to all of them
How we get so much flaky bluffing bullcrap, paper promises, and ventures conceived only to quickly fizzle out to disinterest--because here we see conformists insecure about being left behind, grappling blindly onto every glorified fad with lack of any substantial motivation to actually pull through or produce anything heartfelt.
Love Live! Cosplay @ JX2014
Helloo 
I keep having things I want to blog about, and then I don't have time and the moment passes by with a trace of regret. So I'll go right into it while everything's still fresh!! even though it's 3 AM and I'm fucking exhausted as fuckturded fuck aaaa.
Lately I've been really busy (friends, work, mixing, still editing the dumb video, exercise) which is maybe a good thing?? I start school again next Monday and we're ending summer vacation with a bang!
Today, my NYA friends and I attended a small anime/Japanese cultural convention here in NorCal. Our very own Karu did a dance/singing performance actually and was fantastic. ;v; It wasn't exactly an eventful con, but what really made the day for me was probably the fact that Y and I did 'casual' cosplays of Love Live. A bunch of friends and I have been planning to do a Love Live cosplay group (aiming for AX2015 and we already have fabric picked out ohoho), but Y and I are the only ones who have our wigs so decided to put them to use. xD
Following suit to how I grew an attachment to cosplaying Kagepro, we were able to meet a lot of friendly and cute fellow Love Live cosplayers and got to take pictures with them, which makes the entire experience all the more enjoyable and cosplaying worth it. We even got to do a somewhat informal but still fun photoshoot! *A* First time working with a cosplay photographer!
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I keep having things I want to blog about, and then I don't have time and the moment passes by with a trace of regret. So I'll go right into it while everything's still fresh!! even though it's 3 AM and I'm fucking exhausted as fuckturded fuck aaaa.
Lately I've been really busy (friends, work, mixing, still editing the dumb video, exercise) which is maybe a good thing?? I start school again next Monday and we're ending summer vacation with a bang!
Today, my NYA friends and I attended a small anime/Japanese cultural convention here in NorCal. Our very own Karu did a dance/singing performance actually and was fantastic. ;v; It wasn't exactly an eventful con, but what really made the day for me was probably the fact that Y and I did 'casual' cosplays of Love Live. A bunch of friends and I have been planning to do a Love Live cosplay group (aiming for AX2015 and we already have fabric picked out ohoho), but Y and I are the only ones who have our wigs so decided to put them to use. xD
Following suit to how I grew an attachment to cosplaying Kagepro, we were able to meet a lot of friendly and cute fellow Love Live cosplayers and got to take pictures with them, which makes the entire experience all the more enjoyable and cosplaying worth it. We even got to do a somewhat informal but still fun photoshoot! *A* First time working with a cosplay photographer!
Sonoda Umi - "Love Bind"
Since I already had similar clothes, I decided to cosplay one of Umi's SR cards from the rhythm game mobile app School Idol Festival (which btw gets a bit addicting but it's sooo goood ffff). Except I still fail with circle lenses so as usual, I had to tip between Glasses ver. and BlindAsHell ver. cosplays.
Y made a really lovely and suiting Nozomi! *^* And she did my makeup!!! Bless her for saving my incompetent, lazy soul. (Pinned up bangs here because driving heheh)
dumb things
Perfection it is not, but I'm not sure how much more I could ask for from my friend group. I'm really, very blessed. It's already surreal to have been able to form a group of friends who met over the internet through common hobbies and musical interests, live in the same area, are all extremely talented (seriously tho-- vocals, mixing, animation, and art are all A+), are all attractive and charming in their own ways, enjoy the same tropes and dumb jokes, and click well together.
Since then, even greater strides have been made and more shells shattered. Of course, we're all growing and learning from experiences outside of our interactions with each other, but I really do feel as though everybody in NYA has this magnetism for bringing out the best in others. It's not even limited to us NYA members because we've seen that we've influenced those that have spent time with us, in a good way. It's really nice to see and makes me proud to be friends with such caring and cool people.
I do feel like a lot of us in the group spent most of our lives feeling as though we should suppress our true feelings and behaviors. To be honest, all of us are pretty weird in our own ways and maybe that's why we can all understand and accept each other as we are. Moreover, we see what each other has been missing from our lives and try to provide it or give a nudge towards it, and in that way, we're healing each other and building meaningful confidence. This summer especially, I've been seeing everyone mature or unlock a side to them that may have feared shameful or unworthy. In any case, I'm really happy for all of my NYA friends and happy for myself for having them. I appreciate those dumbbutts.
Most importantly, they're all not only genuinely good people, but good friends. The amount of support and warmth and well intentions and acceptance makes me feel so lucky to be here. Not to mention the amount of affection (shown in varying degrees and ways) and how clear everyone makes it that they love and appreciate the company of each other.
I was reminded of and revisited what I wrote in March after NYA's San Francisco adventure:
I'm also really proud of my friends. I don't think this day would've been as much fun as it was if they didn't all make such great strides in coming out of their shells. Some of us have a lot of shyness, anxiety, awkwardness, inability to express or click easily with others, fear of being loud, fear of being noticed or of garnering attention, fear to be ourselves, fear of being assertive, nervousness when in crowds, distance from others, a dislike for socializing. Sometimes it feels like there's a divide among NYA between those that are outgoing and those that aren't as outgoing, and I saw every single person that usually isn't as outgoing or has any of those traits I listed above take a step forward. By the end of the day, everyone got along greatly and didn't seem afraid. I'm so proud. :)
Since then, even greater strides have been made and more shells shattered. Of course, we're all growing and learning from experiences outside of our interactions with each other, but I really do feel as though everybody in NYA has this magnetism for bringing out the best in others. It's not even limited to us NYA members because we've seen that we've influenced those that have spent time with us, in a good way. It's really nice to see and makes me proud to be friends with such caring and cool people.
I do feel like a lot of us in the group spent most of our lives feeling as though we should suppress our true feelings and behaviors. To be honest, all of us are pretty weird in our own ways and maybe that's why we can all understand and accept each other as we are. Moreover, we see what each other has been missing from our lives and try to provide it or give a nudge towards it, and in that way, we're healing each other and building meaningful confidence. This summer especially, I've been seeing everyone mature or unlock a side to them that may have feared shameful or unworthy. In any case, I'm really happy for all of my NYA friends and happy for myself for having them. I appreciate those dumbbutts.
"I really don't care this time"
"I just want to get it done," I mumble through metaphorical sobs as has happened every time, as I render this video for the billionth time with the billionth change after the billionth time of hating it after working on it every single day for a week, at 3 AM with work in 6 hours fuck me I'm sooooooo bitter about this video but I want to get it up but I just don't like the quality of it fuck my coffee-filled veins tomorrow
It will never end.
Guess who uploaded her short film to youtube only to watch it and hate it (again) and decide to go over all of the editing (again) and is super bitter & whiny about it :D
When being detail-oriented is a curse
Maybe airing my dirty laundry out to the internet was what it took because I'm finally working on editing Kelly again so I can finally, finally upload this.... 2 and a half months after filming...............
[6:19:40 PM] Chiisana: t..there was more to work on..?!
[6:19:47 PM] Eva: i.. i was really unhappy with the result LOL
[6:19:52 PM] Eva: mostly the camera
[6:19:56 PM] Eva: because it wasn't good at getting shallow focus
[6:20:04 PM] Eva: like i wanted was for one thing to be really in focus
[6:20:09 PM] Eva: while everything else is blurry?
[6:20:22 PM] Eva: but even on the best settings, the camcorder didn't make things that blurry
[6:20:24 PM] Eva: so now i'm literally
[6:20:37 PM] Eva: going through every scene, making a copy, masking it, and adding a blur ._.
And then there's keyframing because when the actress moves, I don't want her to be in the area that's blurred. (The diamonds along the bottom timeline indicate that a change was made to the masking at that point.) Thus it's a bit of 'animation' too.
I don't wanna do this kind of meticulous and tedious shit, maaaaan :(
Where's my editing team?! Where's my coffee?!! Personal masseur?!
I'm going to be a haughty filmmaker now. I demand benefits!!!!
[6:19:40 PM] Chiisana: t..there was more to work on..?!
[6:19:47 PM] Eva: i.. i was really unhappy with the result LOL
[6:19:52 PM] Eva: mostly the camera
[6:19:56 PM] Eva: because it wasn't good at getting shallow focus
[6:20:04 PM] Eva: like i wanted was for one thing to be really in focus
[6:20:09 PM] Eva: while everything else is blurry?
[6:20:22 PM] Eva: but even on the best settings, the camcorder didn't make things that blurry
[6:20:24 PM] Eva: so now i'm literally
[6:20:37 PM] Eva: going through every scene, making a copy, masking it, and adding a blur ._.
 |
| Masking out areas to be blurred: in this case, the background and the animals nearest to the camera. |
I don't wanna do this kind of meticulous and tedious shit, maaaaan :(
Where's my editing team?! Where's my coffee?!! Personal masseur?!
I'm going to be a haughty filmmaker now. I demand benefits!!!!
another day passes by
and the things that I've been meaning to do are still put off:
unpacking cosplay luggage from AX.......
re-editing and uploading my short film Kelly..........
it's so hard i don't wanna do it
unpacking cosplay luggage from AX.......
re-editing and uploading my short film Kelly..........
it's so hard i don't wanna do it
Kuchibiru Kara Romantica
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covers (non-serious/short)
This is what summer's about! Just dropped a short cover that I spontaneously decided to do this evening after singing it a few times this afternoon. xD Nostalgia abound for me as this was part of Gemini's round 4 entry in DUBattle Royale, and I still like the song. I'm not even that into jazz, but this song and Scissorhands just hit the right spot?
It's so fun to sing! And I can't use this kind of stylizing/tone for most songs! AND very importantly: the notes are actually not that high!! So I can sing it! BANZAI.
[Box ver]
AAA - Kuchibiru Kara Romantica
(The Romance of Your Lips)
It's so fun to sing! And I can't use this kind of stylizing/tone for most songs! AND very importantly: the notes are actually not that high!! So I can sing it! BANZAI.
[Box ver]
AAA - Kuchibiru Kara Romantica
(The Romance of Your Lips)
Happiness
NEVER. Never would I have ever expected to like exercising. What the hell?!
There was doing ab workouts for the sake of cosplay, and then everything got kicked up a notch in the past few weeks. Some friends and I have started to do sort of a "challenge" where we set ourselves a weekly goal of hours to exercise and then document our daily exercise times. At the end of the week, if you fail to reach your goal, you gotta pay up whatever amount you set for yourself. (For me, I put $1 per every half hour I'm under the goal.) And this money goes towards our hotel funds for next year's AX!
It's super effective because I have actually been exercising everyday :D! And trying new things~ I'm doing harder workouts, did a mile on a track for the first time in 5 years, have a weekly(?) 2-mile walk around a lake with friends, took a walk around and explored my neighborhood for the first time after I ate dinner yesterday. This is all a huuuuuuge feat to me considering that 1) I used to think the kitchen was too far, 2) I haven't really properly exercised since PE five years ago, 3) I used to be afraid of going outside, and 4) I still kind of dislike being seen in public.
But the right source of motivation is a strong factor. NYA is going to the beach in a week and a half. And I do like my body currently looking more fit than it used to. ^^
In other news, my jam right now is Red Velvet's "Happiness," just freshly debuted from SM. The song didn't capture me on first.. or second.. or third listen, but fuuuu I had to go buy the single off iTunes as soon as it came out LOL. The song's about how we can be happy if we stopped caring about the things that have corrupted adults: money and power; so they've already won brownie points with me for the message. I didn't really pay attention to SMROOKIES so I'm only getting to know these 4 lovely ladies now, but WOW ARE THEY TALENTED AND GORGEOUS AND ADORABLE and and and. help I really like Red Velvet.
This performance really helped to win me over ;A; They're singing live (!! f'reals, proof in the MR removed vids) and sound GOOD. WHILE DANCING WELL. AND LOOKING ENERGETIC AND GENUINELY HAPPY. AND BEING EXTRAORDINARILY PRETTY. And judging from interviews and whatever glimpses into their characters, they seem passionate about the stage and being performers. How many idols these days are like that?
From the promo material, they all look like the same person, but after seeing them perform and actively putting in effort to differentiate them, they're pretty distinct to me? ;v;
Irene (pink hair) is the leader, born in 1991 which surprises me since most debuts in k-pop now are of fetuses. She looks a bit like Na Eun and is really pretty with a feminine, classy charm. *A* I still haven't heard her properly sing. She sings and raps in Happiness and while none of it is impressive, none of it is weak? I like her.
Seulgi (orange hair) seems overflowing with talent as she's a main vocal and arguably the strongest dancer. She has so much power in her voice and her moves, and ferocity in her stare. *A* I like her too.
Wendy (blue hair) is the one with the belty SHIIINE ON MEEE high notes. She definitely can sing well and her predebut covers are rather interesting. She's from Canada! *A* I also like her.
Joy (green hair) is the youngest and looks a lot like child actress Kim Yoojung who I'm also a big fan of. //// She's just a bundle of sunshine and performs with such enthusiasm and a smile that makes me ... want to be her LOL. I look forward to getting to hear her properly sing or rap, but I do enjoy how cute her voice is. SHE'S ADORABLE. For some reason, she's the member I'm currently most drawn to. ;^;)/
There was doing ab workouts for the sake of cosplay, and then everything got kicked up a notch in the past few weeks. Some friends and I have started to do sort of a "challenge" where we set ourselves a weekly goal of hours to exercise and then document our daily exercise times. At the end of the week, if you fail to reach your goal, you gotta pay up whatever amount you set for yourself. (For me, I put $1 per every half hour I'm under the goal.) And this money goes towards our hotel funds for next year's AX!
It's super effective because I have actually been exercising everyday :D! And trying new things~ I'm doing harder workouts, did a mile on a track for the first time in 5 years, have a weekly(?) 2-mile walk around a lake with friends, took a walk around and explored my neighborhood for the first time after I ate dinner yesterday. This is all a huuuuuuge feat to me considering that 1) I used to think the kitchen was too far, 2) I haven't really properly exercised since PE five years ago, 3) I used to be afraid of going outside, and 4) I still kind of dislike being seen in public.
But the right source of motivation is a strong factor. NYA is going to the beach in a week and a half. And I do like my body currently looking more fit than it used to. ^^
In other news, my jam right now is Red Velvet's "Happiness," just freshly debuted from SM. The song didn't capture me on first.. or second.. or third listen, but fuuuu I had to go buy the single off iTunes as soon as it came out LOL. The song's about how we can be happy if we stopped caring about the things that have corrupted adults: money and power; so they've already won brownie points with me for the message. I didn't really pay attention to SMROOKIES so I'm only getting to know these 4 lovely ladies now, but WOW ARE THEY TALENTED AND GORGEOUS AND ADORABLE and and and. help I really like Red Velvet.
This performance really helped to win me over ;A; They're singing live (!! f'reals, proof in the MR removed vids) and sound GOOD. WHILE DANCING WELL. AND LOOKING ENERGETIC AND GENUINELY HAPPY. AND BEING EXTRAORDINARILY PRETTY. And judging from interviews and whatever glimpses into their characters, they seem passionate about the stage and being performers. How many idols these days are like that?
From the promo material, they all look like the same person, but after seeing them perform and actively putting in effort to differentiate them, they're pretty distinct to me? ;v;
Irene (pink hair) is the leader, born in 1991 which surprises me since most debuts in k-pop now are of fetuses. She looks a bit like Na Eun and is really pretty with a feminine, classy charm. *A* I still haven't heard her properly sing. She sings and raps in Happiness and while none of it is impressive, none of it is weak? I like her.
Seulgi (orange hair) seems overflowing with talent as she's a main vocal and arguably the strongest dancer. She has so much power in her voice and her moves, and ferocity in her stare. *A* I like her too.
Wendy (blue hair) is the one with the belty SHIIINE ON MEEE high notes. She definitely can sing well and her predebut covers are rather interesting. She's from Canada! *A* I also like her.
Joy (green hair) is the youngest and looks a lot like child actress Kim Yoojung who I'm also a big fan of. //// She's just a bundle of sunshine and performs with such enthusiasm and a smile that makes me ... want to be her LOL. I look forward to getting to hear her properly sing or rap, but I do enjoy how cute her voice is. SHE'S ADORABLE. For some reason, she's the member I'm currently most drawn to. ;^;)/
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