Late night rambling #12

Help, it's 3 AM and I wish I didn't have to sleep. I had the thought while brushing my teeth that I've been becoming more and more similar to the kinds of people that I used to not get along with.. In fact, I found them a little scary and/or annoying--probably out of envy tbh because I was an awkward dumb shit. :< It's not necessarily a bad thing I think, but it almost makes me feel like...I've betrayed myself or something LOL.....

I don't want to be an insincere person, but I wonder if trying too hard to be sincere makes me insincere? Is it insincere to sometimes wear a mask of positivity, when it stems from sincere intentions of wanting to be a more positive person? Kind of an interesting and incomplete thought that I should probably expand on WHEN I'M NOT LATE NIGHT SHIT RAMBLING like a drunk person. I swear tired Eva is more like a drunk than inebriated Eva. Inebriated Eva is coherent and doesn't type shit to her blog on her ipad while in bed. I watched a show where a character used the word shit like 12 times in 2 sentences so I feel better about how many times I've repeated it in this post. Holy cats I'm going to hate waking up tomorrow morning so much. Did you know it was apparently national puppy day? Have I ever mentioned dogs are my favorite animal. The more ya know.

Forget that this post exists when tomorrow comes please.

Goo

Probably not very long ago, I was afraid of talking to service workers—not sure if the fear applied specifically to them, or if it was because the only situations that forced me to talk to strangers involved them. I remember often being purposely silent so that Chiisana would take charge of putting our orders in to the waiter/waitress, because I just really couldn't talk to them. During the road trip of what I believe to be my second AX, I cried at an In-N-Out because they forgot my order and I was overwhelmed by stress in between.. being too scared to talk to the workers lol.... and feeling bad because my friends were all already finishing up their food. It was pretty fucking bad. So I'm pretty proud when I'm able to take some steps forward, like when I had volunteered for the film festival which forced me to talk to hundreds of strangers and I was anxious af but did great!

Now I think I generaaallyyy interact with strangers pretty effortlessly and well, which is awesome ;^;)9 (and also very necessary because now I meet new people on video shoots and business trips and even went to a freelancers meet-up... I just wish I had this skill when I was in school and then I would've maybe made friends better.)

One of my goals lately has been to take it a step further and try to say nice things to strangers—and especially to service workers because their jobs are tough and customers can be horrible (not that I can relate since I went straight to desk jobs but that's more reason for me to at least be an appreciative customer).
Too many times I regret not saying anything, when—I'm realizing now—I don't have much to lose? Sometimes a few kind words go a long way. Sometimes people feel better about what they're doing knowing that others are grateful for it. Sometimes validations might help a girl overcome some insecurities, so might as well compliment them.

I think I'm doing rather decently at this goal so far. But the best is when you feel like aaaaa you were able to make someone's day SERIOUSLY THIS MAKES EVERYTHING SO WORTH IT.

It's spring break for the college kids so I've been seeing Chiisana and friends a lot~ A few hours ago, she and I went to a milk tea/dessert place and it was packed even for a Wednesday night. I might be wrong since it was so crowded, but I only noticed one guy manning the storefront. As far as I could tell, he acted as waiter and busboy for all the tables.. He was super nice, smiling in between the franticness and telling us several times, "Thank you for being so patient!" And he seemed like a genuinely hard worker that actually cared about customers! Even though he was running around everywhere taking orders and cleaning up tables—and obviously kind of stressed out?—he still made sure to check up on how customers were doing. I feel like I'm really spoiled because I can't imagine doing that kind of job and how overwhelmed I would be.....

Anyway, we left him a big tip, which I handed to him with a bright smile and, "This is for you! Thank you so much for working so hard!" AND HE BROKE OUT INTO THIS SHOCKED TURNED RELIEVED SMILE and it felt like his tensed up body momentarily melted into goo. ;U; Seriously such an awesome moment!!! Until we left, he thanked us a handful of times with a great big smile.

I don't know if this is selfish to think? LOL I hope we made his night better.. I think we did at least a little! And I'm so happy with myself that I'm able to do this now. QUQ)9
Everything about this just makes me rly happy HAHAHAHA I'm so proud!!

But now this combination of being gleeful and having had milk tea at night makes me not want to go to bed even though it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning lol I'm gonna hate everything tomorrow man daytime is miserable

Hello

This is a no-point update post I just felt like writing at 1:27 AM. :D This is my life yay.

So somehow I got sick (LOOK, I HAD NO IDEA MY PARENTS WERE SICK because I've been so busy and then I guess I caught it from them?!) so I've been coughing like a bitch all week. That aside, it's still been a challenging, tiring week omg. @_@

On Monday, I had my accounting job and it was month end which means extra crap ton of work that needs to be finished to close the period. What woke me up early that morning was the unexpected BURNING RAGING HELL happening in my throat?! It was painful to swallow to the point that I almost wished to be put out of my misery??! Lucky me it was early enough that I could take death medicine and sleep a couple more hours, because I had to go to work lol..

On Tuesday, I had to go up to San Francisco—which is an hour away without traffic, only there's ALWAYS horrible traffic omg—because accounting job sorta-last-minute asked me to attend a tradeshow and shoot some videos and pictures lol... I guess..if they think I'm qualified for that.... It was less painful than expected, but I was walking and standing for hours and with a cold so I was dead :D..... And I carpooled with a coworker so got home pretty late...

Aaaaaand had to get to work by 8:30 AM the next day because video production job was suddenly strapped to a ticking bomb called ULTRA LAST MINUTE VIDEO SHOOT and could only gather a crew the evening before. Yay. Mornings. And assholes. My favorite things. So I did the audio recording on that shoot, and afterwards did the finishing touches on the demo reel that they asked me to put together to be shown that night. And then ANOTHER TRIP BACK UP TO SF IN HORRIBLE TRAFFIC LOLOL I usually never going to SF wow. Video production company was hosting their 3rd Bay Area media freelancers meet-up for folks to mingle and network—the first one I was attending—so another assistant (her first day on the job! they believe in trial by fire) and I went early to set up. They decided to get Chinese food and I had this somewhat traumatizing experience going by myself to find a restaurant and order the food and struggling to communicate in my broken Chinese and I'm traumatized.. >A> In any case, everyone seemed to really like the demo reel I edited so yay ///u///!! I'm so proud. I was so embarrassed amgah!! We had to clean up afterwards and drive all the way back down so I didn't get home til midnight. :( Long ass day was long. Now I'm coughing and sneezing like a bitch yay.

On Thursday, I had the hardest freakin time getting out of bed omg... To make everything worse, the day started out with my first performance review at video production job, and I can think of a billion things they could criticize me with. ;;; But they didn't and it went well! Like, SUPER well!!! Wtf. Then we had to go back to redo some shots from the previous day's shoot because assholes are assholes who don't care about others or their schedules or lives and think that they can just say, "btw we're gonna redo some things tomorrow" and think everyone will willingly accommodate and happily put all their own things aside..... Asshole.

THIS IS THE BEST PART.
I went home after that shoot, took cold medicine, and got in bed at 5 PM......

and woke up at 1 AM..... wondered if I should get up and/or eat dinner or, iunno, shower.....
instead knocked out again.....

then woke up at 6 AM..... got up and ate "dinner," took more medicine, went back to sleep...
and then got up and went to work. XD
I SLEPT FOR ALMOST 16 HOURS !!!!

Work today at accounting job was fine other than "btw HQ is already asking if there's a video done from the tradeshow" (which is... my job I guess even though nobody really really asked me to edit such a video but welp and also holy shit hold your horses c'mon the tradeshow ended yesterday pls).
No, I don't feel like I just slept for 16 hours, and yes, I'm still coughing like a bitch.

Such was my week. :D I don't feel like sleeping tho. It's probably because I slept for forever yesterday hehehehhee.