yeah, I'm a Born Hater

Epik High's new album inspired me to dig up my rendition of "Born Hater" that i never posted.

i wrote and rapped this in 2014 when i was a film student angst'ing against pressure to change majors. anyway i work in video production now & it's going gr8 😊

warning cuss words !!

(yes it's just the same text copy and pasted from my tweet—just b/c I always feel like the embed is on the verge of breaking or in case my twt account ever goes down LOL)

Epik High's new album inspired me to dig up my rendition of "Born Hater" that i never posted.

i wrote and rapped this in 2014 when i was a film student angst'ing against pressure to change majors. anyway i work in video production now & it's going gr8 😊

warning cuss words !! pic.twitter.com/6wHYyr2mTW

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) January 21, 2021

[YT link]

Honestly surprised at myself for never posting this all these years... If I'm remembering correctly I think I wrote this before Epik High announced their Born Hater cover contest—and then aaalllll the cool rappers started posting their versions and I got intimidated HAHA. It's a bit cringy but I'm embracing it as part of my story. :3 Still would likely consider it better writing than what I can do now!

Lyrics:

The Hidden Post

"Another letter?"

"Afraid so. We really ought to install a sign, something like, 'Offerings Only' or the duller humans will continue mistaking it for what they call 'mailboxes.'"

"And who from this time?"

"The human girl again. The one who makes moving pictures. Fortunately it seems her litter may cease soon—her troop is relocating and she gratefully asks that we look after the mischievous feral creatures of whom she still believes we are guardians."

"Tsk, I told you humans have a way of falling helplessly for flerkens' trickery. If only she'd gratefully send more than a sheet of paper."

"Right. The incessant updates go on: singing, dancing, the usual, and she'll be accompanying her companions on their yearly migration towards..." the fairy squinted, perplexed. "What is a convention of animo?"

(i found this at my workplace today but i should be packing for ax)

Anti-Cupid

Ahah I get so excited whenever I write narrative because I don't get to often due to disinterest (I wish I had more interest!), a drought of ideas, and disliking conflict.

But here's a short screenplay I wrote for a class! I want to produce more because I enjoy the process of writing, but nope, no ideas.. Anyway, I intend to pitch this to potentially be made into an actual short film. We'll see what happens. ^^

{The Anti-Cupid}

Side note: damn life is so busy QAQ I don't know if I know how to relax anymore

Wistfully Yours

An expanded and re-purposed version of a fluff that I wrote before, previously entitled Gong Xiang Hua (which I had supposed to mean something like "Shared Flower").

My classmates couldn't understand the story... and tbh I'm not sure if that means flawed writing on my part or that they were just the wrong audience. =A=;;;

I ended up keeping the working title, Wistfully Yours, and am totally aware that it sounds like it should be about some shitty romance à la lingering feelings for an old flame. Oh the delicious irony when I'm just like HAHAHAHA nope you get an ancient Asian-inspired fantasy teenage friendship thing HAHA oh and with giant flying creatures umm have fun.

The A Factor

ALSKFJSLDKFJDKFDL

So recap of the past 2 days, or basically my 21st birthday weekend.
Saturday, I fiiiiiiiinally finished my 35-page screenplay at 11 AM!! -SIGH OF RELIEF- So glad it's over because this was my most concerning project of the semester and I feel so sleep and free time-deprived solely because of it.
After turning it in online, I slept til 3 PM, then hung out with Yanovi for a bit. And then we hopped over to Myst's house to party with Myst, Dibur, Fome, Kura, Kazou, and Dean (Dibur's brother).

They decorated a cute cake for me u_u//// and sang for me.. and I hate being the center of attention and was super flustered but still grateful and happy I JUST DNO'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT.

And Fome gave me these gorgeous gym badge-looking chocolates that I never want to eat because they look unreal and I want to preserve them forever. Also they're from a store called Chocolatier Blue and I cry because that is such a cute name and all the packaging is my favorite color. u///u

Oh and then I had obligatory alcohol because I turned 21. I just had the 5.8% stuff and I was already entirely red L O L... Other than that, I had a tiny sip of Guinness (ICK) and 1/8th a shot of Hpnotiq (ICKK but the color is pretty). Alcohol tastes really nasty to me though........ Plus I got a headache really fast since I haven't been sleeping much and have been under stress in the past week.

So most of us slept over at Myst's, which was nice. ;AAAA; Sleepovers are nice.. Company is nice..... Being an only child who's often home alone isn't so nice...

Then today (okay yesterday 'cause it's 3:59 AM aaaack) was the photoshoot for/with Dibur's rock band, Valkyrie Kiss. :> I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post anything so next time~ Twas my first time being a model or photographer! ;A; Both jobs were intimidating.



OKAY BACK TO THE POST TITLE AND WHY I WAS KEYSMASHING.

I ended up naming my screenplay "The A Factor" which I totally ripped off and used for the TV talent show in the story. This is the one where the protagonist Mel makes a half-silly bet that she can make it through the first round audition while crossdressed. She ends up getting through by accidental blackmail--then pursues the 2nd round, fueled by her brother Mark, newfound friend Lily, and friend-turned-rival Hilary. I have to say that for such a weird/unexciting premise and despite my dry sense of humor, I'm not unsatisfied with my script. I wouldn't have been able to write conflict had it been a more serious story. It's just a given that it'd feel rushed since I decided that rather than a short, I'd write an abridged version of a feature-length film. It's so underdeveloped and shallow, it hurts.

Anyway, I already got a response from my screenwriting professor and this is what he wrote:

"Wonderful! Delightful! And one of the most polished scripts in the class. Hang onto this because I will contact you in the fall about entering it in the student screenwriting competitions."

-SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM-

ASKLDFJKSFLKDFJ
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
MY PROFESSOR WANTS TO ENTER MY SCREENPLAY INTO A COMPETITION WHAAAAAAT

Gong Xiang Hua: A Short Story

It was a day like any other in the bustling town of Gong Xiang Hua. Merchants setting up shop, wondering what kind of stories they'll hear from passer-bys today. Potionmakers sprawling on their pallets to snatch their last fleeting fragments of slumber before a busy day of healing. Weapon forgers fondly counting their satchels of rare and polished metals. Winged creatures and their young dancing in the cerulean skies.

The gods from Gong Xiang Hua Castle frequently came down to play, because off the shore boasted an abandoned tavern, which long ago belonged to a famous tribe of treasure-collecting mermaids until too many humans settled nearby. It was the pride of our humble town—the sand's sparkle more charming than even the royal jewels.

Here, the laughter of the human children mixed with that of the children of the gods—whether a century were considered a lifetime or a moment passing by didn't matter.

I have a sibling, a mentor, a friend. Someone different from me, meant for bigger things than me. As a god, it was tradition to spend 100 years training to master one's spiritual powers. Whether it was on the peaks atop clouds or in the ocean floor mazes, I didn't know and couldn't imagine.

"Why do you weep so, friend? Look how joyously the willows greet the breeze."

"I understand why they warn of bonds with those of greater blood. When you have returned, I'll have joined the earth, and never the sooner forgotten. What to me was my entire childhood will be but a sunken pebble in your sea of memories and adventure."

"These 10 years to you were also 10 years to me. Lazy afternoons, the sun's embrace, discovering every corner of the streets, the moon heeding our troubles—everything you remember, I remember too. On this beach are endless treasures, but pick any one piece up and it's still called a treasure. If it's precious, what does it matter?"

Often we the townsfolk wonder why such magnificent crystals and jewels were left behind when the mermaids disappeared. Some believe they are still out there, creating another haven to orchestrate the entwined laughter of the simplest and most profound happiness.



---

Wrote this in bed at 4 AM HARHARHAR. Inspired by Koala's translations of Chinese novel Lost You Forever—I've fallen so hard for this style, and this is just the type of fantasy world that eats me up.

Kelly

Ah! I've been meaning to share my treatment for my short film final project for my TV/Film Production class. ;v; The first draft script is due Thursday and I've modified the ending (which in turn affects a lot of the overall meaning actually) since writing this. But even though it's a school project, this film is something I'm excited to work on because 1) it gives me a chance to develop some cinematography skills after familiarizing myself with the school's fancy camera, 2) there's lots of audio editing! and 3) it tackles things that I want to express well: anxiety, paranoia, being self-blaming and self-withdrawn. And all without making my protagonist crazy in any way. After all, social anxiety haunts absolutely normal people; it doesn't mean that they have mental issues--just that they're overwhelmed by their fears, which are often self-inflicted. I hope I can produce something meaningful and artful. ;u; I have less than two months to do it, but I want to end up with something that I'll be proud of.

Now Playing:
"SLEEP DUST"
(composed and sung by Kazou)
Apparently, this song was inspired by Kelly. ;u; It's actually thanks to Kazou that I started thinking about how I wanted to depict social anxiety, so it's nice that the inspiration came around full circle.

My treatment:

     In a short film that explores the perceptual baggage carried by social anxiety, Kelly (18) has a tea party with a circle of stuffed animals. Alone in this quaint bedroom, Kelly shows signs of nervousness as if surrounded by a room full of outspoken peers. Initially, she is awkward but does respond passably to the conversation held by these stuffed animals, whose words are provided in voiceover. Throughout the tea party, the conversation is pleasant and of nothing spectacular.
     However, alongside the exchanges, an extra set of voices begins to appear, voicing the stuffed animals’ hidden thoughts—or rather, fabricated thoughts imposed onto them, written directly by Kelly’s fears. These thoughts serve to attack all of Kelly’s insecurities as the stuffed animals criticize and judge her, carefully notice even the slightest details, and make every one of Kelly’s actions and decisions out to be a mistake no matter what she does or attempts to fix them. One points out the dirt under Kelly’s fingernail, another berates her for wearing a certain color, one laughs at her choice of wording, and another doesn’t like the way she avoids eye contact. Clearly, they never wanted her there and find her to be awkward and a bother. 
     Eventually, these thoughts full of negativity drown out the actual conversation, which never drops from its pleasantly ordinary state. The film ends as Kelly gives in to the self-inflicted pressure in withdrawal—all that can be heard is a cacophony of criticisms, and she closes her eyes and drops her cup of imaginary tea to the sound of broken porcelain.

Screenwriting 3

This post is mostly directed towards Lee HAHAHA. Finally am setting the plot of my script into stone! It's way too shallow for my liking (and I realize the stakes aren't very high), but what can I do when it's a short script that's required to be built on external conflict? If I ever decide that I enjoy writing fiction, I'd like to attempt a novel version to further develop the characters, lay down cohesive motifs, and tackle the more meaningful potential and foils that had to be written out.


     Melanie Kang (Mel) is a prideful 17 year old who doesn’t take insults lightly yet is pessimistic about the heights she can achieve. Her complex over her lack of feminine beauty leads her to depend on make-up, as well as reduce her dream of becoming a singer into a joke of cynical sorts.
     When her dad playfully suggests that she wouldn’t be accepted as a singer even if she were male, she takes offense and bets that even if she can’t ultimately win, she can at least make it through the first round of a TV talent show while crossdressed. There, she runs into Hilary, with whom she’s known as best friends at school, while both have closer friend groups outside of school. Hilary only shows kindness to those who benefit her, is judgmental, and views an extent of cheating as resourcefulness.
     After Hilary mocks the disguised Mel, Mel makes it her goal to show up Hilary in the 2nd round, allied with Mel’s outspoken brother Mark and another show participant: the unconfident but talented Lily. As she trains her singing seriously for the first time, Mel lies to her parents—insisting that she’s given up on the show and has been taking SAT preparation lessons. Meanwhile, Mel and Hilary keep their regular distant but amicable atmosphere at school as Mel secretly wheedles out information on Hilary’s audition plans, and an unexpressed attraction grows between Lily and Mark.
     On the day of the 2nd round performance, Mel’s parents and Hilary discover Mel’s lies and confront Mel at the TV station. Enraged, Mel’s mother ruins Mel’s wig and demands that the nonsense stops there. Mel is now left with the decision to either quietly fold, or suffer the humiliation of revealing her identity on TV but proving to herself and to her parents that she is serious about pursuing singing. Mel chooses to perform, after which Hilary acknowledges her ability and the two admit their wrongs to each other, finally putting their two-facedness aside. Neither Mel nor Hilary make it past the round, and Lily is the ultimate winner both in regards to the audition and in overcoming her fears as she confesses that her performed love song is dedicated to Mark. In the aftermath, Mel decides to start singing lessons with the agreement of her parents.

Screenwriting 2

So I think I'm gonna go with this idea for my script for screenwriting:

The hero (female, unnamed) wishes to sing on stage, however because she knows she's "not pretty," turns her dream into a joke of cynical sorts. As part of a bet when she's insulted, she attends an audition (undecided: agency or talent tv show), but crossdressed--her goal only to get past the first round in this guise. There, her best friend (undecided name and gender) who's talented but has terrible morals, fails to recognize our hero and disses her in some way. Prideful, easily butthurt, and feeling betrayed, our hero makes it her goal to keep up the pretense and show up best friend in the next round. They become rivals and our hero becomes just as two-faced as best friend. Crossdressing hijinks, a fake friendship, and realization of one's dreams!! Details still to be figured out. /o/


Sure, it doesn't sound all that exciting or deep but this is where I ended up given: 1) what I'm interested in, i.e. singing, and 2) the fact that I'm not good with external conflict or action/excitement.

Except I wish someone could take the reins now because BOY OH BOY I don't know what the hell to do with the rest of this and I want to just WATCH my idea unfold without having to actually get on my knees and put effort into rolling out the narrative myself. Except a short summary of my script is due on Tuesday. Fuck. I'm way too lazy and indecisive for this shit.

The most significant undecided detail I think is the gender of the best friend rival because it changes the entire storyline. Only, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO PICK. QUICK--SOMEONE FLIP A COIN. Having a girl makes for bitchy backstabby girls and perhaps a friend that uses hero to her benefit somehow. Having a guy means potential love interest(*) and a more dense character, except I can't seem to think of an explanation for the twofacedness.
*I've already ruled out hero falling in love with rival, because I do NOT want her to reconcile just for the reason that she's fallen in love. Rival carrying feelings for hero still has potential though. I'm not gonna delve into romance at all if rival is a female because I have no personal experience with homosexuality so far and don't know if I'll be able to portray it convincingly in my very first script.

And I can't decide if I want hero and rival to change and reconcile in the end or not. On the one hand, happy endings happy friendships yay. On the other hand, you can't expect everyone to change their entire character that quickly, and if rival is actually a bad friend, then what reason does hero have to keep her/him as a friend? That would take quite a bit of redemption.

Also. I have nothing other than this. Meaning I have NO ideas for any subplots. Or points of suspense/surprise/twists. Or characters other than hero, rival, and hero's dad. I've been so concentrated on "I HAVE TO THINK OF A HERO WHO HAS A GOAL AND AN OPPONENT AND CONFLICT AND THINGS THAT THE AUDIENCE CAN SEE HAPPENING" that I forgot that I have to construct the entire world in which this hero lives. And that's a month's worth of work if you ask me.

PS: HELP. SOMEONE PLEASE SUGGEST A NAME

Screenwriting

I'm currently taking a screenwriting class and just did some reading from the course reader written by my professor. A few parts really stuck out to me, which I wanted to share. (For some reason, reading about writing reminds me of Lee a lot LOL. Also luckily, this is rather breezy reading ;v; But regardless of method, he did open my eyes to a few things.)

• "There's a difference between "becoming a screenwriter" and "writing screenplays." The former is an identity, which one expects to assume like a suit of armor that protects the wearer from all future strife and unhappiness. It doesn't exist. If it did, there wouldn't be so many miserable professionals.
  Happiness is found in doing things you love to do. ... Make it your goal "to write," not "to be a writer.""
  
  
• "Imagine enjoying writing so much that the writing is its own reward. That can be yours if you see the time you spend writing as a gift you give to yourself and you don't think about the outcome."
  
  
• "MYTH: High standards make writing great.
  "High standards" is usually code for "perfectionism," and perfectionism will keep you from writing at all. Why even begin a script that "has" to be "perfect" when we all know perfection is unattainable? ... Who could write with an inner voice screaming in one's inner ear, "Is it good enough? Is it good enough!!??" ... Forget good or bad, and choose instead to give yourself the gift of spending time creatively without worrying about the outcome."
  
  
• "Any normal person can write a screenplay. ... If people had to be born knowing how to write then babies would write brilliantly. Trust me, I've read scripts by babies; they're a train wreck. Then the babies ask for feedback but you can't say anything because they're babies and they cry."

Okay, well, I included the last one just because I laughed.

But the other points I think apply really well even to things outside of screenwriting. To sum it up: shit's all about the journey and the enjoyability of the activity, yo.

Well back to screenwriting.

After this reading, I feel a bit more confident about having to write an original script as the bulk of the class. But with every page, I got more and more worried.

I'm in no way a screenwriter. Screenwriting is all about the external, the character conflicts, the action, and the specific, achievable, concrete goals that an audience can watch the hero attain (or attempt to attain).

If I had any interest in writing fiction, I'd be a novelist. I want to explore and analyze inner conflict and the cause of and changing in mindset or personality. I want to see a character lost within him or herself. I enjoy stream of consciousness. I'm self-absorbed. I overthink. I hate outward conflict and drama. I don't enjoy the superficial. I have no goals. I don't particularly dream of anything other than my recently-realized desire to someday feel successful, somehow in some way. I don't know how I'm going to get there.

Actually I wrote this just two days ago:
"But rather than expressing with narrative, my way of literary expression as an outlet is to just lay my thoughts and feelings bare."
And now it's like, well. shit. =A=

I'm starting to brainstorm on what I might be able to write about. Of course, as a start, it makes sense to use one's own experience as a foundation or inspiration. But because I as a person cannot set goals, it reflects onto any possible protagonists that come to mind right now. I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING. Here goes.

• a bullied girl
• a bullied girl who changes her personality from meek to aggressive to overcome the inferiority imposed upon her? and somehow I guess this messes shit up and it turns out that the true "monster" is her own fear? but in the end this is about her internal struggle and finding herself sigh
• I could write forever about the theme that I keep bringing up in relation to myself about being icy and having a heart encased in ice. I'd love to write a cynical, jaded protagonist. but this ISN'T ACTION OR EXTERNAL CONFLICT
• hm. Cynical, jaded protagonist. How do I do that without being passive? What would this person WANT?
• Cynical, jaded protagonist meets... easygoing and extroverted love interest?! I would get so pissed off writing this. Fuck that fucking shit.
• Something related to children
• A small, typically insignificant event which becomes compelling because the audience understands why the protagonist cares so much about it. How 2 do dat.
• I thought of... having the other characters turn out to be the voices in the head of the protagonist? So basically externalizing internal thought. But mgghhhh there are some sirens going off telling me this isn't a good idea to go with.
• a bullied girl who wants to share erasers with the cute boy in class WOW FUCK THAT
• I like ice cream
• Joining a contest? BECOMING A K-POP IDOL?
• A mother who wants to do it all--raise a family and have a successful career. I have no experience to rear this one with.
• A person who only sees the flaws in a seemingly perfect life. TOO INTERNAL
• okay okay um.. think people fighting.... why do people fight.... idk fighting is dumb and drama is dumb and burdening other people is dumb. :c
• Let's not write romance
• The anti-cupid. A person that goes around not wanting others to be in a relationship lolol
• An audition? ... Best friends who go for the same audition?
• A person who has no dreams sets off to.... to............ do.... a thing.. that I can't.. think of......