#TeamSiliconValley, Denny, and a Pretty Place

A dump of pictures for people who enjoy staring at the backs of other people in random settings.

Featuring:
Denny (he came from Vancouver!!)
Myst
Y
Chiisana

this is such a lazy post omfg 8D

Late night rambling #7

It doesn't feel fair. That I encounter so much depression when I'm so fortunate. There are so many things that I have or am, that others envy and/or desire so deeply. There are probably people that would like to be like me. And I have everything that I could need: a functioning family, a house to live in, a car to drive, a best friend, a boyfriend, some good friends, a stable part-time job, an enrollment in a university. It's not that it's all meaningless; it's not that I'm ungrateful. Yet these negative emotions can't be driven away. It can't really be explained. And it doesn't feel right.



Possibly I'm extra emotional lately because as of today, summer has ended. >< School started for me last week. I'm going to continue working through school again. Boyfriend moved today to San Francisco for school, which is an hour away. Best friend is moving 7 hours away soon. Hangouts with friends will slowly diminish. Back to being even more busy and even more tired. Changes abound. Loneliness and hardship approaching. The end of a great summer, door slammed shut. Doors opening leading not to opportunity and new adventures but to dread, dread, and more dread. Not to mention stress, anxiety, social interaction, confusion over the future. Fucking school. Fuck school. I actually smiled a lot this summer and started going out of the house a lot and tried more to socialize and I opened up a lot and found myself being more bold yet easygoing and being more comfortable as myself and I even opened up to romance. I hate seeing things end. I'm jealous of those not with nice clothes and fancy cars, but of those who only see the doors opening before them, with optimism and excitement, who gape at new opportunities found and to be caught, of new beginnings and adventures, of new joys to be appreciated--those able to make meaning in life.

Late night rambling #6

I find that not too often do I cry or even tear up at fictional pieces that I can't relate to, and I suppose right now I'm mostly referring to movies and songs. Certain movies can pull some heartstrings but just listening to a song rarely ever strikes a reaction from my tearducts.

Which is why it's so weird to me that I started tearing up at 15&'s "I Dream" while driving home from work today.

It's a song I'm really familiar with, too. It's been out for quite a while, I used to loop it A LOTTTTT along with Baek Ahyeon's "Daddy Long Legs," and it's in my car CD so I hear it all the fucking time. Maybe I was just overthinking because I also happened to be stuck in traffic.

When it came on, I started thinking about 15&'s debut and about Park Jimin. I guess Park Jimin's talent is slightly going to waste since it's not being exposed as much as it could be, which is the fault of their management JYP and a shame since she won 1st place on Kpop Star. Some say that she may just be a high note wonder and that other than that, she doesn't have enough substance to stand on.. and I've also heard that she ended up being overshadowed by her partner Baek Yerin. I guess it's kind of sad.

But I think it's really wonderful how 15& was formed. Two unexpected powerhouse talented 15 year old girls that I honestly think were meant to meet and sing together. It may be considered a setback for Park Jimin to not receive the limelight that could have came with a debut booted by a 1st place win, but I think it's absolutely heartwarming that Jimin joined JYP, met and befriended Yerin, and asked to be able to debut with her.

I also really like Yerin and love her voice to bits--as well as her reserved and awkward personality--so I guess thinking of this story while listening to her gentle yet powerful voice got me a little emotional.

People say that 15& got a shitty debut and could have gone further if they didn't have such a boring song, but I'm really glad that they debuted with "I Dream." It's not the catchiest and it only clings to those with the acquired taste for it (cough guilty of that), but it has so much meaning and I think that's important in the long run. I fucking love this song, man. It's beautiful and inspirational and carries such a heartwarming backstory.

And then it also hit me on a personal level.

In the past year or two especially, I've been hit with a lot of depression and confusion because I have no dreams, and I end up wallowing a lot over things like Baek Ahyeon and Shin Jihoon's "I Dreamed a Dream" and Wonder Girls' Sunye and Ye Eun's "When You Believe" covers.

Since I was little, my one favorite, important word had always been "Dream." I'd wear bracelets with the word written on it and errthang, and I even used to also think that my dreams while sleeping could foreshadow reality. I've always so stressed the importance of dreaming and following your dreams. Even in my hypocrisy. I guess the childhood Eva felt a little betrayed when I ended up becoming a robot with no ambitions. And I suppose it's also appropriate that I've also mostly stopped having dreams (that I remember) in my sleep.

I wish I had dreams or goals.

When I was just a tot, my mom always told me to use my birthday wishes to hope that she'll win the lottery. Eventually I grew out of her control over my birthday wishes and since then, all I can remember thinking to myself before blowing out the candles is, "Please let me be happy." I don't have any other goals.

I'm very proud of myself for having been valedictorian in high school, but deep inside, I know I'm not sure if it was worth it. Sure, I had beautiful grades and I proved I'm a hard worker but all the while, I robbed myself of relaxation, healthiness, and happiness--opting for achievement instead. What's the point? Where do I find meaning in being a robot that can follow instructions and achieve what others want of me, that has no actual desires of its own? And no sense of direction? No knowledge of how to be truly happy?

A large part of the reason I hate college (holy shit I just entered my 3rd year) is probably due to the fact that it forces me to choose a direction even though I'm not ready yet. So I chose one that I don't hate as much as I hate everything else. And now I'm stuck in this shithole where I know that my major won't actually get me a job. Practicality. Everyone's been talking and thinking practicality. I understand the future requires stability. But with a practical job that I'm not interested in, I may survive, but am I truly living? If I force myself to do something I won't like, I won't be happy at all; I might as well be dead. But now I know I'm also driving myself into unemployed, unmotivated doom. Either way, I'm fucked.

After a lot of thinking, I've realized that there are two things that I think I secretly wish I could make a future out of but can't. The two things I enjoy doing.

The first thing is writing. I suck at it. But it's so much damn fun.

The second is singing. I've always secretly thought it'd be fun and fulfilling to be a singer. I had once wanted to audition for Hello!Project, and then it was SM Entertainment. But even disregarding other factors like appearance and dancing ability... given my less-than-spectacular vocal skills, lack of endurance, extreme stage fright, and plaguing throat issues and pains, it really could not ever work out.

And with the lyrics to "I Dream" so centered around dreaming of singing a song that would bring a smile and having your voice heard, I guess I started losing it when I began to sing along. That ended up being a terrible drive.

Charlene

Semi-revival of the Gemini chat has me grinning ear to ear. I missed these endearingly eyebrow-raising interactions.

(Context: Jeffrey had his skype name as "Charlene" and then changed it back to his signature "hot babe.")

[11:50:59 PM] JAY: I WILL MISS YOU CHARLENE
[11:51:02 PM] JAY: rest in peace..
[11:51:49 PM] Chiisana: R.I.P. Charlene :(
[11:52:02 PM] JAY: 8/23/2013-8/24/2013
[11:52:20 PM] Chiisana: (flower)
[11:55:32 PM] JAY: oh i didnt bring any flowers
[11:55:34 PM] JAY: im sorry
[11:56:02 PM] Chiisana: it's okay Jay
[11:56:04 PM] Chiisana: you are a flower
[11:56:06 PM] Chiisana: a beautiful flower

[12:01:45 AM] hot babe: she will be remembered by us all
[12:01:49 AM] JAY: so she is dead?
[12:01:55 AM] hot babe: not in our hearts
[12:01:59 AM] JAY: she's dead
[12:02:08 AM] Chiisana: ....

YASASHIIIKUUUUTE

(Eva, Yanovi, Chiisana)

Just felt like sharing Yanovi's art from our Secret Base collab for Myst's birthday.

I wish I could appreciate the art more by using the drawing of me as my icon for twitter and stuff but I LOOK SO NICE AND GENTLE AND YASASHII AND
all I actually do everywhere is rant and rage and talk about sleeping in all day and wanting food.
well except on my blog I dump random poems to indirectly whine about stuff. I like poems. though mine are ineloquent. I like expressing with poems.

Wishing you spoke up,
Showed that you cared,
Wishing to express,
Wishing to dare.
Then it's too late--
Damage done.
Regrets abound.
Insecurities won.

The Acceptance of Outdatedness: A Haiku

iPad attachment...

Fear of daily phone charging...

Lack of a smartphone.

Twenty

The age of twenty
Brings wearing a lie,
When you're seen as a teen
From unfamiliar eye.

But I'm no longer a teen,
And not yet an adult.
I'm having an identity crisis.
It's this awkward age's fault.

AX2013 + Disney's CA Adventure Vlog

Finally finished up this year's AX vlog! (Took a month... heh heh...hehhh....sob I'VE BEEN BUSY I'M SORRY) This is my first proper vlog in quite a while haha. Other than my album unboxing video, this is the first actual subtitled vlog since.... last year's AX vlog. OTL

This year was a lot of fun though! The people featured the most are my hotel roommates: Myst, Chiisana, Chiizu, Karu, Ian, and Andy. (Neki, Sol, and Victor were also in our room but I didn't get a chance to hang out with them much.)
You get to see us in Kagerou Project cosplay too :'D!

AX2013 & Disney's California Adventure

I overabuse the word "really." :c

Here's Myst's AX write-up document if you want to stalk everyone! heh heh..
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1F...

BC;SD♥

Karma comes right back to bite in the butt. I'm a terrible person. I'll admit.. whenever I used to see someone in a relationship be sad, I couldn't help but feel this slight selfish bitterness like, Why are you even sad? You're in a relationship. How can you be lonely? You have a person that likes you and can be there for you. I don't know what the fuck made me feel like they weren't entitled to have negative emotions. But it's not like fortunate people aren't allowed to have misfortunes. It's really fucked up that I thought that way, and I still couldn't help feeling it even though it completely went against my logic. It's so fucked up it'ssofuckedup. And now for the first time, I'm in a relationship. And it feels so terrible to feel terrible. Because I feel like I'm a hypocrite and like I'm not allowed to be sad, because I didn't think it right for others in a relationship to be sad. It doesn't feel fair. So now I feel even worse and guilty. And it's an endless cycle of me wishing I didn't have terrible thoughts upon other people in the first place and trying to dispel my own emotions.

ohgahd

[1:19:48 PM] Chiisana: yano whurr u @
[1:19:58 PM] Chiisana: =^=)/
[1:20:02 PM] Eva: ...
[1:20:21 PM] Eva: STOP TRYING TO BE HOOD YOU'RE NOT HOOD
[1:21:53 PM] Chiisana: but I am so
[1:21:57 PM] Chiisana: hood like! ;^;)9
[1:22:18 PM] Eva: .......
[1:22:41 PM] Chiisana: I can't hold back my hood ;^;)9

From Barks to Sparks

11 PM: I was sitting with boyfriend and some friends. It was in a city close-enough-but-kinda-far, but very nice. A very pretty and busy street lined with trees clothed in bright, little lights. A very romantic street, in fact. We chose an outside table, and were sipping milk tea.

And I think the cutest thing ever happened.

Nearby was a table who had a dog on a leash. A big and majestic, white dog. Possibly labrador. Kind of looked female.

At one point, a person walked by with another dog--also a big and majestic dog, fully black. They were about the same size, and possibly both labradors. Naturally, the two dogs reacted to one another with the white one perking up and the black one urging its owner to make a stop, only to be pulled away after a short moment. Eventually, the stranger with the black dog disappeared into the crowd on this starry lit street.
And I could have sworn that at that point in time of their meeting, those two dogs kissed.

Nelson: "Did you see that?! Those dogs kissed... and now they'll never see each other again."

Me: "This needs to be made into a movie."

All I wanted was to save the world

[12:12:16 PM] Eva: i am SHSL Number Buster.
you shall be SHSL Rock Guardian.
[12:12:31 PM] Chiisana: OAO)v
[12:12:44 PM] Eva: together we shall conquer accounting and protect the sacred rocks of the world.
[12:12:48 PM] Eva: no, the universe.
[12:12:58 PM] Eva: that is our purpose.
[12:15:03 PM] Eva: .....Q^Q)//// PLAY WITH MEEE
[4:50:42 PM] Chiisana: OH SORRY I'M LATE QvQ
[4:50:46 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[4:52:00 PM] Eva: ......FOUR HOURS AND THIRTY EIGHT MINUTES LATE YOU MEAN
[4:52:10 PM] Eva: THE WORLD HAS ALREADY IMPLODED
[4:52:19 PM] Eva: ALL NUMBERS AWRY
[4:52:30 PM] Chiisana: OH NOOO
[4:52:50 PM] Eva: ROCKS DISASSEMBLED AND BLASTED APART AND EVEN WORSE--SEPARATED FROM THEIR FAMILIES
[4:52:52 PM] Chiisana: I am a failure QAQ
[4:52:59 PM] Chiisana: I'm a failure hero
[4:55:06 PM] Eva: YOU HAD ONE JOB

secret base ~君がくれたもの~ (10 years after ver.)

With Answer, Stickwitu, and now Secret Base all successfully completed and uploaded, I've completed my big projects of the summer thus far! Hopefully, there will be a duet or two coming up but so far there aren't solid plans. I've been SO SO SO SO busy lately with those 3 projects that now that I'm free, it feels like something's missing without the hey I need to hurry up and record and/or mix nabbing at me.

I guess it doesn't always seem like it, but I really put a lot of time and effort into most of the things I do and I really did for those 3 things... :(

Anyway, this project really means a lot. It's #TeamSiliconValley to thank for really being my main crew in the past year and letting me feel like I actually have IRL friends HAHAHAHA. (Well I have more now! But they were pretty much my only ones for a while, and I would've been extra lonely without them to hang out with. <3)

Now would be a good time to post these [horribly unflattering] pictures we took in a machine in the arcade outside the theatres when we went to see Despicable Me 2 :)
The last panel apparently represents me and Chiisana really well HAHAHA! We were shuffling around trying to get everyone to fit, and somehow it ended up only capturing the two of us except I'm just like LOL and sticking out my tongue, while Chiisana covers her face.

We've always talked about doing singing projects together since we sing, and we have artists, animators, and mixers. FINALLY we put our skills together and birthed a product. :'D

Chiisa and Y sound really beautiful. ;u; Although there are a lot of things that bother me about the mix, I'm pretty proud of this project... I don't think(??) it looks like most of it was actually done overnight? LOOOL... shhhhhhhhh
The all-nighter was worth it! (because Myst liked it and we succeeded at making her cry COUGH.) Though never again will I do 9 hours of intense overnight mixing. I was so absorbed that I forgot to drink or eat anything--though I finally remembered to eat at 6 AM--so it was pretty bad HAHAHA. But like I said: worth it.

(I'm actually really scared that the main parts sound bad or rushed aslkdfjlskfjlds I really had wanted to put my all into it.. ;;;; but in my defense, I spent most of my time working on the last chorus, timing and tuning everyone and stuff and....yeah but due to circumstances, I had to do a lot of the work for the main Yanevachii parts last night and. I'm scared. and am just hoping people are too distracted by feels to notice the gazillions of flaws ;___;.... A-a-at least the last chorus sounds great? /shot)




I feel like I keep telling the same stories over and over, but .. BUT.. I DO WHAT I WANT HMPH.

The four of us met up today at an ice cream/che/milk tea shop briefly before Myst had to leave for familyfriends dinner. By the time Myst had to go, we still hadn't shown her the video yet so we kind of stood blankly outside the shop like, WHAT TO DO??? We made plans to hang out tomorrow, but since we went through so much trouble to FINISH THE VIDEO ON TIME, we wanted to actually display it on time haha.

We ended up running after her, and thankfully(? LOLL) she didn't lock her car doors, so we casually let ourselves in and all took a seat. HAHAHAHA. It was hilarious because Myst seemed legitimately confused and was wondering if we really were wanting to join in on her familyfriends dinner. So we asked for her phone because she has data, pulled up the video, shoved it in her face, and were like, "IT'S AN ANIMATION DEMO FOR [project]."
She looks at it and goes, "Wait.... This isn't [project]!"

And so we proceed to watch the video together. EXCEPT WE KEEP GETTING COCKBLOCKED BECAUSE SHE JUST GOT CONSTANT NOTIFICATIONS FROM SKYPE AND TWITTER LOOOOL. So sad because the song's supposed to be emotional but we just couldn't HAHAHA. Finally after everything was turned off, we settled down to watch the video together properly.

As expected (and just as we hoped..!), Myst started crying. And then Chiisana cried, except we were all like, "WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! YOU CRIED OVER THIS YESTERDAY TOO"
=_=;;;; But I think the biggest shocker is that I started tearing up too. Except I don't understand why?? because I listened to the song so many times that I started to not like it? LOL... AND I heard the mix so many times. Jeez. But it was our first time seeing the animation--beautifully done by Y--and.... when all 20 voices came in..... and everyone's names were displayed like that ;^; it kind of hit me too LOL.
By the end of it all, Y was the only one with dry eyes. =A=

So here you go! The fruit of our hearts and hard work ^o^ (not to mention desire to make Myst cry-- no that's just me-- or is it--)



【3 + 17人合唱】 secret base ~君がくれたもの~ (10 years after ver.)

Happy birthday, Myst! We love youuuuu!♥
( http://www.youtube.com/mystraven )

「secret base ~君がくれたもの~ (10 years after ver.)」
Original Interpretation by Ai Kayano, Haruka Tomatsu and Saori Hayami
from Ano Hana (Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae o Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai)

Illustration & Animation · Y
Mix · Eva
EQ & Mastering · Chiisana

✿✿✿ Vocals
● 小さな / Chiisana · http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
● Eva · http://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva
● Y

✿✿✿ Vocals (Thank You to)
● Albert · n/a
● Andy · http://www.youtube.com/SeoulTempo
● Danny · http://www.youtube.com/tisDANNYdesu
● Denny · http://www.youtube.com/InkReprint
● Fyre · http://www.youtube.com/llfyrell
● Gino · http://www.youtube.com/OksoItsGino
● Himuro · http://www.youtube.com/OKiraO
● Ian · http://www.youtube.com/KyoSukeXP
● Jay · http://www.youtube.com/JaySingYou
● Karu · http://www.youtube.com/karufuruu
● Kousei · http://www.youtube.com/kousei2207
● Liana · http://www.youtube.com/letigressfabulous
● Lucy · http://www.youtube.com/Lyrratic
● Mango · http://www.youtube.com/Mangekyox3
● Mimi · http://www.youtube.com/x3LoveyDovey
● Nozomu · http://www.youtube.com/vocanozomu
● Sun · http://www.youtube.com/suntamujp

✿✿✿ MP3♪
● https://app.box.com/s/3dika7bjz5bj2t9...

vuck awf

[6:22:45 PM] Eva: i hate everyone
[6:22:49 PM] Denny-♪.: ....
[6:22:53 PM] Denny-♪.: eva
[6:22:53 PM] Denny-♪.: Hm
[6:22:56 PM] Denny-♪.: That needs to be
[6:22:59 PM] Denny-♪.: acronymised
[6:23:05 PM] Denny-♪.: to say a three word hate phrase
[6:23:11 PM] Denny-♪.:
everybody
vuck
awf
[6:23:23 PM] Eva: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL..................

I'm done.

[12:28:39 PM] Eva: I'M SICK OF MICKSING
[12:28:43 PM] Eva: holy shit
[12:28:44 PM] Eva: mic + sing
[12:28:46 PM] Eva: = mixing
[12:28:47 PM] Eva: holy sh--
[12:28:49 PM] Eva: ........
[12:28:59 PM] Eva: ...........................................
[12:29:02 PM] Eva: -entire world caves in-

Stickwitu

[1:46:47 AM] Eva: I didn't know what I could give to you--who could probably get almost anything he wanted, so here: have a human heart in musical form.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOcGefSY6uk

Use earphones or I'm really gonna stick it to ya. Happy birthday.




【Cover】 The Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu 【Eva】

THROWBAACKKKKKKKKK
I'm on a roll with solos. 8D
Anticlimatic because power vocals cannot.
This is actually a really lazy and rushed thing with repeating parts pretending to be a full cover.

Song: Stickwitu
Original Artist: The Pussycat Dolls
MP3: https://app.box.com/s/a1b0susv9too9a0...

happy birthday Nelson you wanted me to sing you something
this is really cheesy shut up

I can't believe I covered an English non-Disney song tbh.