I'm usually that person in class that's left without--I guess--a social niche.
I've established several times on this blog that I hate school. It's really not just the amount of schoolwork bogging me down when so much of my time is already consumed by work and online responsibilities, and the fact that I'm still unsure as fuck about the future and have a shaky mentality towards career paths. Honestly, I never feel as though I belong and I'm unable to make friends. In short: I feel like a loser and as though I'm socially inept.
Every time I go to school, I'm walking in there with trembling fear, paranoia, and self consciousness that I'm going to be hated--because there actually have been some signs that point to the potential of this. :/ Including being ignored when I speak and just a general rude attitude/lack of common courtesy towards me, spiked with short replies and a blank glare.
In any case, this rant is about my Argumentation and Advocacy class, which is basically public speech and debate. I'm going to be harshly truthful because I doubt anybody in that class takes enough interest in me to actively search me out and discover this blog.
In this particular class, I'm currently stuck in a pit. Not to try to feign superiority or be arrogant (lol who am I kidding; I'm pretty arrogant especially in this passage).. but I really dislike the people I currently have to work with for group activities, because IN REGARDS TO PARTICIPATING IN THIS CLASS, they are--in some sense or another--useless. .__. I'm not one to take initiative, and especially with strangers, I'm timid and pathetic. But FUCK, when a group of people are so silent, so incompetent, so unparticipative, so careless, so uncooperative, so uncommunicative, and fail so hard to contribute that /I/ have to step up and be the leader that is the ONLY person putting in an effort, the only person speaking for everyone, and the only one that cares? LIKE SERIOUSLY, SPEAK THE FUCK UP AND AT LEAST TRY TO HELP A LITTLE. YOUR ANNOYING ASS IS HEAVY AND I CANNOT AND DO NOT WANT TO CARRY YOUR GODDAMN WEIGHT BY MY RAGING, UNFORGIVING LONESOME.
And yet I can't stop having to associate with them. Because they're like me: people who don't have friends, who aren't wanted by the rest of the class, who are left partnerless when asked to find a partner, who simply don't belong. And so, we were clumped together not by our own choice.
Let me tell you this--I was really happy last Friday after a long spell of misery. I was bursting with joy to the point of being obnoxiously happy. This was due in part because it was finally Friday, I'd just finished a week of 3 midterms and a speech, and it meant I could finally rest + catch up on sleep.
But one tiny, minuscule, insignificant incident caused me to beam even brighter.
As my Argumentation and Advocacy class ended, I was stepping out of the classroom and about to make my way by myself to my car and go home, when I was suddenly stopped by a female classmate. "Do you have a group for the debate?" she asked even though I doubt she even knew my name. Turns out that she'd just asked 2 other people, and eyed me down to be the fourth and final member of her debate group. I obviously didn't have a group and so very readily agreed to join them, as the four of us established that we would discuss contact details during the next class meeting (today).
While I felt bad for leaving behind those that I usually work with, I WAS ALSO ECSTATIC BECAUSE I FINALLY GET TO LEAVE BEHIND THOSE THAT I USUALLY WORK WITH. :D
I guess I'm just a superficial person, but little things make me REALLY happy. And this little thing might not have meant anything to that girl. It might not have meant anything to any of the members of the group. But it made my day because IT FEELS SO GOOD TO BE WANTED. It feels so good to be noticed! Somebody actually KNOWS me and wants me to work with them and I actually felt like a part of something and I felt useful and competent and oh maaaaan it made me happy.
It was as if a hand was reached out to me--to the me that's been drowning in a pit of darkness.
Today, we were asked to form our debate groups in Argumentation and Advocacy.
I don't know if they forgot.
Or just simply changed their minds.
But all of them made their own new groups.
I really did not want to work with the people that I usually work with again. I wanted to escape because working with them brings me nothing but frustration. Even the other members seemed to not want to work together anymore, because even they know that we have no chemistry. But everyone else in the class happily finished forming groups. And we had none. So now we're a debate group, because we have no choice.
And I feel like this hand that reached out to me before threw me away back into the dark.
This really isn't a big deal and I'm aware that I'm being overdramatic, but seeing this symbolically, I'm rather affected and just needed to let out some steam. Apologies for the negativity.
Halloween
(-Written mostly on Tuesday, November 6th-)
At work atm. xD Just wanted to blog a bit about Halloween and school, I guess.
T'was a very mortifying Halloween last Wednesday. Had 3 midterms that day on 1 hour of sleep so woooo, free zombie costume.
On the drive to school, I pass by an elementary school and it was SUCH a pleasant, endearing sight to see the courtyard full of children decked out in costumes playing together for recess. ;u; I saw a couple of Snow Whites playing together; it was really cute. xD It makes me happy that girls are still not only dressing up as princesses, but still can appreciate the older, classic, not very favored princesses like Snow White. (not-very-fun fact: I was Snow White for Halloween in 1st grade. :D Then Ariel in 4th grade and Mulan in 5th.)
Makes me pretty happy that children are even dressing up at all. ^^ Honestly it feels like this generation's getting less and less spirited. People are more stingily concerned about money than ever and not so concerned about "fun," so I would've expected more parents to slam the door against buying a silly costume.
Also on my way to my evening class, I saw kids trick-or-treating ;v; I was stopped at a light when I turned and saw little, tiny kids giving out candy to other little, tiny kids ASLDKF it was the most endearing sight~
Anyway, my midterms went well imo. ;D Studying, as always, was really worth it. Felt pretty confident about all 3 of them even though that was a LOT of information to retain just for one day.
That Friday, I had a speech for Argumentation and Advocacy ; ~ ; alskdfjsdklfj speeches.... Considering I had 3 midterms on Wednesday--one of which was for the evening class--and I worked on Thursday for 9 hours (spent my very short lunch break trying to work on the speech and had to work overtime too) then also had to do an assignment after getting home.... I only got to start practicing my 4-5 minute speech Thursday night at 10 PM..... =___=
Slept 2 hours that night and I was shaking really hard but I think I did okay on the speech! Pretty good for a person who's incapable of holding casual conversations and rated public speaking as "near death" for the class's introductory activity. I'M JUST HAPPY IT'S OVER :D
I found out yesterday that I actually got 112% on my anthropology midterm. LOOOOOOL WHUT.. Under those circumstances?! REALLY? (I can't believe the class average was still only in the 80's despite all of the possible extra credit.)
I'm sorry but my ego is soaring HAHAHAHAHA and there is no guilt in sight because I worked hard as fuck for that. 0:DDD
My anthropology teacher must hate me because despite my unintended drifting off in almost every class session this semester (exceptions being the first day or two, midterm days, and this one random day we watched videos on really adorable chimpanzees), I got 114% on the first midterm, 112% on the second midterm, and 100% on the research paper w/ no notes of critique. Uhoohooo~
Somebody stop my swelling ego before I float off into oblivion. /slapped
But yeah, after I finished my 3rd midterm which was for my evening class, my teacher let us go early so we could go party. xD My parents were out because they didn't want to deal with trick-or-treaters =_=;;;; so I met up with them at a mall. There were so many kids in costumes trying to trick-or-treat at the mall! And it was SO SAD because the majority of the stores had signs that wrote, "SORRY NO CANDY. Happy Halloween!" and it's just like duuuuuuuuuude wtf that's like saying, "Hey sorry for breaking your heart. Have a great day!"
I felt really bad for all the kids with empty buckets so I actually dug into my backpack--in which I ALWAYS keep candy (in attempt to keep myself awake in class, for headaches, to keep my tummy from rumbling in class, etc)--and kept all the candy I could find in my hands, in case there was an opportunity for me to offer it to desperate kids. But most of them clung to their parents, so I wasn't able to approach anyone without seeming like a creeper LOL.
Next Halloween, I'm thinking.. if I'm not too busy.. I might go to a mall, walk around with a bucket of candy, and donate to all the poor kids that're missing out on the experience of gathering Halloween candy, that aren't getting any hospitality from the corporate minds that won't share a bit of what might bring some joy. 8D I think that would be really fun! I'd feel like Santa Claus!!!
All this aside, I know the Halloween spirit's long passed, BUT MY LOVELY FRIENDS OVER IN THE GROUP Parefura (Palette's Fragment) have recently released a new upload: a Halloween special!
【Happy★Halloween】ペテン師が笑う頃に【PareFura】
(user/PalettesFragment)
Vocals:
Chiika (Pink) || http://www.youtube.com/user/SymphonicTears
Xephy (Green) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Xephy13
Mari (Navy Blue) || http://www.youtube.com/user/ruukai
Ian (Teal) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Kyosukexp
Chiisana (Light Blue) || http://www.youtube.com/user/ChiisanaChanx3
Mango (Orange) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Mangekyox3
Ryan (Red) || http://www.youtube.com/user/RyanEatPho
Holi (Purple) || http://www.youtube.com/user/xholicable
「ペテン師が笑う頃に」/ "Petenshi ga Warau Koro ni" / "When the Crooks Laugh"
Composer: 梨本P (Nashimoto-P)
Original Singer: Hatsune Miku
Original: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm7021921
Illustrations:
Capumuffin (Chibis, symbols, body linear for faces at end) http://capumuffin.deviantart.com
Chiika (colored and edited faces at end)
Script: Ryan, Mari
Harmonies: Ryan, Chiisana, & Mari
Animation: ******
Video Rendering: Saint (http://www.youtube.com/user/xkouchan)
Mixing: Chiisana, Ryan, & Eva
Another reason as to why I get to be Parefura's approved official biggest fan:
I get to work with their raw vocals.
Yes, suck on that.
At work atm. xD Just wanted to blog a bit about Halloween and school, I guess.
T'was a very mortifying Halloween last Wednesday. Had 3 midterms that day on 1 hour of sleep so woooo, free zombie costume.
On the drive to school, I pass by an elementary school and it was SUCH a pleasant, endearing sight to see the courtyard full of children decked out in costumes playing together for recess. ;u; I saw a couple of Snow Whites playing together; it was really cute. xD It makes me happy that girls are still not only dressing up as princesses, but still can appreciate the older, classic, not very favored princesses like Snow White. (not-very-fun fact: I was Snow White for Halloween in 1st grade. :D Then Ariel in 4th grade and Mulan in 5th.)
Makes me pretty happy that children are even dressing up at all. ^^ Honestly it feels like this generation's getting less and less spirited. People are more stingily concerned about money than ever and not so concerned about "fun," so I would've expected more parents to slam the door against buying a silly costume.
Also on my way to my evening class, I saw kids trick-or-treating ;v; I was stopped at a light when I turned and saw little, tiny kids giving out candy to other little, tiny kids ASLDKF it was the most endearing sight~
Anyway, my midterms went well imo. ;D Studying, as always, was really worth it. Felt pretty confident about all 3 of them even though that was a LOT of information to retain just for one day.
That Friday, I had a speech for Argumentation and Advocacy ; ~ ; alskdfjsdklfj speeches.... Considering I had 3 midterms on Wednesday--one of which was for the evening class--and I worked on Thursday for 9 hours (spent my very short lunch break trying to work on the speech and had to work overtime too) then also had to do an assignment after getting home.... I only got to start practicing my 4-5 minute speech Thursday night at 10 PM..... =___=
Slept 2 hours that night and I was shaking really hard but I think I did okay on the speech! Pretty good for a person who's incapable of holding casual conversations and rated public speaking as "near death" for the class's introductory activity. I'M JUST HAPPY IT'S OVER :D
I found out yesterday that I actually got 112% on my anthropology midterm. LOOOOOOL WHUT.. Under those circumstances?! REALLY? (I can't believe the class average was still only in the 80's despite all of the possible extra credit.)
I'm sorry but my ego is soaring HAHAHAHAHA and there is no guilt in sight because I worked hard as fuck for that. 0:DDD
My anthropology teacher must hate me because despite my unintended drifting off in almost every class session this semester (exceptions being the first day or two, midterm days, and this one random day we watched videos on really adorable chimpanzees), I got 114% on the first midterm, 112% on the second midterm, and 100% on the research paper w/ no notes of critique. Uhoohooo~
Somebody stop my swelling ego before I float off into oblivion. /slapped
But yeah, after I finished my 3rd midterm which was for my evening class, my teacher let us go early so we could go party. xD My parents were out because they didn't want to deal with trick-or-treaters =_=;;;; so I met up with them at a mall. There were so many kids in costumes trying to trick-or-treat at the mall! And it was SO SAD because the majority of the stores had signs that wrote, "SORRY NO CANDY. Happy Halloween!" and it's just like duuuuuuuuuude wtf that's like saying, "Hey sorry for breaking your heart. Have a great day!"
I felt really bad for all the kids with empty buckets so I actually dug into my backpack--in which I ALWAYS keep candy (in attempt to keep myself awake in class, for headaches, to keep my tummy from rumbling in class, etc)--and kept all the candy I could find in my hands, in case there was an opportunity for me to offer it to desperate kids. But most of them clung to their parents, so I wasn't able to approach anyone without seeming like a creeper LOL.
Next Halloween, I'm thinking.. if I'm not too busy.. I might go to a mall, walk around with a bucket of candy, and donate to all the poor kids that're missing out on the experience of gathering Halloween candy, that aren't getting any hospitality from the corporate minds that won't share a bit of what might bring some joy. 8D I think that would be really fun! I'd feel like Santa Claus!!!
All this aside, I know the Halloween spirit's long passed, BUT MY LOVELY FRIENDS OVER IN THE GROUP Parefura (Palette's Fragment) have recently released a new upload: a Halloween special!
【Happy★Halloween】ペテン師が笑う頃に【PareFura】
(user/PalettesFragment)
Vocals:
Chiika (Pink) || http://www.youtube.com/user/SymphonicTears
Xephy (Green) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Xephy13
Mari (Navy Blue) || http://www.youtube.com/user/ruukai
Ian (Teal) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Kyosukexp
Chiisana (Light Blue) || http://www.youtube.com/user/ChiisanaChanx3
Mango (Orange) || http://www.youtube.com/user/Mangekyox3
Ryan (Red) || http://www.youtube.com/user/RyanEatPho
Holi (Purple) || http://www.youtube.com/user/xholicable
「ペテン師が笑う頃に」/ "Petenshi ga Warau Koro ni" / "When the Crooks Laugh"
Composer: 梨本P (Nashimoto-P)
Original Singer: Hatsune Miku
Original: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm7021921
Illustrations:
Capumuffin (Chibis, symbols, body linear for faces at end) http://capumuffin.deviantart.com
Chiika (colored and edited faces at end)
Script: Ryan, Mari
Harmonies: Ryan, Chiisana, & Mari
Animation: ******
Video Rendering: Saint (http://www.youtube.com/user/xkouchan)
Mixing: Chiisana, Ryan, & Eva
Another reason as to why I get to be Parefura's approved official biggest fan:
I get to work with their raw vocals.
Yes, suck on that.
A Serious Conversation Regarding Nougat
[11:12:10 PM] Chiisana: do you like
[11:12:10 PM] Chiisana: nougat
[11:12:16 PM] Eva: no i don't
[11:13:14 PM] Chiisana: so you are not a fan of the stickysquish oAo
[11:13:27 PM] Eva: idk i just don't like nougats at all owo
[11:14:17 PM] Chiisana: so would you say that because of this, you are not a fan of most chocolate bars? oAo
[11:15:11 PM] Eva: no
[11:15:19 PM] Eva: it's not the squishy factor
[11:15:26 PM] Eva: it's just the taste and what's usually inside nougat
[11:15:37 PM] Chiisana: o.o I didn't know they put things inside nougat
[11:16:01 PM] Chiisana: I thought they put nougat into chocolate bars
[11:16:03 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[11:17:23 PM] Chiisana: ohh I just googled nougat and they have "nougat bars"
[11:17:26 PM] Chiisana: that's really interesting LOL
[11:17:37 PM] Eva: .....................................................oh
[11:17:44 PM] Eva: what is actual nougat? o_o
[11:19:00 PM] Chiisana: iono isn't it just the chewyish squishy stuff inside like
[11:19:02 PM] Chiisana: milky ways
[11:19:04 PM] Chiisana: and three musketeers
[11:22:13 PM] Chiisana: idk I should be doing homework instead of suddenly becoming curious about nougat =A=
[11:23:43 PM] Eva: .......................................
[11:23:46 PM] Eva: i thought you were asking
[11:23:49 PM] Eva: because you had an actual purpose
[11:24:09 PM] Chiisana: ohh no D:
[11:24:25 PM] Chiisana: I just bit into a fun sized Milky Way bar
[11:24:28 PM] Chiisana: and then I thought
[11:24:29 PM] Chiisana: hmm
[11:24:32 PM] Chiisana: this is a lot of nougat
[11:24:36 PM] Eva: ................ OTL
[11:24:38 PM] Chiisana: I wonder what Eva thinks of nougat
[11:24:41 PM] Chiisana: I wonder what nougat is
ಠ___ಠ|l'
[11:47:49 PM] Chiisana: do you like candy Jay?
[11:48:00 PM] Jay: sometimes!
[11:48:12 PM] Chiisana: what kind of candies does Jay like? oAo
[11:51:06 PM] Eva: i thought for sure you were gonna ask about nougat
[11:51:12 PM] Eva: and i was gonna be like, ".. she found another victim."
[11:12:10 PM] Chiisana: nougat
[11:12:16 PM] Eva: no i don't
[11:13:14 PM] Chiisana: so you are not a fan of the stickysquish oAo
[11:13:27 PM] Eva: idk i just don't like nougats at all owo
[11:14:17 PM] Chiisana: so would you say that because of this, you are not a fan of most chocolate bars? oAo
[11:15:11 PM] Eva: no
[11:15:19 PM] Eva: it's not the squishy factor
[11:15:26 PM] Eva: it's just the taste and what's usually inside nougat
[11:15:37 PM] Chiisana: o.o I didn't know they put things inside nougat
[11:16:01 PM] Chiisana: I thought they put nougat into chocolate bars
[11:16:03 PM] Chiisana: LOL
[11:17:23 PM] Chiisana: ohh I just googled nougat and they have "nougat bars"
[11:17:26 PM] Chiisana: that's really interesting LOL
[11:17:37 PM] Eva: .....................................................oh
[11:17:44 PM] Eva: what is actual nougat? o_o
[11:19:00 PM] Chiisana: iono isn't it just the chewyish squishy stuff inside like
[11:19:02 PM] Chiisana: milky ways
[11:19:04 PM] Chiisana: and three musketeers
[11:22:13 PM] Chiisana: idk I should be doing homework instead of suddenly becoming curious about nougat =A=
[11:23:43 PM] Eva: .......................................
[11:23:46 PM] Eva: i thought you were asking
[11:23:49 PM] Eva: because you had an actual purpose
[11:24:09 PM] Chiisana: ohh no D:
[11:24:25 PM] Chiisana: I just bit into a fun sized Milky Way bar
[11:24:28 PM] Chiisana: and then I thought
[11:24:29 PM] Chiisana: hmm
[11:24:32 PM] Chiisana: this is a lot of nougat
[11:24:36 PM] Eva: ................ OTL
[11:24:38 PM] Chiisana: I wonder what Eva thinks of nougat
[11:24:41 PM] Chiisana: I wonder what nougat is
ಠ___ಠ|l'
[11:47:49 PM] Chiisana: do you like candy Jay?
[11:48:00 PM] Jay: sometimes!
[11:48:12 PM] Chiisana: what kind of candies does Jay like? oAo
[11:51:06 PM] Eva: i thought for sure you were gonna ask about nougat
[11:51:12 PM] Eva: and i was gonna be like, ".. she found another victim."
iPad
0
comments
Labels:
rambling
This is just a really random, irrelevant post because I very randomly feel like it. I have another entry started from the last time I was at work (lol I swear I only ever blog at work because that's when my mind feels "productive") but haven't gotten a chance to continue it.
So I had a dream last night that I got a crack on the surface of my iPad. o_o
I was actually quite sad over this, and was slightly dumbfounded when I woke up to find that my iPad was fine.
But yeah, that baby's been my faux best friend ever since I started having computer problems I think LOL. I used to think that iPads are worthless--and I sometimes still do. I mean, it's just a gigantic iPod Touch, isn't it? And it doesn't function in the ways that one would require a computer to.
Honestly if it were up to me, I'd never buy one. I only have one because it was a high school graduation/valedictorian gift from my aunt (same one who gave me her "extra" iTouch when she found out I was too stingy to use anything but a cheap mp3 player). :D
On the back, it's got "Great Job Eva H Of Your 4 Years Straight A!" printed. QvQ<33 So I do proudly treasure it and for this reason, I cannot buy a cover/case because it'll block the print, although this means risking scratches and harm to the device.
Yeah so I actually wouldn't be surprised if I really got a crack on it HAHAHA. Nowadays, I literally carry it everywhere with me. When my stupid-ass new Dell laptop refuses to turn on, I use it to skype, tweet, and read manga from bed. I always carry it in my backpack--as I use it to check twitter and Surrender@20 while waiting for class, and to watch shows during my lunchbreak at work. And now I sleep in call every night while I (on my Powerpuff Girls pillow) leave iPad-san on my Mickey Mouse pillow and pretend that my call-buddies are sleeping next to me. 8DDD
oooooh fuck, yeah I oughta stop putting so much sentimental value into everything including objects. WHY DID I WRITE THIS POST AGAIN..........?
THERE WAS NO POINT TO THIS herp
So I had a dream last night that I got a crack on the surface of my iPad. o_o
I was actually quite sad over this, and was slightly dumbfounded when I woke up to find that my iPad was fine.
But yeah, that baby's been my faux best friend ever since I started having computer problems I think LOL. I used to think that iPads are worthless--and I sometimes still do. I mean, it's just a gigantic iPod Touch, isn't it? And it doesn't function in the ways that one would require a computer to.
Honestly if it were up to me, I'd never buy one. I only have one because it was a high school graduation/valedictorian gift from my aunt (same one who gave me her "extra" iTouch when she found out I was too stingy to use anything but a cheap mp3 player). :D
On the back, it's got "Great Job Eva H Of Your 4 Years Straight A!" printed. QvQ<33 So I do proudly treasure it and for this reason, I cannot buy a cover/case because it'll block the print, although this means risking scratches and harm to the device.
Yeah so I actually wouldn't be surprised if I really got a crack on it HAHAHA. Nowadays, I literally carry it everywhere with me. When my stupid-ass new Dell laptop refuses to turn on, I use it to skype, tweet, and read manga from bed. I always carry it in my backpack--as I use it to check twitter and Surrender@20 while waiting for class, and to watch shows during my lunchbreak at work. And now I sleep in call every night while I (on my Powerpuff Girls pillow) leave iPad-san on my Mickey Mouse pillow and pretend that my call-buddies are sleeping next to me. 8DDD
oooooh fuck, yeah I oughta stop putting so much sentimental value into everything including objects. WHY DID I WRITE THIS POST AGAIN..........?
THERE WAS NO POINT TO THIS herp
Just in case anybody happens to look for me
I temporarily deactivated my twitter until this flurry of school shit blows over. xD Can't afford to waste any time, and I already temporarily quit League since a few days ago. With 3 midterms tomorrow, a debate on Friday, and another midterm next Monday (then there are other things I need to do, like sleep, work, and mixing), I can't allow myself to have any fun--ESPECIALLY today.
Yep. See you around ;v;)/~
Yep. See you around ;v;)/~
A Texting Conversation
C: Hello my tomodachingu, how are you?
E: -omitted-
C: Ganbhwaiting <3
E: .......................... That was so lame
C: Saranghaishiteru
E: Hajima (hey isnt that the name of the guy from School Rumble.. or was it Harima.....)
C: Pretty sure it's Harima oAo lol
C: And do you mean.. Hajimyamete?? *u*
E:
E: I accidentally sent you a blank text but it seems rather appropriate.
Oh yeah. These are the sashimi roses from when we had dinner (.. then ice cream.. then egg waffles) together last week!!
E: -omitted-
C: Ganbhwaiting <3
E: .......................... That was so lame
C: Saranghaishiteru
E: Hajima (hey isnt that the name of the guy from School Rumble.. or was it Harima.....)
C: Pretty sure it's Harima oAo lol
C: And do you mean.. Hajimyamete?? *u*
E:
E: I accidentally sent you a blank text but it seems rather appropriate.
Oh yeah. These are the sashimi roses from when we had dinner (.. then ice cream.. then egg waffles) together last week!!
Sushi, do want. :<
A Rainbow After Every Storm
California--in the words of Myst--truly is the "bipolar girlfriend of weather forecasts." =A= Last week, I was still wearing short shorts to school, and now it's rainy, windy, freezing, shitty weather LOL.
It rained this morning. I got to school 45 minutes early as usual because of paranoia over parking spaces.
I happened to look out of my car just at the right time to see this. ^^
Whipped out my iPad right away and took a picture heheeeee :>
I'm glad I did because it disappeared only a moment after.
After 3 weeks and a half of hiding away from people, of a downwards spiral of unfortunate events, and of being depressed, angry, stressed out, and exhausted to the point where I cried almost daily and eventually got myself sick, I..think I'm recovering. Slowly coming back out of my shell and laughing again. I'll try to smile more and make the best out of every moment :>
It rained this morning. I got to school 45 minutes early as usual because of paranoia over parking spaces.
I happened to look out of my car just at the right time to see this. ^^
Whipped out my iPad right away and took a picture heheeeee :>
I'm glad I did because it disappeared only a moment after.
After 3 weeks and a half of hiding away from people, of a downwards spiral of unfortunate events, and of being depressed, angry, stressed out, and exhausted to the point where I cried almost daily and eventually got myself sick, I..think I'm recovering. Slowly coming back out of my shell and laughing again. I'll try to smile more and make the best out of every moment :>
Reply 1997
0
comments
Labels:
dramas
http://candyforears.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/drama-reply-1997/
Linking my review-but-not-really-a-review of the drama Reply 1997 from my entertainment blog because I REALLY loved the series. xD It's TL;DR, just like everything else I write.
It's a drama that teaches you to have gratitude for your parents and the time you get to spend with them.. to cherish your friends and keep them by your side.. the beauty of brotherhood.. and that you can’t control who you fall in love with, so follow your heart.
Also I have such a bias for Eunji from A Pink now aslkdfjkdsjf
Linking my review-but-not-really-a-review of the drama Reply 1997 from my entertainment blog because I REALLY loved the series. xD It's TL;DR, just like everything else I write.
It's a drama that teaches you to have gratitude for your parents and the time you get to spend with them.. to cherish your friends and keep them by your side.. the beauty of brotherhood.. and that you can’t control who you fall in love with, so follow your heart.
Also I have such a bias for Eunji from A Pink now aslkdfjkdsjf
The Story of Echo
[11:52:07 PM] Eva: candyyogurtoujisamaaaaaaaaaa
[11:52:17 PM] candycandy: evayogurthimesamaaaaaa ♥
[11:52:56 PM] Eva: i can imagine us now running towards each other dramatically in a meadow of instant messages
[11:53:22 PM] candycandy: No, royalty never runs. We... glide swiftly.
[11:53:31 PM] candycandy: /flipshair
[11:53:50 PM] candycandy: and also... I swear I was about to read that as 'a meadow of instant... noodles' HAHAHA
[11:54:01 PM] Eva: and all was well in the land of skype
[11:54:11 PM] Eva: until the arrival of a mysterious lady named Echo
[11:54:55 PM] candycandy: wat
[11:54:59 PM] candycandy: wat did dat echo do
[11:55:01 PM] candycandy: B'(
[12:00:21 AM] Eva:
Echo had no ill intentions as she tried her best to fit in amongst skypekind, until one day she got fed up of the others always adding her to call, only proceeding to laugh as her repetitive behavior was seen as merely a joke. they had pushed her call buttons far enough--the data inside her boiled and festered a deep hatred that would only come as a surprise to the newly reunited yogurts of the land.
[12:00:57 AM] Eva:
and that's the story of how Eva wrote a short fanfic about Echo Test Call Lady, Candy, and herself.
Unemployment
I never really thought about this before, but it must hurt to be unemployed. I wonder if those that're unemployed feel lost and incompetent--if they blame themselves for not having a job, as though they're incapable and unwanted, if they feel hopeless and helpless and useless, sorry that they're unable to help provide for their families, and afraid of the unsure future where they're not guaranteed to be able to find a new job.
It must be scary and sad. Although they act strong, it must be tough.
But then what do I know? I'm just a kid.
It must be scary and sad. Although they act strong, it must be tough.
But then what do I know? I'm just a kid.
Hwaiting!
So I noticed today that I got some hits from another blogspot of which I'd yet to hear, which lead me to this post by Emmi/Yuna, relating to my previous entry: "A Precious Memory like a Bubble."
I wanted to leave a comment but found that they were disabled, so I'm taking this approach instead--hoping that she may by chance come across this post. ^^
First of all, I'm truly honored that, well, anybody would even bother reading anything I wrote LOL. It may not seem a big deal to anybody else, but I'm very flattered to have been related to like this. Thank you!
In her post, she writes:
"I can't even-- I relate so much to this, from the depths of my heart. So often I dwell on the past and get the strange sense that a lot of it never happened. That it was all a dream. That every day when I wake up, I feel convinced that my life has only recently begun and the present is all that has happened/is happening to me. And those magical, fleeting moments that I was physically immersed in for just one instant, but were tied to my soul for all eternity--they seem as if they were merely fragments of my imagination. Photographs and other tangible items are the only proof that those cherished moments actually happened to me.
I really am just a very clingy, nostalgic person who hungers for the past to the point of doing so unhealthily. Gah sometimes I really do wish I could relive some of those precious bubbly moments, but no matter what I do, that is impossible; therefore, I have a duty to myself and my mental health to move on from all of them and actively live out more precious moments. To create them, every day, and also to just believe in serendipitous and unexpected turns in life. It's really a sort of release to free oneself from the past. But seriously, it's so hard to do that. .__.
Herp. I'll try. Continue trying. hwaiiiiiting."
Honestly, I think her response is something that many of us can relate to. ;u;
What I really wanted to say had I been able to leave a comment was:
Hwaiting!! I really want to insert cliched expressions of encouragement and positivity but I'll refrain, so just pretend they're here~ I genuinely mean them all, though.
Also, I'm very impressed and attracted by your style of writing. You convey your thoughts in a remarkably refined manner, which is a refreshing change of pace from my herp derpness. :DDDD;;
(*For anybody who may be unaware--and forgive me if this is inaccurate: "hwaiting" is how the word "fighting" would be be written and pronounced in Korean. Essentially the equivalent of "ganbare" in Japanese, it is a phrase intended to encourage a fighting spirit. Basically "you can do it!"/"do your best!"/"good luck!"/"have strength!" all rolled into one useful word.)
This is silly but sometimes I wish I could just go up to everyone in the world and go, "HWAITING!" Just. 'cause.
'Cause everybody needs a bit of encouragement. Even if just in the form of a simple, silly word. Hi if you're reading this, I don't care who you are or whatever your endeavors may be, but please keep doing your best and I wish you the greatest of luck!
i am a cheesy person k plz don't shoot me
I wanted to leave a comment but found that they were disabled, so I'm taking this approach instead--hoping that she may by chance come across this post. ^^
First of all, I'm truly honored that, well, anybody would even bother reading anything I wrote LOL. It may not seem a big deal to anybody else, but I'm very flattered to have been related to like this. Thank you!
In her post, she writes:
"I can't even-- I relate so much to this, from the depths of my heart. So often I dwell on the past and get the strange sense that a lot of it never happened. That it was all a dream. That every day when I wake up, I feel convinced that my life has only recently begun and the present is all that has happened/is happening to me. And those magical, fleeting moments that I was physically immersed in for just one instant, but were tied to my soul for all eternity--they seem as if they were merely fragments of my imagination. Photographs and other tangible items are the only proof that those cherished moments actually happened to me.
I really am just a very clingy, nostalgic person who hungers for the past to the point of doing so unhealthily. Gah sometimes I really do wish I could relive some of those precious bubbly moments, but no matter what I do, that is impossible; therefore, I have a duty to myself and my mental health to move on from all of them and actively live out more precious moments. To create them, every day, and also to just believe in serendipitous and unexpected turns in life. It's really a sort of release to free oneself from the past. But seriously, it's so hard to do that. .__.
Herp. I'll try. Continue trying. hwaiiiiiting."
Honestly, I think her response is something that many of us can relate to. ;u;
What I really wanted to say had I been able to leave a comment was:
Hwaiting!! I really want to insert cliched expressions of encouragement and positivity but I'll refrain, so just pretend they're here~ I genuinely mean them all, though.
Also, I'm very impressed and attracted by your style of writing. You convey your thoughts in a remarkably refined manner, which is a refreshing change of pace from my herp derpness. :DDDD;;
(*For anybody who may be unaware--and forgive me if this is inaccurate: "hwaiting" is how the word "fighting" would be be written and pronounced in Korean. Essentially the equivalent of "ganbare" in Japanese, it is a phrase intended to encourage a fighting spirit. Basically "you can do it!"/"do your best!"/"good luck!"/"have strength!" all rolled into one useful word.)
This is silly but sometimes I wish I could just go up to everyone in the world and go, "HWAITING!" Just. 'cause.
'Cause everybody needs a bit of encouragement. Even if just in the form of a simple, silly word. Hi if you're reading this, I don't care who you are or whatever your endeavors may be, but please keep doing your best and I wish you the greatest of luck!
telepathy
[9:07:09 PM] Chiisana: I DON'T THINK
[9:07:13 PM] Chiisana: MY KOREAN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS RAP
[9:07:16 PM] Chiisana: I WOULD BUTCHER IT Q__Q LOL
[9:07:35 PM] Eva: TRY IT!!!
[9:07:37 PM] Eva: TRY ITTT
[9:07:41 PM] Ryannie: TRY IT!
[9:08:07 PM] Jay: u dont have to try it
[9:08:24 PM] Chiisana: LOL I love you Jay
[9:08:35 PM] Jay: xD
[9:09:06 PM] Eva: JAY HOW DARE YOU
[9:09:26 PM] Eva: YOU DELIBERATELY DISOBEYED US, JAY...........
[9:09:35 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: uh oh
[9:09:38 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: the wifeband
[9:09:39 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: is mad nao
[9:09:41 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: O AO
[9:09:46 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: YOU HAVE UPSET THE WIFEBAND
[9:09:50 PM] Chiisana: You didn't even tell him to do anything ; ~ ;
[9:10:03 PM] Eva: /stern-glare-of-Disney-parent-who-has-been-defied
[9:10:21 PM] Eva: now who are you to tell me i didn't tell him to do anything :c
[9:10:25 PM] Eva: maybe we used telepathy
[9:10:28 PM] Eva: ever thought of that, huh?!
[9:10:44 PM] Jay: lol!
[9:10:53 PM] Jay: if u did i didnt receive the message yet
[9:10:58 PM] Jay: long distance ):
[9:11:01 PM] Eva: LOLLLL
[9:11:10 PM] Eva: sorry i forgot to pay the long distance fee for telepathy
[9:11:15 PM] Jay: LOL
[9:26:29 PM] Ryannie: one day the torch will be passed onto Jay and [Chii]
[9:26:33 PM] Ryannie: and they will lead rap
[9:26:36 PM] Ryannie: while Eva and Jeffrey lead vocals
[9:26:57 PM] Ryannie: and Mimi and I will animate
[9:26:58 PM] Ryannie: lol
[9:27:03 PM] Jay: we will be the best rappers [Chii]
[9:27:25 PM] Chiisana: Will you be the G. Dragon to my T.O.P Jay? ;u;)/
[9:27:35 PM] Jay: yes
[9:27:44 PM] Eva: D'AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
[9:27:57 PM] Eva: D'AW
[9:27:58 PM] Eva: I CAN'T
[9:28:28 PM] Eva: brb vomiting rainbows on innocent squirrels
[9:28:40 PM] Ryannie: good
[9:28:44 PM] Ryannie: hate dem squirrelies
[9:28:54 PM] Jay: hopefully they get the ability to fly so cars wont hit them! now airplanes will
[9:28:59 PM] Ryannie: LMAO
[9:29:07 PM] Eva: WHAT HAHAHAAHAHAHA
[9:07:13 PM] Chiisana: MY KOREAN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS RAP
[9:07:16 PM] Chiisana: I WOULD BUTCHER IT Q__Q LOL
[9:07:35 PM] Eva: TRY IT!!!
[9:07:37 PM] Eva: TRY ITTT
[9:07:41 PM] Ryannie: TRY IT!
[9:08:07 PM] Jay: u dont have to try it
[9:08:24 PM] Chiisana: LOL I love you Jay
[9:08:35 PM] Jay: xD
[9:09:06 PM] Eva: JAY HOW DARE YOU
[9:09:26 PM] Eva: YOU DELIBERATELY DISOBEYED US, JAY...........
[9:09:35 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: uh oh
[9:09:38 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: the wifeband
[9:09:39 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: is mad nao
[9:09:41 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: O AO
[9:09:46 PM] ⊱⊱ Mimi ❝어떡하죠?❞: YOU HAVE UPSET THE WIFEBAND
[9:09:50 PM] Chiisana: You didn't even tell him to do anything ; ~ ;
[9:10:03 PM] Eva: /stern-glare-of-Disney-parent-who-has-been-defied
[9:10:21 PM] Eva: now who are you to tell me i didn't tell him to do anything :c
[9:10:25 PM] Eva: maybe we used telepathy
[9:10:28 PM] Eva: ever thought of that, huh?!
[9:10:44 PM] Jay: lol!
[9:10:53 PM] Jay: if u did i didnt receive the message yet
[9:10:58 PM] Jay: long distance ):
[9:11:01 PM] Eva: LOLLLL
[9:11:10 PM] Eva: sorry i forgot to pay the long distance fee for telepathy
[9:11:15 PM] Jay: LOL
[9:26:29 PM] Ryannie: one day the torch will be passed onto Jay and [Chii]
[9:26:33 PM] Ryannie: and they will lead rap
[9:26:36 PM] Ryannie: while Eva and Jeffrey lead vocals
[9:26:57 PM] Ryannie: and Mimi and I will animate
[9:26:58 PM] Ryannie: lol
[9:27:03 PM] Jay: we will be the best rappers [Chii]
[9:27:25 PM] Chiisana: Will you be the G. Dragon to my T.O.P Jay? ;u;)/
[9:27:35 PM] Jay: yes
[9:27:44 PM] Eva: D'AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
[9:27:57 PM] Eva: D'AW
[9:27:58 PM] Eva: I CAN'T
[9:28:28 PM] Eva: brb vomiting rainbows on innocent squirrels
[9:28:40 PM] Ryannie: good
[9:28:44 PM] Ryannie: hate dem squirrelies
[9:28:54 PM] Jay: hopefully they get the ability to fly so cars wont hit them! now airplanes will
[9:28:59 PM] Ryannie: LMAO
[9:29:07 PM] Eva: WHAT HAHAHAAHAHAHA
Pink
So uh |'DDDD I came home from my geology field trip (hiking for 4 hours, learning about Rock-kun's family) on Saturday to find that my laptop wouldn't turn on!!
It's... surviving (not quite normal at all) now after having been "fixed" by professionals, but I was really scared that I would lose all my files. ;; I have too much that I can't afford to lose.
There's a possibility you may know that I'm the type of person that has a hard time letting go. I get clingy to certain people, I don't like change, and I am a pack rat. I keep EVERYTHING, physically and digitally.
And I strongly believe in the preservation of memories. .-. I mean, I have 3 fucking blogs.... I like to jot down my experiences and come back to relive them in the future. I like keeping track of where I am in life and watching my own growth in maturity and mentality. Since middle school, I was ALWAYS the kid among my friends that went around stalkerishly taking pictures of everybody. AND NOW WITH THE PICTURES FROM #GEMINIMEETUP............ WHICH I FELT LIKE AN IDIOT OVER BECAUSE I NEVER BACKED THEM UP BEFORE MY LAPTOP STARTED DYING.............. If I lost all of the pictures and videos from our trip, my sanity would have caved in.
But moreover, losing all my data affects more than just me. .__. I'm mixing things involving OTHER PEOPLE. I'm recording lines for OTHER PEOPLE and this actually caused me to have to get an extension on a deadline. Because I do a lot of mixing /and/ animating for Gemini, I KEEP BASICALLY ALL THE FILES from every Gemini project ever--I am a source from which many things are accessible and can be drawn.
Anyway, the laptop is temporariliy .. kind of functioning now so at least I have everything copied onto an external harddrive and all is well /o/!! Idc if I have to buy a new laptop.
BUT YEAH on Saturday I didn't have anything to do, I didn't wanna stay home alone since it was a painful reminder that I was supposed to be recording lines atm, and I wanted to cheer myself up........ >_> so I went shopping by myself!
I raided Forever 21. ovo)b because it's my favorite store!
It was entirely by coincidence that everything I bought essentially ended up fitting together very well: pastel pink, white, black, simplistic yet somewhat flowery. I wasn't even trying to go for a certain theme or concept or anything! xD
Lately I've been really into blazers *A*! My outfits these days are often blazer + dress shirt or white t-shirt + short shorts. I got one in Australia which I fell in love with (black), and then Gemini helped me pick out my 2nd one (gray), so this is my third (pink)~
Got this peachish-pinkish skirt because it reminds me of Mimi. :3 I really wanted to try wearing skirts more, but I needed more casual skirts that didn't clash too much with my style.
This skirt I actually got when we went to Forever 21 in San Francisco during #GeminiMeetUp. xD I think Ryan and Jay urged me to buy it because it reminds them a little of Hello!Project LOL. But yeah, it's cute but I have a hard time wearing it casually because it's a little too girly and ruffly for my style ; x ;
Also bought this top but it doesn't match the skirt too well. =v=;; And a black blouse as well that's slightly flowery.
It's interesting to look at how much one changes though!
I went through a period from middle school til about senior year in high school where I basically was incapable of wearing the color pink. An ungirly, uncute, unrefined, unattractive, aggressive and violent, cold-hearted and cold-appearing, and plain-to-the-bone monster I was. I really always wanted to be somewhat girly though (I used to wear princess dresses a lot and I STILL have an obsession w/ Disney princesses) and this is one of the things I sought to change about myself around senior year.
Senior year had a huge impact on me, as it brought about an entirely different me. After that year, I became much more sociable and talkative, comfortable around other people, confident in my abilities and getting myself out there, I smiled 3x more than I did before, laughter became part of my natural behavior, I started being less self conscious about what others thought, I became less uptight but still responsible, I dressed a little better, started wearing more short shorts and slightly girlier clothes, started acting with a little aegyo (which was SUPER awks at first because I used to be the most uncute person I knew), I became proud of my own achievements, and finally felt a little prettier both inside and out.
ANYWAY. HEY. WAO. I CAN WEAR PINK NOW LIKE THIS 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD AND I CAN (kind of.. still not that comfortable yet) WEAR SKIRTS!!
Hehe I remember last May, I tweeted a lot about how I really wanted to start wearing dresses even though it was awkward, and that I intended to spend this summer getting myself into dresses.
And now I wear dresses all the time with no problem ;u;! Very proud of myself. -nodnod- Another goal accomplished.
It's... surviving (not quite normal at all) now after having been "fixed" by professionals, but I was really scared that I would lose all my files. ;; I have too much that I can't afford to lose.
There's a possibility you may know that I'm the type of person that has a hard time letting go. I get clingy to certain people, I don't like change, and I am a pack rat. I keep EVERYTHING, physically and digitally.
And I strongly believe in the preservation of memories. .-. I mean, I have 3 fucking blogs.... I like to jot down my experiences and come back to relive them in the future. I like keeping track of where I am in life and watching my own growth in maturity and mentality. Since middle school, I was ALWAYS the kid among my friends that went around stalkerishly taking pictures of everybody. AND NOW WITH THE PICTURES FROM #GEMINIMEETUP............ WHICH I FELT LIKE AN IDIOT OVER BECAUSE I NEVER BACKED THEM UP BEFORE MY LAPTOP STARTED DYING.............. If I lost all of the pictures and videos from our trip, my sanity would have caved in.
But moreover, losing all my data affects more than just me. .__. I'm mixing things involving OTHER PEOPLE. I'm recording lines for OTHER PEOPLE and this actually caused me to have to get an extension on a deadline. Because I do a lot of mixing /and/ animating for Gemini, I KEEP BASICALLY ALL THE FILES from every Gemini project ever--I am a source from which many things are accessible and can be drawn.
Anyway, the laptop is temporariliy .. kind of functioning now so at least I have everything copied onto an external harddrive and all is well /o/!! Idc if I have to buy a new laptop.
BUT YEAH on Saturday I didn't have anything to do, I didn't wanna stay home alone since it was a painful reminder that I was supposed to be recording lines atm, and I wanted to cheer myself up........ >_> so I went shopping by myself!
I raided Forever 21. ovo)b because it's my favorite store!
It was entirely by coincidence that everything I bought essentially ended up fitting together very well: pastel pink, white, black, simplistic yet somewhat flowery. I wasn't even trying to go for a certain theme or concept or anything! xD
Lately I've been really into blazers *A*! My outfits these days are often blazer + dress shirt or white t-shirt + short shorts. I got one in Australia which I fell in love with (black), and then Gemini helped me pick out my 2nd one (gray), so this is my third (pink)~
Got this peachish-pinkish skirt because it reminds me of Mimi. :3 I really wanted to try wearing skirts more, but I needed more casual skirts that didn't clash too much with my style.
This skirt I actually got when we went to Forever 21 in San Francisco during #GeminiMeetUp. xD I think Ryan and Jay urged me to buy it because it reminds them a little of Hello!Project LOL. But yeah, it's cute but I have a hard time wearing it casually because it's a little too girly and ruffly for my style ; x ;
Also bought this top but it doesn't match the skirt too well. =v=;; And a black blouse as well that's slightly flowery.
It's interesting to look at how much one changes though!
I went through a period from middle school til about senior year in high school where I basically was incapable of wearing the color pink. An ungirly, uncute, unrefined, unattractive, aggressive and violent, cold-hearted and cold-appearing, and plain-to-the-bone monster I was. I really always wanted to be somewhat girly though (I used to wear princess dresses a lot and I STILL have an obsession w/ Disney princesses) and this is one of the things I sought to change about myself around senior year.
Senior year had a huge impact on me, as it brought about an entirely different me. After that year, I became much more sociable and talkative, comfortable around other people, confident in my abilities and getting myself out there, I smiled 3x more than I did before, laughter became part of my natural behavior, I started being less self conscious about what others thought, I became less uptight but still responsible, I dressed a little better, started wearing more short shorts and slightly girlier clothes, started acting with a little aegyo (which was SUPER awks at first because I used to be the most uncute person I knew), I became proud of my own achievements, and finally felt a little prettier both inside and out.
ANYWAY. HEY. WAO. I CAN WEAR PINK NOW LIKE THIS 8DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD AND I CAN (kind of.. still not that comfortable yet) WEAR SKIRTS!!
Hehe I remember last May, I tweeted a lot about how I really wanted to start wearing dresses even though it was awkward, and that I intended to spend this summer getting myself into dresses.
And now I wear dresses all the time with no problem ;u;! Very proud of myself. -nodnod- Another goal accomplished.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
