A Non-Thanksgiving-Related Thanksgiving Post

Hehe this might be a messy/incoherent post because I just got home from work like 3 minutes ago and have to eat dinner and then leave again to meet with some project groupmates at school at 8 PM. Gahh so busy, la.

I realized/decided when driving home from work today that I'm really happy with where I am.
Perhaps I wasn't even two days ago. But today--at this very moment--I'm happy being in this place and being all the things I am, and am grateful for all the things I have.
Yeah, I was miserable. Yeah, I spent days crying sporadically and then nonstop through the nights, and I didn't know how to pick myself up again. Yeah, I kind of miss and sometimes still yearn for the past. But somehow I'm still here and somehow I've started moving forward a little and somehow I'm at peace with myself and like the things around me.

Mostly I started thinking about this when I realized how much I love where I am with my friends right now, other than the fact that my best friend is now 7 hours away instead of 10 minutes. But I appreciate that our friendship hasn't changed and that she's still my best friend who I can always confide in and love (and call at 2 AM when I just really need someone there). I was kind of sad that the realm of friendships and experiences I had during summer are now pretty much gone, though I'm still trying to keep in contact  and would more than love to hang out again anytime. But I'm realizing that another door did open, and I'm loving the realm of friendships I have now too. I like having friends to casually and frequently hang out with, like Myst and Yano. And then I like our bigger Norcal parties with Karu, Kura, Fome, Dibur, Kazou, and Diji. I like that even though we're getting comfortable with each other, there's still much we don't know about each other and it's still new and exciting and enjoyable. We're still getting to experience new things and there's hardly a boring moment even if we're not doing much. It's nice. For once, I actually really like people, and I look forward to company, going out of the house, and trying to socialize more.

I like that there are a lot of people that really care about me. I hope I never forget how many people were concerned about me when I needed support, and how they reached out to me. I hope I never forget the feeling of strength and happiness I got from the support of my friends at that time, for they were the ones pulling me forward when I felt like everything stopped.

I like that I got a chance to really rethink myself, and my perception of and confidence in myself. I like that I've become an Eva who still sometimes is emotional or sad, but is much less susceptible to depression, self-hate, and spending hours in bed crying. I like that I'm starting to have more belief in and satisfaction with myself, my personality, my appearance, my abilities.

I like that I can still be somewhat logical and forgiving despite everything. I like that some people come to me for support, and I like that I've become much more patient and optimistic. I like that I've become less fearful of presenting myself.

I like that I'm still doing well in school--even though there were some times I was feeling too down or lifeless to attend class--and am sure I will be receiving well-earned straight A's this semester. I like that I have a good part-time job, even if it sometimes is stressful or really tiring. I like that I feel helpful and increasingly capable, and that I've earned myself a raise.

I like that my parents were unexpectedly supportive. I like that my mom showed to me for the first time a side that really moved me, when she told me I was beautiful and deserve better things and to be happy. I like that I have my parents. I like that I'm at an age where it's still perfectly acceptable for me to live with my parents, even though I also have the freedom to drive off to wherever I desire. I like my car (even if it costs me so much each month) and the house that I live in. I like that I can come home from work or class to a warm home-cooked meal.

I like that I still am able to record covers. Unfortunately, singing doesn't mean what it used to mean to me. While it's still something that really relieves my mind of worries and makes me happy, singing and recording now means throat pains and having to record late at night because I have no time otherwise. It's no longer a great passion and stress-free hobby. But even if it physically hurts and means less sleep, singing and mixing covers like this makes me feel accomplished and proud of what I'm able to produce. I like that I've improved at both singing and rapping a lot. I've still long, long, long ways to go, but I don't hate where I am.

Today I'm really grateful for all these things. And if tomorrow I forget how grateful I should be, READ THIS FUCKING POST EVA. READ IT. THIS IS WHY I WROTE IT.

~Life~

So I learned that
I cannot handle all of these things simultaneously in my life LOL

1. School
2. Work
3. Social Life (I KNOW RIGHT. I ACTUALLY KIND OF HAVE ONE NOW!! Well it's mostly hanging out with Myst, Yano, and other cool Norcal people a lot.)
4. Mixing Collabs
5. Recording Solos
6. Watching Dramas
7. Sleeping earlier than 3 AM


I was wondering how I've been able to get so into Korean dramas and be obsessively on top of the episodes weekly for 5 shows.. and even hang out with friends, have a bf until recently, work 20 hours a week, and still have straight A's. It made no sense for me to have so much free time?? And then I realized that ever since the school semester started, I basically cut recording and mixing out of my schedule LOL.

And now that I'm dedicating a lot of time on mixing a collab (as in mixing as soon as I wake up/staying up til 4 AM) and am also working on some solo covers, I FELL SO BEHIND ON DRAMAS. I HAVEN'T WATCHED ANY OF THIS WEEK'S AND NEXT WEEK'S ARE ABOUT TO COME OH GOD. I don't want to fall behind because then I start avoiding catching up and then I'll never finish the drama; I'm stubborn like that. I'm so lucky that school's in that chill phase before finals hit, so I hardly have anything due right now. And I still want to hang out with people. ;^;)/

Goodbye Summer

The date is November 22nd.
We are a week and two days from the start of December.
Winter officially started yesterday.
My school semester ends in 2 and a half weeks.

It's really strange that every time the song "Goodbye Summer" by f(x) (featuring EXO's D.O) comes on in my car, there's still a pang of bitter melancholy at the bottom of my chest, and there's still a reluctance--or rather, refusal--to accept the end of summer. Because winter has already started and I'm still not ready to say goodbye to summer.
Wasn't it just yesterday when f(x)'s album came out and I thought the song was nice even though it brought a painful reminder that summer was about ending? So quickly we're here already; even the seasons have moved on without me, and I'm not even giving chase.

I think to me, those 4 months were my summer. That WAS my summer, and it was what made my summer special, exciting, and beautiful. And I'm still not ready to let summer go. But I will. Once I'm ready, I'll learn to embrace the other seasons too.

Honey

Honey, you need to stop thinking that you've nowhere to go from here.

Foam

A few days ago, I was hanging out with Myst and Dibur and Fome's bands at Fome's band's studio. Or more like Myst and I were being groupies as they performed a pretty legit concert for us and jammed away all night. (Freakin' talented people.) And I had a moment.

One of Dibur's bandmates goes by the nickname Crazy Reiji.
At one point, someone extended that over to Fome, calling him Crazy Fome.

To which I said, "It's the new Silly Putty."

And that is pretty much the highlight of my life and the peak of my intelligent existence.
In that moment, I was a genius.

and a 4-month chapter in my life comes to a close. thank you and goodbye.

The Adventure of Libby

After her transformation, Libby went on to tie for 1st place in the company pumpkin carving/decoration contest!

But unfortunately, all good things come to an end.

I'm sure many pixies unbeknownst to our sight and senses were able to enjoy the warm welcome of Libby's hospitality and the company of her turtle friend Shelly. ;u;

Libby was able to spend a wonderful and joyful couple of days on display with her pumpkin siblings, all of whom she was very proud of. She was loved and admired by many, gaining a surprising abundance of remarks at the girl that the design was creative and cute.

Libby's one regret in her short but worthwhile lifetime was that she couldn't be lit up with a candle like the rest of her siblings. But she couldn't do that to the pixies anyway.

And now that mold was starting to become a problem, it was time for Libby to resign.
Today, we've let Libby go.

You were the best pumpkin friend an overly sentimental girl could ever ask for. RIP Libby (? - 11/1/2013)

Reverse Trick-or-Treat!

Hehe here's an excerpt from my post from last Halloween:

There were so many kids in costumes trying to trick-or-treat at the mall! And it was SO SAD because the majority of the stores had signs that wrote, "SORRY NO CANDY. Happy Halloween!" and it's just like duuuuuuuuuude wtf that's like saying, "Hey sorry for breaking your heart. Have a great day!"

Next Halloween, I'm thinking.. if I'm not too busy.. I might go to a mall, walk around with a bucket of candy, and donate to all the poor kids that're missing out on the experience of gathering Halloween candy, that aren't getting any hospitality from the corporate minds that won't share a bit of what might bring some joy. 8D I think that would be really fun! I'd feel like Santa Claus!!!

 

I'm very proud to say that I've been able to make this into a reality!

Ho ho ho ;v; !
MERRY CHRISTMAS.



Ol' Santa here was able to gather [her] good friends, Vanellope and the Mad Hatter, to bring children the gift of joy and potential cavities. ; 7 ;

Myst, Dibur, Ebah

Though for the most part, we were basically just travelling stranger danger. There were times when kids would see us giving candy to other kids so they'd come over and crowd around us (once, they even formed a short line! LOL) buuuuut for the most part, it was us approaching REALLY confused kids who were just like, "what.. the fuhhh?!" and we just. HERE HAVE SOME CANDY TAKE SOME CANDY IT'S OKAY HERE HAPPY HALLOWEEN MERRY CHRISTMAS.

We ran into some really cute people though. ;u; (alksdfalksfjdk all the kids were cute though because kids aaahhhh)

There was one family where only male parental figures were present, and one of the fathers didn't just encourage his daughter to take some of our candies, but also gave us some candy back!! This unexpected trade really warmed our hearts. ;u;

And then there was the woman that I guess was like us! ^^ I didn't know there was anyone else there doing what we were doing, but so glad to know that we weren't alone. She came up to us with a bag of candy and was like, "OH, TEENAGERS GOING TRICK OR TREATING? HERE HAVE SOME CANDY" and we're just like QAAAAAQ..... -touched- -but none of us are teenagers anymore- -internal sobbing-

And who can forget the mother that asked the three of us to take a picture with her adorable son? :>

But of course, my friends are adorable too.