Ditto 💕

The other day I wrapped on something towards which I'd been spending a lot of my spare time, declared "I'M FREEEEEE!" and immediately recorded a yolo short cover hahahaha.

First time singing something for fun since Everything Goes On all the way back in July!

Practically half a lifetime ago; it'd been so long already. 😭

I've been obsessed with NewJeans' entire discography, and their latest tune on loop has been the comfy, sentimental, soothing, winter band arrangement of their latest song Ditto performed on It's Live.

This is something I've said frequently but I'll repeat it each time til my mouth runs dry: some of the moments I cherish most are those of feeling inspired, sparkling desire to sing something spontaneously, and then being privileged enough to have the time and health to do it. ;u; Even better if I actually finish something to share. Between inspiration, time, health, or a combination—from July until now I would cycle through lacking these things... Finally was able to experience that fulfillment again!

felt like singing a bit of "Ditto" by NewJeans (arrangement they performed on It's Live) 💗 pic.twitter.com/2b0bTHADnK

— Eva ❖ CODEX // Gemini (@waterpixieva) December 25, 2022

(also unlisted on youtube in case twitter breaks)

I do adore that next part of the song and hoped to include it but unfortunately my voice isn't up for it yet... Although I haven't been up to much proper singing in the past few months I've been doing vocal function exercises to try to rebuild/relearn the functionality of my vocal cords and breathing and the entire sound system. It definitely, physically feels like things have changed. Supporting my voice doesn't work the way it used to. My voice very easily breaks, becomes fatigued quickly, and the existence of my head voice keeps fluctuating... I'm considering seeking a voice therapist/coach to hopefully guide my recovery, but for now luckily most of the song was in a lower range I happened to be in condition for.

😭😭😭😭😭 People have been insanely sweet.............

Genuinely did not expect this short cover to receive this much love and resonate with so many people especially within my particular demographic reach (leaning more towards anime than k-pop) and considering it's a lazy bedroom facecam rather than compelling, pretty, illustrated aesthetics. Not to mention the lousy instrumental. I'm thankful that so many gave my singing a chance!

All of the interactions have been shocking...heartwarming...and tenderly raised my self confidence. Makes me happier with this cover than I'd been initially; it has set me all aglow. I'm so honored. 💗 Personally I do have a few reasons to be proud but none of them I think are necessarily reasons that others would appreciate this piece haha.

While recording I actually came close to giving up because I felt I didn't suit the song; only kept going on account that I already learned it and should record something even if not for sharing. Unlike the horrid lie insinuated by the video appearing like a oneshot, in truth it took a whole 92 recordings to piece together this tiny cover..... Took plenty of takes before figuring out the timbre and energy I ended up being satisfied with but I'm glad I got there—aimed for soft, hopeful, light without being too thin, slightly breathy, and relaxed! Personally I dislike the phrasing in much of my singing so I paid careful attention to that here, especially holding out notes to not sound rushed, and mostly am happy with those results. Also could possibly be my best pronunciation of Korean, as well as depiction of each line's meaning, yet?

Feels like I was able to thwart many of my bad habits in this little project. Progress. ✊

One final note: I'm pretty pleased with how the Medium Effort mixing of the vocals turned out. As long as you close your ears to the noise of this necromantic instrumental lolol. Pitch correction plays a huge part of a polished sound and I accidentally came up with this three-layer method that seemed to work: 1) applied natural-sounding autotune, 2) then did rough manual tuning fixes, 3) applied autotune again but extremely subtle. Each step just kind of cleans it up a little more without being too strong or sounding unnatural. Fairly polished without too much effort; I'll try it again on a future mix!

Bernard Park - "소년의 노래 (Neverland)" Lyrics + Translation

SPOILERS FOR ARTISTOCK GAME IF YOU'RE WATCHING THIS SHOW.

            ❝You're still young. It's not late at all for you to be starting your career.
So, don't pity yourself. Focus on making great songs.
You've worked hard.

❞            

I loved this scene so much. It nearly moved me to tears and punched me in the gut extra hard since Bernard Park is the same age as me; and I'm really glad he was told the exact words that he needed to hear. Thankful that he shared such a vulnerable story with all of us.

This comes after Bernard Park's delicate, emotional, beautiful performance of his new song "소년의 노래" which translates to "A Boy's Song." The official English name of the song seems to be "Neverland."

It's about his lifelong dreams of singing and making music, the innocence he had back then, how hard the journey's been, how jaded it's made him throughout the years, the hopelessness that comes with age. Or at least I think... It breaks my heart that I can't find any form of translation of the song, much less even the Korean lyrics aside from what's embedded in the performance video. 😭

The first few lines of the song are so potent that I wanted to try translating them—and found out how much fun it is deciphering and depicting something so bitterly poetic... Also surprised myself by knowing more Korean than expected! So although I'm not fluent, I'm challenging myself to attempt translating an entire song for the very first time!! As well as transcribing the hangul based on the video as typing practice.

No guarantees but I hope this'll serve as something until someone does the proper translation that this masterpiece deserves. Truly an underappreciated song.

By the way I just finished watching Artistock Game because Mnet's music survival shows have a chokehold on me, and I would certainly recommend it if you enjoy those shows! Rather than focusing on idols, the contestants are singers in various genres and industries, songwriters, musicians—and it's all about their creation of a performance. Whether it's instrumental arrangement, melody and harmony arrangement, choreography, conceptualization, lyric writing, storytelling, teamwork, forming close friendships through collaboration... Youtaite can relate lmao. I loved that this show gave a platform to a lot of talented musicmakers whom I would probably never have heard of otherwise and hopefully will kickstart many of their careers. Artistock Game is just wholesome through and through—full of talent, passionate creatives, good eggs, good music, and glorious performances!

버나드 박 - 소년의 노래
Bernard Park - A Boy's Song (Neverland)

An Update!

I know that there are kind people that check up on me here and ones that read my previous post but respected my wish to not discuss it. ;u; If by chance I concerned anyone by not updating for a while, I wanted to say please forgive me and thank you. ❤️

Doing much better now physically and mentally and emotionally! I'm feeling healthier in every way.

At one point there was a little bit of a scare on account of my heart health—not too surprising since my heart has a history of acting up during periods of stress and not enough exercise... though my dramatic little ass did tell people I loved them before I went to bed that night, just in case lmfaaooooo. And as I said I'd do in my last post, I went to the doctor and found out I have somewhat high cholesterol.

So I've been eating much healthier. Sleeping and waking up earlier. My ankle is finally 100% healed!!!! Now I'm working out every day, learning a dance, jogging, being more active in general even in small ways. My energy levels are improved. Mood improved. Not feeling as weighed down by obligations as before. I feel empowered to take my time and to freely chase tiny happinesses and to make responsible decisions for my own wellbeing's sake and also hopefully give back more to the people that've taken care of me. ;v; Fighting fighting.

Please take care of yourself now. The holidays can be a rough time for many people, but I hope we can cherish our own existences and the time we have with which to spend finding meaningful things, big or small. Also I'm sending y'all love regardless of whether I'm at risk of cardiac arrest or not.

PS;; Guess who's been eating a lot of sushi lately because it's like the only remaining tasty thing that doesn't cause reflux or bad cholesterol kek