【DREAM✦SCAPE】 GURENGE

✨✨✨ I'M FREEEEEEEE. I've been waiting for this moment for months!! I'm thankfully happy with all the things I've been working on recently and they are fulfilling projects, but it's truly exhausting and stressful to constantly be against deadlines and to always come home from work knowing that I can only take a short break before diving into making cosplay, or recording lines, or mixing, or making video ads. I really need a whole week just to catch up on sleep ;^; However I'm very excited to be spending all of August just doing social fun things and making a trip to LA with friends for KCON!

DREAM✦SCAPE made it to the final round of Ascension Chorus Battle (2019) and the deadline was last week, marking the end of an amazing journey. I really love all three entries our team made!! Our non-vocalist staff (pKotetsu, shippa, minty⁺, neneki) are all so talented and cool; it's been such a great honor to work with them and I still feel privileged that they said yes to us and stuck with us for 3 rounds. ;u; And of course it's been incredible to be a vocal team with longtime friends Mimi, Chiisana, and Aerin 💕💕💕 The other day in our sappy feels we called each other our "singing sisters"—and I feel like that's really the best way to describe the four of us... Our vocal tones all vibe and blend extremely well together and we sing with similar amounts of energy!! And we're always on the same page; having worked together and been friends for nearly a decade (yet somehow we'd never done a quartet before?!) let us be very comfortable with each other and give/accept honest feedback and have the best support system ever. ;o; I love them so much. I got to sing with such fuqqin POWER VOCAL QUEENS.

There's a lot to appreciate—from the vocal prowess and blood-pumping energy by chiisana, Mimi, and Aerin; to minty⁺'s ever stylish designs that nailed each of our personalities every time and eye candy illustrations that I would happily eat up at any given moment because they are just my type; to neneki's persevering dedication and how she elevated us with her knowledge about mixing and audio tech; to pKotetsu and shippa's animation (and the story was crafted by them too!) with A+ aesthetics and unique effects built by them that I can't comprehend the process behind.

Thank you for a great CB run! 💕

【A-S3】紅蓮華 | GURENGE【DREAM✦SCAPE】

For the past two rounds, neneki had done the main audio mix while Mimi and I would work on the timing—but for this round the scheduling only worked if neneki tuned/timed while I did the main mix, so that's how I ended up mixing despite swearing off CB mixing after Gemini's "Innocent x Haven" for Ascension 2017, heh....... For good reason too, I found out. and reconfirmed every. single day. as I struggled to make enough progress on the mix. Struggled just to accomplish anything. Discovered that I know nothing about efficient mixing, am lacking a lot of technical knowledge. Constantly felt the pressure of the looming deadline and the high expectations for a final round entry. Was burning out because my full time job is also post production and eye strain intensive. Had trouble staying awake late every night. Ear fatigue clouding my judgment.

This was such a big wake-up call regarding my mixing process. ;; More about this under the cut.

Axe Me

Wrote my very long AX write-up on all the fun times I had and thought I'd leave a bit more of a personal post too since June has been...a really different experience LOL. I'd never lived such an intensely disciplined life before—since I usually never exercise or diet...... And it was all for one (1) day of cosplaying a character who doesn't even suit my playstyle lol..................

What I was doing was actually pretty...unhealthy. Before being hospitalized I was already seriously underweight for my height (I'm 5'8 or 173 cm orz) then I came out of the hospital severely weak and never quite recovered weight-wise, so after under-eating for a month there were actually times I was scared looking at my own limbs. ;; All I wanted was to lose that layer of fat on my tummy so that I could try to bring out some abs, but I ended up pretty unhealthy............ On the plus side though, my acid reflux improved a ton! I focused on protein and no longer had snacks 24/7 during June, WHICH WAS REALLY REALLY HARD because my fast metabolism means that I get hungry really quickly and I'm used to eating often? Thus the acid reflux. I was hella getting withdrawal on the week before AX LOL. So much respect for people who are able to diet!!! Powerful beings!!!!
I don't know how to do this again in a healthy way. How do you achieve that balance?

And then I spent every freaking day either working on my Kai'Sa cosplay or doing chorus battle work TT~TT til like 3-4 AM..... through 126 episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's.... and then go to my full time job.... I was actually really frustrated that I never had time to do spontaneous things or take a chill day. >< For probably two months, I was too busy to hang out with Fome aside from a few group outings and the one time he helped with my costume. Constantly just worried about having enough time to finish everything.

Being busy also meant that I had difficulty dedicating time to workouts (okay, it's literally just ab excercises—I only care about abs) so I tried a new method this year of treating every waking moment as a casual, lowkey ab workout. While at work, I would use a standing desk and do a bunch of leg stuff and mini core squats. A lot of exercises while looking at my phone in bed or hand-sewing anything.. Dancing or knee highs whenever I was standing around idly.. While talking to friends, I would do sit-ups LOL. I really didn't have the abs that I dream of having—but in this specific photo, the lighting brings out ?? abs ????? a little???

Throughout June, I kept saying, "AS SOON AS THIS IS OVER, I'M GOING TO EAT A TON AND DO SOCIAL THINGS WITH FRIENDS!!!" and oftentimes you come up with these ~finish line fantasies~ in order to motivate yourself through challenges, though they may not actually come true afterwards... But I think I've been really happy the past week (despite the exhaustion and a few bad things) because I actually was rewarded with all the things I looked forward to. QuQ Lot of yummy food, more quality hanging out with friends than ever this AX, and I looked decent in cosplay.... It feels pretty fulfilling and as though my effort and discipline was worth it! I've been blissfully treating myself to every craving and living my best life hehe!

Right now I can safely say that my mental health is in a pretty good place. 💕 There were a few blips of me being overwhelmed with stress but all of my negative emotions have been temporary and situational. Been very stable and able to leave myself open to help others. I may be tired but I'm happy! ^^

Anime Expo '19 ✨

A few years ago I realized that my life essentially revolves around Anime Expo—it's a staple that guarantees a good time filled with love, that I can look forward to/work towards every year without fail, and motivates me to keep going. ❤️ Year 8 has now passed and it was a lottttt of fun! So now begins the "waiting for the next AX" phase lolol.

After last year's gargantuan turnout, this year had a much smaller youtaite crowd and in particular I didn't have as many non-local close friends that came. ;o; On the one hand, it meant I didn't get to meet up with as many people that I rarely get the opportunity to hang out with, but that was okay!!! Because my hotel group (+ our friends who became honorary members) spent so much time together that it felt like we became a big comfortable family. 😭 This makes me sooo happy.... I love them allllllll T____T What a good group of good boys and good girls and gremlins and ninja bros! Kind of funny though that we went all the way to the biggest annual weeaboo gathering to mostly spend time with 80% folks that we already can see in NorCal but ayy the bonding was priceless.

The Hidden Post

"Another letter?"

"Afraid so. We really ought to install a sign, something like, 'Offerings Only' or the duller humans will continue mistaking it for what they call 'mailboxes.'"

"And who from this time?"

"The human girl again. The one who makes moving pictures. Fortunately it seems her litter may cease soon—her troop is relocating and she gratefully asks that we look after the mischievous feral creatures of whom she still believes we are guardians."

"Tsk, I told you humans have a way of falling helplessly for flerkens' trickery. If only she'd gratefully send more than a sheet of paper."

"Right. The incessant updates go on: singing, dancing, the usual, and she'll be accompanying her companions on their yearly migration towards..." the fairy squinted, perplexed. "What is a convention of animo?"

(i found this at my workplace today but i should be packing for ax)