Untitled #7

Wowow so this is what it's like to be a film student LOL. I'm actually feeling it now. It's 2:43 AM and I don't know if I can sleep because I was active all day. Really exhausted though. After I got off work at 7, I went to help with my friend's film shoot and I got home at 2 AM. xD Film shoots are fun but so long and exhausting. Just a few weeks ago I had no idea what filming was like but I like the experience I'm getting now. I learned a lot and was actually useful in advising for the lighting, setting up equipment, and holding the boom pole. Plus I was assertive and not as awkward as usual. Yaaay such big improvement. I'm tired. The awesome thing about working til late is that everyone says stupid things out of exhaustion and we all just stupidly stupid right back at each other. It's great. We were all idiots. I had fun.

So I kinda found out last Friday that my 35 page script (the crossdressing singing audition story) is due this Friday AHAHAH...HA...... We still had the weekly quiz and my professor never gave us a head's up, but it's my fault for not having checked the deadline :(.. So for the past 3 nights I've been working on the script til 4 AM then waking at 10 or 11. Except tomorrow I work 9 AM to 6 PM fuckkk orz I've made it my goal to write 1000 words (~5-6 pages) a night, but tonight.. definitely cannot..... I'll have to write 2000 words tomorrow. After an 8 hour work day. G r e a t.

I have to work really hard on cosplay now because Fanime and AX are creeping up quickly. And still gotta edit my Kelly film. All the audio editing. And mix which is super overdue. And I recorded a little makeup review video that I still need to edit. And there's a short dance cover I wanna do. Oh and I turn 21 this Friday! I'm tired and too busy but I've been very happy with my life this year. 

Gong Xiang Hua: A Short Story

It was a day like any other in the bustling town of Gong Xiang Hua. Merchants setting up shop, wondering what kind of stories they'll hear from passer-bys today. Potionmakers sprawling on their pallets to snatch their last fleeting fragments of slumber before a busy day of healing. Weapon forgers fondly counting their satchels of rare and polished metals. Winged creatures and their young dancing in the cerulean skies.

The gods from Gong Xiang Hua Castle frequently came down to play, because off the shore boasted an abandoned tavern, which long ago belonged to a famous tribe of treasure-collecting mermaids until too many humans settled nearby. It was the pride of our humble town—the sand's sparkle more charming than even the royal jewels.

Here, the laughter of the human children mixed with that of the children of the gods—whether a century were considered a lifetime or a moment passing by didn't matter.

I have a sibling, a mentor, a friend. Someone different from me, meant for bigger things than me. As a god, it was tradition to spend 100 years training to master one's spiritual powers. Whether it was on the peaks atop clouds or in the ocean floor mazes, I didn't know and couldn't imagine.

"Why do you weep so, friend? Look how joyously the willows greet the breeze."

"I understand why they warn of bonds with those of greater blood. When you have returned, I'll have joined the earth, and never the sooner forgotten. What to me was my entire childhood will be but a sunken pebble in your sea of memories and adventure."

"These 10 years to you were also 10 years to me. Lazy afternoons, the sun's embrace, discovering every corner of the streets, the moon heeding our troubles—everything you remember, I remember too. On this beach are endless treasures, but pick any one piece up and it's still called a treasure. If it's precious, what does it matter?"

Often we the townsfolk wonder why such magnificent crystals and jewels were left behind when the mermaids disappeared. Some believe they are still out there, creating another haven to orchestrate the entwined laughter of the simplest and most profound happiness.



---

Wrote this in bed at 4 AM HARHARHAR. Inspired by Koala's translations of Chinese novel Lost You Forever—I've fallen so hard for this style, and this is just the type of fantasy world that eats me up.

It's finally happened.

It's here.
The moment I came home and found a package sitting on my desk that I don't remember buying.
I'm now a hopeless online shopper.
There's no turning back.

I'm rambling, surprising nobody

WOOOOW what a busy week it's been!! Maybe it's because I've generally been sleeping 4 hours a night on average and working almost nonstop during waking moments that even a few days ago felt like 2 weeks ago..?! I genuinely can't believe that the LA trip was only 9 days ago because it felt like a month has passed since then. Did I really just see CNBlue?!

After the trip, I really buckled down on productivity--especially related to my short film entitled Kelly, which I shot last weekend. My responsibilities at work have essentially doubled, so I've been finding myself always working past 6 despite not taking any breaks other than lunch, being under extreme rushed stress from 3 to 4, and having to leave some tasks incomplete until the next day. I was there until 8 yesterday and still couldn't finish everything. So FORGET ABOUT doing homework during my downtime at work like I used to omg. That shit is actually done at home now.

So prepping for the film included: writing a shot list (46 shots!!), writing an audio list, printing out script copies and highlighting parts for the cast, cleaning and reorganizing my entire bedroom, hiding almost all cables near the ground, vacuuming multiple times, even changing my bedsheets and taking down all anime posters, and trying to coordinate the people that would be helping me.

After class on Thursday, I picked up the filming equipment which btw was a huge pain in the ass because I had to keep a friend watching my car in the freight loading zone while I slowly pushed approximately 60 pounds of equipment in a giant ass cart through hallways of classbound students and onto a rickety (rumoredly haunted) elevator.

I spent that night familiarizing myself with the camera (which I'd only touched for the first time that day), experimenting with the aperture settings (Sony NXCAM sucks if you want shallow focus), and setting up and trying out different combinations of and locations for the lights. It hit midnight and I could hardly keep my eyes open... and then 2 AM and I somehow knocked out without having filmed anything and also didn't set any alarms for the next day aiyahhhhh OTL

After work on Friday, I headed over to my friend's dorm to help him film his project since he agreed to crew for mine. ;u; I was exhausted but I'm glad I chose to go because not only was it really fun (and I liked the company!), I learned a lot about using the equipment and different techniques for lighting. STILL bitter that our professor threw us out here with demands to produce and direct a whole high-quality short film even though we'd never had any practical experience with filming during class. Sure you can have us memorize information on 3-point lighting, but what good is that until you've actually tried to light something or until you learn that you can manipulate lights by bouncing them off walls/bounce cards/umbrellas/the ceiling? I DIDN'T KNOOOOW.

I got home that night around 11. Read a chapter for my screenwriting class and took the online quiz. And then off to work on my production!!

1 AM to 6 AM. Filmed all of my stuffed animal scenes.
It doesn't sound like a lot. It sounds quite easy, actually. But every change of angle means a change of lighting.... It means manipulating your space so that cables and equipment don't show up in your shot. Which is freaking hard because I had that damn tea party on the GROUND which means making all your shit defy gravity. And moving all of those lighting fixtures by myself was HARD. Q^Q All of my fingers became little red balloons from the heat and weight.

Finally slept at 7 and accidentally woke up at 10 because the new poster I taped on the wall above my bed (to temporarily replace all of my Tsubasa Chronicle ones) couldn't hold anddddddd fell on me AHAHA. Surprisingly wasn't feeling groggy! So I had lunch, showered, reorganized my footage from the night before, rushed out to pick up food and Karu, and then my lovely voice actors in the form of NYA came over~
I admit that it could've went smoother and I'm a horrible director because I'm incapable of describing the way I imagine things andddd I got really overwhelmed having to talk in front of the whole group and was too scared to demonstrate things SOB. But we finished a lot quicker than expected so we got dessert! By the time I got home after dropping someone off, it was past midnight and I spent the next few hours doing a rough edit of voice acting and prepping to film with the actress the next day (including a 3 AM vacuuming because I can't ask someone to act for me AND have them sit on a dirty floor !!).

So Sunday was finally the big day !!! My crew was awesome. The actress Kelly was amazing at acting as Kelly. It's just that the process was long, tedious, and hard. But at least I had two guys around to help me move all the lighting instead of me doing it all myself which should never happen again LOL. Again, I'm a shitty director who can't describe her visions.

Returned equipment yesterday morning, was up til 3 doing homework last night, worked all day today and still have to do some homework tonight, blah blah. Should get started on editing the film and lots of audio editing to do blah blah blah blargh. Still have a Gemini mix that's been waiting on me even though it was supposed to be done last month. Haven't even started writing my 35 page script for screenwriting. OTL

One positive thing though... At work, I've always felt like.. the one that people gave up on/don't trust because I'm studying nothing related to finance or business. I was told to pursue what I love because anything else is a waste of both my effort and that of those around me. Today, bossman gave me another talk and this time he said, "When you're a manager yourself, you'll learn that it's all about the method. One day when you've risen to a higher position..." and I just. ?!?! I mean, yes, my responsibilities have increased but I'm still the radio-tv-film kid that's always been side-eyed because of my major. I know I probably won't ever become a manager in the way that he spoke of because I don't have enough interest to pursue finance or business in the long term, but it's really encouraging to know that... I think I was just acknowledged as having the potential to do it. Wow. That really helps. It really does. I don't plan to have a future in this but thanks for thinking I can! Well I've been thinking that if I truly fail, I can try to fall back on finance/business with my experience. Except I don't want to go back and study it because that will all feel like bullshit once you've had practical experience in a real working environment.

I would also like to ask to be shot because I wrote a complicated code in Excel for the first time for a tracking log at work and now I think coding could probably be fun-- even though it was a frustrating process-- and I really don't have the time-- IT WAS REALLY COOL and I kind of shot my hands up in the air when I finally succeeded which caused my boss to srsly judge me BUT IT WAS SO COOL.

I TURN 21 YEARS OLD NEXT WEEk. WHAT.

LA K-Pop Festival

This past weekend was #TeamSiliconValley's roadtrip adventure to SoCal! We hung out around Arcadia and Irvine, but the main attraction was the LA K-Pop Festival Concert celebrating the 111th anniversary of Korean-American immigration. :> The concert--okay, the entire trip--was lots of fun!

The line-up at the concert was: CNBlue, INFINITE, SHINee, SISTAR, 2PM, Girl's Day, Lena Park, Kim Taewoo, Baek Jiyoung, Song Sohee, Seol Woondo

Suuuuch a good line-up, and especially for a FREE concert! I feel like beneath the SNSD level of sunbae supremacy, the next tier of the bests includes CNBlue, INFINITE, and SISTAR. (SHINee and 2PM arguably but they're slightly more sunbae status.) I mean, they have the talent, looks, popularity, stage charisma, personality, good music, and the formulas for fame and longevity in the industry. ^^

I must admit that I had some expectations (heh) for Girl's Day whereas I didn't think much of 2PM, for some reason. It had always stuck with me that 2PM only has one really, really strong capable vocalist and that the group is more dance-oriented. (I kind of forget that Wooyoung and Junho are pretty good singers.) BUT WOW this reversal--Girl's Day's performances fell short for me while 2PM exceeded anything I could've asked for. It conveniently slipped my mind that half of Girl's Day doesn't really..sing.. and while Minah is amazing, it didn't feel like she was at her best and it's difficult to carry an entire group by your lonesome.

But holy shit 2PM why did I ever doubt you? My respect for them has increased tenfold, and while they're not my favorite group, they may have been my favorite act. Everyone held their own and it didn't feel like there were weak links. They delivered such an incredible, solid performance and most importantly: they brought boundless energy and enjoyably engaged in audience interaction. They reeked of confidence and it really seemed like they cared about making sure their fans had a good time. It really helps that they were the only group that had a clubby sound HAHAHA. I liked Hands Up but I never knew how much I FREAKING LOVE HANDS UP. Dancing and cheering along to that song was probably the highlight of the concert for me; the performers and audience alike were immersed in the music, company, and atmosphere. :D



SHINee and INFINITE were fantastic, surprising nobody. They are the current kings of live performances, after all. They're always perfect vocally and in their choreography, ever so in sync and powerful.

I didn't know how much I liked SISTAR until this concert. I didn't know I liked the song Loving U. I also didn't know that I liked Soyu this much--I found her serviceable due to her soft but decently solid voice, but homegurl can also belt and that versatility is respectable. Go Soyu.

CNBlue delivered the other high points of the concert for me. HONESTLY IDK if I would've made the trip for the concert had CNBlue not come. I like them. I like Yonghwa. I like all of them. I like their music. They're amazing performers and it's a shame that their overall ability is hard to gauge when they have no choice but to strum-sync to the music track for most performances. So really, Minhyuk and Jungshin are there to look pretty--EXCEPT THEY ONLY SHOWED ONE SHOT OF MINHYUK ON THE SCREEN so I was sad. :'( The songs they performed were very Yonghwa-centric so it was a shame that Jonghyun really had to step back. BUT YONGHWA WAS WONDERFUL AND GODLY AND. He sounds so good live, falsetto in perfect control and all<3 God dammit Yonghwa, who said you could be a charming MC and then show up on a white piano and sing with the ring of the heavens and then sling a guitar over your shoulder and all the while having a very nice face. How dare you? And he blew so. many. kisses at the audience?! SUCH FANSERVICE. I also enjoyed Love Love Love which was another crowd engager.

One thing I was pleased with was the amount of collabs. ^^ When Baek Jiyoung stepped out, my first thought was, "Oh hey, Taecyeon's here too... Maybe you two should..WINKWINK...." and then they did actually perform their duet, My Ear's Candy! The SHINee-INFINITE duo Toheart performed as well, and they were pretty impressive. Or well, Key was impressive. I always knew Woohyun was an awesome singer. AND THE 2PM-SISTAR COLLAB<3 It was what caught me off guard the most. Wooyoung, Soyu, Jun.K, and Hyorin sang If I Ain't Got You as pairs, which was sweet. They were all great! I remember going starry-eyed because Hyorin and Jun.K--both representative main vocalists--were singing together. It's like another Taeyeon-Jonghyun duo hehe.

There were plenty of flaws in the organizing/management and even down to the camerawork, but I guess I have to remember that it is a free concert. Free. But still, isn't it common broadcasting knowledge to not drastically change your shot when your camera's hot and LIVE FOR TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE who are depending on watching the concert through the tiny screens because the stage is even tinier?

Yano's and my original seats were in row 89, aka the 5th row from the top of the coliseum LOLOL. Birds flew by and almost seemed in arm's reach (okay, total exaggeration). It's all really fascinating until your fear of heights is triggered!!

I SERIOUSLY regret not knowing about the glowsticks though. If I had one, I would've waved it for the entire concert to show my support. ;^; I mean, we're all just little dots to the performers, but at least you make a bit of a difference if you're a glowing dot...!!

I've Lost It Forever

I'm very particular with what I like—I want to appreciate literature but I haven't the patience to properly read, yet I love reading drama recaps which probably doesn't say much. But what I've been obsessed with for a while is the Chinese novel Lost You Forever which the amazing Koala has been translating on her blog. I've mentioned it before so won't repeat my impressions of the work. (But I can't resist talking about it again because I'VE FALLEN SO DEEP and I don't know of anyone else that reads it, and I'm too pussy to post comments, so I have no one to discuss it with!!! Q___Q Therefore I'm discussing it with myself. Publicly.)

Sure, I'm losing out on deliciously refined writing because they're fan translations and not perfect—but in its equally appetizing stead are intriguing, likable, complex characters; and layered, meaningful, and fascinating character interactions. THE CHARACTERS. AAAAAAAAH. I care about all of them and they do horrible things to me.

The novel is about the princess Xiao Yao's life (which at first encompasses being the male town doctor Xiao Liu) in which she doesn't want much but to settle down in simple, boring happiness. Unfortunately, being a princess of godly blood and having the epic ties that she has means that her dream won't cooperate easily. She has three suitors, all of whom Xiao Yao and I both love dearly. I'm hard-fastened on a ship, but y'know, even if it doesn't end up sailing, I wouldn't throw a fit because the other two guys are worthy too. ^^ There isn't a single chapter that I haven't enjoyed so far (okay okayyyy, apart from the 1st one eheheh), regardless of who Xiao Yao spends her time with or whether it's action-packed, of sweet romance, or of quiet lyrical simplicity.

(In the other post, I referred to her as Xiao Liu because I found it a rough transition back to her life as a female and surrounded by gods and royalty, but now I've embraced that she is both Xiao Yao and Xiao Liu—lazy, blunt, ungraceful, mischievous, stubborn, unambitious, smart, and lonely all the same.)

I should be careful not to spoil in case anyone plans to read it, so I won't reveal their identities—but the three men in Xiao Yao's life have struck me with pondrances about the different types of love, represented by each suitor.

The first being devotion. Maybe not the most exciting, but very sincere and persists.

The second being comfort. Someone who knows you really well and vice versa. You're glad just to be around them and can be whoever you'd like to be. Warm companionship.

The third being passion. Something fun, something that impacts you, something you miss—a bit like a soulmate. I'm reminded of the way someone described the character representing this—that his love and friendship with Xiao Yao would have no dependency on the circumstances. No matter how they met or how they were connected, they'd click as personalities and sparks would fly.

Which kind of love would you want?

Ultimately, I think I would want longlasting devotion, so it's no surprise that I'm such a stickler for the guy that represents it. He's so sweet, and I hope he can be happy whether this future includes a Xiao Yao in his arms or not. ;A;


Can I also mention that at work, I had to email a customer whose name coincidentally is Xiao Liu AND I TOTALLY SQUEEEEE'ed when I got a reply—

Untitled #6

I'm supposed to be sleeping early tonight because after work tomorrow (9 to 6), we're going down to LA! It's a 7 hour drive so god forbid I be tired. And yet here I am at 3:02 AM... OTL There shall be coffee in my veins tomorrow. I'm excited!! I'm so lucky to live in California where there are magical FREE K-POP CONCERTS. F R E E. There was the free Google MBC concert up here in Norcal that I attended before and that was the best thing in the world. And now in 2 days, I'll be seeing CNBlue, SHINee, Girl's Day, and more!!! Bless the lords of k-pop for blowing the goods our way.

I know it was just spring break but I'm also looking forward to the #TeamSiliconValley reunion as Myst, Yanovi, and I will be staying at Chiisana's down in Socal. :> Trips are great because it's a giant extended sleepover.

Thursdays have quickly become my favorite day of the week because my TV/Film Production class is so damn enjoyable =u=;;! Today we shot my friend's short film (some of them are being shot during classtime whereas ones like mine, which is set in a bedroom, are shot on our own time) which was really fun. I was unofficially her assistant director which was great because I love helping. I've never been part of a filming nor have been on a film set, so it was all incredibly exciting and magical to me--the camera, the lighting, the boom mic, the acting, the teamwork of a production crew.

I do have a lot of worries though at how inexperienced I am within my major?? I do some amateur video and audio editing for youtube, but how does that compare to everyone else who I see participate in legit filmings or work at our uni's radio station? A lot of people surprisingly own their own fancy cameras, lighting kits, audio recording equipment, etc. Everyone's doing big things. And it worries me particularly that even though my major's technically Radio-TV-Film, there's such a huge emphasis on film and people are sooooooo involved that it's a little abnormal that I have 0 experience with filming. :/

After class, I was walking with a friend who I recruited to crew for me when I film Kelly, and I revealed this inexperience with film. And his response was: "So what is it that you're good at then?"

And in our setting, the expected answers would include: "I'm more focused on radio!" "I'm interested in screenwriting!" "I want to be an actress!"

But really, what AM I even good at......... :/ I guess I'm interested in editing but I'm not sure if my skills suffice. And you know what? I don't think I NEED to be particularly good at or focused in anything. No need to narrowly cast when my job as a student right now is to learn all that I can, right? I mean, whatever career stuff that comes later depends on the skillset you've developed and what opportunities arise. I'm probably still fucked after I graduate AH HA HA HA........... I'll worry about that later.

Cinnawaffles and S'mores Ice Cream Milkshakes

xDD I still have a lot I wanted to post from spring break that I didn't get a chance to because life revved up again. Chiisana and I slept over at Y's house during the break, and we tried out some yummy treats!!

It's Only the Fairy Tale

(Box)

Vocals start at 0:47
Insert song from the anime Mai-HiME
Composed by Yuki Kajiura and originally performed by Miyamura Yuuko


I'm still sick but I guess that rarely stops me from singing LOL. Did this quickly before going to class today. ^^

Initially I tried singing it with proper English but couldn't get the right feel, and it worked out a lot better after the language became distorted AHAHAHA. English just isn't a very delicate language! By the end of the take, I had a French accent somehow ?!

[9:21:31 PM] Chiisana: I couldn't tell it was english for a second
[9:21:32 PM] Chiisana: meaning
[9:21:34 PM] Chiisana: you succeeded
[9:21:35 PM] Chiisana: LOL

"Pursue what you love."

What unexpectedly double-edged words.

Untitled #5

Blogging on iPad~ I got out of my TV/Film Production class and didn't want to go home and no one's available to play with me :( So I got froyo and drove over to a nearby park. So now I'm just nipping at my froyo on a picnic table, enjoying how slow life can be sometimes with the sun's warmth on my back. In this moment, I have no regrets. I feel conflicted seeing others move forward, but at the same time, I myself have taken many strides forward too, right? It's just.. sorrowful in observing that people in your life can come and go--that people will head down a path separate from yours, a world that no longer involves you no matter what you were to each other in the past. Life just goes on. So while I get sad as though I've been left behind, I guess I've also moved on in my own ways. Right? ^^;;

Also this is totally irrelevant and insignificant but after class today, I was walking with 4 guys to turn in our equipment rental forms (YOOOOO my filming date for Kelly is set for April 20th and I will have hella legit equipment). Only one of them is Asian and he's 6 foot-something. Suddenly the Mexican dude goes, "WHOA, WE'RE ALL SO TALL............ I'M THE SHORTEST ONE HERE." And I felt really cool.

Sometimes

I want to be everything, I want to do everything, I want to be everywhere. I wonder if it's too much.

Kelly

Ah! I've been meaning to share my treatment for my short film final project for my TV/Film Production class. ;v; The first draft script is due Thursday and I've modified the ending (which in turn affects a lot of the overall meaning actually) since writing this. But even though it's a school project, this film is something I'm excited to work on because 1) it gives me a chance to develop some cinematography skills after familiarizing myself with the school's fancy camera, 2) there's lots of audio editing! and 3) it tackles things that I want to express well: anxiety, paranoia, being self-blaming and self-withdrawn. And all without making my protagonist crazy in any way. After all, social anxiety haunts absolutely normal people; it doesn't mean that they have mental issues--just that they're overwhelmed by their fears, which are often self-inflicted. I hope I can produce something meaningful and artful. ;u; I have less than two months to do it, but I want to end up with something that I'll be proud of.

Now Playing:
"SLEEP DUST"
(composed and sung by Kazou)
Apparently, this song was inspired by Kelly. ;u; It's actually thanks to Kazou that I started thinking about how I wanted to depict social anxiety, so it's nice that the inspiration came around full circle.

My treatment:

     In a short film that explores the perceptual baggage carried by social anxiety, Kelly (18) has a tea party with a circle of stuffed animals. Alone in this quaint bedroom, Kelly shows signs of nervousness as if surrounded by a room full of outspoken peers. Initially, she is awkward but does respond passably to the conversation held by these stuffed animals, whose words are provided in voiceover. Throughout the tea party, the conversation is pleasant and of nothing spectacular.
     However, alongside the exchanges, an extra set of voices begins to appear, voicing the stuffed animals’ hidden thoughts—or rather, fabricated thoughts imposed onto them, written directly by Kelly’s fears. These thoughts serve to attack all of Kelly’s insecurities as the stuffed animals criticize and judge her, carefully notice even the slightest details, and make every one of Kelly’s actions and decisions out to be a mistake no matter what she does or attempts to fix them. One points out the dirt under Kelly’s fingernail, another berates her for wearing a certain color, one laughs at her choice of wording, and another doesn’t like the way she avoids eye contact. Clearly, they never wanted her there and find her to be awkward and a bother. 
     Eventually, these thoughts full of negativity drown out the actual conversation, which never drops from its pleasantly ordinary state. The film ends as Kelly gives in to the self-inflicted pressure in withdrawal—all that can be heard is a cacophony of criticisms, and she closes her eyes and drops her cup of imaginary tea to the sound of broken porcelain.