the rain is in my head

the rain is in my head

falling grimly, burning

with rusting floodgates it is met

into ghouls all thoughts are turning

Lovelyz - Destiny (A New Trilogy)

YESSSSS my princesses Lovelyz have made their comeback!! This gross fangirl is very happy with it *u* They've grown so much since Candy Jelly Love but I love that they still have a distinct sound. It's rich, intricate, soothing, a bit retro, melodic, feminine, and innocent/cute without being obnoxious. And what really makes their music unique is that there's always some melancholic undertone or twist that adds depth behind the seemingly sweet songs. Not to mention digipedi who's been behind all of their MVs expertly reflects all of this in their visuals for an amazing Lovelyz brand of aesthetic.

But this time with Destiny (My Earth) they've really embraced melancholic—and it's pretty reminiscent of their "big brother group" Infinite's sound but more of a feminine take of it. And that's awesome aaaaa

Also loving the extended metaphor ;u; The lyrics are basically: Why do you circle around her (the sun) when I revolve around you like the moon? You're my earth and the gravity that pulls me. I wish I could stand between you and her, and give you a ring of light. (INSERT GRAPHICS OF SOLAR ECLIPSE)

01. Moonrise - 00:00
02. Destiny (My Earth) - 00:41
03. Splash - 04:15
04. Bookmark - 07:46
05. 1cm - 11:18
06. Take Care of My Heart - 15:01
07. Doll - 18:57

I haven't yet listened to the rest of the album (A New Trilogy) enough to really know it, but I like it so far! Some parts feel bland but I'll see how my feelings change when lyric translations are out.
Some fans have said that there's kind of a Clamp vibe? Lovelyz' sound has always leaned more J-pop than K-pop, but AS THE HUGE CLAMP FAN I AM, this delights the fuck out of me!!! I think I do hear it at times!

For me, the album standouts include Bookmark (07:46) for those who like sentimental ballads and drama OSTs, and Babysoul does a soft rap in it! It's like the second coming of Circle, which is a great song ^^ and coincidentally has a lot of meaning overlaps with Destiny.

1cm (11:18) isn't one of my favorites so far but I like the quirky retro video game-sounding synths. Kind of like the Ah-Choo intro. And this one kind of makes me think of Cardcaptor Sakura by Clamp which is a win to me..!

Take Care of My Heart (15:01) is growing on me a lot. The verses are undeniably Lovelyz style, and then the chorus is catchy and uplifting!

AND WE CAN'T NOT TALK ABOUT Doll (18:57)—the song behind Lovelyz' ethereal, film aesthetic, somewhat eerie Prologue Film with lyrics like "I can't fall sleep yet you dream peacefully without me. I'm your doll in the corner of the room, quietly waiting for you." But I feel like without the mysterious-looking video, the eerie effect has mostly dissipated and now it just feels like a heartbroken fairytale lullaby song, and FUCK YEAH I HELLA DIG THAT. It sounds so soothing!

Hmmmm I don't think I'm going to try to cover any of these songs like I did with For You unfortunately ahah. No time to work on a solo, and none of them are screaming at me to sing them. xD But I will enjoy listening~ Can't wait for the second and third legs of Lovelyz' new trilogy. ^^

Probably mostly an adult

Man, I can't believe this long, long, emotional week is over. ;A; It's been so busy—I worked past 8:30 PM on three days because I'm handling a big project as main editor for the first time. I've been drained in several ways, lacking sleep, stressed out, and I guess it totally showed.... Three times I was asked in the past two weeks if I was sick, because I look like such a tired mess OTL

The hardest day was Friday though.
I had to finally tell my boss that I'm going to quit the part time accounting job I've been working at for almost 5 years. ;;;;

Although it went well and my boss is happy for me—bless her heart—it took a lot struggling not to let the tears fall out of my eyes during that difficult, sentimental, hopeful, sad conversation. Fuck. I've been crying a lot haha ^^;;; It's not simply a workplace. I've got emotional attachments to the people, my friends, the environment, the memories..... The past 5 years have been so pivotal in my growth as a person; the current me that I know has always attended this accounting job and has always been surrounded by these people. I don't know how to accept this much change yet. ;_; When I started working there, I was the company's first intern and my dad brought me in because my parents wanted me to try working instead of sitting at home. I was merely an 18 year old child that graduated high school with no direction in life, no responsibilities, no social skills, no belief that I could have any talent that mattered, no desire to ever grow up or change.

My last week at this job will be the week of my birthday—I'm going to turn 23.
And I'm going to start working full time at my currently part time video production job. ;^; There'll be a lot of good opportunities. I even go on business trips! Now I'm getting big projects to edit too! Considering how many film majors like me are freelancing or struggling to earn steady income, I'm pretty damn lucky. I should probably treat my professor who referred me to this job to a meal. xD He gave me such an incredible kickstart to what seems like it will become a career for me in video production. Weird. Now I don't even have a knee-jerk reaction to thinking that I'm probably mostly an adult with an actual meaningful future. Weeeiiird.

Tomorrow I have to do something very hard. I feel like my heart is breaking ;; I've already shed a lot of tears but I hope I have more courage tomorrow. For years I've imagined this and for weeks I've dreaded it; I can't believe it's already here. Fighting.....

[Review] Secret Key Haul First Impressions

YOOOOO I haven't done a post like this in a long time! Because I'm a sucker for anything related to Lovelyz, I went and ordered a mini haul from skincare/make-up brand Secret Key—which has blessed us with one of Lovelyz' first commercials, below. FUCK YEAH I'M SO HAPPY FOR THEM ;U;

These are the things I ordered!

• Flower Drop Tint Lip Powder - Red and Soft Pink ($11.32 for 2)
• SYN-AKE Anti Wrinkle & Whitening Toner ($25.04)
• Skinny Real Quick Eye Liner - Black ($10.29 for 2)
• Perfect Curling-heel Mascara ($7.17)

Honestly I only really wanted the lip tint because I'm a sucker for pretty lip products, but HEY MAN, FREE SHIPPING OVER $49 hahahahahaha..ha.. It turned out fine since I'll need a toner replacement soon, and my liquid eyeliners and mascara have long dried up .... :'D

ALSO some really nice deals happening on Secret Key!! All in all, I only paid $41.23 for a $75.43 value order. And still got free shipping! The Lovelyz coupon gave me 20% off, but the current one is "10% off + 10% mileage plus" until April 17th.

Not to mention the lip tints and eyeliner were part of an amazing 1 + 1 deal, which is still going!

Actually, I'm missing the brown eyeliner that I ordered so I'll see how customer service handles that.

But I ain't even mad because WOW I didn't expect all of these extra free gifts?!

• Nature Recipe Mask Pack - Aloe
• Chubby Sweets Lip Scrub
• UV CUT High Protection Sun Cream
• 24K Gold Premium First Essence x 2

Is someone in trouble for packing my order wrong or is Secret Key just insanely generous? The sun cream and lip scrub aren't even sample size!! Maybe it's because they know I'm a lovelinus. ^^

Straight up, the most interesting things I got in this package were:

1) the SYN-AKE toner which is supposedly synthetic snake venom which supposedly reduces wrinkles, and

2) the free 24K essence which seems to... actually have little gold flakes floating in it..... Has gold always been good for the skin, or is this just a really expensive gimmick?

I'll be doing a first impression review on the lip tint and eye liner under the cut. :> Warning: I don't know shit about make-up and there are many waaaay-too-close-up pictures of my face.

Still ranting.

It's been a while since I felt so propelled to write a post like this. In fact, what I'm about to say is essentially the exact same thing I felt and wrote two years ago; and the same shit happens and it still bothers me down to the moral level.

"(says mean things about other people in public twitter space)
(mocks them and encourages friends to do the same)
Oh I don't know why people think this community has negative drama.
They should just deal with it."

HOW IS THIS OKAY?
Why are we pushing the notion that bullying is normal and that the attacked just need to learn to "deal with it?"

Why is anyone encouraging cyberbullying at all?
How are we still disregarding that the people that are being mocked in public—some of whom even are having their names exposed—are real people with feelings, that will probably get hurt because they're our peers who can see the destructive things you write on your public space!

I'm sorry, but this isn't something to be proud of and to boast about to earn yourself the attention of fellow bullies. This isn't something that others should be admiring—what a shame when you can choose role models that don't take pride in harming others.

Is it not a telltale sign when people are constantly "leaving" because of negativity or creating attempts to battle or avoid it.. that we ought to try to spread less negativity? How about we grab the opportunity when seeing these attempts to instead improve ourselves?

Holdin' [a one-sided conversation with] Horses

SAAAADDDDDDDDDD.
I was really excited about getting this picture so that I could boast about the fact that I interviewed a horse! I was gonna make all the cringeworthy puns about how Willow refused to answer my questions but that's just the neeeeighture of interviewing a horse.

And then I saw the picture later.... without my sunglasses on....... o<-<
My sunglasses had obscured my vision to the point that when I was taking the picture, I couldn't tell that.. there was a weird effect on?? or the lens was dirty????? I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS ATROCITY. (Edit: It's a lens flare lol i don't use smartphones enough)

Now I'm sad but I'll still post it here because my blog is forgiving right ;^; euehuehuehue

A week ago, I was out on a ranch for two days for a video shoot for work! It was interesting and I had some fun, but holy fucking horse poop I was tired af and I swear my body is still sore from it. Woke up at 6 AM because it was an hour and 20 min drive away, was outside all day both days, stood for many long hours, worked out my arms for the first time in a while holding up a boom pole, also helped with carrying and setting things up, and didn't get home til 8 PM.. Long ass days......

Since I don't have a smartphone and apparently my GPS broke, my dad lent me his work iPhone and that's why I got to take so many pictures and selfies XDDDDD I had to take advantage of the opportunity! I was holding a selfie machine!!

The ranch was part of a public park with a petting zoo so I .. talked at some goats too.... They were too fast for me to pet tho.
(Okay but I wasn't completely lying about interviewing that horse because I really did spend a while trying to get some recordings of her neighing and general horse sounds ahah. She was a sweet horse though~ So I actually couldn't get much audio from her..)

We were filming a blacksmith making horseshoes :> Pretty fascinating how it comes together. I hope the video gets finished soon because it'd be nice to share! There are some EXTREEEEME slow motion shots (1000 frames a second apparently OMG?) with sparks flying that look like particles, and they're real pretty!

Afterwards, the blacksmith ...burned and nailed..... the horseshoes onto a horse and that was horrific to watch QAQ I can't believe my coworker made an overly punny macro out of this terribly unflattering picture lmao..

At the end, I got to ride briefly in a horse carriage (the excuse was that I needed audio from as close to the carriage as possible hehehe) and that was probably the most fun part haha.

I'm going to make a post about the fact that I need to make posts so that I don't forget like I always.. do.... :D;;;

I feel like maybe because speaking up or even talking to people at all is something I have to muster courage to do, something I was afraid to do because I often regretted the times I opened my mouth, and a capability I gained after years of improving my social skills and opening up.... I really hate to be ignored. :/ It's deflating after how much it took to become relatively comfortable with people and myself.