12:20:37 AM] Eva: AAAAHHH
[12:20:38 AM] Chiisana: YONGHWA YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME TODAYYY

[1:57:16 AM] Eva: YONGHWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[1:57:16 AM] Chiisana: OMGGG
[1:57:17 AM] Chiisana: OMGGGGGGG!!
[1:57:19 AM] Eva: OMG
[1:57:20 AM] Chiisana: YAAAAAAAAAAAY
[1:57:20 AM] Eva: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!
[1:57:21 AM] Eva: OMG
[1:57:22 AM] Chiisana: OMG
[1:57:23 AM] Eva: OH MY GOD
[1:57:23 AM] Chiisana: OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
[1:57:24 AM] Chiisana: YONGHWA
[1:57:26 AM] Eva: YONGHWA YOU ARE A GOD
[1:57:26 AM] Chiisana: DAEBAK
[1:57:26 AM] Chiisana: MARRY ME
[1:57:31 AM] Eva: NO
[1:57:33 AM] Eva: I ASKED FIRST
[1:57:34 AM] Eva: STOP

shit. but. b-b-but Yonghwa though sob

#sometimeswe'realmostexactlythesameperson #it'skindofscary #I'mpretendingthisistumblrrightnow #shhhhh~

What happens during Running Man marathons

[10:26:11 PM] Chiisana: I'll be right back.
[10:26:15 PM] Chiisana: THEN WE CAN WATER.
[10:26:19 PM] Chiisana: ..
[10:26:22 PM] Chiisana: WATCH*
[10:26:24 PM] Chiisana: HAHAHAHA
[10:26:34 PM] Eva: ...
[10:29:59 PM] Chiisana: I think I laughed a little too hard at myself just now
[10:30:03 PM] Chiisana: for saying that we can water together

[10:33:47 PM] Eva: i went to open the door finally since i was starting to feel lightheaded
[10:33:57 PM] Eva: and suddenly i saw the winged cap i bought on impulse when i bought my Block B album
[10:34:01 PM] Eva: and suddenly i felt like putting it on
[10:34:01 PM] Chiisana: OAO
[10:34:06 PM] Eva: so now i'm going to watch Running Man with a cap on.
[10:34:07 PM] Chiisana: and now you can fly
[10:34:08 PM] Chiisana: oh
[10:34:09 PM] Chiisana: aw man
[10:34:11 PM] Chiisana: that's nice too

[10:55:23 PM] Chiisana: OMGGG
[10:55:24 PM] Chiisana: YONGHWA!!
[10:55:30 PM] Chiisana: HAHAH
[10:55:33 PM] Chiisana: YONGHWAAA QAQ
[10:55:33 PM] Eva: YONGHWA!!!!!!!!!
[10:55:33 PM] Chiisana: OUR PROMISE!!!
[10:55:37 PM] Eva: YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
[10:55:40 PM] Chiisana: WE LOVE YOU
[10:55:41 PM] Eva: I LOVE YOU YONGHWA
[10:55:41 PM] Chiisana: <3333333333
[10:55:45 PM] Chiisana: YONGWHA
[10:55:48 PM] Eva: PLEASE LET ME BE REBORN AS SEOHYUN SO I CAN MARRY YOU
[10:55:49 PM] Eva: PLEASE
[10:55:50 PM] Chiisana: NO LET ME BE REBORN AS SEOHYUN
[10:55:51 PM] Chiisana: :((((
[10:55:58 PM] Chiisana: then again you and I are practically the same person so
[10:56:08 PM] Chiisana: LOL

[11:58:56 PM] Chiisana: ICE CREAM
[11:58:58 PM] Eva: ICE CREAM
[11:59:03 PM] Chiisana: ...
[11:59:04 PM] Chiisana: CRYING
[11:59:08 PM] Eva: omg i want to run out and get the one i bought
[11:59:08 PM] Chiisana: ...................
[11:59:09 PM] Chiisana: :(
[11:59:10 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[11:59:10 PM] Eva: can we pause LMAO
[11:59:13 PM] Eva: i need to use restroom too
[11:59:15 PM] Chiisana: fine.
[11:59:18 PM] Eva: ilu ilu ilu
[11:59:42 PM] Eva: GO USE THE RESTROOM AS WELL
[11:59:44 PM] Eva: MEETUP IN 3
[11:59:53 PM] Eva: GO, SOLDIER
[11:59:55 PM] Chiisana: sobbb

After the episode...
[12:19:36 AM] Chiisana: -life suddenly feels empty-
[12:19:44 AM] Chiisana: I get way too sucked up into these things
[12:19:45 AM] Chiisana: cry
[12:19:46 AM] Chiisana: what is real life

#noreally #pleaseletmemarryYonghwa #heisperfect #please #actually #awshit #ithinkishiphimwithSeohyuntoomuch #wheretobuyaYonghwaclone

Luckiness

I'm realizing that I'm actually a really lucky person. As pessimistic as I am, I really need to accept that I'm very lucky.

So many people on tumblr endlessly whine about their followers never talking to them (one girl that I'm following, in particular, to the point that it's irritating to see) but I actually sometimes get asks in my inbox.

But beyond that: people actually talk to me on skype, people tweet to me, people comment on my videos, people send me messages on youtube, people read my blog, people--whether I'm close to them or don't even know them--encourage me.

In the wider scope, people reach out to me. It sometimes scares me and I reject it because I'm partially antisocial, but it's really amazing and something I too often fail to appreciate.

And I receive so much kindness that I don't deserve and can never reciprocate. It doesn't make sense. I didn't even do anything.

I'm so lucky though.

And with that, I can find my smile again :)

going out
staying home
spending money
saving money
sleeping too little
sleeping too much
staying up to get good grades
getting not-so-good grades
being stupid
taking too many AP classes
eating
not eating
going to work
not going to work
using a heater to keep warm
catching a cold
being in the sun
lacking vitamin D
not answering
giving an unsatisfactory answer
being loud
staying silent
being selfish
going out of way to do nice things for others
trying
not trying

all result in the same thing. getting yelled at. why bother.
anger.
and if i killed myself, you'd probably yell at my gravestone.

[Playlist] Female Ballads for a Calm Winter Day with a Wisp of Melancholy

The free embedded player only displays the first 5 tracks; this is the full playlist: http://snack.to/ahilgnux

What I feel like listening to for the day. ^^
I find songs like these very soothing.
(All the songs are Korean.)

babyblue.

Wearing my favorite color and feeling good.
Ending my day on this note.

Haven't taken actual selcas in months so I inexplicably felt like it. I used to be a lot better with selcas. But I won't be 19 forever, after all.

Brought back the old-fashioned peace signs that I haven't used for so long.

Well then, this is a peaceful Eva in baby blue bidding the world a good night. zzzzz (heh I finally learned how to blog from iPad so I've been doing it while snuggled in my electric blanket in bed.)

Binging on fuwafuwa

Haro ;v;)/
I'm at work right now and feeling kinda bored 'cause I just did a bunch of stuff and finished all my jobs hahaha. After lunchtime is always the busiest and then it gets quiet around 3:30-4 so I'm sitting here typing away and staring at my nail polish because seeing the charming sparkle of refreshing colors makes me inexplicably happy.

Ggguuuuuu

[3:29:07 PM] Chiisana: I'm really sad that all the things we like to watch are like released at the same time
[3:29:10 PM] Chiisana: and then we watch it all
[3:29:14 PM] Eva: LOL IKRRRRRRRRRRRR
[3:29:18 PM] Chiisana: and have to wait a whole week.....

Too true, too true........

Sunday: The Romantic & Idol airs
Monday: Flower Boy Next Door 1 airs
Tuesday: Flower Boy Next Door 2 airs; Flower Boy Next Door 1 subbed
Wednesday: The Romantic & Idol subbed; Flower Boy Next Door 2 subbed
Thursday - Saturday: WHATISLIFE

The rest of the week is so dry, sob.
Or actually. Hm. Cheongdamdong Alice airs on ...... okay I just googled it. Saturday and Sunday! CRYYYY. So it's still about in the same timeframe.

[3:30:08 PM] Chiisana: It's like binging on fuwafuwa

You can basically follow my variety/drama endeavors on my entertainment blog but it's kind of just where I dump everything LOL. I stopped understanding why I still use that blog, but you never know if anybody actually visits it since it's been around for so long... I think I actually made it because I was tired of people finding my old blog by googling Super Junior, etc since I used to fangirl there a lot. xDDDDDD Plus seeing as how I'm such a memories-packrat, I like keeping everything for my own reference hehe. It's useful to me even if sometimes my sense of obligation to keep blogging everything feels like a chore.

Anywho, if you're looking for a lighthearted k-drama, Flower Boy Next Door just started airing this week and I highly recommend it! It may not be the most exciting or dramatic, or have the most brilliantly complicated plot or characters.. but it's adorable, wacky, hilarious, full of heart. It's simple, but a treat.<3

Also if you're a hopeless romantic, The Romantic & Idol kept me and Chiisana on chain and leash, waiting for each week's episode. =3=


It's funny because I used to be the person with hardly any time to even breathe and I complained everyday about having too much to do and being stressed, but now I'M SO BORED EVERYDAY LOL. Although I started going back to work again (it's only twice a week), school doesn't start for 2 weeks, and I was really busy around Christmastime with mixing but now I have nothing to do...
'Cept I'm sure that when school rolls around, I'll be dying again. orz

;T

In May of 2009, I made a deal to post one selca per day on my previous blog--which sounds awkward by premise but I believe that forcing myself to put myself out in ways such as that back then was beneficial to me in melting any desire to wear a mask on the internet. I can't say that it's a significant booster in confidence but it did help in my attempt to implement a "don't care about what others think" mentality in myself, whose traces are still there but faltering. Well I guess it did work since I'm relatively comfortable with things like pictures and vlogs.

Anyhoozles, one picture in particular caught my eye.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF HEHEHEHEHE

You chose your pride over the safety of your own daughter.

And you know, she wouldn't have asked you if it weren't really serious.
I hate to toot my own horn (pun very intended), but while my driving is scary, I do trust myself as a sensible and sensitive driver. Ever since I've been licensed a year and a half ago, I've been extremely self-sufficient when it comes to transporting myself. I only ask for this once in a blue moon. I generally don't want to inconvenience you. I don't want to inconvenience my boss for asking to leave early either. And it's not like I want to leave my precious car at work anyway.
If you honestly just weren't able to come, I would understand.

And you'll never know that your own daughter was stroking her own head while driving herself home--and telling herself that she's actually the luckiest girl in the world because her boss let her leave--to comfort and stop herself from crying, because the vision-obstructing tears were making driving even more dangerous.

So I drove in the slow lane on the freeway, deliberately took the "safe" route, and was that obnoxious car that waited even for a faraway car to pass before turning the corner, and I got my ass safely home. My electric blanket warming up my bed, and I just wanted to let out my blaring anger before it makes my fever worse. That's it for me for the day; good night.

And yes, I pat my own head when I'm really sad because it's not like anyone else is going to for me, and tall people usually don't receive those kinds of things.

I Miss You cont.

This isn't the most appropriate place to be writing this but since I wrote my I Miss You drama post here before, I figure I might as well continue. It's k even if no one cares 'cause I'm writing this simply because I feel like it.

I don't remember if I recommended the drama... but uh, don't watch it. HAHAHA. It's not worth it. If you must, do what I did and watch up until the transition from childhood to adulthood (the first 6 episodes) because the protagonists' past together is actually really cute and heartwrenching. ;///;

But although I swore off watching the drama after that, I still kept tabs on it via episode recaps because I was interested in how the plot would play out and how the grown up characters would develop. I wanted to see how a guilty Jungwoo and scarred Sooyeon could fall in love again.

At first, the new turn of events was disconcerting to me--disregarding my paled interest in the adult cast in comparison to the kids--because of the changes of character. It scared and disturbed me.. that the innocent little Lee Sooyeon could be reborn spiteful, cunning, with eyes rimmed with desire for revenge. It's painfully realistic, and I rejected this notion.

Except then after like lol one episode or so, Sooyeon became neither innocent nor vengeful; her character plunged into some whiny, mopey, indecisive damsel-in-distress that cries 35438 times per episode, and the plotline kept falling and falling and falling out of salvation. Poof.
Now it's the narrative that's making me go, "STAY AWAY HIDE YO CHILDREN THIS DRAMA AIN'T WORTH IT."

And I'm bringing this series back up again because I just checked one of my newfound favorite websites, A Koala's Playground, and was greeted with a new post about I Miss You--much to my cynicism-based delight.

http://koalasplayground.com/2013/01/08/catching-up-with-missing-you-as-of-episode-17/

Oh my gosh, I laugh so hard at this because of how ridiculous the narrative has become, and because I fucking love Koala's take on everything. I love hearing all this through the mouth (eh, fingers) of another sarcastic person, whose lighthearted contempt but brilliant sarcasm sparkles even more so than my own. She sometimes comes up with the most ingeniously sadistic, evil things that I so wish I could have.

I will read anything Koala writes whether or not the subject perks my interests, and my thriving appetite for creative, vivid writing will swallow it up in a slow gulp of mental satisfaction. Hnnng a writing style like this is so hard to come by.
If I could marry a writing style, I'd be half out the door searching for a 17-carat rock right now.

Recently, I've been really enjoying Koala's drama episode recaps because I get to follow narrative and character developments without having to actually spend time watching the drama, or dealing with overly sad or scary parts LOL. That might just be me being lazy, but there are certain series whose premises only fascinate me to a lacking extent. But in any case, they're written very well and thoroughly, with a nice spankin' sarcasm-driven opinion to boot.


My interest in dramas has grown significantly as of late--partially the fault of Koala and all of the fabulous year-end summary reviews on Dramabeans--along with a focus on and taste for narrative structure. I'm currently watching Cheongdamdong Alice (it's pretty good but a few episodes, including the first 2, are dry so I just read recaps) and planning to start Flower Boy Next Door (it seems like a whimsical distraction).

"...mentioned wanting to be an mysterious figure in the community, someone with walls all around them and no one knows much about them."
-Lee

ha ha ha.

I kind of was thinking about this before and I came to the conclusion that I'm kind of an internet whore because I don't hide much about myself (or so I think..) and throw myself in every direction with a gazillion accounts on like EVERYTHING (oh yeah I forgot to mention I recently made a soundcloud) and I shove everything I do/see/think in others' faces. It's funny because not only do I openly show my inner colors, I publicly analyze and broadcast every spot of this spectrum of personality.

I apologize.

Legend of Mermaid (ver EVA'S NOT EVEN SORRY)

Don't watch if you're allergic to bad singing

My favorite part is the ending

Also I'm sick, which worked out great

I didn't even reverb you're welcome

Nakimushi Kareshi from Y to Y (wut)

This is kind of a mass Chiisana post ugh. (lol jk please don't sack me yet)

I swear sometimes I feel like her manager because I'm just here promo'ing her everywhere as she remains her twitterless... everythingless.. modest-ass self.

BUT YEAH.
MERRY REAAAAAAAALLY LATE CHRISTMAS :D

Have Gemini's "Christmas" upload, a lovely duet! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧


【小さな × Jay】 泣キ虫カレシ

泣キ虫カレシ (Nakimushi Kareshi)
"Crybaby Boyfriend"

Music/Lyrics：チョリスP、フェルナンドP
Arrangement：フェルナンドP
Illustration：ヤマコ
Movie：√Effect
Mix: Chiisana, Eva
Vocals:
http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
http://www.youtube.com/JaySingYou
MP3: https://www.box.com/s/wi8thdve4969q1vhee4l 

Chiisana: "Happy holidays, everyone! Ahh, I'm so happy that I am finally able to sing a full duet with Jay! Forever duet partners! ;u;)/ (Even though I am completely unworthy ;////; Doesn't he sound so wonderful? The ending always makes me want to cry..) Thanks so much to Ebah as well for coming up with the idea of Jay and I to duet this song, and for mixing! She is the besto! ;v; And thank you so much for listening to our duet, we really hope you enjoy it!" 

Jay: "Despite me being Chiisana's usual duet partner in our Gemini collabs, we've actually never did a duet before. It's really such an honour to sing a full song with her, because she has an amazing voice and she just sounds so beautiful here. My first time hearing this song, I thought that it was impossible to sing because it goes really high and my upper range isn't that great, but I tried my best and I hope it's okay ; ~ ; Thanks for taking the time to listen to our duet ^^" 

Thanks for watching the first part of our holiday uploads and the first duet on this channel! Don't worry--the rest of our Gemini members aren't missing out on the fun, so stay tuned!!

Sorry but I kind of love this duet to bits; I feel like it's perfectly casted--with a mature but pure, feminine, fluttery female voice, and an innocently strong yet vulnerable-sounding shota male voice. CAN I HUG THIS VIDEO--

Plus, Chiisana and Jay actually performed this duet live in the karaoke room during #GeminiMeetUp, so ;v; alllllll the fuwa fuwa feels~

But the Chiisana-related uploads don't stop there, nope. She also uploaded a beautiful solo as a part of Chii's (chiizuzu@yt; chiizukeiki@twitter) Project Reminiscence, in which vocaloid songs from 2008-2009 are revisited in the form of covers.

The project is still open until the end of January, so do consider participating!

【プロレミ2013】 From Y to Y 【小さな ver】

"From Y to Y"
Lyrics/Composer/Arrangement: OneRoom (ジミーサムP)
Illust.: Niiro (yt. niiro19, art tumblr: http://nirori.tumblr.com/)
Vocals: Chiisana (小さな)
Mix: Eva, Chiisana

Thanks so much to Chii(yt. chiizuzu) for inviting me into this project, I feel so honored to have been a part of it! ^^ And also so many thanks to Niiro who created this beautiful art for my cover! I feel so grateful that she was willing to take the time to draw this for me and I love it so much! Chii and Niiro are amazing ;A;!

This is a song I have always meant to cover, but never did, so I am happy that I've finally been able to sing it!

I.. spent a lot of time trying to perfect the mastering for this cover, but in the end I failed miserably.. ;w; So I'm really sorry for my.. terrible everything. QAQ -hides under rock forever- But even so, I thank you for listening and hope that you will be able to enjoy it at least a little bit!

Umm also we went to a sushi buffet + to watch Les Miserables last week with Myst, and I filmed a short vlog except I forgot that my camera stops recording audio after a minute LOL. So I only have screencaps.

Basically, that kiddo gave us Christmas presents.

My personal favorite part is the card.

It still grosses me out.
-shivers-

Myst and I got matching turtles.

How old does she think I am?

rock-kun says hi