A Letter to Myself Throughout the Decade 💌

[ CW: non-consequential suicidal ideology ]

To the me from ten years ago... hello!!

Writing this is 26-year-old Eva who has been working in video production for 4 years now and is still blogging, doing online karaoke, and many of the things you already loved in your time! And I have some pretty exciting news. :>

Sixteen-year-old junior in high school, huh? I imagine this must have been the time when I felt the most pressure about figuring out my future; yet having absolutely no idea, no real ambitions, no pull of direction in the slightest, not even the expectation of staying alive for too much longer...
Well good news! I not only survived—this Eva is now living strong, and she's not who you would've ever expected to become.

Corgi-kun pt. 2 💞

Helloooo! It's 2 AM on a work-night but I really needed to write this post. For the past three weeks, a delightful doggo whom I call Corgi-kun has been staying at my family's house and today he returned to his owners................. and somehow I cried for hours and hours and hours? I'm definitely more attached than I'd intended to be, but I didn't expect to be nearly that affected. I don't know what's come over me but my heart was broken, my soul feels restless, and I think this post will help soothe a lot of it. Generally I'm doing well though! 💓

Thankfully I'll still see him around!! He belongs to my mom's neighborhood friend—and my mom actually goes over to help walk him every afternoon—so on the days when I'm home (which is honestly....not super often) I'll likely see him! So missing him is not necessarily why I was so broken today @@...

I briefly touched on it in my last post but he brought along a disruptive lifestyle change that was strange for sure at first but not entirely unwelcome? My parents and I all live fairly isolated lives—really this whole experience just emphasized to me how isolated I've always been. When I'm home, I'm not used to interacting with anyone, or spending time with anyone, or emotionally connecting with anyone, or accommodating anyone in the things that I do. ;; I realized a couple years ago that the unconditional love, companionship, and responsibility of a pet probably would've helped me a lot as I was growing up..

So I made it a point to try to not get used to this new lifestyle, not let me or Corgi-kun become too attached to each other—and I was able to maintain some distance for the first maybe 5 days and then it all started wildly unraveling..... Parents initially didn't want him in my room, but I started letting him in. It started becoming a bit of a routine that I would come home from work [recently very late orz], be happily greeted at the door, feel increasingly more guilty for being gone all day so I'd give him a good petting session, he'd follow me to my room and try to steal my attention, oftentimes I'd give in to those puppy dog eyes, and then he'd fall asleep on his side in my room in the little remaining time I had to do my own things. 🥺 I started buying him toys and he'd always beg to play... It was comforting that he'd always look for me and that I had the power to bring joy to another creature. 💗 I'd sing to him and eventually started saying stupid shit like, "Don't go home! I lub you!!! Be my dog!!"

I'm a fool...... When I came home today, no one greeted me or had been looking forward to my presence. The house had gone back to its empty, quiet, dark state that it had always been in. He really brought a lot of openness, affection, comfort, and smiles to my and my parents' lives that I haven't seen before. It was nice to have something to bond with my parents over; we all became super fucking enamored with this dog. It was cute to see how my parents would light up around him ;u; even if it meant they smile and talk 100x more with him than they do with me--- dsjkajsdsd I hope we can continue fostering a bit of this open, positive energy rather than shrinking back into our shells.

Also worried about how Corgi-kun is doing.. My mom and I both agree that we gave him quite the carefree, happy life here compared to how his owners treat him unfortunately. ;;; They're unreasonably strict and mean and manipulative to him... They don't really pet him much or actively play with him—and I know he gets social withdrawal since he tends to be clingier and sometimes even grumpy on the days after my friends come play with him. I hope he's doing okay and not too sad T___T Poor baby deserves better. It's nice that I worked from home this week/had Christmas off so I was able to spend a lot of time with him in the end, yet I feel bad that he probably became overly used to the attention and affection too...

On the bright side, it'll be nice to get a bit of personal time and independence back! Recording was something I had to largely forego while he was here. ^^;; And honestly I had a bit of a hard time coping with the whole "your pet may be a small part of your life but you are their entire life" thing—luckily I was only 1/3rd of his life, but still. Poor baby must have thought that his owners had abandoned him, so I felt terrible to be gone for most of the day and I always felt pressured to act cheerful and as attentive as possible for him even when I was exhausted. Conflicted feelings... It was a fun time.

I kept meaning to update my previous post but never did, so here's another giant spillage of corgi photos and videos. :'D

CORGI-KUN 💞

The past few days sort of feel like someone took my Life Book, ripped a few pages out, and abruptly inserted a chapter from an alternate universe LOL.

My mom has a neighborhood friend (albeit still a ~10 minute walk away) who has the most darling little corgi! He only has a Chinese name—which was apparently derived from a Japanese name but I don't know it—so when referring to him in text I've been calling him Corgi-kun for simplicity hehe. Over the past year, my mom has been enjoying her early retirement by going on walks with them often and I've tagged along a handful of times when I could! Now his humans have been out of the country for an over-a-month-long trip and the only arrangement they made was for their next door neighbor to feed him and let him out for bathroom breaks. 😭 Poor baby was so miserable that my mom started going over there to take care of him every afternoon for about three weeks... Sometimes she'd bring him back to our house to chill on the porch as he initially wasn't allowed inside.

But now as of 4 days ago ❗❗ Corgi-kun is staying at our house ❗❗❗❗ until his owners are back on Christmas, which in a sick twist of fate is the most ironic day to have to part from a puppy.

Wow!!!!!! My (not really my) first ever real [temporary] pet that's not a goldfish!!!!!
(or the turtle i briefly had which my grandpa thought was poisonous and let go of while i was away at kindergarten lmao)

My entire life I dreamed of having a dog but my parents would never allow it—and that's how I ended up with a large collection of doggy stuffed animals and they were honestly some of my best friends as a kid. It's really not an overexaggeration to say that I grew up pretty isolated and without much knowledge of the world... My lack of real life experience with dogs is so sad that I had to call in Chiisana (my hero 💕) to come over and help with giving Corgi-kun a veeeery much needed, long-awaited bath. Hooooooo-weee. I'm so happy now that I can pet him without having to immediately wash off the thick layer of chalk on my hands before I can proceed with the rest of my life. 8D;;

And then to make the entire situation even weirder: we had no power in our neighborhood for three days lmao; I was so torn. I absolutely felt terrible inviting Chiisa and our other friend to my dark, cold house but it was the only available time without delaying the bath by a few days...... So it was me, Corgi-kun, Chiisana, her dog Bradley (whom she brought over so that both dogs could learn to socialize), and our friend...... and a flashlight......... in my small bathroom together with no ventilation or ability to blow dry. ☠️ It was a fun kind of chaos though! For me, at least. Bless the others for hard carrying..!!

[ he sleeps on his side?! ]

Since our time together is limited, I've been taking a lot of videos to immortalize these memories. ;^; But also trying not to get overly attached while still enjoying my time with him and letting him feel loved. I hate that this is setting us both up for inevitable heartbreak. It has been strange but somewhat comforting that he'll follow me around no matter what; he'll stay in my company and just sleep on the floor in my room when I'm done playing with him and need to do my own things... It warms my heart in a way but also I really don't want to get too used to this. It's a presence I've never had before and will not have anymore very soon.

Now, you, me, and everything feels like a lie... 🎶 Is it a dream? 💞

So in October, it was announced that my favorite k-pop group Lovelyz would be coming to LA for a concert in November! Somehow, both times they've ever had activities in America have been this year in LA..... and both times, the concerts were announced a cruel mere month prior. ToT Initially I was like, "WHAT I probably shouldn't yolo down to LA again for a concert," for maybe like...10 minutes before it became, "But why not?" As a member of their relatively small western fanbase, I'd definitely regret not being there to support my girls 💪! Y-you can always make money back anyway right? o(-(

Luckily it turned out to be a pretty wallet-friendly trip. ^^ The concert, which also featured JBJ95 and Heize, for whatever reason was free to attend?! I went with my friend Tiffany—who's my only irl Lovelinus friend—and also Myst who was heading to LA for her own playtime, so we made a roadtrip down together and shared a motel. It was a fun little weekend trip with good music, good food, and good friends!

As I mentioned, I've only ever known one person irl who's a Lovelyz fan, aside from Chiisana who likes them but isn't necessarily a Lovelinus. Even given that, Tiffany and I had never actually attended a concert together before. But on this trip I was introduced to two more wonderful friends who are Lovelinuses!!!! It was sooooo much fun and so refreshing to be around them and talk about our girls and for everyone to be on the same page without explanations and just being able to share our excitement and practice fanchants together! 💓

Thanks to these friends kindly waiting in line early—and no monetary restrictions—we were luckily able to have some amazing seats! Honestly so grateful; I owe them my life. The poor folks all the way in the back probably saw nothing as there were no cameras/screens.. But we were able to see the performers' expressions, so therefore they must've been able to see ours too! 🥰

And the moment I realized this...... that Lovelyz could see me, that I was now an existence known to my beloved idols that I'd only ever in these past 5 years been able to admire from afar, that my actions and support might really be felt by them directly, that I had the power to help them feel loved by their fans and give back to how much strength they've given us, that I was truly in that moment a representative of their American fanbase.......... I almost cried while they were performing.

It was a small concert with only 3 acts, but because of that we were treated to a long set with SIX WHOLE SONGS!! 😭 What an amazing experience....

One of the things I love the most about Lovelyz is that their title discography tells a whole story. It's brilliant and it's been so incredible to watch this beautifully thoughtful music project unfold.

Candy Jelly Love --- Crush
Hi~ --- Confession
Ah-Choo --- Friendzoned
Destiny --- Jealousy
WoW! --- Distance
Now, We --- FINALLY A MUTUAL LOVE!!!
Twinkle --- Exploring the relationship
That Day --- Break-up
Lost N Found --- Loneliness
Beautiful Days --- Reminiscence

26.6

OOOOOOPS.... It's a personal tradition of mine to post a mirror selfie with this shirt every year for my birthday, except I always forget to do it around the time of my birthday on May 2nd.... This is a record worst—7 months late!!! I'm closer to my next birthday than the last one!! I've already changed a lot since May!!! LOL. It honestly surprised me to see such a big stylistic jump from last year's post to now.

I'm now 26 (and a half), still not really a competent adult, but I don't let it bother me as much these days looool. I'm just doing what I can.

So grateful to my "fairy godmother" for introducing me to clip-on earrings because they were absolutely the Low-Effort Big-Glow-Up accessory I've been looking for ✨ Such a simple but striking visual upgrade; I love it! It's been really fun to alter my look with different earrings and doing some crafty work by making my own. Feels like the possibilities are endless and I look forward to exploring them 💞

And then this became a selfie dump post, sorry. I really like earrings now. My life is forever changed.

WE GIANTS

and in today's predictable news, i learned Soyeon's verse!!! ugh her raps are always so fun #truedamage #giants #oneshot pic.twitter.com/6DGHiFkK4K

— Eva @ DREAM✦SCAPE // Gemini (@waterpixieva) November 12, 2019

:D........ I learned this the day after the song came out.
Last year I also did a quick "POP/STARS" Soyeon verse oneshot cover which I tried to revisit but I simply cannot bear to watch or listen to any of it anymore; I cringe so much... Guess that means I must've improved at rapping in the past year without even realizing it?!!

directional failure

To be enough

Hi! Feels like it's been forever since I last blogged. I've been overwhelmed with work which doesn't leave much to blog about... And then I sort of wanted to write something after Sulli's death but didn't think I could write a post worthy of properly honoring her. Bless her beautiful, brave soul and may her next world treat her better. ❤️ I miss her.

So work things.. I got a raise and lots of kind words from my bosses last week! And then just spent a week on an intense, exhausting, albeit inspiring business trip working on another science fair video. Super proud of those kids and I even made friends with this really sweet, smart, charismatic girl who kept calling me beautiful, I'm soft 🥺🥺 At the end, she won a $10,000 prize so during her interview I got to tell her I was proud of her (also told her mom that she has a wonderful daughter!) and she gave me a hug. 💞 This time I not only did all of the editing, I also was the boom operator on some of the interviews AND—this is a first!—I shot a bit of the footage myself!! Just for a few hours when our main camera person had tons of other things to shoot. It was.....a lot. I'm not that happy with the video but I suppose it was the best I could do in those circumstances. Over 4 days, I worked for 49 hours and didn't sleep nearly enough 😭 so as soon as I walked through the front door upon coming home, I immediately laid down on the floor LOL. So...non-functional.....

Here's me after working until 7 AM, sleeping for 4 hours, making client changes and madly editing for another 4 hours to make my final deadline, helping my coworker instead of napping, and immediately having to get ready for the fancy dinner ceremony where my video was played.

On the plane, I watched Toy Story 4 and very unexpectedly found myself strongly relating to Woody... We're both stubbornly loyal, don't like change, and have a complex about needing to feel useful. And we will sacrifice ourselves for the sake of these things. :c That last one especially is a problem, is the cause of workaholic behavior, and can be a confidence-killer for no good reason when you feel like you're not useful enough in a certain aspect—even if you're doing swell in other aspects. Idk, I've been feeling kind of down about myself for some reason and want to remind myself that I am enough, I am worthy, I don't have to be responsible for everything (honestly lately been feeling a little crushed under the pressure of feeling responsible for everything and everyone ^^;;), I don't need to be particularly good at anything, I don't have to keep proving myself to others, I am special and wanted. Dammit. 

Colors ✨

Now Playing: "17-sai" by Harukatomiyuki

[a complete lie i'm not listening to this right now i think i would totally be overwhelmed w/ emotions if i heard this atm LOL
but i looped it a lot before and love this song and the visuals to death ugh play this at my funeral pls]

Earlier this week I finally finished the 13 episode run of probably my new second-favorite anime, Irozuku Sekai no Ashita kara (aka Iroduku: The World in Colors) 💖💖💖 First will always be Tsubasa Chronicle haha.

I really feel like this anime was made specifically for me!!! There's too many specific things about it that I particularly love or can identify with—it's such a treat for both the eyes and the soul. In a previous post I already talked about how much I'm completely whipped for every single aesthetic/conceptual/thematic aspect of this show: the magic, the colors, the photography, the magic shop, the children's book illustrations, the sparkly star sand, the wholesome friendships and gentle romance... All of it is what makes up the atoms in the deepest crevices of my half-frozen heart. 

It brings back so much of what I loved as a child, and what I want to keep within me, and I realized that that might be why I'm unwilling to re-brand myself despite my alias "waterpixieva" being from 15+ years ago. That's something I just thought of today, that maybe I don't want to "grow out of" being the person who identified as Water Pixie. ;o; I already mentioned this in my other post but felt like writing about it again: my childhood character Water Pixie owned a magical healing potion shop! And also was a part-time leader of a spy agent team but that's unrelated to anything LOL. In elementary school, my dream was to be a children's book author and illustrator, and then turn my Pixies stories into an animated series. This vague sense of direction helped push me towards working in video/audio production and I also feel a strong connection to photography as I grew up always equipped with a camera and devotion to capturing memories.

Now that I've finished the series I realized that the overarching theme is really about the protagonist Hitomi breaking out of her shell. The story begins with her living in gray—literally as she's colorblind but also emotionally since she's very guarded, is pessimistic, unconfident, cannot smile, is socially isolated, and hates that she's a mage. Her journey is about discovering the beauty and colors in the world and in herself, and I feel this really resonates with my own journey in the past few years... ;;

...to become a brighter and warmer person, be less embarrassed and more expressive about being myself around people, to be able to pull myself out of pessimistic thoughts, try to find and cherish those little sparks of happiness everyday, to no longer feel bored of the world/of living, to notice wonderful things in my surroundings and in my life. ✨

I always think back to this blog post from 2017 (a year and a half before Irozuku aired!) in which I write about my coworker who marveled at how cool the clouds looked that day!!!! I envied her shining interest in the world, her ability to see beauty in things that I found to be mundane and uninspiring. "I realized that maybe I'm not necessarily bored of life... I'm just not paying enough attention to life?" In my quest to change, one of my challenges to myself was to pay more attention to colors around me! (Are we sure Irozuku wasn't written specifically for me?) I remember to do this from time to time when I'm feeling impatient; it's an ongoing challenge. In fact I'm still working on all of those things I listed earlier but I think I've still come a long way ❤

Anyway, here are some more screencaps I've saved from Irozuku hehehehe I want to do a rewatch just to save more pretty frames!

highlight~ highlight~

[ Now Playing: "Highlight" by IZ*ONE ]

Oof we're already at the end of September but I still wanted to post about this: August was a pretty busy month just from the sheer amount of BAR Con shows that happened throughout the month and subsequently at the beginning of September haha. To recap, BAR (booze - anime - rock) Con is a monthly event that I'm on the staff for—it takes place every first Friday of the month but when the opportunities arise we also put on special shows. August had a lot of opportunities which was amazing!!! but also tiring for everyone involved.... Over the years I've been helping Fome with stage setup and running sound—although not so much recently with our friend Diji being wicked awesome with the soundboard and it's been freeing me up to do other things like film/take photos and order/pass out staff meals! I also make some of the official BAR Con videos, like the ads that we run on FB and a couple of highlights videos.

One of August's special events was a 5-stop tour with the lineup of Phoenix Ash (Fome's rock band), PhEri (LA-based idol duo), Stephanie Topalian (an increeedible singer and person who sang the iconic song "Friends" from Gundam 00), and Diana Garnet/Tonkhai whose inclusion was meaningful beyond words 💞💞💞 Tonkhai was a youtaite and was in fact the very person who introduced Fome to the community..! I've always greatly admired her singing and especially loved listening to her "Sobakasu" cover back in like 2011 ;o;... She was one who pursued her big dreams by moving to Japan and getting signed by a label!! She sang an ending from Naruto and is doing a lot of TV work! It's just so incredible to have her come back to the US and go on tour with artists that include two other youtaite (Fome and Phoebe from PhEri) and to have a ton of youtaite come to the shows to cheer them on and I even got to hear Tonkhai sing "Sobakasu" live and she was perfect T//A//T

So Fome and I had the idea of making a highlights video using footage from the first leg of the tour, in order to thank our home audience for coming out and to get the other locations hyped up about what they were about to experience! The only issue was that the first show ended at 10 PM Sunday night... And the next show was on Tuesday.... If we wanted the video to circulate around social media, it would have to be uploaded on Monday. So that's how I ended up applying my quick-turn event video skills from my dayjob to ... this!

K/DA Kai'Sa Cosplay Photos @ AX 2019

AAAAAAAAAHH finally sharing the photos of my K/DA Kai'Sa (from League of Legends' "kpop group") cosplay from this past July's Anime Expo!

I logged my entire costume-making progress in this post in which I exposed my method of 0% technique and 100% guessing as I went along lmao. Mess. What the fuck. This costume is genuinely ugly up close. The joke is that it's okay because her playstyle is generally long ranged anyway--

🔹 Materials & Accessories ----------- $50.08

🔹 Wig ------------------------------------- $28.88

🔹 Make-Up ------------------------------ $15.26 yikes

🔹 Shoes ---------------------------------- $0.00  bc they're inaccurate idc man shoes are expensive

My spending came out to this, which is not terrible!

I'm not very experienced with photoshoots but my friend Muramatsuri Photos (no link requested) is probably one of the few people I'm less uncomfortable with having photograph me, and I'm super grateful for him going above and beyond for what I'd initially expected to be quick and simple—all I wanted was at least one presentable full-body picture so that I could show people my completed cosplay. ^^;;; It turned into going to multiple locations (which he scouted), having simple lighting which was still more than I'd ever been photographed with, assistants to make me look slightly less awkward than I felt, and his time generously put into editing the pictures!

As for the assistants, quite literally I had a rock star and an idol choosing all the poses for me, making sure my wig and costume were under control, and giving substantial feedback LOL. Fome aka Sean(from PHOENIX ASH) and Eri from the LA-based idol duo PhEri were seriously amazing and without their direction, I would have just helplessly flopped around the entire time T^T.......

A big lesson that I learned on that day is that apparently a cosplayer/model is not properly posing unless their body is in pain.... Jeebus god I was in pain. My body felt contorted at times, I was practically holding a squat sometimes, my arms were doing things that they shouldn't naturally be doing lolol. But thanks to everyone's help the photos actually turned out really cool and I'm proud of them, so keep on scrolling if you'd like to check em out below!

I tried to copy Kai'Sa's splash art pose from memory but did not reference it and fucked up royally oops.

This background and the bokeh worked out amazing though! Muramatsuri did a fantastic job ;v;

🍭

Yesterday's concept was colorful, sugary embellishments 🍭 !!

I've been making a few steps forward recently in feeling more comfortable with being bolder and trying more of a cute style outside of conventions. ;o; Since AX, I wore crop tops a few times!! And even though I'm getting older and it may appear strange/immature to certain people, I'm finding myself now able to wear cute accessories to my job and in my daily life. To put it into perspective: until this year, I was too guarded/self conscious/unconfident to even wear hair clips that weren't fully black or brown for fear of standing out even more than I already did for being very tall orz..... Handling attention and judgment has always been a big complex of mine—I must confess that for most of the past decade I often tried to be plain in my everyday life so that people wouldn't have much to say or think about me 😭 I honestly still struggle a great deal with sharing much about myself or my interests to most people so spaces like this blog are very special to me. But have been making strides in being truer to myself and more open about it! /o/

If you read my recent KCON post and have incredible photographic memory, you may recognize this shirt, necklace, and clip-on earring as I bought them all from "my fairy godmother" ;u; The very reason I began talking with her was because I stuck around her booth feeling indecisive about which shirt to buy—it was this one that had initially caught my eye but I stupidly started worrying about whether I would be too afraid to actually wear it because it might be perceived as "too cute" for me... or something something stigma about bubble tea something something stereotypical asian girl in Bay Area whose entire personality is boba, blah. Anyway I overcame that thought, bought it, wore it, felt cute! This was a fun look ✨

KCON LA 2019 ✨ Photo Blog

💕💕💕 My fifth year attending KCON and I'm still impressed at how I almost always have a good time as long as the ticket wars don't kill me! This year's lineup included two of my favorite girl groups (IZ*ONE and LOONA) and just overall most things were really fun and reasonably well executed in my opinion! It's still insane that simply at the convention itself—before you even make it to the concerts—you can encounter a ton of idols, listen to their special talks, potentially interact with them. ;u; I find some panels pretty interesting and I really enjoy exploring the expo with all the free beauty and food samples and loads of unbelievably delicious sales!! It's just become a no-brainer for me to go every year LOL.

Artists that we saw this year!!!

💘 Owns my soul probably: IZ*ONE, LOONA

💕 Love~: fromis_9, SF9

🌸 Like: NU'EST, Mamamoo, Itzy, Seventeen

👌 I guess I like?: N.Flying, AB6IX

🔍 Interested in learning more: ATEEZ, Stray Kids

😊 Neutral: Momoland, Verivery

Just like me, this post is long and messy—sorry, not sorry.

I think that I tend to focus so much on the lacking moments that perhaps I forget to acknowledge and appreciate the times when there are little sparks of joy. Today was a really good day, full of things that I can say with certainty made me happy! 💖 I loved waking up today without somewhere to be or immediate deadlines to work towards!! I cannot remember the last time I was allowed to be so relaxed. With my freedom I decided to lie in bed and start playing the Revue Starlight mobile game—which I genuinely quite enjoy! ^^ There's lots of fun story content, reasonable combat system, generous gacha and stamina so far, even your own little space to decorate and watch your best girls walk around and interact in. And then I met up with friend to get my new favorite thing: the Sesame Matcha Milk drink, which was super yummy and hit the spot!! Followed by a really fun thing! We joined up with another friend to take a spontaneous adventure to the beach city that's 45 minutes away. 💕 Visited one of my favorite ice cream parlors and we went on a wild goose chase looking for these particular coffee beans (despite not being coffee drinkers LOL) that support a particular youth resource foundation related to events from years ago and is very close to my heart. We explored downtown! And finally, I've been looking forward to lying in bed and playing more Revue Starlight!! Sadly I've been busy preparing for tomorrow which will be a..crazy day so I haven't actually gotten to open the game—and also really wanted to immortalize my joys from today—but I think it's a beautiful thing, the sensation of "looking forward to something." ;v;

Tomorrow is another obstacle to cross.

【DREAM✦SCAPE】 GURENGE

✨✨✨ I'M FREEEEEEEE. I've been waiting for this moment for months!! I'm thankfully happy with all the things I've been working on recently and they are fulfilling projects, but it's truly exhausting and stressful to constantly be against deadlines and to always come home from work knowing that I can only take a short break before diving into making cosplay, or recording lines, or mixing, or making video ads. I really need a whole week just to catch up on sleep ;^; However I'm very excited to be spending all of August just doing social fun things and making a trip to LA with friends for KCON!

DREAM✦SCAPE made it to the final round of Ascension Chorus Battle (2019) and the deadline was last week, marking the end of an amazing journey. I really love all three entries our team made!! Our non-vocalist staff (pKotetsu, shippa, minty⁺, neneki) are all so talented and cool; it's been such a great honor to work with them and I still feel privileged that they said yes to us and stuck with us for 3 rounds. ;u; And of course it's been incredible to be a vocal team with longtime friends Mimi, Chiisana, and Aerin 💕💕💕 The other day in our sappy feels we called each other our "singing sisters"—and I feel like that's really the best way to describe the four of us... Our vocal tones all vibe and blend extremely well together and we sing with similar amounts of energy!! And we're always on the same page; having worked together and been friends for nearly a decade (yet somehow we'd never done a quartet before?!) let us be very comfortable with each other and give/accept honest feedback and have the best support system ever. ;o; I love them so much. I got to sing with such fuqqin POWER VOCAL QUEENS.

There's a lot to appreciate—from the vocal prowess and blood-pumping energy by chiisana, Mimi, and Aerin; to minty⁺'s ever stylish designs that nailed each of our personalities every time and eye candy illustrations that I would happily eat up at any given moment because they are just my type; to neneki's persevering dedication and how she elevated us with her knowledge about mixing and audio tech; to pKotetsu and shippa's animation (and the story was crafted by them too!) with A+ aesthetics and unique effects built by them that I can't comprehend the process behind.

Thank you for a great CB run! 💕

【A-S3】紅蓮華 | GURENGE【DREAM✦SCAPE】

For the past two rounds, neneki had done the main audio mix while Mimi and I would work on the timing—but for this round the scheduling only worked if neneki tuned/timed while I did the main mix, so that's how I ended up mixing despite swearing off CB mixing after Gemini's "Innocent x Haven" for Ascension 2017, heh....... For good reason too, I found out. and reconfirmed every. single day. as I struggled to make enough progress on the mix. Struggled just to accomplish anything. Discovered that I know nothing about efficient mixing, am lacking a lot of technical knowledge. Constantly felt the pressure of the looming deadline and the high expectations for a final round entry. Was burning out because my full time job is also post production and eye strain intensive. Had trouble staying awake late every night. Ear fatigue clouding my judgment.

This was such a big wake-up call regarding my mixing process. ;; More about this under the cut.