Posting a little late because I've been busy but I'm here with my yearly birthday post!! I turned 28 on May 2nd ^^ It certainly feels strange to have hit this age where you can now say I'm nearing 30 years old, but I think I've been mentally preparing myself for it and also able to embrace that............it doesn't mean anything. LOL
I've been "an adult" for long enough now that I'm okay with the responsibilities that come with that status—but also now I know that there are a lot of "requirements" that I don't need to check off in order to feel worthy of my stage in life. I'm always growing but I'm still perfectly incompetent at a lot of life skills and still have little interest in things larger than me! In the end it doesn't signify much. We're just all here on this planet to do what we can, and I just want to take care of myself and others.
Something that was significant to me about being 27 over the past year was that it was when I finally felt somewhat comfortable/more confident with presenting myself in varying styles, the biggest challenge being cute ones—and I'm really proud about this! It was liberating to be able to tell myself, "No you're not too old or too awkward to wear twintails; that's a dumb prejudice you've been having all this time. As long as you like wearing them then you're allowed to wear them until whatever age you want without judgment! It's okay to want to dress in a cute style! It's okay for people to perceive you as different things at different times!" ⭐️
This is something I've been wanting to break through since I was a teenager—when I already liked cute and feminine things but didn't feel that it was right for me to be that, because I was so tall and awkward and such a wallflower. And my parents would even often relate femininity with weakness; they'd tell me that I should dress more boyishly or plainly, act 'tough,' but don't stand out, so that nobody would want to target me when walking home from school by myself.. Sure, it's kind of a legitimate safety concern (freaking sad) but.... man it took more than a decade til I started being able to unlearn it.
Oh and one other thing that was special about 27!! Last summer I read Persuasion (1817) by my favorite author Jane Austen and the protagonist Anne is also 27 years old!! It was sooo refreshing to have a female young adult character on the older end—past the age that is typically romanticized for youth but before the mature beauty of the 30's. I loved how Anne is incredibly sweet and competent and takes wonderful care of others—it's why people can trust her but also end up taking advantage of her—and the story is about how she sheds her wallflower-ness to bloom again at the age of 27. And a second chance between her and her almost-fiancé-turned-stranger from years before! It's really a lovely story.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to finding out what will be special about 28. :3
I'M REALLY REALLY PROUD I ACTUALLY TOOK MY YEARLY "Birthday Girl" SHIRT PHOTO EARLY THIS TIME...??? Compared to past years when I didn't get it done til July.... November... A few days ago I did my hair, makeup, and nails to shoot a lipsync video for a collab so I took the chance to do this too!
It was my first time ever doing this little curl thing on my hair like this and I'm a fan of it. ✨ With a lot more practice, this may end up becoming my signature this year hahaha. I also ordered some midi/maxi skirts that are on the way, since I've been wanting to try wearing long skirts more; my fingers are crossed for them to be pretty and comfy!
Aa,,, this is the 14th year in a row that I've taken this mirror photo and... this is also the first time I felt brave enough to compile all of them into a collage. 💀 Or well, I had enough courage to do it and I'm happy that I've grown but still dying of embarrassment LOLOLOL byeeee--
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It's not too late when you're twenty eight. It's definitely difficult for us to be honest about our wants and desires. There's so much pressure from those around us to match what they expect, but ultimately, you're the one that has to live with yourself. I hope you get to wear twintails more often and enjoy all the girlier things you want to this year. In some ways, it's easier to learn to be tough and relax now rather than having to deal with toughening up over the years. It's just sadder to think of a soft person who has to come to grips with the shit world out there compared to a badass learning that it's not so bad after all.
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, it took me a really long time to learn what you said about people perceiving you as different things at different times. I felt like I wasn't being authentic if I didn't put on the same face each time. Now I know that in some ways, it's less about me and more about each group and each situation.
I love the collage! You're adorable every year, even if you want to melt from the embarrassment.
I was so sure this was only gonna be posted in June or something, but here we are :D
"Ultimately, you're the one that has to live with yourself." aaaa that's so good!
DeleteI know what you mean about not feeling authentic; I think that's something I'm kind of dealing with now too since "fake it til you make it" is absolutely a great way to bring about change but means a period of feeling fake and unconfident in how others perceive you. And like you said, the pressure of what sort of personality(?) others expect from us and learning how to let it be more honest and situational, and know that it's still you.
Heee thanks for your kindness and thought-provoking words—they're really interesting to read and reply to! ❤️
Mannn, the "fake it til you make it" strategy is 100% what I did in high school. I remember starting there with no one knowing who I was, so I could be anyone I wanted. I used to be labeled as pessimistic, so I started to fake a laugh in order to force myself to smile. Now I have a habit of laughing and shrugging things off, for better or worse.
DeleteThank you for always responding to my comments! <3 I appreciate the time you take just to answer my silly thoughts.
I appreciate your time too!!! They're not silly at all—I'm fascinated with these sorts of topics of personal development and think it's unfortunate that they're not talked about more. T__T It helps a lot with understanding yourself and understanding others, and I think people would be more sympathetic in general if these conversations were more openly had. So yeah, thanks for meeting me on this level; I really like it! :D
DeleteTotally understand what you mean there since I also developed defense mechanisms for better or for worse LOL but I'm inclined to think that people tend to be more comfortable around those that smile so I wanna say good job. :>