Just wanted to jot down a bit about something that's been on my mind often. :D I had a pretty lengthy and interesting conversation with Yano and Kazou today about this, and I'm glad I did because it's reassuring that there are others that think the exact same way I do.
Maybe it's because I started becoming surrounded by people who desire great things: become a rock star, be a successful freelance composer, work for a big famous company, pick up and relocate, travel the world, and of course everyone I remember who aims to be a surgeon, gynecologist, a glorious lawyer for justice. There's nothing wrong with that! They do what they want!! But with exposure to that, constant external pressure to become something and decide on my path, and recently seeing into how almost everyone in my major has been actively working on films or radio to pursue their very special goal, I started wondering if there's something wrong with me. Because I have no dreams for the future.
Or so I really thought for years. But I think it's okay if your dream is to be happy and making a decently humble living. It's okay if your dream is to work a small-title job that you don't dread and that feeds you, while enriching other aspects of your life. It's okay to not have a big dream, to not want to be anything extraordinary, to take things step by step, to be content with your life! I'm actually very happy with my life right now and that's a great thing.
But in such a competitive environment where all that most family, coworkers, classmates, and acquaintances care about is when you're going to graduate and what your career plan is for the future, it's hard to not feel anxious or incompetent. University starts again later this month and that frightens me beyond the usual anxiety about attending school and being around other university students. I dipped my foot into the world of film last semester (and somehow won the sound design award for my first film, holy shit?!) and I see how serious and passionate the filmmaker-aspiring students are about their craft. And if not that, then they're managing the school's radio station or doing internships related to media.
When I go back, what can I say I've done this summer?
I worked dedicatedly hard on a cosplay, felt totally accomplished on its completion, was praised for its execution while proudly wearing it at a con. Took a break to catch up on sleep and indulge in relaxing things I like. Spent time recording and mixing for upcoming projects. Made money by working 20-25 hours a week and gained confidence in being capable in a field I've never been interested in. Started to exercise daily and am improving on my endurance and physical strength, and am actually enjoying/wanting to move despite 21 years of hating physical movement. Started working on next year's cosplay which we're excited to do a group for. Spent a lot of quality time with friends and felt like I'm building close and meaningful friendships. Been true to myself. Felt like I'm growing as a person and breaking more out of my shell. Was very happy with life in general.
Instead of that, what would people hear? Oh, Eva worked on no films or productions and has furthered herself in no way in the pursuit of a career. It's okay that that's important to them. But to me, all of the things I've done or plan to do this summer are just as important.
One of the things we discussed was how people say that you should aim high so that if you fall, you'll still be able to land yourself a formidable height. I can understand that, but it's not for me because my values and desires are different? We were talking about how if you're aiming so much for that shiny goal, oftentimes you miss out on or don't appreciate the steps in between. (I see it happening around me when people are dissatisfied that they're not successful yet, even though I think it's still possible to feel satisfied with the little achievements while journeying.) Or if you focus so much on reaching that one thing, you miss this path and that path and oh, that other path over there.
In that last case, we were referring more to having a specific, concrete goal.. but then again, most big dreamers I think wouldn't settle for an ambiguous one. After all, it's with specialization--a small surface area--that one can apply more of a push. And yet, I personally can't agree with wanting to sprint my entire life through a tube at the end of which is a narrow, little slit. To me, that's what it sounds like. Realistically, we can't control what opportunities we'll have in the future as much as we want to try. I'm sure those with real passion for what they're running towards could be able to put in the extra effort to earn themselves the job they want, but that kind of sacrifice might not be something I'm willing to expend. Realistically, a lot of people end up getting jobs or building careers in fields completely unrelated to the degrees they have. What matters is that you have a diploma, that you're competent in what you're applying for, and hardworking enough to keep the job.
So maybe I don't know what I want to do yet. So maybe I'm okay with learning everything that I can about a variety of things for now, and going after whatever opportunities later. So maybe I don't desire for much, don't want to be anyone famous, am completely happy in Norcal and in the house I'm living in (I already pay rent but willing to pay more later), happy with the job I have even if it's unrelated to my major, and want to "waste" time bonding with friends that feel like the icing on top.
If only I liked icing.
Fuwa Fuwa Time
Pre-AX and post-AX life is so different IT'S HILARIOUS AND WONDERFUL WAHAHAHA. Other than the days I have work, I literally just get out of bed between 2 to 5 PM and laze around, watch dramas, chat with friends, laze around some more with friends, play mobile games on my iPad that I'm getting a little addicted to (oops), and sing because I want to!
Throwback because back in 2009, Chiisana and I did 2 duet versions of this song, with me supporting her Yui with my Mio, and her supporting my Mio with her Yui. :'D
But yeah, I think I just need to recharge for a bit more and then I'm .. actually.. a little too okay with starting on next year's cosplays soon already..... It's a little frightening.... LOL Deep down, a workaholic in the making. orz I'm totally enjoying this chill downtime, but I don't think I can stand personally feeling obsolete for too long? Idk, just me!
Though I'm finding myself in a weird slump in which I have the time to record and I have the desire to sing AND will to put effort into a cover.... but there's nothing I want to sing?! Nothing's calling out to me. There's that spark of inspiration that's missing, and it's this spark that most don't necessarily need these days because chorus battles dictate your activity whether you're passionate about it or not, but it's this spark that I find magical and organic. I think it's why I've become pretty picky about what goes up on my youtube channel (because really, I could upload anything or even nonserious short covers) because when I look through my recent videos, there are things like Tonight and Answer that make me go: Wow! This is something I actually really wanted and was motivated to do and put lots of effort into!
I do actually wanna upload a cover this summer so I'm on the quest for a song that'll motivate me. xD Maybe something new will be released in K-pop with an instrumental that I'll love and want to sing or rap?! Hopefully?!
Anyway, I started tiding over my craving for singing by revisiting old anime songs because those are fun unless they're just really out of my range... I'm enjoying it though since I only recently got back into the groove for watching anime after AX ahahah. (Except moe still annoys me and overly nonsensical things still annoy me, even more so than kdrama angsty makjang bullshit.)
I ended up uploading my one shot of Fuwa Fuwa Time (from K-On!) because using this kind of voice is super fun. =3= It's hard to find the right song for me ehehh.
Throwback because back in 2009, Chiisana and I did 2 duet versions of this song, with me supporting her Yui with my Mio, and her supporting my Mio with her Yui. :'D
But yeah, I think I just need to recharge for a bit more and then I'm .. actually.. a little too okay with starting on next year's cosplays soon already..... It's a little frightening.... LOL Deep down, a workaholic in the making. orz I'm totally enjoying this chill downtime, but I don't think I can stand personally feeling obsolete for too long? Idk, just me!
AX2014
Hi, blog! It's really been a while since I've sat down to post here without it having been... that one hour I waited in the salon for my haircut LOOOOL.
Unfortunately, I broke tradition and didn't vlog this year's AX trip D: but I don't regret it. This year was so busy and hectic and other times uneventful or frustrating. As a bonus, I was one of the hotel room holders so I took it upon myself to try to make sure I was on top of everything and could take responsibility for everything so at all times, I had something or another on my mind ;; AND there was cosplay... If I had decided to vlog, I would've been too overwhelmed and it would've been forced, holding out a camera and talking to it. I can't say that the entire trip was a pleasant time. To be entirely honest, I feel guilty that there were times I could no longer hold it in so there was once I had a mini breakdown and a few times I just withdrew into a little sulky, irritable ball in a corner. So in some senses, I feel like I failed as the leader figure pillar I was trying to be and I'm sorry to my hotelmates for that. But all that aside!! Regardless of whether things were positive or negative, it was all an interesting experience we learned from.
Ultimately, I did have a great time and I'm so glad that I go to AX every year. It's not really about the con, but about the people and experience. Sharing a hotel room with ~10 people (we had 2 rooms and 16 people total, but the distribution every night turned out a bit uneven so my room was often jam packed haha) and making new friends and becoming a family is an incredible adventure. There's so much warmth and mirth. <3 Anywhere you go, you have friends who're like family who really care about you and readily give hugs and support. That's really how I'll always remember our hotel room family this year. ^^
I don't have that many pictures because of being busy or otherwise just hanging out with friends casually (which doesn't make for an exciting photo or vlog subject).
The result of my Puzzle & Dragons Water Courier Ruka cosplay you can find in this post here! Summary and other pics from AX2014 under the cut! :>
Unfortunately, I broke tradition and didn't vlog this year's AX trip D: but I don't regret it. This year was so busy and hectic and other times uneventful or frustrating. As a bonus, I was one of the hotel room holders so I took it upon myself to try to make sure I was on top of everything and could take responsibility for everything so at all times, I had something or another on my mind ;; AND there was cosplay... If I had decided to vlog, I would've been too overwhelmed and it would've been forced, holding out a camera and talking to it. I can't say that the entire trip was a pleasant time. To be entirely honest, I feel guilty that there were times I could no longer hold it in so there was once I had a mini breakdown and a few times I just withdrew into a little sulky, irritable ball in a corner. So in some senses, I feel like I failed as the leader figure pillar I was trying to be and I'm sorry to my hotelmates for that. But all that aside!! Regardless of whether things were positive or negative, it was all an interesting experience we learned from.
Ultimately, I did have a great time and I'm so glad that I go to AX every year. It's not really about the con, but about the people and experience. Sharing a hotel room with ~10 people (we had 2 rooms and 16 people total, but the distribution every night turned out a bit uneven so my room was often jam packed haha) and making new friends and becoming a family is an incredible adventure. There's so much warmth and mirth. <3 Anywhere you go, you have friends who're like family who really care about you and readily give hugs and support. That's really how I'll always remember our hotel room family this year. ^^
I don't have that many pictures because of being busy or otherwise just hanging out with friends casually (which doesn't make for an exciting photo or vlog subject).
The result of my Puzzle & Dragons Water Courier Ruka cosplay you can find in this post here! Summary and other pics from AX2014 under the cut! :>
Water Courier Ruka Cosplay @ Anime Expo 2014
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Next time I decide on a cosplay, please remind me to imagine myself wearing the character's outfit because I clearly didn't think it through when I committed myself to Water Courier Ruka from the game Puzzle & Dragons LOL. I'm embarrassed to say the least about wearing this costume, buuuuuut...... since I worked my ass off on it, I should post the results at least here, right? (Facebook and twitter don't need to know-- Esp facebook PLEASE don't let this ever get onto there. orz)
This is actually my first time ever making a cosplay. ;_; All of the Kido stuff Yano, Myst, and Chiisana made for me because we were rushing the last weekend before AX and I didn't know how to use a sewing machine. So doing this Ruka cosplay was my first time using a sewing machine, first time using craft foam, spray paint, acrylic paint....... Sadly I couldn't get my green circle lenses in my eyes, but there's always next year! I still have tons of things to fix now that I know better. :>
I started in January, worked like a snail during the school semester, and then basically worked on this day and night once school let out haha. And in between, I'd been obsessively doing ab workouts, though to very little fruition. Anyway, this is how the cosplay turned out!
Some of us had been talking about having a Puzzle & Dragons cosplay group since AX last year, and then coincidentally they announced not too long ago that they'd be having a booth this year! So we actually received some goodies from the staff and got to take a lot of pictures in front of the booth haha.
Me as Water Courier Ruka
Myst as Princess Valkyrie
Chiisana as Tamadra
This is actually my first time ever making a cosplay. ;_; All of the Kido stuff Yano, Myst, and Chiisana made for me because we were rushing the last weekend before AX and I didn't know how to use a sewing machine. So doing this Ruka cosplay was my first time using a sewing machine, first time using craft foam, spray paint, acrylic paint....... Sadly I couldn't get my green circle lenses in my eyes, but there's always next year! I still have tons of things to fix now that I know better. :>
I started in January, worked like a snail during the school semester, and then basically worked on this day and night once school let out haha. And in between, I'd been obsessively doing ab workouts, though to very little fruition. Anyway, this is how the cosplay turned out!
Some of us had been talking about having a Puzzle & Dragons cosplay group since AX last year, and then coincidentally they announced not too long ago that they'd be having a booth this year! So we actually received some goodies from the staff and got to take a lot of pictures in front of the booth haha.
Myst as Princess Valkyrie
Chiisana as Tamadra
Light Falls (like the realization of impending cosplay doom)
Oh hi, long time no blog LOL. Casually writing this on my iPad while waiting at the salon 'cause Yano and I wanna get our hair cut before AX. =^=)b Speaking of AX, it's next week. FFFUUUUU--
Uum, aside from recording (+rush mixing before work) this, I've been super busy everyday working on cosplay, working overtime because I'm doing another video for work, helping friends with their cosplays, recording lines....... yeah. 8'D
Somehow I was able to pull a short cover out of my ass in time for Denny's birthday!
Happy birthday, Denny!!
I know you're receiving at least 3 of these today but THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SO PUBLICLY IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG. D8 (I wanted to whisper loli but ..nope not this time)
This isn't nearly enough to repay you for being a cool friend and for having been by my side through some of my darkest times, but please know that I really appreciate you. TAKE MY FEELS ASSHOLE TAKE EM
Sorry didn't have time for more or harmonies sob
Light Falls - vocaloid song produced by yuxuki waga
Uum, aside from recording (+rush mixing before work) this, I've been super busy everyday working on cosplay, working overtime because I'm doing another video for work, helping friends with their cosplays, recording lines....... yeah. 8'D
Since we leave for LA early Wednesday morning (think 5 AM), Tuesday's the last day... and I work Monday and Tuesday, sooo probably gonna be an all-nighter weekend LOL.
Just really frustrating because time spent doing cosplay is bad for my body since I generally work sitting scrunched over on the ground and I'm so concentrated I forget to drink water but I crave unhealthy junk foods..... But if I spend my time working out to look better in the costume, I won't have a completed costume to even wear. DAMN IT LOL. And then I can't do cosplay or exercise when I'm at work.. but I also need money in order to go to AX. orz ahahah~ I already sleep at 3-4 AM every night but I wish there was more time in a day! I have a lot of motivation to exercise!! I just don't have time and I'm always dead exhausted.
It occurred to me that I don't really have progress pictures oops EHEH. But it's really a lot of constructing parts and props separately? I've still yet to see everything I have put together. Last night I painted on the design on Ruka's top! Hopefully I'll be able to sew the top together today or tomorrow. Skirt's done, sleeves done, fins and tail done, ears painted and in process of being put together, belt is spraypainted but needs touchup and sealant, wig needs a second look/possible waxing, some details like bows that need to be attached..... I'll probably be okay for AX?! I thinkkkk???!! I can't promise that anything looks good or that I'll look good though LOL.
Wow I think I finished writing the post and I'm still waiting for my haircut. What else.. Jk Yano finished bye AHAHA
D-20 til AX
COSPLAY CRUNCH GO GO GO.
Edit: Oh I should probably mention that I loved Vancouver and wanna go back ASAP! The trip was so much fun and I got to eat a lot of yummy things! ^o^
No time or energy at the moment for a full photo post, but here's a selca on a bicycle from when we biked around Stanley Park hwehweh
Edit: Oh I should probably mention that I loved Vancouver and wanna go back ASAP! The trip was so much fun and I got to eat a lot of yummy things! ^o^
No time or energy at the moment for a full photo post, but here's a selca on a bicycle from when we biked around Stanley Park hwehweh
Yoooo
it's 1 AM and I got home a bit ago and showered and now I'm possibly on the verge of freaking out in the near future LOL.
I'm gonna be in Vancouver, Canada from June 4th til June 8th!!
.. which means I leave in 2 days. and will be gone next weekend.
And AX is in a month. And my cosplay is nowhere near done, holy shit. And I'm losing a weekend I could spend working on it. Plus I'm helping Karu with her cosplay which hasn't been started. Plus I need to get my ass on exercising and more ab workouts if I'm actually gonna show belly for cosplay SIGH.. SIGHHH.
And I also need to pull out some time to learn how to use Adobe Speedgrade to properly color correct my short film so I can share it to youtube. I don't know why I'm so adamant about uploading it soon, but stubborn me says it must be so before my excitement about experiencing filming for the first time wears off.
And I have work the next two days, but I also need to get gifts as thanks to Denny's family for kindly housing me, and I haven't started packing my luggage, and gaaaaaaahhhhhh--
I've been very well-rested this past week after Fanime crazies, but now that it's hit June, I'm thinking it might be time to start giving up sleep to get everything done. orz
Pretty happy with today though!! Spent the weekend with NYA (Norcal Youtube Alliance) as some of us went to see Maleficent yesterday. ^o^ The last time NYA went to the theaters was for Frozen during Thanksgiving weekend. Maleficent wasn't strikingly amazing, but still pretty good?! It wasn't nearly as scary as we expected, so I was very pleased. A few holes here and there, but I did enjoy the story and acting. (Admittedly there were lots of times I couldn't look at the screen but I'm a huge scaredycat who doesn't like wolves or violence or creepy things, so :'c ..)
Then I slept over at Myst's house along with Dibur and his brother, Dean. Somehow, Dean and I stayed up til 5 AM this morning just..... what the hell were we even doing?! LOOOL. I worked on my cosplay a bit, then Dean and I did a set of ab workouts, we chatted about friends and life, and then we.... laid on the ground reading wikipedia articles about colors on my iPad. In all seriousness. We were looking for the most pretentious-sounding and stupid color names, and found out that we share a favorite color: Deep Sky Blue. Bleu de France is also nice. And Metallic Seaweed should be the name of a band!
And today I was quite productive!! Somehow we woke up at 10 despite the late night and I went straight into ab exercises while watching a Korean drama. I've been checking out Painter of the Wind, which is a historical which stars Moon Geunyoung as a crossdressing painter--and I really must say that she surprisingly pulls off boyish very well...! Umm and then I worked on cosplay more before Dean and I got yummy Korean food lunch with Fome. ;v; Then we got back to Myst's and worked on cosplay for basically the rest of the day. I ACTUALLY GOT A LOT DONE AND FINALLY HIT A LONG-AWAITING CHECKPOINT. THANK GOD..... It's a huge problem that I don't have a sewing machine of my own. u__u Plus when I'm at home, I don't have motivation to work HAHA.
THESE NEXT TWO DAYS THOUGH-- I DUNNO MANG. THERE'S A LOT I WANT TO/NEED TO DO. There's this terribly unsettling feeling of "if I don't do it now, it's just going to sit untouched until at least next Monday."
I'm gonna be in Vancouver, Canada from June 4th til June 8th!!
.. which means I leave in 2 days. and will be gone next weekend.
And AX is in a month. And my cosplay is nowhere near done, holy shit. And I'm losing a weekend I could spend working on it. Plus I'm helping Karu with her cosplay which hasn't been started. Plus I need to get my ass on exercising and more ab workouts if I'm actually gonna show belly for cosplay SIGH.. SIGHHH.
And I also need to pull out some time to learn how to use Adobe Speedgrade to properly color correct my short film so I can share it to youtube. I don't know why I'm so adamant about uploading it soon, but stubborn me says it must be so before my excitement about experiencing filming for the first time wears off.
And I have work the next two days, but I also need to get gifts as thanks to Denny's family for kindly housing me, and I haven't started packing my luggage, and gaaaaaaahhhhhh--
I've been very well-rested this past week after Fanime crazies, but now that it's hit June, I'm thinking it might be time to start giving up sleep to get everything done. orz
Pretty happy with today though!! Spent the weekend with NYA (Norcal Youtube Alliance) as some of us went to see Maleficent yesterday. ^o^ The last time NYA went to the theaters was for Frozen during Thanksgiving weekend. Maleficent wasn't strikingly amazing, but still pretty good?! It wasn't nearly as scary as we expected, so I was very pleased. A few holes here and there, but I did enjoy the story and acting. (Admittedly there were lots of times I couldn't look at the screen but I'm a huge scaredycat who doesn't like wolves or violence or creepy things, so :'c ..)
Then I slept over at Myst's house along with Dibur and his brother, Dean. Somehow, Dean and I stayed up til 5 AM this morning just..... what the hell were we even doing?! LOOOL. I worked on my cosplay a bit, then Dean and I did a set of ab workouts, we chatted about friends and life, and then we.... laid on the ground reading wikipedia articles about colors on my iPad. In all seriousness. We were looking for the most pretentious-sounding and stupid color names, and found out that we share a favorite color: Deep Sky Blue. Bleu de France is also nice. And Metallic Seaweed should be the name of a band!
And today I was quite productive!! Somehow we woke up at 10 despite the late night and I went straight into ab exercises while watching a Korean drama. I've been checking out Painter of the Wind, which is a historical which stars Moon Geunyoung as a crossdressing painter--and I really must say that she surprisingly pulls off boyish very well...! Umm and then I worked on cosplay more before Dean and I got yummy Korean food lunch with Fome. ;v; Then we got back to Myst's and worked on cosplay for basically the rest of the day. I ACTUALLY GOT A LOT DONE AND FINALLY HIT A LONG-AWAITING CHECKPOINT. THANK GOD..... It's a huge problem that I don't have a sewing machine of my own. u__u Plus when I'm at home, I don't have motivation to work HAHA.
THESE NEXT TWO DAYS THOUGH-- I DUNNO MANG. THERE'S A LOT I WANT TO/NEED TO DO. There's this terribly unsettling feeling of "if I don't do it now, it's just going to sit untouched until at least next Monday."
Kido @ Fanime14~
Dude, I'm so exhausted. Best Fanime weekend ever--which tbh hardly even involved Fanime. (An anime convention here in Northern California!)
Overview of the past 4 days:
I'm super tired from...everything....like all the walking we had to do, jumping and screaming through the concert, barely sleeping, the stress that some of us went through, socializing and just being around people in general..... So I'm going to hermit and sleep for the next few days (other than going to work) until my next meetup with Y to work on cosplay.. OTL........ I can't believe Anime Expo is in a month. Fuck. I'm so fucked; my cosplay is nowhere near complete despite how long I've been working on it.
Overview of the past 4 days:
- lots of hanging out with NYA friends<3
- 4 day sleepover!! Chiisana and Andy drove up here, and we stayed at Y's house
- very little sleep... orz
- cosplayed skirt!Kido at Fanime for half a day!
- AN AMAZING ROCK CONCERT in the form of the Double Dragon Rock Show, which featured my good friends Fome and Dibur's bands (Phoenix Ash and Valkyrie Kiss, respectively) !!
- the concert was in a club--and luckily I just turned 21 this month--so HOLY SHIT I WAS IN A CLUB. THAT'S WEIRD. and I drank some light alcohol woaaaahh so weird
- tried to help promote the concert but was too awkward to give people flyers
- met a lot of new people and made friends!
I'm super tired from...everything....like all the walking we had to do, jumping and screaming through the concert, barely sleeping, the stress that some of us went through, socializing and just being around people in general..... So I'm going to hermit and sleep for the next few days (other than going to work) until my next meetup with Y to work on cosplay.. OTL........ I can't believe Anime Expo is in a month. Fuck. I'm so fucked; my cosplay is nowhere near complete despite how long I've been working on it.
Under the cut are.... mostly my Kido selfies because getting into cosplay and putting on makeup by myself (!!!!) is so much effort....... HAHAHA. (I suck. This is a scarily narcissistic-looking post.) Unfortunately, I didn't get many pictures this weekend because it was a lot of moving around and being busy. :c Plus the few pictures I got I'm not sure if I can post without permission.
Ascension
Holy yesterday was just nearly unreal.
You couldn't imagine just how afraid I was yesterday when attending my university's student shorts film festival. I had long surpassed the point of nervously trembling and had submerged into absolute still and dark hopelessness. ;; I'm a coward. During my high school graduation, I was the only valedictorian that didn't make a speech. I don't regret my decision because I do know I wouldn't have been able to handle it, but that shows a lot about me and how I run away from things that frighten me. To be honest, part of me was debating withdrawing from the film festival after I found out that I was accepted HAHAHAHAH.................................. I know. I'm fucking crazy!! I was that scared!!!!!
And you know what. The film festival went 999999999999999% better than I expected. SIGH. I'M SO GLAD. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT STILL.
I thought there'd be no reaction to my film, I thought people would outspokenly hate it, I thought people wouldn't get it or care or question the film and who I was and why I had even been accepted and I had no hope for people liking it and I genuinely thought I would be a disappointment.
But .. the audience was so open and welcoming. There was surprisingly a LOT of response.... They laughed at parts that I didn't think were funny in the tiiiiiniest bit??!?! There were gasps and "oh my god"s and "aw"s and "OOOOH"s and even loud guffawing and so much sympathy for the protagonist AND people applauded!!!! OMG. Yano and Kazou can vouch for me that I legit sat through the entire film with my hands on my cheeks and my mouth agape, LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOOL because I was so overwhelmed in the positive way and shocked. Dude. THAT'S AMAZING. Even though I thought the film was kinda boring and not well produced and even though I'm an absolute inexperienced nobody in the realm in film, there was a reaction beyond twice or thrice of anything I would have ever expected!!
Still though, having my film presented in front of an audience and actually being in front of an audience are entirely different things.
After the relief about the showing took over, I moved on to my next worry LOOOOL which was when I realized that they'd be giving out awards at the end of the event.... and that that meant going up on the stage to accept the awards. Basically what happened:
Step 1: I specifically told my friends not to vote for my film for Audience's Choice because I didn't want to win an award.
Step 2: "By chance that I win an award, maybe I'll just pretend that I'm not here and they can skip over it."
Step 3: "Oh shit, everyone's going up to claim their awards. Please don't give me one."
Step 4: "Hey, I guess it doesn't look too bad. You just walk up and it's fine-- WAIT WHY are some people saying things into the microphone?!"
Step 5: "Okay, BY CHANCE that I win an award, maybe I'll go up there but I just won't make any kind of speech."
Step 6: "Or hm. Idk. What would I say even if I had to? That it was my first film so I'm honored? Yeah. But what if I stutter? Oh well, I don't expect to win anything so it's fine."
Step 7:
 |
| Get it? 'Cause it's a film festival of shorts...... |
WAIT...... They announced "Kelly" as the winner for Best Sound Design?!
Step 8: Stood up without hesitation and walked up as confidently as I could to the stage. Felt "hell yeah." Accepted my shorts.
Step 9: "Oh shit oh shit, they're asking me if I want to say anything-- I don't really-- wait-- no let's do it."
Step 10: I take the microphone and say this to an entire theater full of people: "This was my first ever film, so this is just a huge honor--thank you!" No stutter. My voice didn't break mid-sentence. I remembered to smile. I didn't look or sound like a wreck. Success.
Step 11: "WAIT WTF DID THE APPLAUSE JUST GET LOUDER AFTER I SAID THAT? OMG"
Step 12: I get off the stage and start walking back to my seat, and from all around me, people are congratulating me.... A group of people in the front row to the right shouted to me, "It was really good!" and a guy to my left shouted to me something about enthusiasm but I forget what. A whole audience was looking at me, but I felt good.
I DID ITTTTTTTT
Chu~♡ My Lip Tint Pack Review Video
Hurrhurr, I started buying makeup in March and thought I should try doing review blogs and especially vlogs to show how the application of the products actually looks, since those are helpful and surprisingly rare. Finally got my first one up! I've mentioned before how much I admire KASPER, who raps and does makeup videos, and she did her own review of the pink version of this product for WISHTrend. I like her videos, but sometimes you can't help but wonder if people leave out any negative remarks due to affiliation/sponsorship, and I know WISHTrend is distributing this lip tint on their website.
Also, this is just such a fascinating and unique product that my curiosity couldn't help it, heh. I've been slightly addicted to looking at/buying lip products in the past 2 months. ㅠㅠ But they are the only thing I wear on a regular basis and I need them so that people don't ask me if I'm sick/wonder if I'm dead....
Anyway, if you've watched this, thanks for dealing with my awkward and lack of makeup know-how. u_u
[Review] Berrisom Semi-Permanent Lip Tint - Orange
Skim on through:
APPLICATION -- 1:40
PEELING OFF -- 2:28
10 HOURS LATER -- 3:15
Part 1 of all the videos I put on the back-burner in the past few busy months! (Editing is such effort.) Mostly did this one 'cause I haven't seen anyone actually show what it looks like after a day. uAu;;
If you're interested in this product, my suggestion is to try out the Red Apple (Hot Pink) one instead—AND THEN MAKE A VIDEO so I can see, heh. Pls. :'D
~
BRAND: Berrisom
PRODUCT: Chu~♡ My Lip Tint Pack
COLOR: Pink Grapefruit (Orange)
PURCHASED FROM: http://www.neobeauty.com/bechumylipti.html ($10.00 excl. shipping)
Songs Used: "Mr. Chu" by A Pink; "BUBIBU" by A Pink
Verdict:
A product whose a-peel fades away.
Rising Luck, Impending Fall
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film
Good news arrived these past couple of days with a one-two punch, and with it, the looming of downer-frowner Eva.
This semester has been good to the point that it's eerie, and me having good luck? I don't believe it; no way!! "Eva luck" is a thing among my friends for a reason! (At restaurants, my order usually always comes last or.. is forgotten altogether...) I mean yes, 2014 has been one of my favorite years in life so far, but is it really possible for so much good shit to occur in a single semester without any repercussions or my luck running completely dry for the future? I can't help but genuinely worry that it can only go downhill from here. Greetings, I'm a pessimist.
But onto the good stuff! As of today, I've finished all my finals so I'm off from school until autumn yaaay!!
Before yesterday's radio/sound production final, my professor gave out 3 awards among the two classes. There were two "Outstanding Promo" awards, and then an "Outstanding Pro Tools Producer" award for—and I'm quoting my professor—creating outstanding work throughout the entire semester, from the first project to the last.
Um. Oops. (I don't even like Pro Tools—) It's not.. a "legit" award but still an honor to be acknowledged, and he said it's something we can put on our resumé in the future.
The second piece of news is a lot bigger and a lot more worrisome.
This semester has been good to the point that it's eerie, and me having good luck? I don't believe it; no way!! "Eva luck" is a thing among my friends for a reason! (At restaurants, my order usually always comes last or.. is forgotten altogether...) I mean yes, 2014 has been one of my favorite years in life so far, but is it really possible for so much good shit to occur in a single semester without any repercussions or my luck running completely dry for the future? I can't help but genuinely worry that it can only go downhill from here. Greetings, I'm a pessimist.
But onto the good stuff! As of today, I've finished all my finals so I'm off from school until autumn yaaay!!
Before yesterday's radio/sound production final, my professor gave out 3 awards among the two classes. There were two "Outstanding Promo" awards, and then an "Outstanding Pro Tools Producer" award for—and I'm quoting my professor—creating outstanding work throughout the entire semester, from the first project to the last.
The second piece of news is a lot bigger and a lot more worrisome.
See the picture of the duck on the right with the word "Kelly" on it? Mm, yep. That would be my short film. Which I submitted to my school film club's student short film festival. And. somehow. was accepted and will be played on Thursday at a cinema.
I'm completely torn because while this is an honor beyond my wildest ambition (I'm not very ambitious) .... I only entered because my professor said I should, and I didn't want to regret not doing it. But I didn't expect to get in because even from a firmly objective perspective, I know my production quality lacks a lot and doesn't compare to many of the films made by my peers. (In the context of my circumstances though, I'm proud of what I was able to create.) I'm happy to have made it, but I know for a fact that it doesn't make much sense.
Part of my fear is that the audience will see just how lacking my film is and wonder what it's even doing up on that screen? I know there are plenty of entries that were better than mine but won't be shown. I think it's a shame, others will think it's a shame. I already know that mine is one of the weakest, if not the weakest, to be played that night—and that, to me, is embarrassing seeing as how prone I am to comparing myself to others sigh.
And then there's the fact that I am a nobody. I'm way too antisocial for my major, where mostly everybody knows one another.. and everyone's courageous and social and knows how to make connections. I'm also late because I just ended my 3rd year of uni but never really made friends or participated in anything or had any experience with filming until this semester. Because I hate standing out in real life, sometimes I'm grateful for my lack of presence or otherwise might go out of my way to stay invisible. But this is my first time making any kind of a splash and it's gonna be onto what I fear to be deaf ears. Aside from a few friends, nobody knows me. All of the other chosen films were made by people who are popular and experienced and .. nothing like me. :/ There's nobody to blame but myself, but it's just disheartening .. just a little sad that everybody else is so known and celebrated but I'm nothing and there's no anticipation on my front, which is deserved, I know. I wish I had done better. But this does motivate me to want to do better next time. I know I can. It'll happen.
On a positive note, this was my first time ever writing or producing or directing or editing a short film. And it's gonna be played for a paying audience in a movie theater. I had 0 filming experience before a month and a half ago. That's pretty cool. And I came out of nowhere but still made it, so I might potentially have the underdog thang going for me. I don't look forward to everyone eyebrow-raising at my n00biness, but it's kind of cool?
Ben
One of my biggest inspirations in the Korean music industry for years has been Ben from a little unknown ballad trio called BeBe Mignon. (WOAH I JUST GOOGLED THEM and found out that they disbanded in 2011 and THAT EXPLAINS.. SO.. MUCH..... I am the worst fan ever.)
Wow okay, um. Anyway..... I did have a feeling the group was dead LOL, but Ben went on to release a solo album and has been featured in some 4MEN music—plus she's so talented that no one in their right mind should let her talent go to waste. But since her solo album in 2012, I haven't heard a peep about her or the group (oops), so you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was to have this video show up in my youtube subscriptions!!
Ben - To J
She's so incredible and I'm so happy for her that she's giving performances like this when she's not active (as far as I know) and isn't that well known.
One thing that's so admirable about her is that she's this tiny girl but with amazingly powerful pipes. More importantly to me, she has a youthful, high-pitched, thin voice but goes against all the stereotypes slammed onto those types of voices, like that they're weak—and if you look at groups, the strongest vocals usually hone a fuller, or more mature tone. But she definitely holds her own and goes beyond that, against everything one might assume. SHE'S FUCKING AWESOME. At the start of the song, she displays such delicacy, soft and sweet. Then you hear more emotion from her and she knows just when to back off to not make her singing so one-dimensional. THEN AT 3:43 SHE BELTS HER LUNGS OUT and you wonder how such strength comes out of this 5 foot tall lady.
Being someone who's always felt plagued with a high-pitched, childish, thin voice, I really aspire to be more like Ben and respect how her voice is so versatile and not fragile in the least bit.
Ahah, I remember in 2010, I freaked out when Ben replied to my tweet.. Later, I covered one of BeBe Mignon's songs, "Oppa Babo," and tweeted it to them but by then, they were too busy and popular to be able to respond to every tweet anymore.
I haven't seen much of Ben since then (plus there was no MV for her solo album) and jeez, this girl just got even prettier in the past 4 years omg. She's grown so much and those cheeks wow.
Wow okay, um. Anyway..... I did have a feeling the group was dead LOL, but Ben went on to release a solo album and has been featured in some 4MEN music—plus she's so talented that no one in their right mind should let her talent go to waste. But since her solo album in 2012, I haven't heard a peep about her or the group (oops), so you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was to have this video show up in my youtube subscriptions!!
Ben - To J
She's so incredible and I'm so happy for her that she's giving performances like this when she's not active (as far as I know) and isn't that well known.
One thing that's so admirable about her is that she's this tiny girl but with amazingly powerful pipes. More importantly to me, she has a youthful, high-pitched, thin voice but goes against all the stereotypes slammed onto those types of voices, like that they're weak—and if you look at groups, the strongest vocals usually hone a fuller, or more mature tone. But she definitely holds her own and goes beyond that, against everything one might assume. SHE'S FUCKING AWESOME. At the start of the song, she displays such delicacy, soft and sweet. Then you hear more emotion from her and she knows just when to back off to not make her singing so one-dimensional. THEN AT 3:43 SHE BELTS HER LUNGS OUT and you wonder how such strength comes out of this 5 foot tall lady.
Being someone who's always felt plagued with a high-pitched, childish, thin voice, I really aspire to be more like Ben and respect how her voice is so versatile and not fragile in the least bit.
Ahah, I remember in 2010, I freaked out when Ben replied to my tweet.. Later, I covered one of BeBe Mignon's songs, "Oppa Babo," and tweeted it to them but by then, they were too busy and popular to be able to respond to every tweet anymore.
I haven't seen much of Ben since then (plus there was no MV for her solo album) and jeez, this girl just got even prettier in the past 4 years omg. She's grown so much and those cheeks wow.
Food for Thought: Face of Fancy
A week or two ago, Yanovi, Kazou, and I had an interesting conversation that latched itself onto my mind.
We were discussing how family members can resemble each other, but overall look different due to having different interests. Of course, there's having a different sense of style—dressing differently, hair, makeup, or having a different aura because of how you behave or interact with others.
But taking it a step further, we started wondering: can your actual facial features change according to your interests?
To illustrate this better, we thought about how Yano looks compared to her sister. Yano's more into Asian fashion and is just really cute and girly, whereas her sister looks more cool, mature, and casual. In this case, it was more about how they presented themselves and I haven't gotten a good enough look at Yano's sister to be able to compare much else.
But then we thought about Karu, for example, who frankly doesn't look like any other person we know of Mexican ethnicity. We are kind of generalizing ethnic looks, but it is true that some traits are more commonly signature of a certain ethnicity. Karu's really into Japanese culture and she's the most moe thing in the world (without treading into obnoxious moe type). Maybe it's also because of the way she acts and does her makeup, but to us, she could almost pass off as a Japanese girl if you slightly look past her Caucasian-looking traits. None of us had ever met anyone else of Mexican heritage who looks so much like an anime character—with her gigantic, bubbly eyes and adorable princess aura.
And there's also Chiisana who often also looks straight up out of an anime, or if she wanted, a cute idol group. She also pretty much has the personality of your fumbly, adorable, quirky anime protagonist with a fluffy little voice to boot, so that helps. But her very features, like her huge doe-like eyes, soft cheeks, and delicate smile—in my opinion—aren't characteristic of her family but very well align with her interests in anime and k-pop/j-pop. (Also, her k-pop inspiration is Seohyun who also has big, pure eyes and soft cheeks.)
So we wondered if maybe through imitation of figures within our interests, muscle memory helps to shape our facial features? Maybe our face would change because we use certain muscles more and certain ones less. In the case of Karu and Chiisana, we'd hypothesize that they'd want and try to have bigger, doe-like eyes because it's a trait desired in anime characters and the cute-styled idols.
Eventually, I started thinking about myself too and I wonder if it's true.
We were discussing how family members can resemble each other, but overall look different due to having different interests. Of course, there's having a different sense of style—dressing differently, hair, makeup, or having a different aura because of how you behave or interact with others.
But taking it a step further, we started wondering: can your actual facial features change according to your interests?
To illustrate this better, we thought about how Yano looks compared to her sister. Yano's more into Asian fashion and is just really cute and girly, whereas her sister looks more cool, mature, and casual. In this case, it was more about how they presented themselves and I haven't gotten a good enough look at Yano's sister to be able to compare much else.
But then we thought about Karu, for example, who frankly doesn't look like any other person we know of Mexican ethnicity. We are kind of generalizing ethnic looks, but it is true that some traits are more commonly signature of a certain ethnicity. Karu's really into Japanese culture and she's the most moe thing in the world (without treading into obnoxious moe type). Maybe it's also because of the way she acts and does her makeup, but to us, she could almost pass off as a Japanese girl if you slightly look past her Caucasian-looking traits. None of us had ever met anyone else of Mexican heritage who looks so much like an anime character—with her gigantic, bubbly eyes and adorable princess aura.
And there's also Chiisana who often also looks straight up out of an anime, or if she wanted, a cute idol group. She also pretty much has the personality of your fumbly, adorable, quirky anime protagonist with a fluffy little voice to boot, so that helps. But her very features, like her huge doe-like eyes, soft cheeks, and delicate smile—in my opinion—aren't characteristic of her family but very well align with her interests in anime and k-pop/j-pop. (Also, her k-pop inspiration is Seohyun who also has big, pure eyes and soft cheeks.)
So we wondered if maybe through imitation of figures within our interests, muscle memory helps to shape our facial features? Maybe our face would change because we use certain muscles more and certain ones less. In the case of Karu and Chiisana, we'd hypothesize that they'd want and try to have bigger, doe-like eyes because it's a trait desired in anime characters and the cute-styled idols.
Eventually, I started thinking about myself too and I wonder if it's true.
give love~
HAR HAR, I was thinking of keeping this a surprise for Karu who told me that she wanted to hear me and Kazou duet Akdong Musician's "Give Love," but tbh even if the duet does happen, it won't be completed for a quite a while. And this preview has been shared around already, so I might as well share it too since I've been very inactive in the vocals department. xD
Kazou mixed this short clip of me doing Soohyun's first verse rap uAu hehehh
https://app.box.com/s/xlmv0f4ao2vfwzblhboi
"Give Love" is such a cute song! DUDE EVERY AKMU SONG IS CUTE (except Melted which is hauntingly profound) AKDONG MUSICIAN'S ENTIRE DEBUT ALBUM IS WONDERFUL and I had to buy it.
I got overly excited today to FINALLY BE ABLE TO RECORD A BIT OMG. It's been so fucking long since I've recorded and I hardly count my short of "It's Only the Fairy Tale" from April 9th because that was a couple of rushed one-shots. FINALLYYYY I'M ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOOL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS
Since returning from the SoCal/K-pop concert trip in mid-April, I've been doing nothing but work and work and working til 4 or 5 AM and just work and doing more work (and going out with friends, I admit, but after getting home I'd still stay up working) and not getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night. I've been 6 degrees stupider in these past weeks because of sleep deprivation and there's still so much left on the backburner and I'm behind on k-dramas, but FINALLY FREEDOM. ..not really. not really at all. (mixing and cosplay and job work.)
But I'm sad because I quite liked this semester. It might be my favorite semester of uni so far?
All my classes went well gaaaaah very happy. And there's been accomplishments in all of them!! Was recognized for my service by several managers while volunteering for the film festival class. *A* In the running for the award of best Pro Tools production work in my sound/radio class. *A* Screenwriting professor praised my screenplay and mentioned entering it in a competition. *A* And I'm just extremely happy with and learned a lot from my TV/film production class in general. (I ended up submitting my short film to our school film club's film festival, but I'm pretty sure my professor pushed a lot of people to do that haha-- still at least just let me feel special that he wrote me an individual email telling me to do it, okay--)
Kazou mixed this short clip of me doing Soohyun's first verse rap uAu hehehh
https://app.box.com/s/xlmv0f4ao2vfwzblhboi
"Give Love" is such a cute song! DUDE EVERY AKMU SONG IS CUTE (except Melted which is hauntingly profound) AKDONG MUSICIAN'S ENTIRE DEBUT ALBUM IS WONDERFUL and I had to buy it.
I got overly excited today to FINALLY BE ABLE TO RECORD A BIT OMG. It's been so fucking long since I've recorded and I hardly count my short of "It's Only the Fairy Tale" from April 9th because that was a couple of rushed one-shots. FINALLYYYY I'M ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOOL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS
Since returning from the SoCal/K-pop concert trip in mid-April, I've been doing nothing but work and work and working til 4 or 5 AM and just work and doing more work (and going out with friends, I admit, but after getting home I'd still stay up working) and not getting more than 6 hours of sleep a night. I've been 6 degrees stupider in these past weeks because of sleep deprivation and there's still so much left on the backburner and I'm behind on k-dramas, but FINALLY FREEDOM. ..not really. not really at all. (mixing and cosplay and job work.)
But I'm sad because I quite liked this semester. It might be my favorite semester of uni so far?
All my classes went well gaaaaah very happy. And there's been accomplishments in all of them!! Was recognized for my service by several managers while volunteering for the film festival class. *A* In the running for the award of best Pro Tools production work in my sound/radio class. *A* Screenwriting professor praised my screenplay and mentioned entering it in a competition. *A* And I'm just extremely happy with and learned a lot from my TV/film production class in general. (I ended up submitting my short film to our school film club's film festival, but I'm pretty sure my professor pushed a lot of people to do that haha-- still at least just let me feel special that he wrote me an individual email telling me to do it, okay--)
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