【Gemini】 Too Late

We've been working on this for so many months; it's so satisfying to see it finally done and uploaded *AAAAAA* I'm really proud of everyone and so in love with this (which is ttly conceited, I know because I'm in this and mixed) and it's sooooooo nice to finally have somewhat badass!Gemini back after a year of doing cutesy or soft things. It's zapped away my bad mood and worries <333

(It's really a shame though that we don't expect to get much attention on this video seeing as how it's an old k-pop song, which doesn't appeal to either the k-pop or vocaloid audiences.. :c But I hope that those that do see this video can appreciate it! We put a lot of work into it and are proud of the final product. ^^)



【Gemini】 Co-Ed - Too Late 「For Mimi & Ryan」
(user/SoujiStar)

And Gemini continues its tradition of late presents and songs with meanings unfitting for intended occasions.

It certainly is no longer September, but we hope it's not /too late/ to show our appreciation for our September babies: Mimi and Ryan. ♥
Thank you for always having been pillars of the group who pushed us to constantly try to perform at the best of our ability.

Rather than doing a quartet for you two, we decided to instead take the demo teaser of one of your past unfinished duets.. and complete it WITH you. ^^ (Interestingly, the duet was actually a request from our very own Jeffrey!)
Please don't axe/manpurse us for using your lines from 2.5 years ago ;A;

Vocals:
Mimi (2010) - http://www.youtube.com/x3LoveyDovey
Jeffrey - http://www.youtube.com/unaffection
Eva - http://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva
Ryan (2010) - http://www.youtube.com/RyanEatPho
Chiisana - http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
Jay - http://www.youtube.com/JaySingYou

MP3: https://www.box.com/s/xjtvk4qsumf4pak...
Mix: Eva
Mastering: Chiisana/Eva
Video: Chiisana

Original Song: "Too Late" by 남여공학 (Co-Ed School)
MR Instrumental: karaokekpop

(Sorry about the somewhat cheap sound quality; we did the best we could with an unofficial instrumental. ;w;)

Conversations are suffocating
Being asked what major I am
Being asked my plans for the future
Being expected to answer like an adult
Being expected to speak and not avoid interaction
Being expected to keep a subject going and be engaging
Being expected to use words to reiterate my thoughts and feelings
Out loud
BUT I CAN'T HANDLE CONVERSATIONS
Words don't flow to me naturally
Sentences don't structure themselves
I DON'T.. I CAN'T... THIS MIX OF SOCIAL ANXIETY, ANTISOCIALNESS, DELAYED BRAIN PROCESSING, AND POOR THOUGHT-TO-MOUTH COORDINATION IS GONNA BE THE END OF ME

Whispers

.......so I spent yesterday's lunchbreak alone in my car writing wannabe poetry on my iPad. (the thingy from yesterday) OTL my life


A cafe & creperie called Whispers opened near where I live some months(?) ago but I never got a chance to visit. I finally just went by myself after class yesterday since I needed a pick-me-up xD

It's such a nice place ;^;)/ I wouldn't mind going there more often, but they actually don't have much of a selection for dessert crepes. But they have real food like omelettes, sandwiches, and savory crepes.

Just the usual nutella, strawberries, and bananas.
I have to say though that the stand-out part was the ice cream (which I got too lazy to actually put in the crepe--though I liked that they separated it out since I ordered to-go--so I just took mouthfulls of it as I went along). IT WAS SO ATTRACTIVELY DELICIOUSS QAQ

The Vault

There was never a more appropriate time to take a gander through this folder and let it fulfill its intended purpose--when I start questioning my self worth and achievements. ^^;;

When anybody sends me a message of support or says that I helped them/inspired them/made them feel better in any way, I usually make sure to take a creepy screenshot before I proceed to flail and melt ///// Thank you to everyone whose words or actions have been captured in my vault
It makes me feel like I've actually done a few things right.

I hate how one-track life is.

They say you have a choice; they say that you can achieve anything.
Then they give you a formula to follow--a mold to conform to, and if you're not shaped to fit, then you're out.

The definition of 'success' has become so dangerously narrow that all paths to it have been consolidated into a single ladder.

And to reach this success, college is a necessary stepping stone; take a stride off and you drown by the gruesome hands of societal expectations and pressures. Because it's the only acceptable course.

The truth? I wish I could drop out.
I can't handle college. Sure, I have straight A's and my education is going "well" (from a shallow angle), but at what expense? My sense of ambition, my motivation to do anything, any kind of passion, peace of mind, my certainty that life is even worth it.
But even if I did, there's nothing I could do, because there are no options other than going to college right now--a fact that I abhor.

People grow at different paces, and some just aren't meant for certain things. I wasn't ready at 17-18 like most everybody around me was, when they demand answers you've never gotten a chance to develop, then shame you for ignorance and ambivalence.
How can you be expected to know the entire path ahead of you when you're a tadpole that's only made its first terrestrial leap?

I predict that in 25 years, the world will find itself overseeing universal midlife crisis, attributed to the fact that our generation is so pressed to decide the rest of their lives and know exactly which career path to take--straight out of youth and within a year or two.

#TeamNorcal Karaoke

Today is karaoke day with some of #TeamNorcal: Myst, Chiisana, Karu, Carmen, Zero, and someone we're meeting for the first time today--Lucy!

I'm literally writing this on my iPad right now in front of Chiisana's house. =_=
Last night, I said I'd try to get to her house before 11:30. That obviously didn't turn out well.
I arrived at 11:50, feeling all apologetic because I thought I was late.
So I call Chiisana, and she tells me that she's not ready and still needs 5 minutes.
A total of 13 minutes passed. She came out at 12:03.

This is my "Chiisana, I'm so done with your shit" face.

Overall, a really fun day!

We all met up to karaoke. :D

I'm.. technically not supposed to sing because of my throat but HALF THE TIME WHEN I SAY I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING, I DO IT ANYWAY.. (prime example: eating ice cream)

I didn't actually sing that much though, which I'm a little disappointed about but nothing I could do about it because my voice was so shot and dead and gone, and I sounded all crackly and gross. I guess it turned out to be a good thing(?) that I was actually unfamiliar with most of the vocaloid songs?

Here are some moments that I was able to capture on video from my iPad:

featuring I Knew You Were Trouble (Screaming Goat edition).

After the usual gossip, more gossip, and even more gossip, [and a visit to Myst's cats] it was just me, Myst, Carmen, Karu, and Chiisana left.
As always, sushi dinner.

SASHIMIIII /o/

Edit:
The pictures that Karu tweeted from today!

 

A Bird in a Cage

THANK YOU LEE FOR WRITING A SEQUEL TO MY POEM, which was so inspiring that I felt like adding a 3rd part. This is fun! :D Poetry is so enjoyable to compose; I just wish I were more eloquent in it but that's probably not gonna stop me from trying anyway. |D;; I like expressing myself sometimes in this unconventional and ambiguous way.
[Edit: Added in the 4th and what I'm presuming to be the final part. Thanks Lee!! *A*]


A bird in a cage
With no will to fly,
Who aspires not,
Whose wings denied,
Feels neither longing,
Nor vexed, nor content;
Yet to be in this cage
This bird is meant.

A bird in a cage
Loses the will to fly.
White wings, full-fledged;
But the heart will deny.
Nowhere to run,
Wishing not to roam.
In this cage
This bird is home.*

A bird in a cage
Knows not how to fly--
Its wings inexperienced,
Its plight to deny
That skies can be soared;
Destination unfound.
Fearful is this bird,
And to this cage it’s bound.

A bird in a cage
Learns not how to fly
But to dream and to wish
Of worlds undefined.
For it has grown weary,
And used to the pain.
This cage is its life,
A perennial stain.*


*These stanzas are written by Lee Chao.

My Typical Work Day

Morning: I'm bored today's a boring day I have nothing to do yawn why am I here
Late morning: I'mma just spam twitter for a bit
Approaching noon: I'M SO HUNGRY WHERE'S MY FOOD
Lunchtime: Suddenly not hungry anymore wtf
After lunch: My food coma brings all the laziness to the yard
A while after lunch: I don't feel so well..
Afternoon: OH MY GOD STRESS STRESS STRESS STRESS
Still afternoon: WHY SO MUCH TO DO WHY TIME RESTRICTIONS OH MY GOD
Later afternoon: HOLY SHIT I NEED TO GET THIS DONE IN LIKE 10 MINUTES THEY NEED THIS PAPERWORK NOW ASAP NOW NOW NOW BLOOD PRESSURE ON THE RISE
5 PM: I'm exhausted. One more hour til I get to go home.. but why do I still have a whole pile of work left to do... fuck I'm working overtime, aren't I
6 PM: dead.

On a self-powered conveyor belt,
Machines wait to be oiled

Cookie-cutter perfection, no less
Lifeless, fantasies soiled

The path to adulthood

and then I really became a crazy

Please do not expect any sign of coherence in this post beyond this sentence.

AALKHLAJSLKF AAHHHHH AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I DID IT!!!! QAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQ

I ACTED IN FRONT OF CAMERAS AND PEOPLE AND
OMFG

I ACTUALLY DID IT

AND THEN I DID OKAY AT IT?? Or not even okay, I think I actually did better than okay?!?!! BUT SHIT I WORRIED SO MUCH OVER IT AND NOW IT'S OVER I'M SO HAPPY

Okay so like basically my role in my classmates' production was the "news correspondent" on the last news broadcast before ~*THE END OF THE WORLD*~. They find me in an abandoned house and I basically start going crazy. SHE WROTE ME AS A CRAZY.........

I PLAYED A /CRAZY/ TODAY.....................

I'M USUALLY THE SILENT KID THAT SITS IN THE CORNER OF THE CLASSROOM THAT NOBODY EVEN KNOWS THE NAME OF. AND I PLAYED A CRAZY OH MY GOD I was so worried because.. I can't act!!! I can't do things IN FRONT of people!! I can't do things in front of cameras unless I control what gets recorded or what people can see QAQ.. And I like behaving kind of.. reservedly? I'm not very talkative, I don't do crazy things, I can't humor other people, I can't do physical gags, I can't tell jokes or stories, I'm extremely uptight, AND I CAN'T BE A CRAZY. JESUS CHRIST.

But yeah since yesterday, I've been doing nothing but working on memorizing my part even though it's pretty small. These productions are pretty casual and amateur so people usually just read off of the script when they're the talents. But WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF A CRAZY READING OFF OF A SCRIPT?
So I memorized it. And I'm the only person in this class to ever have memorized her lines for a part in a production. //A//
aslkdfjlksdalks I mindblanked a little during the run-throughs (perfectly fine though because it still felt natural; it's just that I skipped 2 sentences) but I got everything on the real take. I'M QUITE PROUD OF THAT

Ugh so lucky because the camera had to take a very specific shot and angle to accommodate the background on the greenscreen. I was quite worried that there would be close-ups or that the cameras might zoom in on my face ;^; because I don't wear make-up.. so I don't like people seeing me too closely.... but nope!! The shot was from pretty far away. The bad thing about it though is that it was an unflattering angle for me orz but oh well. Can't win them all.

I was really scared too because of my throat Q__________Q I mean I'm scared enough just for things like regular conversations or talking in call (srsly my throat thing is taking a huge toll on my sociability and I'M ALREADY REALLY SOCIALLY CHALLENGED) but I mean!! what if I lose my voice during the production?! what if my voice cracks and breaks while I'm talking on camera?! what if I embarrass myself during the mic check when EVERYONE IS JUST LISTENING TO MY VOICE. Q____Q
So yeah I've been taking many precautions to preserve my voice just for today, and I was just lakjsdlkf because my throat was kinda hurting today regardless. BUT THEN THE REAL WORRY CAME when I went to drink water right before the production AND THEN I CHOKED. really hard. and coughed for quite a while after. And then I lost my voice :ccccccccccc BUT THANKFULLY IT EVENTUALLY CAME BACK AND MY VOICE SOUNDED COMPLEEEEEETELY FINE FOR ALL OF THE TAKES. OMG. THANK YOU LORD OF..... WHOEVER CONTROLS MY THROAT. IDK. JUST THANK YOU

And then. and then and then and then Q///A///Q I.. I was feeling so alsdkfjlsdkfj about it afterwards because I'm so embarrassed and it's so scary for me to reveal that kind of side to myself.. in front of people.. and cameras...... and I know I can't act................ but people were so niceeeeeeee. ;///3///; aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh I got complimented so much I'm so happy

My classmates kept giving me thumbs up and saying I actually could act QAQ and they said that I got "really into it" since others usually are kind of lifeless and just awkwardly read off of a paper.
and and and then later when I went into the control room, people that I usually don't talk to approached me to tell me that I was really funny, and that I was amusing.
And then one girl told me that "she liked watching me" which I know is supposed to be a compliment but... SOB CREEPY.
ANDD the producer of the show (who came up with the concept and script) was like, "She was so worried but she was so good! I was scared that she'd be shy and would speak too softly."
And even my teacher specifically praised me SOBBBBBBBBBBBBBB happy tears

Oh but then I felt really terrible later because uh. well there's a door between the studio and the control room, and it's the only entrance/exit to the studio. and the door closed. and automatically locked itself. while nobody was inside the studio. ;___; It was really bad and we had to go get a bunch of people to try to open it, and most of them failed... And the thing is that.. I think that I might've been the last one out of the studio. I don't remember. I might have been the 2nd to last, but the thing is that I didn't even notice that the door closed behind me. I'm not sure. But it might've been my fault >____< and I felt so dumb but yeah.. idk ;__; nothing I could do about it, and it's not like I closed the door purposely I guess.

Wow today was a long day (my TV production class actually ran for its entire duration of 3 hours and 45 minutes without any breaks) and finally it's over asjlfsldkfslk

Stagefright

I am QAQ freaking out now because tomorrow, I'm a talent in one of the shows being filmed in my TV Production class.

Performing.. in front of people.. And acting...... Remembering lines, speaking, people being able to hear my voice.
CAMERAS ON MY FACE... CAMERAS THAT CAN ZOOM INTO MY FACE. People staring at screens with my face on them, and I can't control a thing because it's live so I can't just delete the take before I let people see.

I need to tell myself that I will live on. ;w;
If anything embarrassing happens, people will forget.
No matter how bad it goes, it couldn't be worse than the other production where the talents skipped a part and threw the entire crew off.
I can't be that bad.
There's no way for me to screw up.
I just have to do my best.
People won't make fun of me.
My entire life won't be determined by this moment.

I just hope it doesn't turn out to be another performance after which I cry, which used to happen a lot.. ;w; Although the last time was back in 11th grade after I made a speech in my AP Language class.
And I survived my entire public speech class last semester ;A;)/..!
But the difference is that my throat got worse this year, and I've been trying to preserve my voice but I still can't talk much without my voice dying so I'm really scared my throat will screw up during filming or even during mic checks...

-breathes as if in labor-

Aspiration

A bird in a cage
With no will to fly,
Who aspires not,
Whose wings denied,
Feels neither longing,
Nor vexed, nor content;
Yet to be in this cage
This bird is meant.

ZENIQUE.

Yesterday I was hanging out with my friend with whom I attended middle and high school, who used to upload fandubs/covers and AMVs under the alias Kojiru.

And what does she hand me as an early birthday present?

This.

My first reaction:

...

YOU

READ

MY

BLOG

(she actually asked someone who went to Taiwan to get it for me omfg)

not sure whether to be flattered or scared.

March 15th, 2011

At the end of class, my friend (Guy) was jokingly blocking my way out the door as we were leaving. We tease each other a lot and are kinda violent with each other, so I shoved him.
So (Girl#1) said to me, "You're so scary, Eva."
And (Girl#2) shoved (Girl#1) [I'm not sure why; I missed it] and (Girl#1) said she was cute.

(Girl#2): So when Eva does it, she's scary. But when I do it, I'm cute?
Eva: -off to the side- >_> of course... such double standards.
(Girl#1): Yeah. :D She's tall, but you're cute.

WOW. Why does this small excerpt from my blog 2 years ago describe my insecurities and high school experience so well? LOL i'mttlybitterthough icanbecutetoomaybeyoubitch justwatchmeaegyoyourassoff istillhavelongerlegsthanyou
i'mreadingmyoldblogbecauseifinishedallmyworkatwork

Ah shit. TT_______TT I'm doing French hw which was to write 5 sentences with conditional past perfect, and I wrote one that reads "If I had known that time passes too quickly, I would have appreciated high school more" and I just made myself cry ;___; SO WEAKSAUCE.

Sobbbb at this though. (Note: I was nearing the end of senior year. ;w;)

"Vanity and pride

are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us."

     - Jane Austen, in Pride and Prejudice

Hm, found this quote on my other blog and thought it was interesting.

20

After I tell my coworker that I'm bored of life...
Coworker: You sound like [other coworker that we tease for having a midlife crisis] right now.
Me: I TURN 20 NEXT MONTH.. ;^; I'm having my one-fifth life crisis.
Coworker: Oh. Well is there anything you want to do before you turn 20?
Me: Sleep.

I don't know what this is that I'm feeling--this boredom, apatheticness, pessimism, and lack of motivation--and I'm not sure if it's associated at all with my fear of growing up and not wanting to move forward. It's actually kind of self-contradicting because you'd think a change would be motivating so I don't understand.

It scares me, that I'm approaching 20.

There isn't much of a difference between 19 and 20, but the connotations of the first digits are extremely different. When you hit 20, you are no longer a teenager. It can be the scariest thing in the world if you're neither prepared nor willing to take that forward lunge.

It's exciting to others who are ready to embrace the bringings of the future, who pine for adventure and freedom. I don't want to go clubbing, I don't want to drink, and I don't need the privileges of being an adult.

Now, you're expected to put past your childish desires and behaviors. Now that you're no longer a teenager, you're out of excuses for immaturity. I don't expect myself to succeed as an adult, in many ways.

I think adding onto my one-fifth life crisis is the fact that I'm about to end my 2nd year in university. And I still don't know what I'm doing. I have a major, but I don't know what I'm going to do with it or if I'm in the right major. But then no other majors interest me either. I don't know what I want to do for a career nor do I think I have the capability in any field. People around me keep expecting me to graduate soon so I can hurry up and get a real job to make money; the pressure's sickening. I still hate college and I'm not ready to no longer be a child.
I've spent the past 2 days constantly singing "I Dreamed a Dream" to myself but sadly I cannot relate, because I dream yet have no dream.

I'm doing the best that I can.

And the world was a song and the song exciting

Baek Ahyeon & Shin Jihoon - I Dreamed a Dream ("Les Miserables" OST)
K-Pop Star: Top 10 from Season 1 and Season 2 Collaborations

Yes, No, MaybeStyle

Yesterday was the grand opening of the new YesStyle store, which happens to be in my area. :'D There's another one in San Francisco (that I visited with Myst, Carmen, and Karu) but it's an hour away so I'm glad that there's one closer now.

Er. Well, Chiisana and I found out about the grand opening 2 days ago, so we were like, ..........IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE PACKED BUT SCREW IT; LET'S GO??

As we feared, it was pretty crowded at first but for the second half of our visit, it kind of cleared out. /o/
THE PEOPLE WORKING THERE WERE SO NICE.... ;^; One employee walked around with a tray of sweet treats and fruits, and let us take whatever we wanted! That seriously won me over haha.

The clothes were pretty cute. But just as how I've never been able to order clothes from the YesStyle website, I didn't really find anything to my liking in the store. There were a couple things that caught my eye, but what they had in common were that they looked better on the rack than on the body.
=w=;; I guess it's good then that we got to try them on instead of blindly buying them from the website.

I thought this dress was really cute but it's not so flattering :c
(Ehh it is a bit too Candygirl-esque for me to pull off though..)

It's really such a shame though because only for this day was everything 20% off. OTL... ANDDDD.. dresses were buy one, get one half off.

At first, we were really excited to be at that mall because we saw so many stores that we liked (i.e. Forever 21, H&M, Charlotte Russe) but it was ultimately pretty disappointing because we both walked out of the mall empty-handed. xD Oh well. More money to spend on food.



For dinner, we headed over to this Korean-Japanese fusion restaurant called Enjoy Seoul. It was such a cute and modern-looking place, with food that we like, so I don't know why it was only my first time there.

SMILEY FACE SPOON AAAAAHHHHH

Chiisana!

[1:54:30 AM] Eva: look i even drew a heart for you and your eye looks pretty so can i just share it like this
[1:55:53 AM] Chiisana: :c okayy
[1:56:01 AM] Chiisana: should've drawn a bigger heart though..!!
[1:56:05 AM] Chiisana: like my heart...
[1:56:06 AM] Chiisana: for you!!!
[1:56:10 AM] Chiisana: *^*)9
[1:56:26 AM] Eva: oh are you volunteering for my heart transplant?
[1:56:38 AM] Eva: how charitable

Eva: LOOK. HE'S BLEEDING NOW.
Chiisana: It must've been an intense game..


Afterwards, we went over to a cafe in the same plaza, which was a pretty nice place as well.

I got to try banana hot chocolate! It was pretty interesting but I don't think I'd order it again.

I Don't Want to Go Home

I don't want to go home,
says the child, out to play.
I don't want to go home,
whines the child, in dismay.
I don't want to go home;
the world's enchantment shan't betray.
Now I want to go home,
as childhood fades away.


(welp this just popped into my head suddenly and I had to jot it down; I'm still at work and very tired.)

Today, I'm Unafraid

Today, one of my classmates gave a presentation on how television negatively affects women. I liked that she talked about how the ideals of beauty pushed by the media aren't realistic. :3 And that media makes it seem like having a flat belly is the accepted "norm," although most women aren't actually like that and don't have to be.

I think that made me realize that while my goal still is to flatten my belly by the end of 2013, not having a flat belly doesn't mean that I'm ugly or that my body is embarrassing. I think I have the right to still desire a flat belly if I wish, since I'm not harming myself to try to achieve it. ;v;)/ But we all have fat anyway. And vital organs that need protection.



Song of the day! I find it so relaxing<33


10cm - Tonight, I'm Afraid of the Dark

Tweets that I'm too scared to tweet pt. 1

I hate that I have to suppress myself and that sometimes I'm too scared to really be myself on twitter; or even if I do somewhat let go, I feel BAD for it.
It's like this all over again except not really and it's not nearly as extreme or exaggerated I suppose.

BUT JUST.. LIKE. I am kind of a vulgar person and I say mean things (especially to my friends who I love to tease and jokingly bully) and I often say things with bitchy/demanding/condescending undertones depending on how you interpret them and I cuss a lot and am grouchy and sarcastic, rather than sweet and fun and flamboyant. BUT I FEEL BAD FOR IT??
Some people that don't know me as well don't seem to be as accepting of my vulgar nature and they have EXPECTATIONS FOR ME AND DEAR LORDY THIS IS WHY I QUIT MY OLD BLOG. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THE EXPECTATIONS. Stop trying to paint me out to be a merciful and merry person (and I'm looking right at something that somebody recently told me that helped to trigger this post) because I am who I am, and I don't want to change it because I'm not harming anybody.

And I'm not gonna lie, but while I'm flattered, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to know that there are a lot of people that follow me that don't follow many other people. Or perhaps they follow a good amount of people but most of them are celebrities or people that don't tweet that much. So whenever I embrace the tweetspam culture--which they are presumably not used to--I FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY.. And in this case, it's a bit of an indirect way of pushing expectations on me, because honestly if I see that you've followed a bunch of celebs + me, then I can assume that you expect me to tweet like a celebrity (as in sparsely and only of relevant "official" things), which most everyone in the vocaloid-covering community doesn't really do because we let our thoughts out like droves of fireworks and scream irrelevancies to each other across our timelines. I'd rather people just unfollow me ;w;
Of course, the obvious solution is to just go, FUCK IT and disregard it all, but I'm too square to roll that way. orz

But it's times like this that I really, truly appreciate what this tumblr anon said to me. (Sob that person's too nice for extending that sort of kindness and acceptance to me. Really. It honestly gave me a lot of strength and this will stick in my mind forever. QAQ)

Isn't it kinda funny how the tables have turned? 8DDDDDD;; I used to feel uncomfortable on my blog so I went to twitter as an outlet, and now it's the other way around LOL. But I like it here better since people only read this by choice and not because it's forced in their face. =u= (That's why I can't ever use tumblr as a personal blog hahaha.)

Haro / Hawayu (acoustic)

I'M REALLY BAD AT THIS THING WHERE I RESOLVE TO DO (or in this case, not do) THINGS AND THEN COMMIT TO IT REGARDLESS OF URGES.................

In other words, I sang again.

>A>

I .. I couldn't help myself. MY THROAT WON'T CAVE IN JUST BY USING MY VOICE A LITTLE, RIGHT?

[Apr'13] Hello / How Are You (acoustic) [PITCHY ONESHOT]

I've said before but the way that I comfort myself or get my feelings out is by singing. When I sing, I forget about everything and I feel at peace. I guess it's like how people enjoy being on stage acting a part; you can put aside your current feelings and the world around you, and just focus on conveying a certain emotion. That's why it's so important to me I guess.. ;w;

ANYWAY. I've been really needing to sing, and especially today because I feel super lethargic, so I kind of lost it when I heard Lee's incomplete rendition (OI, COMPLETE IT PLEASE<3) and automatically sang along because it was so inspiring. I don't even like most vocaloid songs, but for some odd reason, I can't get enough of Haro Hawayu. QuQ

It's a oneshot soooo don't have high expectations? :D;;

But oh man I've been doing soft/cute things lately and the other sides of my voice are itching so hard to be used.

K-Pop, Improv, and Waffles

I hung out with Chiisana and Myst today! (I miss Yanovi ;x; but she seems to be so busy..)

The first thing we did was go to a restaurant called K-Pop Cafe. HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT IT UNTIL NOW..? *A* LOL. It was basically a bar/karaoke/Korean food place, except there were more things like fries, chicken wings, ddeokbokki, stir fry, etc rather than .. actual meals.

It was in this somewhat shady-looking random place with a tiny parking lot that's easy to miss, and we were the first people to arrive so we were like, WTF..? WE'RE SCARED. QAQ;; But the inside of the restaurant was nice and it filled up pretty quickly soon after. We just beat the rush 8D! So we got a really nice table with a great view of the TV that was playing k-pop music videos.

Unfortunately, the lighting was pretty dim so all my pictures turned out blurry. :c

BIG BANG WINGS

Our ddeokbokki!

When Chiisana went to the restroom and came back, she was like, "The bathroom is like a Super Junior shrine..!!"
So I went to the restroom myself.
................

The only decorations, I believe, were two Super Junior posters and one Super Junior-M poster. o__o Just a reminder that my ultimate bias is Henry Lau from Super Junior-M.

I FELT REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE USING THE TOILET WITH MY BIAS'S EYES PEERING OVER???
I DON'T KNOW; I'M WEIRD LOOOL. Back when I was practically worshiping SJM, I went through this phase where I treasured them so much that I made an irrational mental pact to not do embarrassing things if there were SJM pictures in front of me. Something like that HAHAHA. SO I FELT QUITE AWKWARD..


After, we went to see an improv show! To anyone in the Bay Area, you should consider checking out Made Up Theatre because it's great.

We had such a good time :'D By the end of it, my cheeks and abs were aching from laughter. The performers were all so hilarious and absolutely genius.. I would never be able to do improv omg. I can't even handle a regular conversation, even if it's with a close friend.


Then we craved sweets so we headed off to a place that Chiisana and I used to go to together a lot. It's a little cafe'ish shop with milk tea, slushies, crepes, and appetizer-style snacks. ;u; I love that it's open until midnight and that they have children's books there which we always read together.

 

From our first time there. HAHAHA this facebook conversation that I found while digging up these pics.

Unfortunately, this time, there were surprisingly a lot of people there... OTL and we're too antisocial to deal with it so we sat away from them and didn't get to read the cute storybooks....

But we had popcorn chicken and got to try chocolate egg waffles!! (Though I prefer the original style egg waffles because the chocolate overtook the taste of egg.)

All of us were wearing dresses today so I was hoping we could snap some pictures together.. orz Unfortunately, it didn't happen. But yeah, I got to wear my dress from 1st Impression for the first time~

Lifeless

Another late night of reminiscence. I was browsing my old blog because I still vividly remember taking a picture in my "Listen to Your Heart" shirt the day I got it years ago and was curious to see if I'd changed much since. I ended up doing that thing again where I just sit here and click "Random Post" LMAO AND I JUST JUMP FROM POST TO POST.. because I did have that blog for more than 4 years, so there's a lot of material. There's so much I don't ever remember writing and it's kind of interesting to rediscover my younger self haha.

I came across a post where I wrote this:

"I swear my role in life is to announce online all these things that happen to me that nobody cares about xDDDDDD But that’s fun too"

............PRECISELY. YES. THAT. Nicely worded, Eva from 4 years ago.

I didn't realize though how lifeless I've become, from my behavior to my mentalities to my writing.

I forgot this existed. My friend Kenny made this for me at least 5 years ago. [: Interesting to find this again because the things that I associated myself with in relation to this picture--split personality, being both "innocent" and dark-hearted--still ring true.

kay-pap

[12:03:36 AM] Chiisana: why am I so excited for tomorrow ahh *A*
[12:03:45 AM] Chiisana: tomorrow come already hurry~
[12:05:18 AM] Eva: dude if they have anything ze:a related at k-pop cafe that's not really a cafe
[12:05:23 AM] Eva: i think we might both have cardiac arrest
[12:05:34 AM] Chiisana: in which we'd need to go to K-pop Hospital
[12:05:37 AM] Eva: .....................
[12:06:08 AM] Eva: i'm still mentally debating over whether that joke was brilliant or lame.
[12:07:49 AM] Chiisana: Probably just not a good idea because if we saw ZE:A there too we'd probably enter a coma

(Yeah I'm not even kidding; we--including Myst--are going to a place called K-pop Cafe tomorrow. which is in our area. that I actually never knew about until a week ago. and I don't know why I'd never heard of it because it's literally /K-POP/ Cafe and I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I am a fan of k-pop.)


In other irrelevant news, I got my hurr trimmed. It doesn't look any different from before but to me, it feels kind of short in comparison to the length at which I usually maintain it QAQ

(screw the image distortion; I'm too lazy to try again.)
(DO YOU GET MY SHIRT..?)

Why did no one stop me

Part 2 of my really gross crush on ZE:A's Siwan. (It's really just our my dumb fangirl reactions to some videos that I feel like sharing.) Doin' a shared post between here and my entertainment blog because..
I DON'T KNOW. Hi, my name is Eva and I'm an impulsive blogger.

(To be fair, I warned you on the sidebar that my blog would be trivial matters and skype convos and stuff!!!)


[10:44:36 PM] Chiisana: new article about Siwan 8D
ZE:A5′s Siwan impresses with his Rubik’s Cube skills + “Aftermath” & “The Day We Broke Up” performances on ‘Sketchbook’ @ allkpop

[10:47:47 PM] Eva: HI SIWAN HI--
[10:47:48 PM] Eva: OH
[10:47:58 PM] Eva: rubik's cube not that interested BUT
[10:48:01 PM] Eva: MY INTELLIGENT BBY

“He’s good looking, acts well, and smart.”
“He likes using his brain."
..............I CAN'T WITH HIM BECAUSE HE'S SMART THAT'S NOT ALLOWED I SERIOUSLY CAN'T.

I never, ever thought that I would be interested in ZE:A. This is still puzzling to me. I had no idea they'd be this talented (ugh those voices ugh so good) or have such great personalities. And now I'm won over LOL.. Well for the subunit ZE:A5 at least. I still can't name all 9 members of the mothership group. ;x;




Kevin’s “Home” [4:58], Siwan’s Rubik Cube [8:00]

KEVIN'S VOICE THOUGH IN "HOME" HOLY FRACK. It's not very often at all that I find a voice "sexy" but omg. How.

[10:51:56 PM] Eva: I LITERALLY WAS LIKe
[10:51:59 PM] Eva: WOAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
[10:52:00 PM] Eva: out loud
[10:52:02 PM] Eva: when Siwan finished [the rubik's cube]
[10:52:03 PM] Eva: omg
[10:52:04 PM] Eva: SIWAN...
[10:52:06 PM] Eva: MURRY MEE
[10:52:46 PM] Chiisana: man
[10:52:53 PM] Chiisana: all this talent in ZE:A crai




Aftermath

[10:52:32 PM] Eva: "GURL..."
[10:52:35 PM] Eva: at the beginning of Aftermath
[10:52:37 PM] Eva: i burst out laughing

[10:53:11 PM] Eva: SIWAN SINGING IN AFTERMATH
[10:53:13 PM] Eva: OMG
[10:53:14 PM] Eva: NO BACKTRACK
[10:53:16 PM] Eva: ????? SIWAN SINGING
[10:53:17 PM] Eva: OMFG
[10:53:18 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[10:53:21 PM] Eva: HIGH QUALITY
[10:53:23 PM] Eva: SINGING
[10:53:30 PM] Chiisana: Siwan isn't that bad of a singer imo LOL
[10:53:35 PM] Eva: MY LEG CRAMPED UP BECAUSE I'M SO AMAZED
[10:53:42 PM] Chiisana: good job Siwan!!
[10:53:52 PM] Eva: MY LEG
[10:53:54 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[10:53:56 PM] Chiisana: ARE YOU OKAY
[10:53:57 PM] Eva: MY LEG IT STOPPED JUST LIKE MY HEART

[10:55:40 PM] Eva: lksadjflksjdf
[10:55:44 PM] Eva: I LITERALLY
[10:55:46 PM] Eva: OUT LOUD
[10:55:46 PM] Eva: WENT "AAAAH"
[10:55:52 PM] Eva: when Dongjun did that run at the bridge

[10:56:10 PM] Eva: I THINK
[10:56:12 PM] Eva: I'm GONNA DIE
[10:56:15 PM] Eva: AT THE DAY WE BROKE UP
[10:56:17 PM] Eva: AND IT'S NOT
[10:56:19 PM] Eva: BECAUSE WE BROKE UP
[10:56:30 PM] Eva: i bet that'll have backtrack though sob
[10:56:34 PM] Eva: please please please lords of k-pop
[10:56:40 PM] Eva: i wanna hear voices
[10:56:45 PM] Eva: i'll even take another leg cramp for it




The Day We Broke Up

[10:59:15 PM] Eva: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SIWAN FOR NOT BEING TONEDEAF. I'M NOT EVEN JOKING.
[10:59:20 PM] Eva: I THOUGHT YOU WERE TONEDEAF
[10:59:23 PM] Chiisana: THAT WAS JUST
[10:59:27 PM] Chiisana: ONE VIDEO
[10:59:28 PM] Chiisana: :'(
[10:59:37 PM] Chiisana: DON'T JUDGE HIM

[11:00:45 PM] Chiisana: Siwan's little parts
[11:00:46 PM] Eva: Siwan is really short
[11:00:47 PM] Chiisana: in the second half
[11:00:48 PM] Chiisana: sooo cute
[11:00:49 PM] Eva: ...
[11:01:11 PM] Eva: i like how we're saying almost the exact same thing at the same time
[11:01:12 PM] Eva: except
[11:01:14 PM] Eva: referring to
[11:01:20 PM] Eva: absolutely completely different things.


[11:01:55 PM] Eva: oh man i really want to favorite the Aftermath video but the "GURL" at the beginning of it makes for a bad first impression
[11:02:00 PM] Chiisana: HAHAHAH
[11:02:05 PM] Eva: I SWEAR I'M NOT INTO THAT
[11:02:07 PM] Eva: KIND OF THING
[11:02:09 PM] Eva: I JUST LIKE THE SINGING

[11:04:56 PM] Chiisana: gurl
[11:05:09 PM] Chiisana: gurl
[11:05:13 PM] Eva: GURL...
[11:05:16 PM] Eva: YOU BREAKIN MA HURT
[11:05:20 PM] Chiisana: ah rly miss u ya kno
[11:05:28 PM] Chiisana: Kevin's english hahaha
[11:05:30 PM] Eva: stop it i laughed too hard

Late night rambling #2

Feel free to ignore this; I am way too self conscious.

So far, I'm not so big on romantic affection. (My fangirlling over idols is not romantic affection.) Quoting myself from a previous post, I think I've "become incapable of romantic affection so I don't ever feel like.. I like anybody in that way, or would like someone enough to feel like it's okay to enter a relationship." I guess that's the majority of my reason. But also, I don't think I have the confidence in myself as a person that can be liked or that can date; I never consider myself "eligible" or "single" even though that's technically my relationship status I guess. It just gets to me because even when it's just a really small, dumb thing like thinking somebody is kind of attractive--not even me trying to pursue them or really having an actual crush on them--I don't feel like it's..right. Not sure how to put it. But I get really discouraged when I find out that they have been in a relationship before, and especially if I see pictures of them with their past girlfriends. I'm not even trying to be or ever become their girlfriend, but it's just this automatic response of, "Oh don't even bother being even slightly attracted because you'll never live up to her," "This person has experience and you're still a clueless newbie so you would never be considered," "You will be compared to that girl," "And you will lose to her," "Give up now before you really start liking them." It actually really bothers me because I can't help but put myself down even if this person has nothing to do with me, their past has nothing to do with me either, and I have invested nothing into this other than some mere thoughts to myself. And the past is just the past, you'd hope.. But to be honest, I think it is kind of inevitable to unintentionally compare/contrast your previous partners to your current one. That's why people that have been in relationships before scare me. It's unfortunate that I don't feel safe even with the thought of "hey this person is mildly attractive" unless they're a clean slate, but that's such dumb and idealistic thinking. orz I hate this mentality and I wish I could burn it because I know it's getting me down for absolutely baseless reasons.