2020 Mid-Year Resolutions

ha ha ha ha.........

At the start of this year I skipped my typical New Year's resolutions—for some reason I just didn't...feel...ready? to make new goals for myself?

Did I somehow intuitively predict that our entire world and lives would be turned upside down and never to be the same again? Did I know that I would've had no way to carry out my resolutions if I had made them? Either way, I'm glad I didn't waste my time I guess LOL. 🤷‍♀️

I cannot guarantee that I'll hit 100 but now that I'm more or less settled into the lifestyle that'll persist into the indefinite future, here are some goals I have in mind for myself.

[Edit: I did 40 for now ♥]

twentyseven 👂

Welp, at this point I always do these late—although this isn't quite as bad as when I posted it in November last year—but I turned 27 back in May and it's been my tradition to always post a mirror selfie wearing this Birthday Girl shirt ever since I was 15!

....
There's no logical reason to do this but I'm going to do the exact same thing I did last year and hijack the post to share my recent DIY + purchased earrings LOL.

quarantine diary page 3

<< Page 2

?!?! THE LAST TIME I WROTE ONE OF THESE WAS APRIL?! EXCUSE ME, WHAAAAT?? And it's already mid July?!! Why is time suddenly going at superspeed?! Highly alarming; I literally need a moment to just pause and absorb this information. Wow.

Youtaite React episode 6!

Yaaaaaaaay, the baby has been birthed!! 💦💦 It has honestly been such a source of anxiety for me LOL.

Back in December 2018 a group of NorCal friends and I filmed the latest Youtaite React episode and I put it on my project backburner intending to get to it when I had time—since throughout 2018 I pushed back most singing projects in order to release 5(!!) episodes—and very quickly it's already been a year and a half that I'd been holding onto it without progress and the person who was interested in assistant editing was also living their busy life.....

Finally the week before AX (which of course was cancelled/turned virtual) I suddenly swerved from working on a chorus mix to deciding that I wanted to try to get YTReact out first instead. I thought it could be a nice thing to combat the AX cancellation blues and uplift the youtaite community a bit since we've recently been exposed to much more of the dark sides of it—a good thing so that we could flush them out—and it seemed like many were forgetting that there's also lots of wholesome friendships and meaningful personal development and great things that have come out of this community.

For this episode we answered questions that were submitted to us; and I do dare boast that the video turned out not only insightful and informative, but also wildly hilarious. It's a fun one because we filmed in pairs so there's bantering and also audience reactions to boost the energy!

Despite the insane amount of footage, I smiled a lot throughout the editing process because everyone was so entertaining. Sad that there are many gems I had to leave out but the video's already almost pushing 10 minutes, eek. Going forward I'm not too sure when we'd do more episodes heh..... is a lot of work... Anyway, if you watch it I hope you enjoy!

YOUTAITE REACT to Your Questions 【ep. 6】

Director / Brand Design: myst
Producer / Camera / Video Edit: Eva
Audio Recordist / Asst Director: fome
Audio Edit: mochi
Motion Graphics: KT (lower thirds), kumo (transitions), myst/Eva (intro)

Funds for Racial Justice Protests

[ Updated November 7th, 2020 ]

A place where I'll continue updating with links to the people / organizations that I find who are accepting donations in direct support of the ongoing protests for Black Lives Matter and racial justice around the US. For those who can afford to, I'd like to encourage helping these brave people out because these demonstrations are a big part of creating tension to drive meaningful change right now. Thank you!!

I began compiling this list around June 25th, 2020 and am not including funds that have been inactive for over a month. If you know of anything I should add on here, please let me know! 🙏

* indicates that it was added in the most recent update

Mermaid

Jang Yeeun (장예은) "Mermaid (목소리) (ft. Rohann)"

Sonny linked this song to me the other day and I've been listening to it a lot; I really like it. 😭 The "mermaid" theme and the way the instrumental so ethereally brings that to life, the fact that Yeeun is actually a rapper in her group (CLC) but can sing this well, the lyrics, it's all somewhat comforting.

For some reason my mental health took a huge dive in the past two days, although I'm doing better today! It felt rather sudden, but I guess the "build-up" was how I've been more on edge with anxiety lately and feeling burnt out after spending the holiday weekend hardcore working on projects and likely some hormonal changes. It's good timing that jobwork slowed down a bit for me this week so I've thankfully been able to take a breather and take a look at my values again. For a while I was questioning all over again what makes me happy, what makes me feel fulfilled. There were so many things that I suddenly forgot.

I enjoy making content and I feel gratified when people feel touched or inspired by the things I pour my heart into (although I don't want to be dependent on feedback—when it happens it's a nice bonus). I don't want to measure my value by my productivity or how many things I put out or how quickly they get done. I think I need to accept that I'm the kind of person who needs a lot of time to work on anything healthily and that if I'm upset at my level of skill, I can/should take the time to improve my skills. And to not be disappointed at myself for being slow, for not being as good at something as I'd like, or for not matching up to other people.

And to not be disappointed in myself for already doing my best. It's hard on days when that voice of anxiety keeps barking at you to do more, to do better, and it's just never satisfied, it's never enough, the entire day is wasted, nothing is enjoyable or meaningful. But yeah, the break from work is just what I needed to ease into trying to relax a bit and to try to convince myself that living a day without "accomplishment" is still living. I've been listening to meditation before sleeping and also occasionally taking breaks to rest my eyes while listening to a Jane Austen audiobook. Last week I said that I was saving the ACNH Summer update and Pokemon Café Mix for when I finished my two current high priority projects—and to be frank I stopped looking forward to it for some reason—but I'm going to try to log off now and play a bit. Hopefully it's fun ;v;

Also this country is still on fire. I'm still upset about that. What the hell.

ClosetCon 2k20

It's crazy to think that if there weren't a pandemic right now, I would've just been in LA for Anime Expo for our yearly con adventure—sharing a hotel room with way too many friends but making a ton of memories and inside jokes, meeting up with youtaite from all over the world, spending time every day making myself look somewhat presentable, sometimes dedicating hours to getting into cosplay, bumbling around this village of all sorts of weeaboos, constantly waiting in lines in the heat, bouncing through town in pursuit of food and dessert, every day an unpredictable adventure and escape from reality with high social pressure but...it's just too fun so we can't stop going back LOL. Now I don't know when I'll ever get to hang out with my friends in person again, I rarely leave my room, I kind of revel in not having to make myself look presentable or talk to anyone or go anywhere, hehhhh. (How do I still feel exhausted even without having to do these things? I can no longer imagine having to do those things.)

I revisited my cosplay photos from last AX in reminiscence and it reminded me that I've actually done a few closet cosplays at home this year that I kept meaning to put up on here too yet never remembered to..... Throwin' it back a little! 💫