Renewal

"Now I'm feeling super hyped because I intend to have a productive winter break! I'll be increasing my work hours, but I'll try to find the time nevertheless. There's a lot I want to do! And I'm going to try chasing after some opportunities! I'm gonna have some fun while at it. I'll do my best. I want to become a more impressive version of myself. I can do it. :)"

Uh, who hacked my account because I don't recognize this person LOL.....

Y'know, at the end of the day, I'm pretty glad that I blog, and get to chronicle my ups and downs and beliefs and griefs. ^^;; What stronger motivational voice than your own?
Last night I ended up staying up late rereading my blog posts.. through my new years resolution review.. til the semester of Fall 2014. It's interesting when you feel like you're reading the words of a completely different person.
Man, one year ago, I was on top of the world. I wasn't as learned as now, nor was I even as able to socialize as much as now, but because I felt confident in myself and my potential, I was happy. D: Because I was trying new things and surprisingly liked it, I wanted to try more new things.
What happened in my last semester of college that stomped on my confidence and courage..? ;;; How did I gradually become more and more unmotivated, and started finding less and less meaning in everything... :c sigh
I kind of want to find that person again. That kind of thought itself is a good sign!!

;u; Today I already feel like I'm bouncing back a bit, from the moment I woke up and my first thought wasn't, "Fuck I hate everything why do I have to get out of bed when there's no point."

And a few days ago! I started practicing keyboard again despite not having touched it in probably 6 years. ;A; I'm shocked~
Then yesterday! I cleaned up and finally put away all the shit I failed to unpack from .. AX in July.. and my Alaska cruise trip in May.....

Now today! I spent all evening working on this year's AX vlog which I haven't touched since a few days after AX. :'D Slowly kind of picking stuff up again. Little steps, but I think it's okay to be proud of them.

Power / Coco

A part of me had dreaded writing this post for certain reasons, despite the vehemently small voice that urges me through every crack in my subconscience haha.

Finally got the push today as I received this email. ;u;
Two days a week, I work at a video production start-up that does media for mostly corporate companies. In July, we headed over to Google HQ for a video shoot for a lovely organization that helps girls learn about science, math, and tech. Although I didn't do anything related to producing or camerawork, I did work the live audio recording, and then I assisted with the video edit, and did all the audio mixing and color correction. My first time having such a big hand in a project for the company ;u;! You can watch the video here if you're curious.

  

Hearing these kinds of things makes me really happy! I'm glad to be helpful.

I had a moment of realization last month that I can actually affect others' lives and move them by making videos. It's a fascinating thing—the power of a camera, an editing program, and a mouse—turned into the form of media that speaks most volumes.


During the shoot, one of the girls we interviewed really stood out to me. She was the youngest—a bright-eyed one, 12 years old, but spoke with more thought and articulation than me tenfold. A mature, but optimistic, obviously passionate young girl! I remember when we finished her interview, I thought to myself, "Man, so kids these days can be smart. Did I just meet a child prodigy? This girl's gonna do big things one day," and wished her good luck with her pursuits while I helped her take off the microphone.

Flash forward to last month, when I stupidly.. agh, so stupidly decided to check my work email on my iPad while I was in bed, before falling asleep.
And I found out she passed away in a car accident...... ;;;;;;;;;;;;; Needless to say, it was hard to fall asleep that night... And now I will never check my email before bed again.

When I went into work, they put me on the assignment of making a video for her family. Or well they asked me to put together all of the footage we had of her (since we really only used a nibble of it for the video) but I was more than willing to edit together a nice memorial video for her.. ;; I think she deserved at least that much. She was so charming, so smart, so passionate, so spirited. I don't know how she made such a lasting impression on me when I only met her once, but I had such big hopes for her already. Actually, I stayed really late that day to make a nice video to send her off with. A lot of deliberate editing. All of her smiling and laughing shots because they need to know how happy and bright she was. Video ended with a slow motion shot of her smiling warmly and nodding, because I think her loved ones would want to hear her say, "It's okay."

I don't know how her family reacted to the video, but the words of my coworkers and our friends from the organization (through whom we passed the video) really touched me—because of how I was able to touch them. ;; It was sad, but also felt a little.. miraculous? That I can do something that might help or comfort other people? Make something that invokes emotions?

Art is really such a powerful thing. ^^ I guess that's how I might find motivation to work on gifts for friends when I'm otherwise mostly unmotivated.

Honestly, I've had the thought before that my film classmates might look down on me because most of what I've been doing professionally so far have involved "simple" interviews, and I'm not pursuing fancy Hollywood-bound things and complex cinematography like most of them are. But today I feel like I'm not losing in any way. Interviews are personal; through them, people can share their stories and passions, and connect and strike a chord with the viewer. Right?

After that email today, I wounded up on the organization's website and came across their News page which talked about how the recent mentees went up to Google in SF (not HQ; it was a prior occasion) and one girl even wrote an essay on her exciting experience. I clicked on it out of curiosity. Fuck. It was Coco.... Just like what she said in her interview, she wrote that she dreams of working at Google someday. Emotions stirred again.
I hardly knew you but I miss you. ;n; Rest in peace, Coco.

A New Journey

【小さな•Kazou•Eva】Phoenix Ash - A New Journey「HBD Fome!」

Vocals:
　- Chiisana (Blossana)
　　http://www.youtube.com/ChiisanaChanx3
　- Kazou (Butterkaz)
　　http://www.youtube.com/soundmutation
　- Eva (Bubbleva)
　　http://www.youtube.com/waterpixieva

Script: Kazou
Mix: Eva
Harmony Guide: Chiisana
Video: Eva


YAAYYY!! A COMPLETED PROJECT! Chiisana, Kazou, and I surprised Fome for his birthday by doing a cover of one of Fome's band's songs. ^^ Actually it's the first song he wrote for Phoenix Ash. It's also appropriate given that he's got exciting changes ahead, but that will probably be announced in due time. Congratulations and happy birthday to Fome!!!

Hope you enjoy what we made ;v; All three of us struggled singing this song since it's nothing like what we're used to doing LOL.... Admittedly I rushed the mix so sorry about that part.. and also for my still developing sense of aesthetic.. but I did really work very hard on this video!! orz I'm no videographer, but I have been wanting to make an MV ever since my Tonight video, so I'm glad I got to do that for this heh. Took a lot of work but it was fun.

Also look out for the Easter eggs in the video hehe. A lot of the footage was shot on the day that Fome took pictures of Kazou modeling for the band's new t-shirts. So beyond the blatant shots of them and their feet, if you look carefully, you might see Fome and Kazou in the corner walking ahead of me.. Just look for the brown messenger bag :'D

(based on our representative colors)
[12:50:40 PM] Kazou-kun: we look like the powerpuff girls
[12:51:28 PM] Eva: THE FOAMYPUFF GIRLS
[12:52:34 PM] Kazou-kun: Blossana, Bubbleva, and Butterkaz
[12:52:42 PM] Eva: YOOOOOOOOOO
[12:52:45 PM] Eva: it's official

[12:58:21 PM] Eva: adsfjlkdslfkjdslkfjdsfksad
[12:58:25 PM] Eva: AND FOME IS PROFESSOR
[1:00:24 PM] Eva: this is perfect
[1:00:30 PM] Eva: old man mad scientist fome
[1:00:40 PM] Eva: creates friends in his laboratory
[1:00:42 PM] Eva: to sing him songs
[1:00:55 PM] Eva: that's the plotline

[1:41:45 PM] Kazou-kun: Can I invite Siri
[1:41:57 PM] Eva: Bunny is not allowed to play
[1:42:01 PM] Kazou-kun: PLEASE
[1:42:06 PM] Eva: we killed Bunny remember

Heart Pangs

Hurhur, tried out heart bangs~ Such a silly but cute trend #하트앞머리

A photo posted by Eva (@waterpixieva) on Sep 25, 2015 at 1:10pm PDT

It's been mostly better lately but busy ;u; Today was the first time in a while having the entire day to myself so I didn't get up til 5 PM eheeehh~ So nice catching my breath, just relaxing in bed all evening watching Red Velvet and Lovelyz on variety shows.. I think I do get extra stressed out because I've been missing this 'me' time lately to be spent with no worries or responsibilities. But also some things are just objectively stressful and dreadful tbh.

I almost had a chance to feel sad about summer officially ending (and friends leaving again..), but then I got food poisoning again earlier this week so that was  o<-<

Why  o<-<

And then digestive issues for the rest of the week  o<-<

babybird

Yooo it's been busy.

I did have a fun weekend though! I surprisingly had energy on Friday and Saturday before I went back to being my lethargic self xDD But not as bad as before~

On Saturday, I saw the Love Live! movie at its premiere in San Francisco, which was fun. It was a good movie, full of laughs and feels. o^o They gave a free picture board and SR card (for the game) to each person; so nice~ Afterwards, friends and I had afternoon tea and took purikura!

Also more selfie because for whatever reason my appearance was kind of okay on Saturday. Normally I look 2000% messier and more zombielike, I promise LOL. My skin and hair suddenly decided to cooperate after being ugly for so long!!! And I even liked the make-up I bothered to put on eheee. That was a nice day :'D

Also Kotori hair because it was Kotori's birthday. (Ugh I love all of the LL members so much more now after seeing season 2 and the movie. Proceeds to devote more of my life to this quicksand of a franchise.)

Dangerzone

Complex

[I started writing this post about 2 weeks ago—actually scribbled on my iPad in the back seat of a car during an emotional moment—and I just kind of left it.. Clearing out my drafts I guess to get it off my chest. But it's kind of hard once the moment has already passed ^^;;]